well... time for a little update...

the week have been spent at home studying for the papers with two exceptions on tues and thurs. shall forget about the details.

was a little dumbfounded by cem paper..the qns look foreign, guess its cause of the way they phrase it. but it went well, thankfully..able to answer them w/o much problems

today. oh wells. im pissed. pissed with the rigid bureacracy. pissed with being ordered to do this and that. i am starting to feel that the church sucks. the management sucks. everythg is being told unto us. and there was nv once when they seek our opinions whatsoever. so maddening. and the poor girl was in tears. always forcing us to do things against our wishes. sigh. whatever la. freaks. think its time for break and switch of environment.

oh im so happy! cos it was an awesome sunday, despite waiting for turbs for 3whopping hrs cos of the dumb mtg. haii.

anyway. God pays attention to details i guessed. Rev praised me infront of the whole congre, both mandarin and canto, abt how my skills have improved but i werent there to listen both times. anyway. hmm. i think God is telling to take heart cos He cares. im glad. (:

caught the fog. was a dumb show la. sigh. shouldve known better than to watch it! but nvm since the companys good. bcos we are mtg only like once a wk, i think its gd. better in fact! cos absence makes the heart grows fonder, and we wil like treasure it. perhaps mtg too often may not be gd afterall cos we tend to take each other for granted. and i can see that things are improving, at least im more real towards the girl, not wearing too many masks. cos that is tiring. walk all the way to grange rd aft the movie. hahaha and i scare her silly. so funny. anyway, im love walking, jus like how i do it with liz. actuallyi think if u have gd company, it doesnt matter what u to.

took a bus back to her plc then we drove out to macs for a drink. shared abt the happenings and cell grp lunch. kinda sad abt the superficial things we say regarding the food and all. wish there was a breakthru. but nv la guess. im so glad she wanted that breakthru. but its jus hard. sigh. and time doesnt permit us to do so. im kinda dreading it when the day comes.

finally met up with pat today! the last time was like sept 20. faints. anyway its good to see her, the usual bitchfits and retail therapy. today, i got a shirt fr zara and a pair of shoes. another pair of pumps. wanted to exchange for the black one aft that but the stupid sales staff said NO. was like wtf la, damn pissed. but nvm, since its only 9.90. am so tempted to get the black pair, as well as that white bag. but it costs a whopping 44.90. that will be a permanent damage to my fortune. but i loveeee it so much. ahhhh.

on the bad note, it was a sucky night. cos of the bloody music practice. am so pissed. they shd have at least told me first, instead of telling her. the feeling sucks. feel like im a second class citizen. i know im no way better than her, but stil, u could have told me first. fuck. i am pissed. but more of disappointed. sigh. words can never express how i feel. this is gonna be so sucky. feel like calling it quits! perhaps i shd. have been up there almost every wk. sigh. feel like taking a break. visiting other churches. or jus rot at home. cos im soooo bloody disappointed. madness. the more i think abt it, the more mad i get. fumes*

to top it off, the application to the unis have driven me to the grave too. all the essays. sigh. wanna write on smthg diff but nothign comes to my head. and the filling up of my grades are simply demoralising. ahhhhh. but i thot perhaps i shd jus give it a shot, cos i wil never know the outcome til the last min. at least it wil be fulfilled, not an answered answer.

night gone wrong.

better day tmr pls.

so sick. couldnt sleep well at all. drag myself outta bed and went for atm lecture. was convulsing the whole time, stomach kept churning. felt damn cold and couldnt concentrate at all. so i gave the tut a miss and took a cab home. then it was sleeping and sleeping and more sleeping. head felt woozy! ugh. feel so sucky to be sick! got this creepy feeling that im gonna kena chicken pox. ahhhh! dont want dont want!!! sobs.

on another note, woke up at 2am and see the nice sms from stepsis. always such touching smses that we exchange. haha. stating that the offer for dinner at 15 watten dr is still standing! damn funny. let out a snort when i saw it. haha. and that black beauty rose bud! awaiting it to blossom for sharing, and then keeping it as a favourite dried flower. sweet! hehs. and the growing old. cant wait. having that special connection and all.

on the other note, talked to mei online today. and i realised its all abt eug. its starting to make me feel so sick. and talking to suat, its her telling me where she gg today blah with her frens dinner where blah. i mean cmmon, im not even the least bit interested. it bores me to death. yawns.

i realised 11 more days and i wil have my first paper. so scary!!! ahhhh.

sun 12thfeb

lunch at crystal jade with the cellies. jus wonder how long more can we stil do that tog. had cell aft that. which was terrible i guess. poor girl kept talking while the other 3 jus shut their mouths, getting busy with folding craps. that always happen. w/o fail. chatty and all over lunch and once we're in that rm, it all happen again. horrendous la.

turbs acc me to jp aft that. been eons since we last went there. cleared sm stuff along the way. talk abt having best friends and all. jus occured to me how on earth wil a 7 yr old boy knows that mr abia is her bestie? must be the dad and that uncle nick. thot that was a little nice.

i opened the phone and saw the girl. hehs. she looked a bit alarmed, like how i feel when the same happens. then again. it wil be duh if is us. haha.

im under the weather. damnit. flubug bugging me. damn. hate the damn throat.

we havent gone out tog the whole of this week. weird it may seem. but i already gather the fact that she is too busy dating christopher to go out with me. so there, its ok, i wil get sad and wallow in self-pity. thats what i always do. and there nv is any solution for that. didnt exchange sms also except on sunday. guess i need to get over it! once ppl have bf, off u go, no matter how close u used to be. i will be fine. thats the least i can enc myself. hehs. tmr wil go over to help her. cant help wondering if she wil be gg out with ct aft that. hahaha. smhow i wish she wil tell me. but i think she is prolly keeping mum abt this. cos for fear i may laugh at her? then again i dnt think theres anythg which i dunno yet. sigh. i will get thru this! if only i had a bf. hahaha. juneee chin stop laughing.

went over to sy' anuties hse. sigh. so HUGE can. somemore got pond with fishes inside the house. so damn nice la. isnt it good to be rich. why are there ppl who are so poor and ppl who are so rich? its so unfair. very very unfair. but ive learn to take it in my stride already la. haii. depressing nite.

today was classes til 3, then head to town with sijie and eve, got clothes fr fox. hehs. retail therapy yet again! really like my nick- when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. haha. so lame can! then watched casanova with them and keith, nice chap, changed my impression of him. haha. if only i had a bf like him. hehs. anyway, nice show. home sweet home. lets hope for a good sat.

first time in poly life that i submitted a proj 2 days before the deadline! i mean cmon, its 2 whopping days! screw the fact that we didnt know abt the extension. but anyway, that was the last project in my life. and it felt good. first time that we are able to get it done w/o much conflicts. tho i was pissed in the noon when they were playing mahjong. anyway, i feel that ive done a whole lot, so im pretty pleased abt that, except that i dont know much abt the figures. glad its all cleared. which also means that its time to start studying, cos exams is 2 wks later! madness.

had them over since monday, and i jus realised how much i hate the twins. its like they are always so full of sarcarsm for me. they need to really study and learn how to communicate with others. being in my house yet taking me and my things for granted. bitches. to hell with it. eeks. they turn me off totally. puiii.

mini celeb for sj's bday at nydc. havent got the girl anythg, except for the cake which cost a whopping 3.80. for sucha small slice! what a ripoff. hehs. got nail polish at sasa. afttt over at west mall to top up buscard and then went walk ard. op gt sale! almost wanted to get the skirt except that it was a tad too long. good thing. else i would spend again. was abt to leave the place when i saw the popular sale. hehs. and i got a book called be beautiful. lalala. teaches abt hair, face, body etc. then even at ntuc i can get wrapping papers. i am a sucker for giftwraps! haha. i am a true blue shoppaholic who buys everything!

thnk its time to start saving and curb my spending. but i simply love retail therapy! which girl doesnt???

anyway. V day is coming! which means................... im gonna be dateless! for the 20th time in my life! haha.. quite sad. but nvm. think i shall stay at home and watch tv! what a loser. sobs.

truly well spent wkend with all my loves. its been a long time since i really enjoyed myself with them. i guess acceptance is really impt. and like what ruth said, sounds corny but we really lived like one big family. enjoy all the visitings, all the fellowshipings, all the travelling around in one whole big gang. its sooo heartwarming. but all good things have to come to an end. thats what i hate the most.

overnight at dots place on fri, with suat this time, cos she so wouldnt believe that she will wanna go. and of course i won. and i peeped at it again, and i found out that she have been mtg him!! ok im being a real kaypoh bitch, i admit. infact im knocking into her privacy. ugh. and when i saw it, i was like ok, she got a bf, and shes so gonna chuck me aside soon like what ah mei did to me. cant help feeling upset. ok fine. i guess im thinking too much. cos they have jus met for like prolly 3 times, and i already decided that they will get married. on 1 hand, im happy cos hes a catholic, at least i hope hes not some rotten apple. and he sounds quite decent. ha. then again. im jus sad la. cos i know the same will happen. and history wil repeat itself and no one wil have time for me.

but i guess thats life. frens dont belong to me. yes that fact hurts. but ultimately, we'll be gg separate ways. perhaps i shdnt even be thinking till that far. cos who knows i may be fetched upstairs i hope. tmr. or later. sigh.

and i was getting all so emo cos the fun's over, and its back to reality, school tmr, and shes gonna chuck me aside. but then the sms came, haha right smack all the timing and hot tears started rolling down the cheeks. feels so good to cry. im loving it.

and i realised how i have to learn to put myself in other people's shoes. like in the bus, suat wil always sit alone cos dot wil def sit nxt to me. and its sad. real saddening. but yet i aint the slightest bit empathetic/sympathetic/sensitive. smtimes i think i deserve tons of slaps across the face. im guilty yet not ashamed.

ok so its weddy! which means i have my intv and role play tmr. fuck! sianings. dreading it like theres no tmr. jus want it done and over with. and i'll be a happy soul. hehs. wanna do some retail therapy. i need to get shoes! but not like i will wear them. damn. always buying but nv wearing. haii. and i need to ask turbs to quickly get the air tics if we are confirm gg. cos i am so afraid i will spend all my savings. that will be real badd.

other than that, life has been pretty much peaches and cream. went to the pool to tan these 2 days. shall cont to do it tmr shd the weather do me justice. hehs. wanna get back my tan! then turbs wont laugh at meee. sobs. i need to work on a nice one. but gg down alone can be so boring and scary. sigh. still, im gonna muster my courage for the sake of my skin. jus a couple of times more and i shall stop. stil havent get the cloth for my mama to make the oriental top. wondering if i shd get it done or jus forget abt it. ahhhh. so mafans. puiii.

cant wait for the weekend to come so that i can hang out with my loves!