lunar new year came and gone! too fast, too furious. full-fledged work week beginning today, and it doesn't help that i have nothing to look forward to, except for weekends!

past weekend was pretty awesome, at least we didnt get into any petty squabbles or anything of that sort. i think we are both trying. and i am thankful for that, really can't bear moments of stupid fights in the car, it's just so tiring and a total waste of time.

and did i mention? his mother gave me an angbao. that is seriously weird and sure feels queer! so so weird i feel alittle freaked out. ): it's not like she's ma's acquaintance or anything, and all these while i don't really acknowledge her or say hi etc, so this is really one funky feeling, and i don't like it at all. ):

sigh.

i freaking slapped myself umpteenth times in public. i feel so ashamed and so humiliated. don't even know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing. and the worst thing was that you actually wanted to video me, instead of shielding me and bringing me away to calm me down. to be honest i was kinda disappointed that you didnt. but i knew we were both really upset at that point in time.

but fact is, i was feeling really upset and helpless. everything you mentioned had his name in it and i really couldn't cope with that. you made me hate myself for hanging out with him. and so i suppose i should leave the game and not hangout with him for the time being.

you said you felt that things i did with you could be easily replaced. though i very much wish to deny, it has some sort of truth to it, and i did feel bad deep down. am i in the wrong? or is that how one feel with the opposite sex? not sure how i can juggle two relationships, furthermore, we aren't even attached or anything! this is really frustrating, i just hope there can be a closure to this, but my heart and brain tells me no freaking way!

fuck.

pea-thetic

wah lao the increment is pathetic lor. i was so looking forward to it, but realise that it was only $2500. this is beyond disappointment. i mean seriously, they could have offered abit more right? sigh. this is bad! how to jump ship?!

mayb i shd just jump out of the building.

*damn.

You're still the one

Been going out with mr jay 3 times since december. not sure if you can consider it a date, but so far he has been initiating all the meetings and we went for a movie during the 2nd meeting and he also wanted to see me up. which i freaked out totally and i think he got a shock also.

sorry but i thinking it's so very retarded! i mean i have my own legs right? perhaps this is what ppl do when they date, but not very comfortable with that yet. plus - what would ma think if she saw him?! faint.

but this can be very confusing also cos out of 3 times that we met, i got into something unpleasant with the best friend. the first time was that she felt i didnt share with her whatever went on. the second time was that i actually planned to go to Prive but forgot that she has initially wanted to bring me there when she gets a job! *oops.

not quite sure how things will progress, but am just gonna leave it in His hands. whatever will be, will be...

on the other note, i think i am gonna get a pay increment! though i do not know how much that is, this anticipation is killing me! funny how i got to know abt it, but hope i didnt delete the email by accident. if so, i can just slap myself silly.

2012 awaits me!

happy new year!

again, how time flies with each passing year. not really looking forward to this year. especially when boss is going on her maternity leave and i am gonna be oh-so-dead. im worried, not because i might have lots to do, but rather cos she hasnt been keeping me in the loop on things. not a good thing. J used to update me on everything, copying me in everything, but F on the other extreme hand, doesnt at all! sigh. its really irritating.

on the other hand, i am really loving vanilla, and it's nice to see how she grows slowly, but surely! only wish i can quit my job and focus on vanilla! but i believe that if it's God's plans, He will make it work for us!

xx