bleak.

i was already pretty sure that i'll change the way this blog functions, probably just posting pictures to entertain others, and nothing else. no heartfelt thoughts, cause i dont want my feelings exposed to any unnecessary sarcasm. but then i thot heck la. this is my blog. my space. and im free to rant on anythg here. anyway pretty long weekend. basically i only went to sch on tues. lol. well, how i wish i only have classes for one day. or rather, maybe no classes at all. cuz i very much abhor school. dont ask me why.

lots of things running at the back of my mind. think its time i sit back and relax. i've given enough. dont take me for granted please. i need to be freed from all the issues that shouldnt be worrying me. damn. i hate life. seriously. why does one want to bring a child into the world when its already so bleak.

but i was encouraged. simply awed by adelines testimonial, abt how God has a plan for everythg, and how He has given george and her a baby aft such a long time. it was indeed a miracle from God, when she knew abt all the intricate details that He had drafted out for them. how inspiring. esp in times like this, when my walk with God is like nil. there is no walk at all. sigh. its bad. im been straying and straying. lost touch. i feel guilty, yes almost all the time. but yet i do nothing abt it. damn. and i havent done my qt for what seem years. trust me. and sometimes i feel that im in all the shit that i am in is because i deserve to be punished. sigh.

anyway. nt sure if u wil see this. i dont know what is up with u. but u sure worry the shit out of me, especially when u start blabbering on things that i do not like to hear. in fact, u behaved in a rather peculiar manner that made me feel queasy. cuz i just felt unpeaceful. i cant quite describe the feeling but to put it in laymans term, i was scared. scared that u will do something stupid/dumb/foolish. u are a super tough nut to crack u know that. or maybe im just pure sensitive and nothing else. but my intuition tells me that u've run into some shit ass problems. u may nt tell, but my ears are all open. always, and never once closed.

i think i think too much, but what i think is not going to stop me from thinking what i should not think.