bestie surprised me yet AGAIN! that sweet pea dropped me a huge ass letter in my mailbox on the night before she left. the silly girl scribbled pages of notes using the sweet dot paper from daiso in the car, put it in a huge brown envelop and pop it into my mailbox! heehee. i was grinning from ear to ear when i saw it on the table ytd. love her!

she called from PRC last night using her papas phone when he was in the shower! i was so happy to hear her voice. man. i really miss her. tho it has been just 1 day. and then she started to fill me in on details of the plc, what her dad n the uncle n auntie wants her to do there. stay in the fact, manage it, fly bk on weekends, blah blah... and i started sobbing. and even aft she hung up i was stil sobbing. sigh. i dont want her to go over there to work! its so unfair!!! sigh. and knowing this girl, this very nice girl, i know she will now turn it down, cos of fear of them nt able to find a trustworthy/known person to do the job. sigh. i wish God wil come and turn the situation around. i really hate the fact that they are deciding everythg for her!its nt fair. sigh. sobs. wish they will put their selves in her shoes and nt be so selfish! argghhh. hate them. right nw i just want her to come back to singapore. grrrr.

after weeks of living life in a frenzied state, im thankful to say it has finally come to a halt. and God has been faithful all these while, showing me how much people around me care n love, im truly touched and i can never thank God enough. esp my pops and the best friend who stood by me, and helped me so so much. (:

enrolment on tues, boringg. yawns. many seemed to be in cliques already. kinda worried abt first day of sch nw. mayb i'll bring bestie along if shes free, haha. read thru sm lecture notes, gonna do PR Practice and Writing. know i'm gg to love it, thought i aint gonna excel or anythg. right nw i just wanna put in my 100% and get a degree with distinction to make my pops proud! but eh i think kinda far-fetched. haha. it also meaans time for a job. no calls from the resumes i send, kinda disheartening, but then again, i sent so few, whats there to complain!

went to sentosa the past sunday with bestie! we had so much fun tog. was so spontaneous. caught songs of the sea, smwhat like musical fountain, cept this time we had to pay! but there were sm firewks too, lovely. caught 3 movies since beginning of aug til nw, 881, Hairspray and Ratatouille! all are nice, esp the latter! man, i really enjoyed every bit of it, the animation was fantastic, and it brought in the romantic scent of Paris, whoa, i felt as tho i was a part of the show! haha. dont mind catching a second time shd smone sponsor me. hehs. so girls, go catch it!!! great storyline too, teaches us never to give up! (((((:

bestie left for PRC this noon. boo. the moment she left, my dad scolded me.sigh. all cause of my mama's quarrel with brother ytd, then my mama complained to my dad, then my dad see my room so messy and all, so he attacked me. boo. but luckily he stopped after fixing my bed. btw i got a spanking new bed! wheee. queen size.nt brand new, from my mama's fren. she shifted, so i got a new bed! wheeee. now i can roll around like a spring roll! haha. happieeeeee.

church fundraising carnival on sat. i aint the least bit excited. perhaps like what bestie said, cos i can go, and it doesnt seem like such a big deal. if i were the one who couldnt go, i might feel the pinch of sadness too! ohwells. promise i'll get u smthg k twinnie! cheerie up, u'll be back soon and we'll go chop off our hair tog! am missing u as im typing this. awwww. anw, theres gonna be a dunking machine too, guess Nick will surely get dunked, since he's a humongous roly-poly!

i need to go pack my room, make it neat, so that the folks wil be pleased with me! cha~!

spent over a week at the besties place. mostly out in the evenings. to the movies, to church for mtgs, to mustafa etc. this week was bullcraps for us. but thank God we managed to pull thru in a way or another. must really thank babes for helping me make endless calls to the bank (cos useless me am scared), to the sch, for acc me all the time, and for the super sweet and giving gesture of wanting to make payment for 1st term of sch. a whopping 3343. yup. she is that nice. willing to let go of it and let me have it. and i say God will bless her abundantly for her love. if u happen to see this, thanks twin, for the endless treats - meals, movies, and always helping me pay for things! what'd i do w/o u man. can nv thank u enough dorothy sooooo!

right nw, pls pray that the bank will help me and get me the cheque by monday!!! ugh. else orientations on tues, and i will be like a retarded lost sheep, or even miss the opportunity of sch. so there, pls say a short prayer if u happen to see this,thanks a million! (:

wept buckets endless times this week, and i really hope it will come to and end, cos its worryin the shit outta me with 2 sides pressing. but my pops were really nice. help me make calls and even went down to bank to screw the guy. poor guy. none of his biz but yet had to clear the shit of the fatty ng.jerk. useless, irresponsible. hate him. grrrr.

today i sent 5 resumes - marketing comm assistant, event coordinator, drama instructor, program instructor and casting coordinator. hope i will get calls or smthg. if thats what God has in mind for me. hehs.

gg for rebounder at trinity tmr! wheee. excited.

do you love me because i am beautiful? or am i beautiful because you love me?

happened to chance on this tag smwhere, and i thought it made perfect sense.
- NEVER LIE TO A LIAR.

smtimes i really dont know what i am doing at all.

sch matters cannot get anymore complicated.

wat a poor fuck. u u uuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

i wanna let go and let live. free me.

the best friend is right beside me reading her book. dont know what is so enchanting/captivating abt that book that just so draw her away to another planet altogether. haha. funny chap.

trinity on sat for power weekend, was a miracle/healing svc. hmmm, smwhat nt quite what we expect it to be, but nevertheless it was cool. hehs. i just like the atmosphere there, its so God-filled. smhw i jus can never have the same experience in stjames. sigh. i ponder upon a sign of escapism from the harsh facts of reality. but i have no one to blame, cos i know i play a part in it too. SIGH. wish God'd do smthg. then again, i think He has been wking, but His children havent beeen. so there. takes 2 to clap right. hais.

twinnie's in sm deep shit(in a way or so). wish i can help her but what i can offer is mere company. where are u God? why does it seem to me that u are so distant? ...

know im very much in need of a job, but once again, im running away. and im using sch as a facade. i need to help myself. damn.

managed to get a letter fr bank to sch to stall time. im so thankful. to God. to twinnie, to my parents. twinnie was so nice to help me call the chua guy. and even gt all flustered up cos of their inefficiency. ohwells, im am truly grateful to her, cos if i were to call, nothing will ever be done. sigh.im useless. much contrary to my size, i am but sheep in pig's clothings.poof. nw i just cross fingers and pray that the loan will be processed and that they wil get bk to me!

gt news that my atm lect passed away on tues.. sigh. so sad can. heart attack in the staffrm. and he was only 51. ohwells, nt too young or old.but the fact that he left so sudden surely made me stop to ponder about this life. so fragile as it may seem. sigh. smtimes i really qns the reason for existence. of cos we all know that gg to heaven is a wonderful thing but death itself it frightening enough. cant stand the thought of my loved ones departing, tho i know smday it will happen, or perhaps i will be on my way much sooner. sigh.

bestie did this for the natday straits time bestfrens contest! didnt win, but the gesture is heartwarming enough. (:

as the song goes... sad movies, always make me cry.

cept that it aint sad movies, its the sickening thing abt sch. sigh. supp to submit sm doc bk to sch to secure my placemt, but due to sm uncertainties, i have to give them a letter to assure abt the loan shit, and all by tmr! so last min. screwed.and i just called the bank and apparently they havent got my bros name in the system at all. and the guy who attended to us is on leave til like fri or smthg. fuck. i knew it was nv gg to be easy. but i never knew it was gonna be so diff either. ugh. and asking my bro to do things can be bloodcurdling cos dad jus called him and i guess he shook him off the phone in a pekchek tone again.sigh. if only i need not depend on him. sigh. nw everybodys nt feeling too happy. sigh. fuck. why do i always bring unhappiness everywhr i go God? why cant u just make it easier for me..? is that too much to ask of?

it hasnt been an easy week. tho on the surface i appear to be happy and all. underlying it, you'll never know. cos u are not me. still rem vividly the day i wept buckets at tpy. no idea what had gotten over me, but the tears kept streaming down my face. ugly sight i know but i couldnt help it. lasted for an hr or so. sigh. smtimes i wish i wasnt so emo. i wish u would stop, and comforted me. cos at that pt of time it was impossible for me to take in any word u said. so any little thought would have triggered the spilling tears.

if i knew things were ever gonna get so complicated with sch, i'd have aborted the idea. but yet they were the ones who enc me to pursue my studies further. yes i know with a degree, i would definitely be put in a better stead, but what does it guarantee me? a life of happiness? a man who loves me by my side everynow and then? hmmm. everything seems so vague and bleak. in life we need to pause momentarily before proceeding elsewhere yeah? it is never easy to take the step of faith. to walk into a path where you dont even know if there's a way out? sigh.

i know jolly well its my fault for not wking all these while, nt helping to provide for myself. then again, how big a sum have i asked from u all these while? am i like those girls who indulge in brands, always wanting to outdo others? or have i even cavort with boys? or have i ever asked for smthg which i know i will never be given? i havent. all these while i can only see and be filled with envy upon what others have and i didnt. grass is always greener at the other side. yes, that i know very well. and of cos i have so many things to be thankful about. but i just wish u'll learn the fact that afterall, i am but a human being. i have my wants, and also my weaknesses. sigh.

anw, i wonder about the existence of this post. meaningless as it may seem. but at least i feel much better.

albeit still upset.

6th august marks the saddest day of my life in 07. (til now that is) period.

i really feel like eating this now. how ah?

ndp preview was awesome! had sucha great time watching all the perf. tho i must say smhw the place hinders spontaneity and interaction, but the firewks, drills etc sure escalate to a higher level. fireworks were so near, feel as tho we can reach out our hands and touch them! haha. was really busy snapping pictures away. anw, was glad that i had the chance to go! hehs. goody bag's getting better each yr, more n more stuff. was amazed by this mini fan which spin out the words - happy bday singapore when it was switched on. haha.suaku.

sunday svc was horrible for me. screwed up during the last song, so hot tears keep spilling out once i sat down. thanks twin who saw it and comfort me and all. just feel so rotten that i told myself i will nv play again. sigh. wonder why such things have to happen. ugh. just wanna get over it and move on.

they went to KL with the elf n pigsy,even took the train. cant help but having this tinge of jealousy. it used to be us, but things turn out so ugly and different now. guess friends will never belong to us anw. saddening as it is, we have to MOVE ON! and get over it. HAHA.