being nice doesnt pay.
oh well. nvm.
its not worth it.
after all.
im nothing.
sigh.
and into the box i hide.

cheap thrills brings me expensive happiness

was distracted this time. cuz he was basically recapping what he taught us the previous time. but still cool lah. the way he play. im awed.

anyway. the finger issue. ahaha... think i worry too much, and get the jitters easily. saw blood and immediately gt dizzy spells. shock. haha. send out smses to that 4 ppl. u guys shd be privileged shd u rec that sms.. wahaha.. kidding.. so scared, i cried. useless bum. and uncle george better appreciate it and frame it up like what he said! ha..

got a pair of green shoes for just 6 buckeroos! so happy! and a watch too.. think im shopping too much recently. just gt a skirt n shirt last fri. and i got tons of things fr diaso too!!! hee. oh well. nvm. money are meant to be spent. so now im officially broke. which means that if u have money, kindly donate some to me. thanks! jk.

got smthg with dot for amei. haha kinda cute. feel like keeping it for myself. smthg really cute. i may just keep it for myself *shhhh...

ok so now theres nothing left on my shopping list. hmmm mayb that exodus shoes which is gg for a song? haha but its green. again. green. i guess hanging out too much with certain ppl will definitely influence one. oh man. im beginning to like green.

25.5/30 for pqs, 18/20 for sq proj. see how nice my God is? tho i obviously dont deserve it at all. He made all these possible. =)

so glad no classes tmr. om lect but think i havent attended more than 3 since sch started. but gotta do proj. siansation. but that's life. and it still have to go on. forget who just said that to me. hmmm... *ponders

Suaty said if i were a book, i am...
A fun read most of the time, mysterious @ sometimes, comes in handy @ alot of times?

up to you to interprete.

eh why so dark ah..

outside nydc!

nerds united!

pea & mrs tuck!

pearlie n wenjun~!

hee lianbangs united!

sec sch besties! & sisters in christ, haaa

Me and wenjun!

injustice shall not be tolerated! haahhaa..

thanks guys, for the sumptuous fare tonite.. i'd prob be hm alone w/o food if it werent for u all.. haha xie xie ni men... very yummy!

i really hate pqs. the worse thing is mr so&so and miss so&so.. need to stay up just to wait for em to send the bloody report so can complete the ppt slides. what the hell lah.. shitified.. think i shant wait. i wanna snooze already. hate that guy man. only know how to say, dunno how to do. ARGHHH. gross. so what if u dont like to draw lines? fcuk lah, then no need to do isit? stupid. dumb. in the end fish bone diagram also nt in microsoft wd. he just scan it in, with all his handwritings. oh my... *faints.

the second terrible thing's our om proj. how can a person use no. of words to grade a proj?!!! duh, u are supposed to give QUALITY wk, not quantity wk what! whats the point if u b u l l s h i t a lot and have got no substance and focus?! isnt is better if one produces good, short and sweet answers which are all straight to the pt? isnt the maximum no. of wds just a guideline?! duh... but nvm guys, we did our best... at least we came up with smthg within 2 days! wahaha... ok i shall stop self-deluding.

other than that, life has been GREAT. finally can tan again aft sucha long time. but todays sun was nt that cooperative lah.. and then they both came at 12?! when we have lesson at 2?! tan what??? hahaaa... didnt bathe aft that, think we reek of coconut oil smell when we step into the class.. so happy, there wasnt anything that i need to study, nor was there any wk to be done. but then again, have i ever done tutorials? haha.. * gd qns*

grossed out. cuz. yucks. bleah. just kill me.

1.5 mks... thanks...

He has been really good to me. help me time and time again when i tot that i couldnt make it. thank u Lord, really... i know it's You. It has been You who was there for me. You are the one who made it all possible, tho i refuse to admit it at times. im sorry.

met up with wenjun pearl weilun at holland.. so happie to see em, my clique in sec school.. had dinner at nydc then coffee and starbucks... and i wanna apologised, cuz when i get excited, i tend to talk and laugh really loud. and i think we were too noisy... was laughing damn loudly with shrieks in between. ppl kept giving us that bloody stares... if i were one of them, i'll prob ask the waiter to kick our asses out, haha.. but who gives a damn anyway, as long as u are having fun & enjoying yrselves yeah? was reminiscing the bout the good old days back in sec sch.. man, i miss those times already... upper sec sch had been tons of fun. just plain crazy... think our class is ultimate lah, things we do really are mad. hahaaa.. miss em all...

finally i can take a breather! no more tests, no need for retests, just projects! *heaves a sigh of relief...* hmmm mayb can go tanning tmr morn, if i can wake up! wahaha... yawns... oh yeah i wanna go for a hol! ahaha mayb just taking e train to KL for a great time of shopping! or simply putting out at a resort to take a break fr the hectic life... that'd be cool.. prob gotta start planning.. shall make the trip a short one during my study break... hehs.

come out come out, wherever you are...

chatted with her over msn. what a surrprise to see her online. guess she have been reeeli busy nowadays plus her msn screwed up at hm.. anyway she was saying that she shouldnt blame us for leaving her out, cuz ultimately, she hasnt been able to spend much time with us, so i guess distancing is inevitable. but nevertheless, i still love her, hoping to be able to catch up more with her.. also feel the wall that is wedging its way in. used to be so close, really really close, to the extent that we send smses to each other everyday.. was prob less than 2 yrs ago.. but suddenly, things changed dramatically... mayb nt in a dramatic way, but just feel the gap btw both of us now. definitely it'll be a lil saddening, but what to do? thats life... we still have to get on. anyway, she has been a really sweet sister, giving me advices everynow and then, enlighten me in many ways, letting me see things in a different perspective. and of cuz we have our misunderstandings at times, but at the end of the day, all things are resolved, and we're one step closer to knowing one another better that ever before. so i wanna thank God for putting her in my life! really! she has been a bundle of joy ever since i know her, say 5 years ago? though she has left some tracks of disappointments, i still love her all the same! all the notes of encouragements that we have exchanged, the smses, the lil sweet cards, appreciate it all!

its just amazing when i come to think of all the angels that God have sent me when i walk the path of life. one of the best things in life are all the people that God had blessed me with. i really cant imagine how i can survive w/o them. everytime i look forward to greater times of togetherness with them, be it parties, camps, cell, fellowship, mahjong sessions, bday celebrations or just heart to heart talk makes me feel that im loved. truly loved & treasured by them. its just the accountability that let me have the assurance that someone cares. and the familyhood that just bloom & blossom like a flower gives me hope that helps me to live on with a common purpose in life, which is to win more for Christ. and i know that they'll always be there, no matter what happens.

something that my bestie said when we had a misunderstanding some time ago. hope it encourages all of us in a way or so.

I am as perturbed & disturbed & perhaps even disillusioned at times. But despite it all, God IS great, He saved us & His love is undeniable, so let us just let tat simple fact awe us for a moment.

to her: Ohana means FAMILY, and family means that NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND.

no retail therapy but more n more binging
like i aint fat enough, haaaa
town today was awesome, just tt i didnt buy anythg, sob.
walked with lizzie til tanglin mall again
jess went watch movie with marilyn...

my results
aaa70/100
ec 77/100
om 31/50
pmkt 43.5/50
ep 90/100

im happy, and thankful. but i need to wk so much more harder on my aaa and om... pqs paper was ok, think i shd be able to pass. Ecd was a sucker. damn. so bloody difficult, wondering if i can sail thru it..

was blog surfing yesterday, and saw many depressing posts, all about having lost their papas/mamas, and it was really tear-jerking... come to realise that i should nt take things for granted, but to really cherish my parents and appreciate all the things they have done for us.

one particular one

- why is life filled with so many obligations? obligation to tidy my house, obligation to take care of my brother.. obligation to inject... medicine into my mother....
that long syringe... the worry of my mother's wounds being affected if i didnt wash my hands
properly... the tube that is partly inserted in her body and partly outside for me to inject the medicine to it.

the feelings of pain when i injected the medicine into her.. the tiredness she has... and the long days of not seeing my sis ard at home just because she cannot accept the fact that my mum is down with sickness... and i have the obligation to do the part of injection in sec 3.

"yesterday is yr chinese birthday, she died after that." the words that i heard fr my godma when i reached the hosp too late. the pain that i've felt have been tormenting me till now, she had waited.. after that..

i really wish i had the chance of sharing the gospel with her. she need the Lord. to get a new lease of hope, hope that is rooted in the wonderful acts of God in creation and history.

i L.O.V.E. walking.

"God has come to wipe away our tears. He is doing it; He will have it done as soon as He can; and until He can He would have them flow without bitterness; to which end He tells us it is a blessed thing to mourn because of the comfort that is on its way."

While we wait for that comfort, we can be assured that God will not allow us to be tested beyond our ability to bear the trial. Every difficult circumstance is timed with exact precision. Every hard situation is screened through His perfect love. We will not suffer one moment more, nor will we suffer more intensely than is necessary. "To a close-shorn sheep God gives wind by measure" goes an old Basque saying. In other words, God will not allow those most vulnerable to life's difficulties to be overtaken by them.

There may be deep waters through which you must wade; there may be fires through which the ore of your character must pass. But in the midst of them God promises to be your partner, companion, and faithful friend. He will "perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you" (1 Peter 5:10).

And then, when He has finished His work, He will take you home to heaven and wipe away all your tears”forever (Revelation 21:4). He knows our burdens and our crosses,Those things that hurt, our trials and losses;He cares for every soul that cries”God wipes the tears from weeping eyes.

Tears are often the telescope by which we can see into heaven.

f.a.l.l.e.n. a.n.g.e.l.

one of those really bad days where things just dont fall in the right place, and you begin to ponder just how you are gonna sail thru the raging seas that came crashing unto you. So you begin to doubt, doubt the existence of yr life. i mean c'mon its just mid-wk, wednesday, and there are 4 more days before it comes to an end. feeling so helpless and theres no one there who helps. everyone's busy with their own lives i know, and i cant expect them to be ard forever. i know there's one who's always there. always. 24/7. but He's just too far away. and we've lost contact. for about a year. i know He's still there. He's always there. He promised. im the one who has left.

at my wits end. i really dont know what to do anymore. anyway, crying feels great. releases me of all my sorrows for the moment. perhaps getting drunk helps too. nah, maybe not.

w.e.p.t. buckets. and it's cuz of u.

they sucked the life out of me. damned.

saw my mummy today, and aint i glad, like a familiar face that brightens my day. dunno why had gut feel i'd bump into her and abracadabra! i did but nt exactly bump lah.

so turned out that united artistes network guy was DON, = AH LIE from Double Happiness, the one who kena killed by wenjie, also jiaqian's bf or whatev. so he asked liz n me go down, fill up some form, then had an hr talk. talked bout their Co's aims which is help on realise his or her dreams... what he offered sounds rather lucrative i would say, all the parties, networking with big shots etc etc.. and he mentioned big names too, dick lee, john lee, clarissa monterio, jeremy monterio, ivan heng, yup all the peeps fr the performing arts scene... jeanette aw n fiona xie's also under their mgmt..they were in charge of some productions like light years, forbidden city, the nxt stage etc.. anyway, this Don's like really articulate, and we both thought his voice was quite man over the phone lah, ha.. had a good laugh when we saw him, cuz never did we expect it to be him. but then... must pay lah, 529 leh, to be engaged with them for a period of 18mths.. which includes gg for parties, auditions, engagements, networking with the ppl in the media industry.. definitely sounds fun... but think i shd be concentrating on my studies first, cuz nxt yr will be rather impt.. and i guess only when im free plus i have the money, then i'll go.. so he was saying like it'd be more of the acting scene for me? and i was laughing my head off inside.. ha. and liz will do the hosting one? lol...

i got a skirt fr fox, went home realised it was kinda short. and a sweater! *grins
anyway this week will be quite fucked up la. cuz i gt 2 tests, on thurs n fri, and i havent started much. and time's running out. fuck fuck fuck. damn stress nw i wanna cry. and sleep too. and the bloody **. bitch. waste our time. damn it.

God forgive me.

lao yu shen at hawks hse, thanks guys, it was yummy, haha.. hope fusao'll be aight by tmr, ahaha...

gonna be another d.a.m.n.e.d. day. f-c-u-k.

damn i super tired. doing the damn om proj can be so tiring. no choice, will be out tmr, so gotta get in done now. will cont tmr, cant take it man. write so much only 785 wds. ugh. help please.

thanks liz for the bbq food. haha.. cool rm u've got. thanks shui jing and tracy too for the angbaos.

legs are numb nw. damn.

think im nt wearing the pink polo jess. kinda small. ugh. prob wont wear the necklace too. ha.
anyway, thanks a million for the photobucket thingy. owe u one.

s.c.a.n.d.a.l.o.u.s.

i hate myself.

A big fat liar - thats ME.

firstly, a big thank you to daniel low for the great party! met esther earlier to get the cake n card.. Really had a great time ketchuping & fellowshipping with the crusaders.. so glad i went, cuz had been ages since i last saw em.. had tons of fun during worship, playing games, playing the piano, and celebrating sharon's bday.. and of cuz the food was fantastic! we had yummy pizza, bee hoon, shepherd's pie, coconut kueh, apple crumble and cake! all were equally YUMMILICIOUS! wahaha... im sucha pig.. and he got a nice house too! very classy like semi-d at west coast! so comfy that u wouldnt mind zzzing on the floor! heehee...

i feel so bad today. why? cuz i told a lie. my mama dropped her pouch for putting her shades in the bus. and when she gt down, i got up cuz she came bk from movie with dad, and i board the bus to holland v. she called and asked me to help check if it's there. i bend down, and there it was, in the front.
the bus was packed, nt very though, but i just find it embarrassing to go infront, bend down and pick it up. plus there were 3 ppl at the seats infront where u face each other. i was like ugh. how how how. gonna reach in a jiffy. did i pick it up? no i didnt. sigh. shit me. i know she'd have been really glad if i did. sigh. what a shitified daughter. useless. sigh. so i called her aft i alighted and told her i didnt see it. God forgive me.

have been sleeping bout 3+ nowdays, which is really nt me, cuz i cant really tahan.. was playing mahjong for the past 2 days, quite fun actually, to my surprise, managed to learn the ropes of it, bit by bit..

have another bbq party at liz's hse tmr! hehheh... hope it'll be fun! visiting my churchmates houses on sunday! cool eh, so much fun.

but damn, gotta submit Om proj on sunday, and we havent precisely get the ball rolling. and i've got 3 tests cmg up. heck & feck.

E-commerce Reflections...

Specially Directed for E-commerce Reflections only.

E-commerce to me, have been rapidly becoming a part and parcel of everybody's lives. There has been endless uses to it, such as making purchases online. It has fast spread to all parts of the world, and as long as one is connected to the internet, he/she will be able to make purchases from stores/people from all corners of the earth.

It has never occured to me that i'd ever have to build a website, as I'm not a IT-savvy person. However, after i've been throught the mid-point semester of the EC module, I am happy to say that it has indeed helped me a lot in terms of acquiring the skills and knowledge of designing a website for a online store.

The thing that i've gain most in this e-commerce module, is to build a website using dreamweaver. I am glad to say that building a website thus far have been a rather smooth job, except for a few screw-ups when previewing the site. In conclusion, E-commerce have been a rather interesting module to it, and whatever i've learnt there will certainly be put to good use in the days to come.

blogger is super spastic n sensitive
just a click n everythg i typed previously was gone
damned.

had reunion lunch at grandmama's place.. yummy suckling pig - ate myself! Wahaha.. but then it feels kinda awkward to be there lah.. cuz im nt very close to relatives of my daddy's side.. so am glad its just once a year, haha...

aft went to get the OP plum colored skorts at west mall.. yeeps. then came home, packed my room n the study table, til nt am nt done. cant be bothered.. shall wait til tmr.. anyway, nobody's cmg tmr, so i can sleep in til late, go suntan, cut my mag collage, deco my album, cont to spring clean, watch dvd, watch tv, pig out, sleep again, read mag, do some wk, pig out again, wahaha...

reunion dinner was at hm, me dad n mum n brud. nt very often that we eat tog, so i guess it was kinda nice, tho we dont really talk much.. had steamboat, which was actually disgusting cuz chopsticks used for fishing the food in the soup was also used to fish for food meant to get into our stomach. so i've come to a conclusion: IT WAS THE INTERCHANGED SALIVA THAT BINDS OUR FAMILY TOGETHER. yeah riiigghhhtttttt...

gg chinatown with hemeinu, laoda, nick, brigitte, hawk n ah diam ltr! hopefully i wont get lost in there! wahaha..

anyway, this joshua's mama is very cute, like the way she talked abt joshua etc etc.. make me laugh n feel warm! and then she talk about feng ge, feng didi.. wahaha.. jusy FUNNY.

what shd i do if im still left on the shelf by the age of, say 30? mayb i shd go be a nun, oops i mean a sister and serve God all my life, hahaha.. dunno why im so worried also, guess im feeling old already, yeah im a aunty. mayb i shall meet jess 9 yrs ltr at the place where we made the pact, and fly off to canada where they legalise lesbian marriages. grins. i keep telling ppl that having a bf is nt everythg, yet im actually worrying. contradicting huh. worstill, i need to have a christian bf, which means chances are super slim. think i shd just die n disappear. wahaha.

but then having a boyfriend is nt really everything. i believe that when it's time, and when God says yes my daughter, then its really time. there's no point hurrying and end up getting hurt. some ppl think that its so impt to have a bf, and that they'll die if they dont have 1. i think its like duh.

was watching news and then came this piece on a lil 4 yr old boy who drove to a vcd shop to get vcd! what the!!! goodness, must have scared the shit outta his parents! just 4 years old! but come to think of it, its a lil funny also lah, make one wanna laugh! cute but scary.

ANYWAY, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! (='0'=)

i am super tired. Oh my. Simply cant believe it. Combed the entire orchard rd a few times and yet i got NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL. SOBS. so depressing yeah lizzie... tried on endless lingerie, skirt etc but got NOTHING. proj disussion from bout 12 til 1 plus.. then jalan ard for 9 whole hrs. and then aft that liz n i actually walked from town to grange rd, to gleaneagles, to dempsey rd. think we were a lil crackers to have actually done that. but it was fun anyway, sort of like exercising? ha... just doing lame things while walking, and snapping pictures away... think we made a hell lot of noise. too bad jess left early, she was tired, plus someone visited her... *winks

walked til dempsey, thought we'd take a cab... but we waited for what seems forever, for an empty cab to arrive... and guess what? it didnt! ugh.. so took 75 to jelita, got some ice-cream and hailed for cab, but to no avail. ugh. in the end, took 75 home. wthell can... then liz stop at my place and got a cab, haha.. dunno why but she seems really excited when she managed to get the cab. kind of like high', think a bit mad lah, but nt surprising lor.. think she more ke lian. want cut hair fully booked, want thread brows, fully booked. Sigh.

right now, my legs are aching from all the walking, but it was rather fun lah, something worth remembering. then aud asked me wanna go IMM aft 12am, turned out i think nic n brigitte fell asleep.. haha.. anyway, think my legs are too tired to carry me any further.

turns out that maggie and sharon will be putting out at hawk's place for the time being, which may actually be more than 1/2 a yr! so coooooool can! then can bring them go club and go home late late! Muahaha... but one's 14 and the other's 16... Hmmm... anyway, look forward to that! will be able to go shopping til super late n have companion back hm! yeah and i'll force them to go tanning, swimming with me! whaaha.. and can go for music prac tog! and can watch midnight movies! YAHOO!!! hehheh.. these are such great ideas! hmmm mayb can ask them help sweep the floor, wash toilet at my hse too!! GGGGRRRRRREEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTT!!!!! can do all sorts of CRAZY THINGS! late suppers at ALAMEEN! but they only make us fatter, hmmm nvm, once in a blue moon shd be fine! WONDERFUL!!!

ok this is great, papers down, and i got to go shopping later. sorry i didnt go cocco latte guys.. hope nobody's mad.. know u peeps sure had tons of fun!

oh yeah, nic n aud both got blogs! likle wah serious ah? haha.. nv would i have imagined them to ever ever have a blog, but anyway, good lah, can add to my links! wahaha... supposed to go tanning with fish n suat, but too bad i got prac.. anyway they cmg church later so we can all go shopping! and then ah diam may join us too, yeeps!

JESSELYN LIM!!! wahaha... i'm still SHOCK from the AFTERMATH. cant believe it . omg. omg. omg.

think im gonna have a 1 wk CNY break! cool huh, think it's gonna be e-learning
some things are sure funny. hmmm. really funny. i think my God is really really humourous. think im thinking too much on my part. but i really do wish u'd open your eyes wide and look around you, and tell me what you see.