i freaking slapped myself umpteenth times in public. i feel so ashamed and so humiliated. don't even know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing. and the worst thing was that you actually wanted to video me, instead of shielding me and bringing me away to calm me down. to be honest i was kinda disappointed that you didnt. but i knew we were both really upset at that point in time.

but fact is, i was feeling really upset and helpless. everything you mentioned had his name in it and i really couldn't cope with that. you made me hate myself for hanging out with him. and so i suppose i should leave the game and not hangout with him for the time being.

you said you felt that things i did with you could be easily replaced. though i very much wish to deny, it has some sort of truth to it, and i did feel bad deep down. am i in the wrong? or is that how one feel with the opposite sex? not sure how i can juggle two relationships, furthermore, we aren't even attached or anything! this is really frustrating, i just hope there can be a closure to this, but my heart and brain tells me no freaking way!

fuck.