hello my dearest beloved blog. it's me again your dearest beloved owner! i guess it is much safer here, lest i commit the silly error of posting smthg so dreadful on facebook.
got hold of news from the best friend yesterday. im not going to deny the fact that it does bother me. how could you really, how could you?! to think we almost had it all. i was so stupid all along, and even tried to take initiative when all these while you were happily spending time at another person's house. shame on you really. all the bullshit you told me, all but lies. you LIAR!
i shall not allow myself to fall into the trap of getting upset. you are just not worth my time, my tears.
please get out of my life. you . jerk .
Monday, October 01, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
You took me by surprise
you know how this thing works. he asks me out, and twinnie being upset cause she feels that she is gonna be one lonely soul. and how this is always a very touchy subject, seeing the number of times we end up in quarrels.
and just when i thought it is really going downhill, God gave me a surprise and twisted the ending. semaj actually called the best friend and im really glad to know she had a good time with him on the phone. it really really helped to set the tone and i can't be anymore thankful than that. i only pray that all these will carry over the days, weeks, months and years to come. my life would be perfect.
sometimes God really works in amazing ways, planting a surprise when you least expect it. keep the faith i would say and see the wonders that He does.
now my only concern is for twinnie. how she would really feel. she hasn't got a job and im very worried for her. at the same time, i do now and cannot comprehend what God has in store for her. She has been jobless for such a long time and i dont know God would want such to happen to her. It's not like she has done something grave, something real bad that she deserves this. NO! In fact she has a heart of gold and i really cannot find anyone else who has a better heart than her, maybe except Ma.
it is also very disheartening, especially when i got hold of news that she didnt get the abalone job. it was such a waste and i could tell her was rather upset. i was too. i only hope that God will open another door for her so that she can start working soon and earn her own keep.
on another note, i really have no idea what semaj is gonna do tomorrow, nothing scary/cheesy/corny i hope. *shudders.
and just when i thought it is really going downhill, God gave me a surprise and twisted the ending. semaj actually called the best friend and im really glad to know she had a good time with him on the phone. it really really helped to set the tone and i can't be anymore thankful than that. i only pray that all these will carry over the days, weeks, months and years to come. my life would be perfect.
sometimes God really works in amazing ways, planting a surprise when you least expect it. keep the faith i would say and see the wonders that He does.
now my only concern is for twinnie. how she would really feel. she hasn't got a job and im very worried for her. at the same time, i do now and cannot comprehend what God has in store for her. She has been jobless for such a long time and i dont know God would want such to happen to her. It's not like she has done something grave, something real bad that she deserves this. NO! In fact she has a heart of gold and i really cannot find anyone else who has a better heart than her, maybe except Ma.
it is also very disheartening, especially when i got hold of news that she didnt get the abalone job. it was such a waste and i could tell her was rather upset. i was too. i only hope that God will open another door for her so that she can start working soon and earn her own keep.
on another note, i really have no idea what semaj is gonna do tomorrow, nothing scary/cheesy/corny i hope. *shudders.
Monday, January 30, 2012
lunar new year came and gone! too fast, too furious. full-fledged work week beginning today, and it doesn't help that i have nothing to look forward to, except for weekends!
past weekend was pretty awesome, at least we didnt get into any petty squabbles or anything of that sort. i think we are both trying. and i am thankful for that, really can't bear moments of stupid fights in the car, it's just so tiring and a total waste of time.
and did i mention? his mother gave me an angbao. that is seriously weird and sure feels queer! so so weird i feel alittle freaked out. ): it's not like she's ma's acquaintance or anything, and all these while i don't really acknowledge her or say hi etc, so this is really one funky feeling, and i don't like it at all. ):
sigh.
past weekend was pretty awesome, at least we didnt get into any petty squabbles or anything of that sort. i think we are both trying. and i am thankful for that, really can't bear moments of stupid fights in the car, it's just so tiring and a total waste of time.
and did i mention? his mother gave me an angbao. that is seriously weird and sure feels queer! so so weird i feel alittle freaked out. ): it's not like she's ma's acquaintance or anything, and all these while i don't really acknowledge her or say hi etc, so this is really one funky feeling, and i don't like it at all. ):
sigh.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
i freaking slapped myself umpteenth times in public. i feel so ashamed and so humiliated. don't even know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing. and the worst thing was that you actually wanted to video me, instead of shielding me and bringing me away to calm me down. to be honest i was kinda disappointed that you didnt. but i knew we were both really upset at that point in time.
but fact is, i was feeling really upset and helpless. everything you mentioned had his name in it and i really couldn't cope with that. you made me hate myself for hanging out with him. and so i suppose i should leave the game and not hangout with him for the time being.
you said you felt that things i did with you could be easily replaced. though i very much wish to deny, it has some sort of truth to it, and i did feel bad deep down. am i in the wrong? or is that how one feel with the opposite sex? not sure how i can juggle two relationships, furthermore, we aren't even attached or anything! this is really frustrating, i just hope there can be a closure to this, but my heart and brain tells me no freaking way!
fuck.
but fact is, i was feeling really upset and helpless. everything you mentioned had his name in it and i really couldn't cope with that. you made me hate myself for hanging out with him. and so i suppose i should leave the game and not hangout with him for the time being.
you said you felt that things i did with you could be easily replaced. though i very much wish to deny, it has some sort of truth to it, and i did feel bad deep down. am i in the wrong? or is that how one feel with the opposite sex? not sure how i can juggle two relationships, furthermore, we aren't even attached or anything! this is really frustrating, i just hope there can be a closure to this, but my heart and brain tells me no freaking way!
fuck.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
pea-thetic
wah lao the increment is pathetic lor. i was so looking forward to it, but realise that it was only $2500. this is beyond disappointment. i mean seriously, they could have offered abit more right? sigh. this is bad! how to jump ship?!
mayb i shd just jump out of the building.
*damn.
mayb i shd just jump out of the building.
*damn.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
You're still the one
Been going out with mr jay 3 times since december. not sure if you can consider it a date, but so far he has been initiating all the meetings and we went for a movie during the 2nd meeting and he also wanted to see me up. which i freaked out totally and i think he got a shock also.
sorry but i thinking it's so very retarded! i mean i have my own legs right? perhaps this is what ppl do when they date, but not very comfortable with that yet. plus - what would ma think if she saw him?! faint.
but this can be very confusing also cos out of 3 times that we met, i got into something unpleasant with the best friend. the first time was that she felt i didnt share with her whatever went on. the second time was that i actually planned to go to Prive but forgot that she has initially wanted to bring me there when she gets a job! *oops.
not quite sure how things will progress, but am just gonna leave it in His hands. whatever will be, will be...
on the other note, i think i am gonna get a pay increment! though i do not know how much that is, this anticipation is killing me! funny how i got to know abt it, but hope i didnt delete the email by accident. if so, i can just slap myself silly.
sorry but i thinking it's so very retarded! i mean i have my own legs right? perhaps this is what ppl do when they date, but not very comfortable with that yet. plus - what would ma think if she saw him?! faint.
but this can be very confusing also cos out of 3 times that we met, i got into something unpleasant with the best friend. the first time was that she felt i didnt share with her whatever went on. the second time was that i actually planned to go to Prive but forgot that she has initially wanted to bring me there when she gets a job! *oops.
not quite sure how things will progress, but am just gonna leave it in His hands. whatever will be, will be...
on the other note, i think i am gonna get a pay increment! though i do not know how much that is, this anticipation is killing me! funny how i got to know abt it, but hope i didnt delete the email by accident. if so, i can just slap myself silly.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012
2012 awaits me!
happy new year!
again, how time flies with each passing year. not really looking forward to this year. especially when boss is going on her maternity leave and i am gonna be oh-so-dead. im worried, not because i might have lots to do, but rather cos she hasnt been keeping me in the loop on things. not a good thing. J used to update me on everything, copying me in everything, but F on the other extreme hand, doesnt at all! sigh. its really irritating.
on the other hand, i am really loving vanilla, and it's nice to see how she grows slowly, but surely! only wish i can quit my job and focus on vanilla! but i believe that if it's God's plans, He will make it work for us!
xx
again, how time flies with each passing year. not really looking forward to this year. especially when boss is going on her maternity leave and i am gonna be oh-so-dead. im worried, not because i might have lots to do, but rather cos she hasnt been keeping me in the loop on things. not a good thing. J used to update me on everything, copying me in everything, but F on the other extreme hand, doesnt at all! sigh. its really irritating.
on the other hand, i am really loving vanilla, and it's nice to see how she grows slowly, but surely! only wish i can quit my job and focus on vanilla! but i believe that if it's God's plans, He will make it work for us!
xx
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