friday!! yippee yippeeeee~! woots.

had popeye's chicken at T1 with twinnie ytd! yummy. but i sure hate the sucky attitude of the staff. eeks. and then we went to the secret hideout again. but didnt catch as much action pack like the previous time. still, we had a good laugh, nt cos of them but cos of our silly antics. wahahaa.. those ppl are sure scandalous! hehheh. so funs.

anw. its so busy in here. am jus glad and thankful that fri is here to welcome me with open arms.

today is thursday. riggght. which means tmr is friday!!! how happy. and theres hari raya nxt tues! no work! woohoo. if only.. if only i could take leave on monday, then i'll die happy. but its impossible. bleah.

asked for time to sort out my thoughts, and at the same time try to figure out where i shd stand.

discispleship was sigh. that bastard is really driving me up the wall. and i hate the bitch and her bf's laughter. fucking disgusting i tell u. really hate her. eeks. ok i know i wil go back and repent tonight. anyway, twin drove me back home yester and her car died while we were at the carpark! scary. but with out wits we managed to open the front up. apparently battery was low or smthg. luckily she was able to start the car and get gg all the way till she reached home. henggahlaosai!

the conspiracy is gettng more and more intense. ugh. scary can! sigh. and smhow im involved in it. hate politics! eeks. cant everybody jus like everybody else. but i sure hope all will be fine. asked me out umpteenth times but each time i turn it down cos i got other engagements. hmmm. then again. u aint the one.

saw a pair of really nice birks on footshopping that i like. but problem is its black again. but i sure love it! iwant it!!!

ok i typed out a super long post, but my fucking knee had to hit the shut down button. fuck fuck fuck.

sigh. it has been ages since i last sob so hard. i almost didnt believe myself. and to think it was over such trivial matters. but i really havent feel so pain and hurt for a long time. silly thoughts i know. just wish that i will get over it. guess its times like this that i learn to grow to be tougher. nothing is reciprocal. and i can finally comprehend how it is better to be loved than to love. hee. sadder but much smarter! wheee.

almost went berserk earlier on. was simply containing all the hurt and pain in my heart, and there was this tiny voice telling me to jus burst out in tears. hahaha silly can! but i held back. but almost couldnt take it on the bus back. had to alight and hail a cab home. remained composed, didnt want to scare the uncle, so jus silent tears. then back home and i bawled my eyes out, weeping buckets. 2 times! hee. keep triggering me off. sigh. but it sure feels gd to let loose yr emotions. i know its silly to harbour such bad thoughts. 1 word, childish. really need to grow out of it. im so hopelsss. mayb like what he said i shd jus jump down and leave him some possessions. eeeeeeddddeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttt.

eeks. i feel bloody ashame of myself. but i cant help it either. hais. wonder when all these shit will ever come to an end. but i guess ive learnt to conceal my emotions really well. am proud of myself. hee. i realise its a matter of how i choose to conceal it. and i guess i displayed it well! it aint easy i tell u. nv easy. smtimes i wish life would give me a break. im only 20. and theres so much shit i have to go thru. perhaps its time my life be taken away from me. and if im lucky enough, God will fetch me up to heaven.

nt too bad a wkend. jek came over for slumberthon on sat, and me to her place on sun. breakthru cos i went for dinner at banana leaf with her famileeee. am so proud of myself cos actually i was bloody scared la. but it turned out to be great! it was crazy to see all the nehnehs pacing the streets, gathering in grps, as tho waiting for performance. scary! we were like the minorities can. anyway, had authentic indian cuisine, the the amount of rice they pile on our banana leaves were horrendous! i think its enough to feed a whole herd of pigs. kid u nt!

this morn as i was taking bus to work, suddenly thought abt my registration for biz mgmt at SIM. i had second thoughts about it. wth. sigh. this is so sad. and im looking into LASALLE nw. ahhhh. madness. communication design sounds damn cool n gd can! and these are the careers i can look into >> Advertising Designer, Art Director, Copywriter, Creative Designer, Design Educator, Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Layout Artist, Packaging Designer, Photographer, Production Artist for print/radio/TV, Typographer and Web Designer.a and if i choose advertising design, it will be >> Creative Designers, Art Directors, Copywriters, Production or Freelance Artists for print, TV and radio, our graduates focus on establishing themselves as creative communicators capable of formulating carefully planned strategies and concepts expressed in traditional and new media.

i want all those listed above! they seem so much more appetizing than business management-marketing isnt it? sigh. im so screwed la. really need to figure out my life soon. i havent got too much time left.

woke up feeling lost. wished i could sleep more. envious of ah jek who wil prolly wake up in the late morn. sigh. sitting at my desk now stoning. eyes are hurting, tired from all. and am sneezing n wheezing away. ugh. i dont want the bug bugging me. sickening.

discipleship was a-okay last night. thankfully nt as disastrous as when we first started out. guess he already knew our pattern. sigh. just hope it gets better, and that stupid ppl will stop spouting nonsense. keep their mouth shut, and all will be on cloud9.

i gotta wear pink on sunday so that joshua might wanna be friends with me. haahahaha damn hilarious. and jek gotta wear black so that she might be classified as suemay's fren instead. like how cute is that.

i wanna like go home and zzz now.

eventful night earlier. well, i must say there's a lot more i need to do. smtimes im totally clueless abt my own identity. ive lost it. and i disappoint ppl ard me. perhaps theres so much more expected of me. sigh. im really confused, perplexed and all. life is a paradox isnt it. but i wonder why such harshness have to be thrown at me time n again. hurt, yes i am. i wont deny it. but i'll def try to make it a better one. cos i cherish and treasure it so much. hold it so close to my heart. no way am i gonna let any other jeopardise it. but smhow im really afraid of losing it all. sobs.

daily scoop last nite. followed by ecp carpark with jek to check out all the couples who were hanky pankying in the cars. super scandalous n farnie laa. laugh til drop. then had supps at geylang. no hookers peeping this time. journey back home was ...

slept at 2, woke at 7, super shagged nw. if only i can go home nw and lie in the comfort of my bed. zzz... skipped lunch, hoping to catch a wink, but guess nt much time. ugh. busy peasy. bleah.

To begin with, weekend was awesome! Absolutely awesome. And I really thank God for that. Seems like I always enjoy my weekends. Hehs

Satty…

Music practice was as usual, ahem. With the screw ups and getting all flustered cos unable to play well. Sigh. Hated it. Simply wish I could play super well and not have to bother with the fill-ins or complicated chords. That aside, TSK was having a potluck over at Karina’s house. All couples except for twinnie and me, felt EXTRA as usual la. Perhaps they shd take us out from the membership. HAHA. So we ended up being babysitters! Thaddeus is like damn cute n chubby, 10mths old but his face seems on par with his maid’s already. Kakakka. And Joshua is uber cute too. We brought jap curry, sushi fillings and shitake… thanks to yati for her help, else we wouldn’t have make it.

Sunddy…

So called youth leaders mtg with the rest early in the morning at 9. eeks. Had to like share and update abt out lives and all, and prayer needs, thanksgivings etc. and as USUAL, my heart will start to beat twice as fast when its gonna be my turn to share. Just cannot comprehend why I cannot be myself and share freely. Perhaps im really afraid of how others will judge me. Anw, they always have such politically correct answers that im so sick of em. And most of the time, they CONTRADICT themselves. Bleah. Ok fine, nobody’s perfect I know, but why cant everyone be like me?! Then all will be peaches and cream! Wahahaaa..

Went out with my ah jek to town to meet mama n frens. Its nice to see old faces again aft like 7 yrs or so. Even though we spent less than 10 mins tog, its already enough. Then got down to Queensway to get my miss lala specs for sch! Gonna keep my fingers crossed that I’ve never lose it! Cos the previous 2 have all gone missings. Sobsobs. In the night went to celeb sue’s bday. Surprise again, jus like last year, this time with an additional member – ah jek!

Anyway.. its good to see Joshua opening up to us, willing to play and talk with us. Seems pretty much a quiet boy who always stick to his mama, but not so much now. Hehs. and I love chip+sue’s house! So nice and cozy. And I like them as a family. Simple n nice people, not pretentious or anythg. N when sue told us that they had her bday lunch at a hawker centre, I came to realize that we don’t have to spend lots of money to feel happy, to feel loved, because its always the people around us that make things special. (:

Spent 200 bucks since fri. ugh. Heartpain. Got the dkny be delicious perfume. Wheee. Ah jek gt the miniature. Which is like damn cute. I want too. Got my lala specs done. And got a jacket on fri. wheee. Retail therapy rocks! But time to start saving up already. Back to work means back to scrimping and saving.

i gt lotsa zits emerging from my face. isnt that sad. hais. gonna get busy as of nxt wk. anyway, wenjun brought me cocolatte! awww. how sweet. hehhehs. i would prefer bird's nest tho, nt coffee from a free dispenser in the pantry. cheapskate. hahahaaa kidding.

bought durian n peach strudel fr renald's for the Soos ytd. am glad they like it. thot i had better bring smthg since i always dine at their place! haaa. i know. im sweet n thoughtful. i know i know i know. but i ended up eating more than they did. so much more. but i likeee.

anyway, i live by my own standards. and nobody can ever change that.

i wanna eat popeyes chicken!!! like now. grrrr.

and my pops are cmg back tonight, like finally! then again, these 5 days passed by so fast! i miss em! and im jus glad that they wil be back tonight. pray for journey mercies*

after hibernating in slumberland for sucha long time, it sure suck to be back at work.

3 full days of living with twinnie. i knew it was never gonna be easy. problems arise when we're too close. and smtimes i choose to let the differences btw us embed my heart n mind, and i end up feeling so wretched. lots of tolerance. tolerance for nonsense, occasional cold wars, silly squabbles. but of cos there were happy times too. all the laughing that shook the house down, the silly dancing antics, the girl talk till the break of dawn, the feasting, or even saying grace tog. that i really like. hehs. am just gonna try my best to speak my mind!. anw, the 3 days were filled with many adventures! taking the citybuzz bus to the esplanade, driving to mustafa, dimsum buffet, movie, grocery shopping for TSK. splendid time spent. guess i need to learn to cast our differences aside, and instead to apprec the other even more, for it aint easy to be such close frens isnt it. i mean like just how many come and stay in yr life for sucha long time and promise to stick ard. nt much i guess. thats y im thankful for babe! w/o her, i'll prolly be roaming the streets nw. ups n downs, she have been there, and i believe always will.

and ... TSK is driving us bonkers. so much for everyone cooking and bringing smthg nice so that we all can enjoy n fellowship tog. like reeeeeel. gimme a break n cut me some slack pls.

mei's wedding wasnt a too happy affair for all of us. guess we were all stressed out by the perf, and i was so damn bogged down by the damn dress. hais. but glad that mei stil enjoyed it, despite it being a disaster! but anyway, sad to say, didnt really enjoy it. everythg seemed so tensed. there was this uncomfortable n deafening silence. ... guessed the church wedding was def better! hehheh.

wish i was zzzing at 15 watten drive nw with twin instead even tho i have to face the wide open mouth with drool hanging down by the sides, and the weird noises. i dont mind trading my work for that. haaaaaaaaa. til then~!

cant get to sleep, so thot mayb i can jus let in a bit of nonsense here and perhaps fall into deep slumber soon after.

perhaps we all have dreams afterall. wanting to do things that gives us a feeling of lavished exuberance. but of cos along comes inhibitions. so often that these dreams start to fade away, leaving behind traces of broken hopes. smtimes i wish for things that seem seemingly impossible to fetch.

i need to once again be reminded that all are made in different manners, and learn to care less abt things that will make me unhappy.

sigh. guess they call it pms. smtimes, i wish i hadnt know so much, and most importantly, think so much. oh wells, ranting off the wall again.

...

have been staying put at twinnie's place for the week. pops have gone out of town, leaving me to die in singapore alone. haaahaaa. feel so bad cos she might have to miss gatherings cos of me. yet again.sigh. i prove to be trouble. eeks.