Christmas came and gone, action-packed! all over much to my relief. somehow Christmas just dont seemed as happy as ever. perhaps people do change, we grow up, and what seems like friends forever have diminished. reduced to mere acquaintance?

did our wrappings for the gifts til the wee hours of dawn. barely catch enough 40winks and had to wake up for svc. and sleepg late last night didnt help much either. woke up with puffyeyes and triple eyelids. madness.

carolling on the eve was great. i totally immersed myself into the spirit, and the ability to sing those beautiful carols to the residents just made it even more special. tho it was pretty short, it was also sweet too. i just hope and pray that more will come to know Him.

had a bad start on the Christmas morning. i actually allowed a small issue to screw up my day. just cos we forgot to bring a bag of presents to church. sigh. but thankfully the best fren managed to pull me back tog, so that i will stop sulking and stop allowing all the anger, sadness reside in me. and i really do apprec it. cos i know when i get frenzied, angst, its often the ones ard me who really suffers.

started svc, so many screw-ups. the projector wasnt wking til 1130.madness. then sudd the keyboard goes wiry. but thankfully many did respond during the altar call. that was nice. spent the afternoon playing with thadd n louisa. cute toddlers.! i likeee* hehs. then went for super late luncheon with the best fren at sakae to satisfy our cravings! then was jalaning, and then home sweet home. mayb nt so sweet, cos i end up hvg puffyeyes.boo. i hate mornings! hate gg to wk too. sucks! bleah. wish i had a longer break.

i wanna leave on a jetplane now. right now. to sm place where u can find me no longer! haha. right. just gimme a little break pls and cut me some slack, and be my nice santa and buy me a air-tic. tq. (:

its wednesday, till then~!

time waits for no one. it literally flies past me each time. but this time round, i like it. cos it means twinnie is coming back soon!!! YAY!

hee can't help but feel that im well-received. everyone wants to go out with me! everyone wants a piece of me. wahaha. kns i know. --> joshua, jacq, pea, eve & sijie, jess & liz, mass comma peeps. muahahaa.im the epitome of party! too bad had to do ot last night and turn down eve n co.boohoo. havent met the girls since they feb this yr. wanna get smthg ncie for them before mtg up. oh wells.

havent gt much pressies for main peeps. ugh. but the trip to IMM on monday was really fruitful man! got like so many things for the kiddos, the notebooks, glitters, and more notebooks! wheee. happieeee. but nw gotta think abt what to get for the babes tmr. damn. and for the party on fri too.ugh.

thankfully its a holi tmr! woohoo! means i can rolly ard in bed all morn! wheee. hope u girls have a great time with yr loved ones this season! God bless! (:

today is monday and twinnie is coming back on friday! wheee* and angels still cont to surround me! rec sms fr eve iniating a meet up with her and sj since they are both back from aussieland. woohoo! just that ive got no time to buy pressies for anyone. so far just that cute red rack, a diary for the kiddos, and a uber cute cow inflatable couch. thats abt it. zilch for church peeps. ugh.

anyone of u girls gt sm fantastic ideas? i luv diy, personalised stuff but i got 0 idea leh. time is running out. poly peeps on thurs, mass comm peeps party on fri. so shitified!boo.

and ive contracted alzhemier's. keep forgetting things. and the white hairs on my head are increasing in number. scary.

i cant wait for Christmas! but there aint much for me to look forward to. prob just awesome company of loved ones. guess its the presence that matters. (:

i hate rainy days! makes me so very dread gg to work. how i wish i can jus continue sleeping and nv have to wake up for work! boohoohoo.. wed blues too! boo. and i havent started on my essay. sobs. and theres a million things i need to do. bleah. i need a break pls.

smone pls just kidnap me on a jetplane to smwhere nice! thanks.

and byebye. im gg home.

twinnie has been gone for a week to be exact. and i sure miss her! perhaps we've clung on too tightly, and so now that she aint ard, smthing seems to be missing! and just being in the church office w/o her seems weird. my lunch kaki, bitchfit sessions kaki, retail therapy kaki, phone kaki, my everything kaki! sigh. and there's stil 13 days before she is back. soooo long. HAIS. but still, God has been so good and faithful.

the way He got His angels to surrond me and keep me co. God answered yr prayers twinnie!hehs. even before she departed sgp, i've already bumped into ppl whom i nv thot i'd see. hehs. and how eug told grace he wanted them to sit with me, which is what they've nt done before! they didnt even know twin aint in town. hehs. and r/s with classmates are getting much better, at least i gt to know em better! and actually havg a christmas party. woohoo. sch doesnt suck that much anymore, smore the dreaded presentn has come to an end! freedom after tonight's test and nxt wk's proj submission!

sigh. this year end has been a busy one for me, first time ever that i dont have time to get christmas pressies. oh dear. and the fact that i dont like to get things which everyone has seen before adds on the my agony! want to make smthg nice, but ive gt no time! and no ideas. boo. dieded. but shant let such blur the vision and real meaning of Xmas.

its sunday, and i've fallen into a deep slumber of depression. and the songs playing on gold90 makes me even sadder. sobs. smhw i can't help but feel sorry for myself. cos there will nv be a day where im the one whos off for a holi. but its ok, ive resign myself to fate.

its just me myself and i to brave the storm for the nxt two weeks. cos God seems really far away. sigh. i wonder how im gonna survive.

im so freaking bored at work. eyes are soooo heavy, anytime soon i'll doze off. skipped class ytd for a break n a haircut, look like a chinadoll now with a concave fringe.ugh. its friday, but sats gonna be a bloody longgg day from 9-5. hate it! grrrr. i wouldnt mind if lecturer's ravi or sm interesting fella but definitely nt this stephen gaunson guy!boo. anw this was type in the morn, now its almost knock off time. managed to pia finish the more impt wk. phew. else cant make in time for tonight.

on another note, the bestfriend is gonna be away from the 3rd til idunnowhen. sobs. lucky ass who gets to go jetset while im stuck in this miserable rut, having to balance job and sucky sch. my life's a mess. sigh. when isit ever my turn to go for a holi?! sobs. i hate wallowing in self pity but i cant help it. hais.

and adding on to my misery is the stupid ibank transaction thingy. they havent fucking gt back to us like since ytd . shit u for cheating my money. shites. bugger off! f.

its sat tmr and i gt yucky lessons.bleah. ): ive got nothing to look fwd to all wkend. and bestie has to go attend a wedding on sunday. mayb thaddeus will make me happy. i dont know. but i got a feeling he will.

ciao.

ok, im not trying to be cynical, or cold-blooded. there has been the recent big hoo-ha abt the misfortunate event of the 5 dragonboaters.what i cannot understand is the numerous no. of ppl being so upset about it when they aren't even related to them in anw. just like the princess di phenomenon. reminded me of the show"money no enough" whereby these few sisters wept buckets when they heard abt demise of princess di, and when their mother died, they couldnt even be bothered about it. mayb its just me being skeptical. smhw i feel that everyone seems to want a piece of it. being involved. attending their wake. signing on memoirs. whatever. i deem it as nt entirely genuine.

makes me wonder if it happened to a relative/whatsoever, would u be as bothered? sigh. this is so confusing. call me heartless, whatever. i don't care. but i'll sure cherish those ard me. i shall try.

and i shall skip class today and go for a hair cut. wheee. and tgif soon. sucks to have lesson on sat tho.sigh.

school has started and i was in much anticipation of it, only to be dismayed by a monotonous, uninteresting, ho hum lecturer. to think i have such high expectations of angmoh, but this guy makes me sleep. bah! the way he delivers is impossible. hypnotizing. and only this grp of girls in front are entertaining him. i thought young angmohs might be u know, engaging but i was wrong! So i started toying with rocher wrappers on the table, making hair extensions, making dummy ones which is seemingly real for mates. haha. funny shit. but yeah, thats what keeping me gg. dreading class on thurs and sat already. sigh. Am so not looking forward to it. deprive me of my beauty sleep and time i get to spend with loved ones. bleah.

on another note, went to watch my dad perf at sm singing competition. and i sure laugh my head off over his silly antics, nt forgetting all those farnie stuff that happened. the super unpolished emcees, the aunties with the blings and bk cracks instead of cleavage cracks(cos the dress were too tight), and some really impossible singers. ROFL. followed by supper with 2 unknown strangers, well frens of pops and they sent the twinie and i home. had supper with them and it was way beyond awkward. but they were rather nice la. cept that they make me feel a little small.poof.

on another note, i can hardly pry my eyes open in the morning. cant keep them fr closing. ugh. hate mornings! and ps. i dreamt of the stupid elf and the stupid pixie again.sigh. what does it mean if i keep dreaming of ppl i don't like? sigh.

22 november 2007

my mind was in a whirlpool. i was tired: physically, mentally and emotionally. somehow i feel God likes to play jokes on me. i don't know why either. some people try so hard getting things that were never meant to be theirs, some dont have to try and it just appear to their doorstep.

was reading my text for theories of comm and persuasion, saw this theory by this Bourdieu guy. and i kinda thot it ties in nicely. Quote"value is placed on products according to their social status, as well as cost and scarcity....Individuals and groups identify each other and their social positioning according to their taste, including their taste in music and clothing styles... people are not born with superior or inferior tastes in cultural products; rather, the economic system of capitalism requires disctinctions in order to operate.

the other fella critical of Bourdieu is good too. He, Baudrillard, in fact begins from a rather different perspective to that of Bourdieu. For him, contemporary culture is a deluge of signs, symbols and images. Quotes"the Princess Di phenomenon, the killings at Columbine, the love affairs of Leonardo DiCaprio-all are constituted through a new televisual culture, a new reality, a hyperreality, which has no substance and no fixed form. This hyperreality creates new forms of stimulation, new forms of arousal and demand, new forms of erratic consumption. The product becomes intensely sexualized, often through the deployment of a young female body - but this arousal is a stimulation and can never be satisfied.The consumer is prompted to act and consume; however, the deluge of images and signs is unending and the urge to consume is never consummated, never quite complete.

In Baudrillard's terms, therefore, the sign overtakes the product as the primary source of arousal and action. Because it is nothing more than a sign, a powerfully sexualized sign, the consumer can never escape its abstraction. The proliferation of signs continues to stimulate.The BMW is sexually imaged and motivates some form of consumption - if not the car, then something else. But ultimately, there is nothing there. the sign is vacant, leading merely to another sign, another amorphous arousal, another vacuous avatar.... EVERYTHING IS AN IMITATION OF AN IMITATION - A SIMULACRA."

sorry if this is too much to digest for a friday, just some food for thought... thought it all makes sense. so duh can, then why the hell am i always so caught up in the rat race? ugh.life's a contradictory.

weekend came, and gone all in a whizzz! didnt even get to enjoy it cos of the proj. many thanks to help fr demin, i think i need to acknowledge her in the reference, as well as attribute to her. hehs. so glad its done and over with, and at least i can rest for a wk before beginning on another battle which wil last me 2 weeks! madness.



work is so sianing. totally dread hvg to wake up at 7plus in the morn. i so abhor mornings! if only nights will last forever. on another note, the pops are nt in town, over to our neighbour for some unwinding. wish i was there, sigh... so gotta seek refuge at the bestie's plc. who has been really nice and make me feel so welcome as usual. but i gotta cm outta the shell and nt be so frightened of the pops. and sista.



i wanna go do smthg fun. like to the beach.(ps nt cycling pls) haha. to the zoo.night saf.science centre. sentosa. smthg to let me unwind. i need it badly. nt shopping/movie. smthg else. desperately. gg bonkers in the office. but i did ot last fri and that day fetch me a good 100buckeroos. im sucha moneyface. need to get over it for materials like plastic, never last.

today is tuesday. aka tu4si3 day. hate the sucky feeling of gg bk to work. yucks.

anw, have been neglecting this baby of mine. thanks to endless piles of notes to study. dont even have time for reading newspapers/magazines but TV yes. haha. am so glad its all over! nw have to pia for proj then can let hair down for a wk before sch starts to torture me.

on a happier note, PR paper was a breeze!wheee. mann i studied damn hard for it ok! hehs. and God was faithful too. just hope proj can do well and at least get a distinction! went out with the class peeps for lunch at super sucky place called yuki yaki. RIGHT, IT WAS YAKI(YUCKY). gross man. i really think i cant click with sm of them. fancy gg to such places for lunch. if it was nt for the bday girl, i'd have violently objected! but i have to say churning the ice cream was fun tho i totally suck at it. boo. then went for some retail therapy before mtg the bestie.

outta here now. lunchtime's over. boohohoo...

i realised that if u stop counting down, time will just fly past! haha. gd or bad i dont know. but sure is scary. eeks. and i gt a million things to complete. study for paper, proj. heng managed to chiong out mtg mins.

anws, monday was scary. i rem vividly telling my incharge at ducktours saying i cant wk til end of mth. then sudd she msg me on monday ask me why im nt at wk. ugh. and so i told her say i cant commit anymore. scary! i was so very freaked out. but ive said byebye to duck already. so its hello world kitchen. which is gd. cos i think world kitchen pays me quite handsomely. wahaha. for the kinda work produce. and i always snake during work! haha. but have to snake secretly. but waking up so early sucks!

anw, i hope to go for the getaway to msia with mumsy and twin(maybe)! i wanna gooo eat shop play let my hair down.hehs.

combed jurong west on sunday and we met this scary ahjek. wat a day to rem. he was practical stuck to the window of our car and asking for money. so scary! gdness. always gt so many scary ppl ard me.ugh

anw.gg to sleep liao. nights all.

daddy banged sm motorcyclist down ytd.sigh. cos he was so kanchiong to pick up a passenger..motorcyclist turns out to be a butch la, and she was bleeding on her head and legs.sigh. ambulance came and all. thank God daddy's ok. jus that the glass on cab or smthg broke. but must pay ard 1k plus. hais. wth.

anw. today's last lecture for PR writing! wheeee. revision leh. then hvg exam on 12nov. if u happen to see this pls keep me in yr prayers thanks. dunno whr to start revising also.

anw, jus feel like heading out to sentosa/sm places of interest to have sm fun! hahas. job is mundane but peeps cannot be any nicer. (; sigh. theres nothing for me to look forward to now. sians! i need smthg exciting/thrilling to keep me gg. mann.

work is boring and mundane and it makes me so sleepy.boo.

tgif. gonna meet the best friend tonight!wheee. aft sucha long time.mann. mayb we'll go up the dhl balloon tonight or smthg. since i can tkae it free! wheeeeeeee. haha. have been looking forward to the weekend. and mama's almost done altering my maternity dress wahaha. which means i might get to wear it on sunday.muahaha. happieee. and i got another HD n another D for assignmt! one more HD and i'll get my full 10% for participation. hehs. ohwells. am over the moon. thank God for sustaining me. honestly i feel that my work's only mediocre. writing aint that well. but perhaps like wat he said, it was more of the formatting. so there. nxt wk's last wk of lect and then exam 3 wks later. ugh. fast or what. then start another new mod which means 4 days of sch in a wk. ugh. smore sat is from 9-5.pengs

theres so little time and theres so much to do. proj, minutes... sians! sigh. hope God wil cont to grant me strength! cross fingers for a great nite ahead. have a gd weekend girlies! til then~! (:

strangely dev symptoms of gastric flu - self diagnosed. and had diarrhoea like 5 times within 5hrs. gross. so had to skip church. which felt oddly dubious. and watching teevee when the rest were worshipping God made me felt smthg funny inside me stir. ohwells. but had a gd rest at home. and i miraculously recovered the following day, which was today. God is amazing man.woots. He knew i'd promised to go wk at cuzzies place so He sustained me. thank u God.

temping there is gd. cos of gd money. 8.5/hr w/o cpf. hopefully it wil be for long, then i can kick ducktours away. hiaks. but job is mundane.but peeps are extremely nice. mayb cos im my cuzzie's cuzzie.

that aside. im so touched by the overwhelming concern from my churchmates when they knew i was under the weather! so schweeet. the endless smses. cmg in today stil. and the best part! BESTIE! spring a surprise on me with a HUMONGOUS and i mean really HUMONGOUS sunflower can! and my fav brazillian soy bun, yums walnut&raisin loaf with a crusty sweet top.yums. slurps. thanks babe. tho u prob came and feasted more than u visit me. plus always falling asleep at my plc. HAHA. anw, loves!

gathering on sat with the chua side of the familieee was great. cept they spoilt my dangdangs. am abit upset abt it.but shall mend it and restore it to its original place soon.

finally home after almost a week of seeking refuge at the best friend's house.

XOXO for picking me from sch, driving me all da way to Changi Airport so tt i can have Popeye's! so sweet. all also on thurs night all the way to little india for dimsum, and nt forgetting out happy moments at mustafa! wheee. i <3 mustafa! so glad for surprises picked up there. the mirror, and my maternity dress! wahaha. yesss i got a maternity dress! i lurveee it absolutely, much to the disgust of the bestie. but gonna alter it and make it look niceee. wheee. hahahaha.

1 good news i got a HD for my assignmt! wheee. nt exactly an assignmt, but a marked exercise asking us to state our goals for public relations and hw we're to go abt achieving it. thanks babe for the copyright idea! i bluffed and said i wanna be a PR writer for FJ Benjamin! wakaka. wat bullcraps. but i gt a high distinction anw! im soooo happieeee. praise God!

gg for 2 intvs nxt wk. one's a hospitality officer at singapore national museum, the other's a guest relations associate at singapore discovery centre, tho nt concrete yet. hehs. if all goes well and i get the offers, i guess i'll quit the job at ducktours. its not providing me well. boo. hehs.

anw, the weathers so bloody hot nowadays its driving me barmy, making me pekchek! hate it. rains of blessing pls! till then. loves

pops nagged again abt so many things today. but primary issue is the job. sigh. asked me to change job since ducktours only require me to wk on so little days. sigh. i guess they wil probably be happier if they see me less. prob rejoicing if i have to do ot etc. like HELLO. im really not taking alot of money from you am i. the money u gave me will prob be used to buy 2 dresses by smone else. fuck. smtimes u sound as tho u give me like 3 thousand a month or smthg. hais. its so saddening la.

classes tonight. dont really dread it now. jus gonna go with an open heart n learn new things. have been chatting to classmates online and its amazing the kind of things they let me in. telling me abt family issues. wah. i seriously am taken aback. guess its a gd way to start things. weird thing is these peeps aint even in my clique. HAHA. ohwells. God wks in funny ways smtimes i reckon.

now i really hope nhb wil ring me bk n ask me down for an intv. sigh. then again. im really confused. perhaps i gotta go find a full time job or smthg. kinda regretted nt gg down for intv for internship at project smitten.

too late for regrets.

school is getting better i guess. God is stil nice to me. tho i dont deserve it. i've decided to do the proj with them. thot i shd prob not outcast myself. so there. mayb i'll just volunteer to compile it or smthg.

another marked exercise today. bleah. asked us to write our goals for public relations writing, what we hope to accomplish blah. have been eons since i last wrote smthg proper. ugh. i really think my angmoh cannot. eeks. and so i crapped saying i hope to be a public relations writer for FJ Benjamin! haha paiseh, i 'borrowed' yr ideal wk place twinnie. wahhaa. and say in order to get the scoops and all i have to read more fashion mags, blah. sigh. hope i can get a credit and above for it man. tho i think not. cos my writing is like shit = many diff pieces. HAHA.

today i managed to make more frens, and also exchange emails n nos. and all. things are probably picking up. i really hope it will. sucky part is that ive gotta craft a news release over the weekend! eeks.

actually lessons are quite interesting, i kinda enjoy it. and ive got farnie classmates who smell a little strange with their endless silly questions. i pray that things wil get better and better pls!

then had dinna with pops aft lesson n daddy send us home. awwww. so sweeeeeet.

per se: twinnie babe. i know u are going thru a rough period at this pt of time. but hang in there ok. God sees yr heart and i am so positive that He'll forgive us as long as we are willing to repent. it may seem bleak at the moment, but perk yrself up, it wil all be over soon. the rainbow will be out to embrace us, and from there shall we start anew.
*looking forward to our mtg tmr for i miss u so much! hugs & love.

my heart is pounding. any moment and it will explode. ahhh fuck. not like i dont have enough worries of my own. mediocre as it may seem to be. smtimes i wish i wasnt the one who fired it all. but then again, i'd nv have imagined such to happen. im so hating all these shit! fuck. i jus feel like dying. sobs.

why cant things be easier for me. sobs. i nv wanted much. jus small little things. or even for u to be happy with me. my heart is literally throbbing. so much pain in it. perhaps i am asking too much. perhaps its all too far-fetched. or mayb theres so much which i havent perceive it to be.

and i stil get jitters before gg for classes. really hate the process of makign new frens. its so gross and fake and smelly. and i really wanna do the assignmt alone, yet am afraid that nxt time when i need projmates, others will already form their own teams. sigh. why cant God make it easier for me. why do i have to go thru all these shit. sobs.

why do stars fall down from the sky
everytime you walk by?
just like me, they long to be
close to you.

God is faithful. and im really thankful how He has pulled me thru the past few days. to begin with, first day at sch sucked. i was late n so jus sat down along the aisle with sm girl. and i didnt exactly have much chance to mingle ard la, so i felt really friendless. sigh. was a depressing start. PR writing seems pretty tough. and work on wed was nt getting any better. cos familiar ppl weren't ard, but i gt 2 malays and 1 extremely quiet guy. sigh. hate tt freaking combi. and they made me take over a counter. like HELLO its only my 2nd day, and they seemed to expect me to rem everythg so clearly. bullcraps. then made me stay til the last duck came bk. like wth lor. the 1st day there, others were all so nice to me, and i even managed to knock off super early. but sigh. i sure hope i dont get that disgusting combi again. *cross fingers*. to top it off, my phone was cut off, no access to calling/smsing cos of delay in paymt of bill. that made me even more upset. was in tears when i rang twin up using the public phone. but thankfully i was able to use it aft an hr. and twin came to visit me cos she was mtg her friend there. then she lingered ard til i knock off n have dinna tog. sweet. then went for my mtg in church and she came to pick me up to send me home to take things n bk to her plc again.

then before i went back aft wk on wed, ppl fr office asked me to be on the kermee bus the whole day on thurs cos apparently there was some shoot going on, and i jus need to sit ard and make sure they dont do anythg stupid. so i went, thank God i called the captain, else he would have missed me cos they bloody didnt told him i was cmg along. anw i was redundant la. they were shootg a commercial to be aired in India. long story la. but quite interesting. tho i hate the fact that the peeps there were 99% guys. eeks. smore either ahbangs/nehnehs. so there. but adored the fact that i didnt have to be at counter! but then again, i really do get satisfaction when tourists smile at me, or even seemed really grateful for the info provided and all. haha. ohwells. what a contradictory. anw, went off to sch really early, like an hr early. haha. and i made new friends! wheee. i feel so much happier n relieved nw man. phew.

have been helping twinnie with the publicity thingy using macromedia. first time! and im so proud of myself for the little bit of poster done! but its making us pull all our hair out. ugh. can be quite frustrating man.

and tmr's the mid-autumn celeb thingy in church. hope the ktv doesnt screw up pls God. and that the balloon can be blown. (and burst too.HAHA.)

blessed wkend ahead~!

first day at ducktours last thurs. nice peeps there. but still feel pretty much lonely tho there was a new intern with me. prob takes time to settle down and mix in. so there. almost got myself screwed when we miscalculated and forgot to charge for 6 tics! thank God we managed to get the person. else habis. anw, job scope's pretty fun. haha. required to do boarding, meaning use the mic n asking them to gather and watch a 5min video before boarding the duck, then bringing them out to the duck, then tearing off the tic stubs. haha. slack! but just started training for the sales of tickets. guess i dont like that too much. haha scary! and then i had a nice surprise from bestie! she came with her mama. oops.paiseh. and she brought me mangopassionfruit from starbucks! so sweet. hee. muacks.

then i cut my hair on fri. bohoho. guess i dont like it. too much on the sides makes my face look fat.! ugh.nvm. hope it will grow out soon.

sat was spent at church for prac then over to suntec for bike fest. went down with twin, thinking mei wil be alone but alas! eug was there. haiya. nvm. its good to do nice at times.

sunday was good! had lunch aft svc then went to vivo for mini retail therapy at daiso! hee. then we caught evan almighty which was NICEEEEE N FARNIEEEE. hehhehes. then over to clarke for riverside indonesian food...! then we walked ard, and took many silly piccas. loved the day!
hope theres more to come with babe. cos it feels like a long time since we last hung out so freely. cos there was the chinatrip, the funeral.. so there. more happy times pls babe! (:

theres classes tmr! first class! ugh.s cary again. haiyo. new frens, new projmates. hope God'll grant me with nice peeps man.

work on wed n thurs. think i shd prolly get another job. any lobangs pls tell me, thanks!

shit happens because its a shitty day. sigh. first the hairdresser, then the pops, then the internship then the bloody jeans.skunk. __ anw i gt a job. so hopefully that will make YOU happy. i will jolly well get anothr since its part time. no worries, i will work v hard to support myself. and its work day tmr. meaning i must be up at 7. sigh. the thought of it is sianing enough. ohwells. do i have a choice? guess i dont. but am just thankful enough for a job. but already fretting what i shd do during lunchtime. sobs. sigh.

i need to cut my hair desperately. cos the locks are so long, its making me feel super HOT as in PERSPIRINGLY HOT. grrrr. and chris is missing. hw nice. ahhhh. guess its contributing to the temper these days. darn.

sigh. im feeling super down today. huai4 liao1.tsktsktsk. i hate myself for being in self-denial, self-deluding all the time. i always think that things will happen that way but it always turn out the other. sigh. i really oughta snap out of it. perhaps i mean nothing after all. and mayb when i reach enlightenment, things like this will nv bother me again and i wil be a free, spirited soul. yes i will be.

i hope the embark of a brand new day ahead will bring me surprises filled with lotsa love from above. God gimme strength, wisdom too pls. thank uuu.

woohoo! the best friend is back! and we met ytd tho for a short time. adored the company. too bad she had to leave early. then this morn she was supp to acc for an intv, and go chop our hair. but rec the devastating news that her grandpa passed away. sigh. life is fragile aint it. dear if u see this, cheerie up ok, he is in a much better place now. (: and so... i had to go for intv alone! contemplated nt gg but i went anw. and thank God it was ok, tho she did asked me qns which i hadnt thot of. but anw, she say i might get the job, hehs, gonna wait for her call on sunday, and which she says i wil hv to go down for anth chitchat with her. mann i really do hope to get the job, if its according to God's plans! customer relations officer for ducktours! sounds fun already. wheee. job scope seems pretty fun too, according to her that is. just that smtimes we do get sucky customers. whatever it is, im gonna pray for His plans to reveal to me! and then took bus back, passed by substance and it was closed! got a bad feeling the shop's GONE. cos i called the plc, and the number was nt in use. sure hope i can get Chris, else i will be quite sad, no one to handle my locks. boo.

meeting jess n liz tmr. sigh. dunno what to expect also. smtimes the convo can get pretty DUH. cos they seemed to enjoy talking abt bfs and all. i mean HELLO there is much more to life right? haha perhaps i am eating sour grapes, i dunno. but like what twin says, ppl who need a bf/gf are selfish, which to a certain extent i think its true. no offence yeah.

anw, gtget outta here. blessed wkend babes.

hi. im back! with a bang. carnival on satty was a-okay. it could have been much better if fatty was around. but nvm, cos the best friend is coming back today! wheee. thats the only thing keeping me happy.boy do i miss her! sweet girl always sneaking calls every night w/o fail when her dad is in the shower. just like what twinnie said in the mail, >> in sg when we cld talk to each other at ease, we simply take advantage and perhaps reluctant to raise a topic or talk much. but i figured just nw, when we know we hav such short time, we shoot. fr this i know we do treasure each other<< man. so true.

back to carnival, reached at 12, left at 3.. dominated by whole of eng congre, feel like an aboriginal there, wakaka! bought smthg for bestie, a bag for myself, dont even know why i buy it, and mei gt a bag too. all at the bazaar. thank God managed to borrow a cam fr shazzie so can snap piccas for the bestie to see! reached there and saw HAY getting dunked.. there were the game stalls, food stalls, a mini e-zone rented playarea with a tunnel slide and lotsa colorful balls. smwhat like playarea at ikea, and also this airblown thing where kids get to jump and tumble around in. then little thaddeus gt glitter tattoos on, he was elated! didnt want to leave his chair, wanted another one done on his hand. haha CUTE. walked ard with gracie, then mag.. mama's stall was selling donuts. was selling like hot cakes. ppl buy them by the boxes! but i thot it wasnt anythg compared to krispy kreme. haha. fad i presume.

still on the lookout for jobs. today i sent 3. hopefully i get the ducktours one. seems pretty interesting. but quite disheartening nt to hear fr any so far. ugh.

bestie surprised me yet AGAIN! that sweet pea dropped me a huge ass letter in my mailbox on the night before she left. the silly girl scribbled pages of notes using the sweet dot paper from daiso in the car, put it in a huge brown envelop and pop it into my mailbox! heehee. i was grinning from ear to ear when i saw it on the table ytd. love her!

she called from PRC last night using her papas phone when he was in the shower! i was so happy to hear her voice. man. i really miss her. tho it has been just 1 day. and then she started to fill me in on details of the plc, what her dad n the uncle n auntie wants her to do there. stay in the fact, manage it, fly bk on weekends, blah blah... and i started sobbing. and even aft she hung up i was stil sobbing. sigh. i dont want her to go over there to work! its so unfair!!! sigh. and knowing this girl, this very nice girl, i know she will now turn it down, cos of fear of them nt able to find a trustworthy/known person to do the job. sigh. i wish God wil come and turn the situation around. i really hate the fact that they are deciding everythg for her!its nt fair. sigh. sobs. wish they will put their selves in her shoes and nt be so selfish! argghhh. hate them. right nw i just want her to come back to singapore. grrrr.

after weeks of living life in a frenzied state, im thankful to say it has finally come to a halt. and God has been faithful all these while, showing me how much people around me care n love, im truly touched and i can never thank God enough. esp my pops and the best friend who stood by me, and helped me so so much. (:

enrolment on tues, boringg. yawns. many seemed to be in cliques already. kinda worried abt first day of sch nw. mayb i'll bring bestie along if shes free, haha. read thru sm lecture notes, gonna do PR Practice and Writing. know i'm gg to love it, thought i aint gonna excel or anythg. right nw i just wanna put in my 100% and get a degree with distinction to make my pops proud! but eh i think kinda far-fetched. haha. it also meaans time for a job. no calls from the resumes i send, kinda disheartening, but then again, i sent so few, whats there to complain!

went to sentosa the past sunday with bestie! we had so much fun tog. was so spontaneous. caught songs of the sea, smwhat like musical fountain, cept this time we had to pay! but there were sm firewks too, lovely. caught 3 movies since beginning of aug til nw, 881, Hairspray and Ratatouille! all are nice, esp the latter! man, i really enjoyed every bit of it, the animation was fantastic, and it brought in the romantic scent of Paris, whoa, i felt as tho i was a part of the show! haha. dont mind catching a second time shd smone sponsor me. hehs. so girls, go catch it!!! great storyline too, teaches us never to give up! (((((:

bestie left for PRC this noon. boo. the moment she left, my dad scolded me.sigh. all cause of my mama's quarrel with brother ytd, then my mama complained to my dad, then my dad see my room so messy and all, so he attacked me. boo. but luckily he stopped after fixing my bed. btw i got a spanking new bed! wheee. queen size.nt brand new, from my mama's fren. she shifted, so i got a new bed! wheeee. now i can roll around like a spring roll! haha. happieeeeee.

church fundraising carnival on sat. i aint the least bit excited. perhaps like what bestie said, cos i can go, and it doesnt seem like such a big deal. if i were the one who couldnt go, i might feel the pinch of sadness too! ohwells. promise i'll get u smthg k twinnie! cheerie up, u'll be back soon and we'll go chop off our hair tog! am missing u as im typing this. awwww. anw, theres gonna be a dunking machine too, guess Nick will surely get dunked, since he's a humongous roly-poly!

i need to go pack my room, make it neat, so that the folks wil be pleased with me! cha~!

spent over a week at the besties place. mostly out in the evenings. to the movies, to church for mtgs, to mustafa etc. this week was bullcraps for us. but thank God we managed to pull thru in a way or another. must really thank babes for helping me make endless calls to the bank (cos useless me am scared), to the sch, for acc me all the time, and for the super sweet and giving gesture of wanting to make payment for 1st term of sch. a whopping 3343. yup. she is that nice. willing to let go of it and let me have it. and i say God will bless her abundantly for her love. if u happen to see this, thanks twin, for the endless treats - meals, movies, and always helping me pay for things! what'd i do w/o u man. can nv thank u enough dorothy sooooo!

right nw, pls pray that the bank will help me and get me the cheque by monday!!! ugh. else orientations on tues, and i will be like a retarded lost sheep, or even miss the opportunity of sch. so there, pls say a short prayer if u happen to see this,thanks a million! (:

wept buckets endless times this week, and i really hope it will come to and end, cos its worryin the shit outta me with 2 sides pressing. but my pops were really nice. help me make calls and even went down to bank to screw the guy. poor guy. none of his biz but yet had to clear the shit of the fatty ng.jerk. useless, irresponsible. hate him. grrrr.

today i sent 5 resumes - marketing comm assistant, event coordinator, drama instructor, program instructor and casting coordinator. hope i will get calls or smthg. if thats what God has in mind for me. hehs.

gg for rebounder at trinity tmr! wheee. excited.

do you love me because i am beautiful? or am i beautiful because you love me?

happened to chance on this tag smwhere, and i thought it made perfect sense.
- NEVER LIE TO A LIAR.

smtimes i really dont know what i am doing at all.

sch matters cannot get anymore complicated.

wat a poor fuck. u u uuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

i wanna let go and let live. free me.

the best friend is right beside me reading her book. dont know what is so enchanting/captivating abt that book that just so draw her away to another planet altogether. haha. funny chap.

trinity on sat for power weekend, was a miracle/healing svc. hmmm, smwhat nt quite what we expect it to be, but nevertheless it was cool. hehs. i just like the atmosphere there, its so God-filled. smhw i jus can never have the same experience in stjames. sigh. i ponder upon a sign of escapism from the harsh facts of reality. but i have no one to blame, cos i know i play a part in it too. SIGH. wish God'd do smthg. then again, i think He has been wking, but His children havent beeen. so there. takes 2 to clap right. hais.

twinnie's in sm deep shit(in a way or so). wish i can help her but what i can offer is mere company. where are u God? why does it seem to me that u are so distant? ...

know im very much in need of a job, but once again, im running away. and im using sch as a facade. i need to help myself. damn.

managed to get a letter fr bank to sch to stall time. im so thankful. to God. to twinnie, to my parents. twinnie was so nice to help me call the chua guy. and even gt all flustered up cos of their inefficiency. ohwells, im am truly grateful to her, cos if i were to call, nothing will ever be done. sigh.im useless. much contrary to my size, i am but sheep in pig's clothings.poof. nw i just cross fingers and pray that the loan will be processed and that they wil get bk to me!

gt news that my atm lect passed away on tues.. sigh. so sad can. heart attack in the staffrm. and he was only 51. ohwells, nt too young or old.but the fact that he left so sudden surely made me stop to ponder about this life. so fragile as it may seem. sigh. smtimes i really qns the reason for existence. of cos we all know that gg to heaven is a wonderful thing but death itself it frightening enough. cant stand the thought of my loved ones departing, tho i know smday it will happen, or perhaps i will be on my way much sooner. sigh.

bestie did this for the natday straits time bestfrens contest! didnt win, but the gesture is heartwarming enough. (:

as the song goes... sad movies, always make me cry.

cept that it aint sad movies, its the sickening thing abt sch. sigh. supp to submit sm doc bk to sch to secure my placemt, but due to sm uncertainties, i have to give them a letter to assure abt the loan shit, and all by tmr! so last min. screwed.and i just called the bank and apparently they havent got my bros name in the system at all. and the guy who attended to us is on leave til like fri or smthg. fuck. i knew it was nv gg to be easy. but i never knew it was gonna be so diff either. ugh. and asking my bro to do things can be bloodcurdling cos dad jus called him and i guess he shook him off the phone in a pekchek tone again.sigh. if only i need not depend on him. sigh. nw everybodys nt feeling too happy. sigh. fuck. why do i always bring unhappiness everywhr i go God? why cant u just make it easier for me..? is that too much to ask of?

it hasnt been an easy week. tho on the surface i appear to be happy and all. underlying it, you'll never know. cos u are not me. still rem vividly the day i wept buckets at tpy. no idea what had gotten over me, but the tears kept streaming down my face. ugly sight i know but i couldnt help it. lasted for an hr or so. sigh. smtimes i wish i wasnt so emo. i wish u would stop, and comforted me. cos at that pt of time it was impossible for me to take in any word u said. so any little thought would have triggered the spilling tears.

if i knew things were ever gonna get so complicated with sch, i'd have aborted the idea. but yet they were the ones who enc me to pursue my studies further. yes i know with a degree, i would definitely be put in a better stead, but what does it guarantee me? a life of happiness? a man who loves me by my side everynow and then? hmmm. everything seems so vague and bleak. in life we need to pause momentarily before proceeding elsewhere yeah? it is never easy to take the step of faith. to walk into a path where you dont even know if there's a way out? sigh.

i know jolly well its my fault for not wking all these while, nt helping to provide for myself. then again, how big a sum have i asked from u all these while? am i like those girls who indulge in brands, always wanting to outdo others? or have i even cavort with boys? or have i ever asked for smthg which i know i will never be given? i havent. all these while i can only see and be filled with envy upon what others have and i didnt. grass is always greener at the other side. yes, that i know very well. and of cos i have so many things to be thankful about. but i just wish u'll learn the fact that afterall, i am but a human being. i have my wants, and also my weaknesses. sigh.

anw, i wonder about the existence of this post. meaningless as it may seem. but at least i feel much better.

albeit still upset.

6th august marks the saddest day of my life in 07. (til now that is) period.

i really feel like eating this now. how ah?

ndp preview was awesome! had sucha great time watching all the perf. tho i must say smhw the place hinders spontaneity and interaction, but the firewks, drills etc sure escalate to a higher level. fireworks were so near, feel as tho we can reach out our hands and touch them! haha. was really busy snapping pictures away. anw, was glad that i had the chance to go! hehs. goody bag's getting better each yr, more n more stuff. was amazed by this mini fan which spin out the words - happy bday singapore when it was switched on. haha.suaku.

sunday svc was horrible for me. screwed up during the last song, so hot tears keep spilling out once i sat down. thanks twin who saw it and comfort me and all. just feel so rotten that i told myself i will nv play again. sigh. wonder why such things have to happen. ugh. just wanna get over it and move on.

they went to KL with the elf n pigsy,even took the train. cant help but having this tinge of jealousy. it used to be us, but things turn out so ugly and different now. guess friends will never belong to us anw. saddening as it is, we have to MOVE ON! and get over it. HAHA.

1 mini escapade on wednite. picked the chair fr church and went all the way to serangoon to return it to the Lees.. then we went over to chompchomp for a late dinna but the place was kinda dirty n fattimah said she saw her fren, so we thot we had better nt settle down there.. ended up at this yums dimsum place at little india. good grub they have there! haha. salivating. another supper hang-out place. then over to my fav plc mustafa! haha got a couple of balloons and sm farting bomb. looks cute. i love mustafa! there are always so many great finds and cheap thrills there, albeit the nehnehs.

another mini escapade ytd nite. went over to ikea tampines, and the plc was humongous! but prior to that i had to squirm a lil in the car cos there was a mr minicock and i had to kill it before the woman beside me go ballistic! so i prayed to God that i'll be able to rid it with one swipe, and i did it! wheee. was so happy. but had to wait til she park the car and get out before i can tell her. haha. anws, ikea was so huge. the cafe was huge too, and i like the tall tables and chairs we sat on! and we can self scoop the mushroom soup. yums. had our usual fare of meatballs and wings. we were the last customer, and it was darn funny seeing my dear friend chew off her drumstick. cos she usually takes a much longer time to eat than me! haha. the cleaner even ask us to clear our own trays cos she says everybody gg home already. wth.turn out then when we were at the check-out area, there were still many ppl browsing for products. kena cheated! alamak, if we knew it we wouldnt have congcongmangmang. then went over to changi village to check bapoks out but to our despair, there werent any! so we decided to go home where we stop by changi beach park. sat on the swings, played on the see-saw, gazing at the planes hovering above us. mann i wish i could jus go travel to sm angmoh countries. yes, im really deprived of it. sigh. nvm. anw, i would like to relish those moments again soon pls! hehhehs. anw,the sight of the plane taking off is really mesmerizing, like what she said - a new hope arising? haha.. anw, those beautiful sights are so captured in my heart! oh yeah, we saw couples hanky pank too! my fren said the woman was near naked! hahaa wth, but the couple actually brought blanket to cover them as they lie on the platform. gross! wonder what they were doing. then our last stop was at the infamous ecp carpark where all the couples will hankpank in the car! haha. but there was condensation on the car windows so we couldnt see a thing! haha. smtimes i think we are really too free eh?lol. anw, there seems to be this silent rule we all have to abide, is unspoken, everybody there had the same ethic, that is nt to on any headlights or buttlights of the car when entering and leaving the carpark! CONSPICUOUS! wahaha..

then it was home sweet home~!

been gloomy these days, really nice to be sleeping in. but i woke early! and the stupid electricity keeps tripping and i had to switch it on a million times. GRRRR. anw, its the ndp preview tmr and i am soooooooooooo juiced up/thrilled/zingy/zippy/elated/gay/ stirred/charged about it! WOOHOO~!!! haha. ok im nuts. smtimes its gd to be able to feel happy. cos things always seem bleak for me. then again, im nt gonna let anyone/anytg get me down. not for this weekend!

cha~!

pics we took the other day over at imm.

just sent another 2 resume, one for the fashion intern, the other assistant producer. but then again, im rather skeptical abt it. saw advert for sandwich artist, thot it might be fun to wk at subway, but it requires me to clean up! eeks. anw, the dateline's a long way to go, so i'd better attend to other stuff first. sch's stuff drivingme up the wall. guess i will never ever know what i want. sigh. hw i wish everythg is decided for.

on another note, i am so tired by the entire affair, and i told myself that i would get angry no longer, for there seems to be no end to it. so there, will pick ourselves up and cont to be angels! wheee. and im sure GOD has it all mapped out in His time.

ndp preview this sat is making me so bloody excited! really looking forward to it, but im still sending in smses, in hope to win the tics for the real stuff. haha GREED i know. but if i really do get it, i'll sure give the preview tics to others! hehs.

the taliban issue sure is depressing. i really pray that those in captives will be set free for all were doing work for God. sigh. have no idea how to pray for such issues too. ohwells.

have a good day my frens~!

2 weeks of church hopping makes me open my eyes, brought me to a whole new world. so much out there i havent seen and touch. and i can only thank God for the opportunities. 1 sunday at st johns chapel, the other at trinity. i can say i really do enjoy it at trinity. seeing the huge masses worshipping God, being so filled with love, filled with God's spirit. sigh. i just nv once see that at st james. and people are so scheming. the thought of it just makes me shudder. sigh. to think they even give us names behind our backs for so long. and we were so nice, always around to help whenever they asked. well, theres a limit to one's tolerance, and once u've pass the line, thats it! im plotting a sweet revenge. hee. but perhaps i might not do it ultimately, cos im still nice, unlike u.

you two are simply gross, disgusting, ugly, foul, have evil hearts, and all u want to do is to get more power and to pull others to yr side. so much of yr smartness have gone to waste, cos all u do all day is to email others to get back at them. but u are so stupid. u forget that God is watching. sigh. what can i say. im hating u guys so much so much. but im glad at least ppl knows abt all u guys have been doing. and im so glad we are still thorns in yr flesh. at least we still pose as a threat to u. so there, as long as we're around, you can forget about getting yr asses to the top. fuck u my dears, and i really hope u get yr just desserts soon. ugly pigsy and stupid eff. ROARS.who the FUCK are u to label us?
bugger off u nehnehs. __

visited wj the other day at the hosp, her face was kinda swollen. quite scary. she was in pain i guess, super tired too. apparently she cant fall asleep in the hosp. anw, wil pray for speedy recovery!

had been out pretty often lately, enjoying co of my fattytwin, june, pea n wj too. its good to meet up with the girls aft sucha long time. and thnk God for fatty, at least we can curse and swear at them tog. else i think i'd have died of angst, depression or gone into pig spasms. no worries k twin, im pretty sure God has His plans for all that happened. as long as we do what we are supp to do and remain as the pretty angels, all will be fine! cos we are angels, in and out~! (:

twinnie im so sorry abt all that happened! nv meant to make u so sad. heres a really heartfelt apology from me. cant wait to see u tmr! hugs.

S - O - R - R - Y - !

finally the musical's over and i can only heave a sigh of relief. cannot be any happier! thru this few weeks, i've seen really ugly sides of the human race, thus stirring up a strong hatred towards them. i was really taken aback by how selfish people can be. not lifting a finger to help and yet have the cheek to go have lunch when the rest of the youths are all busy clearing up the place. what can i say, birds of a feather flock together. man, how true. but at least my conscience is clear, and i have no fear in my heart. it just portray how low, gross, repulsive and wicked u can get.sigh. so disappointing. how can the church ever ever grow under such terrible leaders? anw, am glad our mamas are singing in the same tune as us. guess God will see our heart and reward us accordingly. so i'm going to get too mad over the biasness or unfairness no longer. cos i dont want to be like them. PUIIIII...

twin, cindy n i acc my mentee to retrieve his wallet at clementi interchange on sunday. and boy am i glad and happy we went, cos i feel that we are very NICE PEOPLE!! haha. and i really thank God that it was there. cos we were all kinda tensed n kanchiong. lol. then had late lunch at mcs tog, great time of bonding and fellowshipping! had so much fun discussing all the funny school stuff. it proves that age shdnt be a issue or barrier to anythg. cos theres a 15, a 17, a 21, and a 27! hahaha~! another cosmopolitant group! another break through! wheeee i lurveeee it! happy ending to a infuriated beginning!

blogsurfing aint doing much good to me cos others always seem to lead much more colorful lives than me! and it saddens me. sigh. but guess twin's right, colorful or not is not to be determined by others but by oneself. shall not allow myself to wallow in self pity! hehhehs. ohwells. i do like my life. just that its really aimless now and i am not doing anythg about it. ugh.. smtimes i feel so guilty but yet i refuse to face reality. sigh. hope i'll wake up soon and that it wont be too late.

am looking forward to ndp preview now! the only thing thats keeping me sane. haha. i know im impossible, but hell to that!

and i finally made the choice, went down to sim to register for mc. am just waiting for the results. and if i dont get it this time, i honestly have no idea what to do next. feeling alittle detach from my parents nowadays. perhaps im just guilty each time i see them, for not wking since a long time ago, and always asking money from em. sigh. wish i wasnt such a lazybone.

voice is almost back, but still coughing. do hope i will recover soon. being ill sure make a person feel lousy. on top of that, there had to be much frustration and anger over certain issues. smtimes i wish i could take a hold on myself, and stop letting my emotions ride over me. ugh. i need to calm down. just hope 777 wil quickly come and go. had enough of it.

the tooth issue is coming back to me once again. sigh. everytime i look at it,i get this worried pang in my heart. what if it suddenly drop off? what am i to do? but i cant bear with the idea of going thru the whole process again, the numerous trips to the dentist, the amount of money to be paid.sigh. i know i cant avoid the problem for long. and all i do is to pray for a miracle to happen. wish i didnt had such issues plaguing me. sobs. and my gums are extremely week. just a harder brush and it'll bleed. not a lot tho but still am bothered.

sometimes i really wonder whats the reason for our existence? what does it bring?

birthday surp at during missions// uber cute chloe~!

my sweet peas & all the tea-light candles surp for me & me only!

3 weeks overdue from church camp haha

had been busying ourselves with the making of props for 777. lots of fun, not to forget tire! hmmm. now that most of it are done, i feel much happier. doing all the props sure drain energy off one.. then there were the rehearsals, which was rather badly done. they didnt prep well, and the date is drawing near. what can i say? ohwells. and sm parts of the story are such a contradictory. guess the ppl who wrote them had the liberty to plot it in sucha manner. just found it strange. but to em, it might be a chance to proclaim to all that they are dating and might tie the knot soon? who knows? haha.

was over at the zoo with twinnie last thurs since she had the car. and we had so much fun. the elephants were extremely cute can! and we saw them poop like 2 times! right before our eyes. hehs. and thank God the weather was gd the whole time, tho there was a lil drizzle, but all was ok. the constrictors were scary. yucks. i hate snakes!! the animals shows were superb, all really entertaining esp the elephants of asia show! ahha...too bad we had too little time there, else we could have seen more.but nevertheless i definitely enjoyed the trip. company was awesome. hehs.

then sunday night the devastating news came, mama's eldest brother passed away in KL, so we took a coach on monday morn and got back yesterday. it wasnt a too sad affair la. did lotsa catching up, lotsa laughing too. am glad i went. cos managed to say hi to many many peeps.and i really do appreciate their hospitality. people there are so much warmer than over here in sgp. i could see so much love. makes me feel guilty for the way i treat my brother. but then i bot gum back for him. haha. feast alot over there too. food was really yummy, i ate so much so fast that i burnt my throat, thus making the journey back to sgp hell for me. was convulsing in the bus, feeling super cold, goosebumps coming out etc. had indigestion, felt super bloated and head was throbbing and i felt so rotten. anw, im just glad to be home. tho i wont mind gg there smtime soon. 1 day was too short to do anythg.

now im deliberating if i shd sign up for mass comm at sim. sigh. wonder when i can ever get down to deciding what i want. all ppl tell me is to seek God and all. but i nv seem to be getting any answer. sigh.

thot i shd upload some pictures to make my blog more interesting. ohwells, perhaps just a visual feast for myself each time i log in instead of the melancholic grey. not that im nt sad enough. haha. send in resume for wardrobe officer at MediaCorp Studios. but doubt i will get any calls. boo.

my 21st photos still in others' hands. i wish they will send it to me soon. GRRRR. anw. i got a package from australia from eve n celest! so schweet can. was a pair of roxy flipflops and a balenciaga lookalike. hahhaaaa. am using it today! so sweet. not the the other 2. totally heartlessss. bleah.

hehs us with all her pressies! (the attic bk home)

nice stickers cum mini banner for twin with love fr mei

naomians with the bday girl n her pressie!

twins bday celeb at mei's hse!

and i made this girlfrens storybook for her! know im a sucha sweetpea

and the not so cheap but super happy helium balloon

and the 1buck rose! cheap n pretty haha

strawberry cognac cake from the patesserie for twin!

twin's bday celeb with the Soos at Bosses!

its official, and i've finally reached an important milestone of my life. 21 years flew past me, and at once. am thankful and appreciative for all the pleasant surprises i had, the presence of my loved ones were just so awesome. i truly thank God for them and may they be abundantly blessed for their love for me. hee.

2 celebs so far, 1 was at mission trip. the cake, the tea-light candles forming a happy 21st, the sparkles, the balloons. mann. all my sweet peas. then when i came back to sgp, the 3 lovely girls with pieces of birthday greetings right smack on the grass patch opposite my room. and twinnie had to coax me to go over so that i can see the 3 girls sharing an umbrella, shouting happy birthday at me. i am touched. i am. and they brought food over n we had a mini indoor bbq with mei's portable grill. had prawns, sukiyaki, squid balls, pizza, chicken wings, mango pudding, choc fondue and a banana choc cake from awfully choc. hehs. slurps.

so there was twinnie, nick, aud, suaty, eu, mei and eug.

and they got me the gold watch i had always wanted! hee. all ideas contributed by bestie. and the mphosis bag. but i was kinda sad cos it wasnt the design i wanted, and i cant exchange it cos its out of stock. nvm, i'll still use it.hehs. really apprec the girls n guys for always giving me such nice surprises. simply cos i believe im like the baby of the cell, the apple of their eyes. haha thick skin but yeah i think its cos im the youngest. thats why i enjoy being dote by others. wahah and i prefer hanging out with older ppl. anw, i love them all. for being there for me always. for making me feel so special and worthy of their love. the rest of the elijahs got me a huge piggy toy over at msia. hee. and i loveeeeeeeeed all the cards and greetings. then mei, eug and twinnie stayed over at my place and had breakie tog before svc with daddy too.

tho i must say i was actually feeling quite sad deep down. couldnt quite say why, but perhaps bcos i expected smthg more. greedy i know. i dont deny it. but perhaps it was the period, or him telling me abt his yet so stupid story on my bday, and NOT even knowing its my bday, and ppl whom i've spent so much effort on actually forget abt it and didnt text me till now, or even not having my mama ard on my bday(she was at my aunts church camp. man. that was really sad. it sucked. it really did. but at least now i know who are my true friends, and i know who i have chose to leave footprints in my heart. and i know God have planted them in my life for great reasons. i was hoping more ppl would remember, was hoping for more presents, but this yr was kind of disappointing. sigh i know i shouldnt be greedy but i just wanted more. but God also thought me to be contented with what i have. such a paradox.

am also thankful for a churchmate, aunty yuhua, who never fail to remember my birthday. its such things and such people who makes me feel loved. and i thank God for her love for others.

shoutout to those who wished me happy birthday, who celeb my bday with me : thanks so much for loving me and may our God bless u doubly for your love for me.

--> Daddy, Mummy, Naomians: Twinnie, Xueying, Grace, Eugene, Eunice, Nick, Audrey, Elijahs: Maggie, Sharon, Anthony, Jacqueline, Cindy, Esther, Joshuas: Ruth, Vincent, James, Auntie Yuhua, Grace's mama, Pastor Phoebe, Evelyn, Sijie, Glen, Charmaine, Mooncher, Rasheel, Kaikit, Pearlie, Johua, Mission trip friends: Pastor Kelvin & wife, Andrew Pastor Davidson, and lots more.

mission trip was great but shall update say tomorrow or smthg.
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today i prayed with twinnie for a really long time aft svc ended, we just sat there, tears keep flowing, wept buckets, and keep interceding for each other. now that i've said it, i realised today's sermon was preached on intercession for others. oh mann. see how amazing God is. but i really do hope He'll give twinnie a clear sign as to what He has in store for her, cos im afraid she can hang in there no longer. but anw, twin's the by far the most impt person in my life. God on the throne first, then twinnie as my psychic. we've come so close tog, share our deepest darkest secret, know each other like we know ourselves, do crazy things together, all but i can only give thanks and give thanks. and regardless of others saying we're like lesb, etc, we're just gonna turn a deaf ear cos what impt is what God thinks and not others who arent even worthy to judge us. im just thankful for this wonderful sister, so great that i just need 1 in my entire life and that will suffice. gamut of emotions for the past week, have been thinking alot. i guess gg into adulthood is really not an easy thing. sigh.

did a great deal of retail therapy to make myself feel happy.

damn. shouldnt have read the blog. now i feel even more melancholic. sigh.

i am back from camp! haha. like finally. it have been a long 4d3n. was like a emotional rollercoaster ride. almost wanted to murder C. thank God i didnt. just had enough of her. and sm ppl had to get so uptight abt not alot of money, and come bunk in with us, making things super inconvenient and all. sigh. that really sucks. but heng its just 1 night.

anw, all complaints a side, there were some high pts. firstly we had a pretty good speaker, tho i didnt exactly understand the conclusion. haha. loved the lobster feast with 9 other peeps at sm seafood restaurant. lobsters were fresh sweet and succulent. cooked in 3 different manners, buttered, steamed and black pepper. we ordered abt 9 lobsters, so so each of one had approximately 1! isint it shiok. man, salivating at the thought of it now! haha. meals at resort werent too bad la. rooms were great too, except for the fact that i had to squeeze with other irritating ppl, nt my twinnie for sure. wahaha.

we went to swim at the beach, and at the pool. almost caught a hermit crab but its legs were too fast! wanted to go snorkelling but got bad feedback fr others who went, so we didnt go in the end, and that explains for the lobster feast! activities were alright, cept that we played it too little times. had yummy ramly burger too! fat patty of beef sandwiched with 2 nicely toasted bread and a dollop of coleslaw enclosed inside. yumms!!! wish i had more. ahaha.s had to share 1 with twin cos they forgot my share. BOO.

anw, im one lucky girl! i got 2 ndp tics! mann i was over the moon when the guy called me. smore its under my name, nt my pops whom i've had used to apply too! lucky me!! God really loves me. wahaha.. so ndp 07 here i comeeeeeeee~!

leaving for mission trip tmr, just checked the itinerary and its like super empty. hehs. good also. nt as intensive so that i can have a good rest.

that aside, i really need to go find a job already. since im bent on gg unisim nxt july. so God, pls grant me smthg which u have in mind for me. thanks!

wheee got lotsa really nice compliments abt my hair and boy am i loving it!

twinnie is back from china since last mon. woohoo. no more loneliness. and its here birthday, so HAPPIEEEEEEEEE BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY LOVEEEEEEEE! hope we'll have a blast together today eh! heehee. got a helium balloon, a fat red rose, a cake from the patisserie,sadly no passionfruit meringe, and a girlfrens book i made for her. haha i love all i did. ROFL.

got acceptance from sim biz mtkg, but the other, unisim, only offered me a place for their nxt intake in july 08. am at a lost now. really have no idea what i shd do. sigh. smtimes i wish i need nt make so many major decisions in life. seems like the future is really obscure. hais. hate that feeling. eeks. if only God will give me a really clear sign. time's running out too. church camp's like 1 wk later, and sadly, i am not at all excited about it. weird as it may seems but yup, no special feelings. infact i aint even sure if i wanna go. and the farnie thing is i have yet to pay up yet! ahhaha.

wondering if i shd take up mktg, or go wk and wait for unisim. sigh.

got another 2 surprises from bestie! haha. first it was the letter which she mailed me from changi airport! wheee. so touched i started tearing haha emo me. cos she remembered that im envious of the fact that she always has letters but not me! wahaha, so surprise surprise again! keke. what more can i ask from a friend like her. and secondly she sent me a ecard! another surprise! haaha cos i didnt expect her to be able to go online, perhaps biz ctr at hotel or smthg. anyways, am looking forward to have her back with me. her company sure beats everything.

and asking certain ppl for help is like - blood inducing. bleah. smtimes i wish u were less intimidating and more helpful! sigh. no one is perfect i guess. and the jerk! i nv once assumed we were anything, just what makes u think that others will wanna go out with u? stupid mcp. puiiii.

had insomnia the night before, prolly cos of the cup of green tea i had 1.5 hrs prior to sleep. so in the end i slept at 2, woke at 5.45am and slept again at 12.30pm and up at 2plus to have lunch. def feel groggy now, bleah. gonna cut hair tmr! excited! woots. just hope and pray that it doesnt turn out too disastrous or smthg. *fingers crossed pls*

d®t to me

yo twinnieee babe..! i know im gonna miss ya soooo soooooo muchhhie... and u gonna miss me toooo hehs sooo tot i'd drop u an email as a little SURPRISE !!!! keke. u know i always hav a penchant for surprises yae. wheeeeeeeeee...!!!

always had fun with u love. all the time can. every single moment, despite occasional ups and downs. all the silly antics we hav, laughing hysterically at each other kukus stunts, my "intentionally awful" singing+harmonising (im for real its intentionally awful, i sing much betta than i put across can), always wanna go tanning but rain/cloudy, and when we finally did so we suntan till we get back redness+sore+ache+itch, going new and almost never intended places tog, being there for each other thru tears and pain. i vividly rem tt day where we weeped so heartwrenchingly in my room, my attic. just pains me can, whenever i think of it. but we know yah tt ultimately nothing's gonna get both of us down, or tear us apart, break us up, nope NOTHING !!! we shall stick stick STICK with each other thru thick and thin k. i know sometimes its difficult to tolerate with my incessant ramblings and yet not appear irritated or pek chek else i grumble and make noise again. wahhhaha. thanks for understanding, thanks so much for trying dearie. i know and i can definitely sense tt u are trying alot. MUACKKSSS!!!

totally appreciate u for all u have done for me. all in all, i just wanna say u play a mega huge part in my life! without u, i dun know how i cld hav survived especially the past year. sigh tears are welling up in my eyes. so much intense feelings yet i cant put it down exactly into words, but u know how i feel and what i mean yes darling twin? our psychic powers! tho i always say things to hurt u intentionally or unintentionally, pls forgive me wont u love. sometimes in the fit of anger i just dun know wat im doing anymore. and i may claim tt we were only close since yest, but in my heart it has been forever can, i dun even know since when i regarded u as best fren, but it sure has been a long loooong time. yes i may not appear to really cherish this friendship more than u do, but trust me i do cherish it every single bit of it, every moment spent tog.

babe, lets treat this one week break as "absence makes the heart grow fonder" (and literally distance too). and we'll look forward to MORE fun times tog coming up in june !!!! hee. im EXCITED, cant wait, having ur company and experiencing more new things tog. thrills my heart already. take care darling benben, be wise and take good care of urself k. im gonna be soooo missing u for sure. will be praying for ur safety and ur parent's trip to china too. stay healthy. be happpy too. eat proper meals promptly. wait for my phone callss.....!!!!!!! LOVELOVE, HUGS and french KISSESSSSsss

received the above email from bestie before she departed for bj on sun! such a lovely email just make my day! wheee. hee am so thankful that i have such a great friend/sister in my life.

kukus sim have yet to get back to me regarding my posting. it had better come soon grrrr.! twin's bday cmg up and i have no idea what to get for her! worstill, im a pauper now. ugh. and 1 more mth to my bday, boy am i excited! wheeee. hahahaha.

am getting busy with perf on 27th, hope the elijahs will just come have fun and make it a blast, and i'd be really happy! hehs.

spent almost half the week at bestie's place, since shes gg off to beijing soon. went swimming, movies, fixed our perf stuff which is pretty much driving me insane. come sunday morn she'll be off to beijing boo. anyways, am scared w/o her ard. sians. latr stupid ppl will bombard me with stupid qns and im left to fend for myself. ugh. nvm i shall look on the brighter side of life.

period is finally here, boy am i happy. just hope it the nxt cycle wouldnt fall in church camp/missions. wheee pms will be gonee soon and i wont do any more silly stunts to upset u and me! was scary that night. bawling our eyes out. eeks. i hope it doesnt happen again. sigh. feel so wretched for making things turn out like this all the time.

right now im worried abt nxt sat n sun night. dont like to be home alone! sobs. i need company. badly.

and we're like 2 lobsters now. burnt.bleah.

the dislike for certain ppl in church have been growing stronger, and i can never seem to put a halt to that. and the way certain ppl do things too. making my blood boil and my blood pressure rocket. damnit. know i aint perfect, but i just wish that others will try harder to be nicer and less fake or act less superior and all. afterall, we're all created equal right, so why wanna distinguish yrself so that the attention falls on u?? bleah.

anw, bestie's gg beijing on 13-20th with her pops. and yes i am jealous!! and she knows it. sigh. know i havent been a good pal, since im always envious bout what she gets but i guess the grass is always greener at the other side. but anw if u do happen to see this, im sorrieee babe. i'll learn to get over it k, no worries. (: that aside, my parents are gg china too! hais. from 19-25, so yes i'll be stuck in sgp alone btw 19-20th, sleeping in a lonely home. hais. if only smone will take me in. mayb i'll go bunk at smone's place or smthg. boo.

guess im kinda disappointed that she didnt ask us along for her mini 21st celeb with her other pals. but i presume that we wouldnt go anyway. nevertheless still the tinge of sadness which can be rather overwhelming. haha guess we aint that important to her afterall.

im desperate to go for a holiday. hais. but all i get is malaysia. *roll eyes. how interesting eh. if only i'd win in some lunky draw or smthg. i wish i wish i wish... mayb i shd tell the whole world that i would like to have a trip to italy for my 21st or smthg? then they may try fulfill it for me...! wheee. hahaha ok thats impossibly impossible. ohwells, if only dreams will come true.

been 2 weeks since i last updated, equating to a fortnight, amounting to half a mth.

finding myself caught up in the bk the family way by tony parson. totally lost and trapped in it. in a way that book's really inspiring and takes me to another world altogether.

bcos i have nothing much that i have to update on, i shall do a thanksgiving list.

1. i thank God for a loving set of parents. that is smthg which i think God has truly blessed me with, cos i believe my parents are very much in love with one another.

2. i thank God for the people He had planted in my life. whether they had stay or chose to move on, the difference they made to my life will forever be cherished.

3. i thank God for not making me a very rich girl, so that i learn the value of being thrifty, and finding joy in cheap thrills.

4. i thank God for creating me to be plump so that i dont dress skimpily or bitchily haha

5. i thank God that i can sing in tune and that im nt tone deaf (contribution by twin)

6. i thank God that i can serve him in the music ministry and the piano skills He had bestowed on me. (learning to play via chords, and no longer looking at the scores.)

7. i thank God for my room which i absolutely love

8. i thank God for twinnieeeee for being there for me all the time, be it happy or sad times

9. i thank God that im a girl so i can escape NS! haha. but the menses part suck big time.

10. i thank God for choosing me to be His child! tho i aint exactly a good girl, i'll try hard to behave to be more pleasing in His eyes. (:

on another note, my 21st is coming! haha im bloody excited!!! but nah, im nt expecting anythg. just wanna spend a day with myself and do happy things. wheee~!

period came and gone. well, almost. i am one happy girl now.

it has been a wk of scouting for beads with dino. nt an easy task, in fact its driving both of us up the wall. ugh. combed the whole of chinatown, bras basah, and jalan sultan, with many surprises and cheap thrills coming alongside with us..! just want to get it done soon. really hope u will just tell us how to get it done instead of being so vague and all. fyi, nt wking doesnt exactly mean that we're so darn free to get these stuff done alright. grrrr.

im so looking forward to my 21st. i must be mad. yet i know there wont be any major celebrations or such. i guess its just a day when i feel that the whole world shd just revolve ard me! a day whereby i get special treatment from loveeed ones. HAHA. ohwells. wake up.

tt aside, i feeel really useless for bumming ard for sucha long time, close to 4mths.. mama have been nice enough to give me a cheque. i didnt see it coming at all, but yes she is generous, tho its nt a hefty sum. but enough to last me a wk or 2. haha.. papa has been pretty nice too la, as usual. but im really beginning to feel bad. yet i cant be bothered to look for a job. grrr.

and the outcome of sch will only be made known to me nxt mth. sians. wondering what i'll get. sigh. i really hope my decisions and everythg will be what God wants me to do and not otherwise.

whoa. so much had happened since i last updated... was the holy week, so theres maundy thurs, good fri, and easter.. didnt expect myself to weep buckets cos dino and i were still sayiing that others were getting emo. well at least not until she came over and gave us both a hug. so sad. but i really do apprec the fact that shes taking initiative and all, plus it shows she still very much treasures this friendship. seems like there this invisible wall ever since the cell gt dismissed. dont exactly know how to go about saying it, but just kinda sad.

new cell aint too bad. at least we feel more involved nowadays, with the mentors and mentees. ohwells. kinda mixed feelings. but i still dislike certain ppl, doubt it will ever go away. sigh. wondering how i can ever break out of it. hate the fact that he's showing scant respect for others. gross.

attended ethan n bryans bday party over at the madeira on fri. nthg much i would say, just swimming in the pool, eating and cutting. if there aint the swimming pool, the partys gonna much be a boring one. brought along charmaine n mooncher.. and the two imps came over to stay over at my place with dinosaur. had a blast! the laughters were insane. kept laughing and laughing at the nippies. those u get at topshop to put on when putting on a bik so u wouldnt see the nip. haaa and the girls thot is was some jelly. was a riot! hilarioussss.

its scouting for beads later at chinatown with twinnieeee. hope i'll get smthg frutiful done. really dont wanna bum ard anymore!

contemplating whether to go for mini mission in jb with the youths. cos we'll cm back only on the 16th - my big day! haha.

we won all 3 games at paintball today, emerged as champion but apparently nobody cared. HAHA. just wondering how much bragging and boasting there would be if it was somebody else. anw, kudos to my teammates, tho none wil see this --> uncle henry, xiao wei, james, dorothy! u guys rock! beginning of the game was like yucky. hated it cos of the smelly mask, heavy vest and the extremely heavy rifle! and the fact that i had to dodge and duck! scary too. i shudder each time smbody fire. but by the 2nd and 3rd game i pretty much got used to it. was proud of myself for bringing back the 2 flags for my team! hahaha... ok shall eat a slice of humble pie. but anw, im glad i was in that team. at least we were pretty much humble and all had integrity. not like losers who had already lost yet cont shooting ppl. i mean cmon its just a game right? haha.. and sm kept telling others who he shot blah blah blah. yawns. how did things get so ugly and all? it was all so innocent when i was serving during sec days. now the mere sight of ppl just turn me off.

wept buckets like SIAO jus now la. haiyooooooooooooo. get a grip mizz whaaaannggggg~! so NOT looking forward to combine cell tmr. infact im dreading it. boo.

march is coming to an end and i have yet to find a temp job. sigh. am i useless or what. simply lazy n not taking initiative and expecting my pops to feed me at 21. i feel bad. honestly i do. and i so wanna earn my money so that i can spend it like nobodys biz and make myself happy. but it seems far-fetched now. sians.

submitted application for RMIT mktg.. needed smthg to fall back on in case i dont get the unisim application. sigh. smtimes i really wonder what the heck im doing. and of course i always regret not studying hard enough during o's and even in poly days. but one cant turn back time, and so i shall no longer waste time pouring out all my regrets. am determine to do well if i go back to sch. infact i already miss the good old days of schooling. even tho it aint rosy all the time, i sure had my fair share of fun too. at least things werent so complicated back then. or at least i didnt have to make any major decisions. all i had to do was to attend lectures, do my tutorials, study for exams. nt like nw where i have to decide whether to study, and if so to study what, or to work...

i really hate growing up. and seeing hw low human beings stoop just to get recognized/popular/power - the thought of it just gross me out. i believe no one is perfect, but the fact that ive seen ppl descend to such depths to manipulate others ----> way too ugly. but despite all these, i have to try and love. almost impossible. dont know how im gonna get it done. its okay if u aint a christian, sad thing is, you are. im disappointed.

looking back, i realised certain issues have arised time and again and i certainly chose to ignore it. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. how apt eh. everyones getting tired. physically/mentally/emotionally. but yet we can't give up, else the game's over. much as i hate making empty promises, i keep doing it. so i blame no one for the predicament im in.