march is coming to an end and i have yet to find a temp job. sigh. am i useless or what. simply lazy n not taking initiative and expecting my pops to feed me at 21. i feel bad. honestly i do. and i so wanna earn my money so that i can spend it like nobodys biz and make myself happy. but it seems far-fetched now. sians.

submitted application for RMIT mktg.. needed smthg to fall back on in case i dont get the unisim application. sigh. smtimes i really wonder what the heck im doing. and of course i always regret not studying hard enough during o's and even in poly days. but one cant turn back time, and so i shall no longer waste time pouring out all my regrets. am determine to do well if i go back to sch. infact i already miss the good old days of schooling. even tho it aint rosy all the time, i sure had my fair share of fun too. at least things werent so complicated back then. or at least i didnt have to make any major decisions. all i had to do was to attend lectures, do my tutorials, study for exams. nt like nw where i have to decide whether to study, and if so to study what, or to work...

i really hate growing up. and seeing hw low human beings stoop just to get recognized/popular/power - the thought of it just gross me out. i believe no one is perfect, but the fact that ive seen ppl descend to such depths to manipulate others ----> way too ugly. but despite all these, i have to try and love. almost impossible. dont know how im gonna get it done. its okay if u aint a christian, sad thing is, you are. im disappointed.

looking back, i realised certain issues have arised time and again and i certainly chose to ignore it. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. how apt eh. everyones getting tired. physically/mentally/emotionally. but yet we can't give up, else the game's over. much as i hate making empty promises, i keep doing it. so i blame no one for the predicament im in.