ok. the cupboard have been given a new lease of life. decided that i shd give them a chance. and they look great now. problem is, the color doesnt match my room color. haahaa wth. nvm. guess it doesnt matter that much nw. mayb shd repaint my rm again. HAHA. and then i wil be slaughtered by my dad.

the ability to go home at 6 really feels gd. simply rotting infront of the tv! and i did my discipleship wk til i fell asleep. lengthy bible chapters to read. ugh. old testament is really driving me up the wall. the numerous stories, never-ending reading to do. then i woke up an hr later to continue. hehs.

and today wil be off at 6 too, if nothing goes wrong! seems pretty free now, having ample time simply starin into space. daydreaming is shiok if u ask me. hopefully tmr'll wil be the same. then wil have time for dinna with twinnie!

only thing now is im waiting for the damn cheque! ugh. then i can go shopping!! wheee. i wanna buy birks, and i cant find ppl who wants to buy too. sobsobs. stupid problem that is i know. and i want to go travelling too! anywhr wil do..! need to get specs done, need to go take pics. so many things to do! bor eng. and i wanna take out my hair soon. then go for haircut. its all over the place now, and the lustrous bunch have wilted and only a few strands are left standing. sobs. hahahaa.

til then...

i typed/saved as draft/deleted. and here's a completely new post. thot the other one was like random. nt that this wil make much diff.

anyway, disgusting ppl are still ard me. cant seem to brush them off. need to find a sol. haa ok fine am bring cynical again. but i dont care. *poof.irritants!

sigh. how can i ever forget the powers of the internet? damn. stupid me. and of all post, it has gotta be that. ugh. gonna die of emb.

snow city last sunday was fun, tho there was jus 1 pathetic ride. guess its the company as always! but damn those who werent there. who promised to go tog but didnt make it in the end. whatever reason/excuse u give, to hell with it. haaaa.

and my mama jus nagged at me ytd. hate it when they nagged. arghhh.

i need retail therapy. LIKE NOW. *GRRRR.

wed 23rd aug...

sigh. what a night! if only i had pay more attention to the needs of others around me. i swear it was freaking scary. didnt expect things to turn out this way. this is what happens when we take smone for granted. esp smone we love so dearly. made the call and then the crying began again. didnt know what to say in times like this. if i knew it was so terrible, i would have scolded the bitch upfront. wth. so not encouraging. has she forgotten that we are brothers and sisters in Christ? isnt the class all about learning together? so why the fuck did the bitch say that the things she shared are fei4 hua4? fuck u! fuck u for being such an asshole. for causing unnecessary hurt and upsetting my loved one so much. pui.*

jus wondering why things always turn out to be so ugly all the time, in the midst of so looking forward to see one another, and jus one issue, and everythg turn sour. fuck that man.

that aside. realised that yisanba has been trying to be funny with me. and smhow, i wish what she said was true! i would have been over the moon. but the sister will always be a barrier. haha. it appears to me that ysb kept trying to like prompt me to speak. from my observation, it has been around 3 wks since that happen. all the evidence seems to point at one direction, haaa. but perhaps it was never intended for, and jus wishful thinking on my own part.

armragte.

hmmm. poor girl. new staff and got tekan, being throwed so much work. sigh. feel so sad for her. jus hope that she wil pull thru and prove all of em wrong. no idea why certain ppl can be so nasty.. jus mere 4 days and they expect her to know everythg? impossible what! even if u want smone to learn, thats nt the way to do it what...! sigh. feel so so sorry for her. poor thing! she even came bk to office on sat to wk can! arghh.

aunty susan.

saw her on fri and i realise i miss her! miss her booming voice, and miss her passionate heart for bringing more to God, even tho she sort of got into my nerves during the rally on fri. shdnt have gone. smhow i jus cannot comprehend all the slaining and speaking in tongues thingy. its super scary for me! and there was this girl who got the monkey spirit in her. sounded kinda farnie but its horrifying too! she was shriekign and screaming, saying "bu yao" and the elders and pastor kept praying for her, driving the devil out. was damn scary scene. *creepy.

other than that, havent been getting enough rest. ot almost every other day and its driving me bonkers. i wanna go home at 6!!! sobs. got my zara in red n white stripes. dunno why they have to give dumb comments that i honestly dont need time and again. sigh. thnk i need to change my wardrobe. need to get tudungs, and long sleeves and long pants. all covered up. whee!

its disciple class again tongiht. hope i dont screw up. and i want less ot and more dinner time with my lovelies! i want to shop too. if only my salary wil come in like now. sigh. need to wait at least a gd old 2 wks. ugh. hair's jutting out, 1 word, ugly. sobs. but i wanna keep it leh! sigh. wanna go sentosa too, and swimming and tanning! but ive got no time. boo*

time for an update.

its back to cnc again. ok right the other time i said the signs are clear that i shd leave. but anw, im back there, and wj with me this time. anyway, waking up at 7 sucks big time. eeks. and squeezing with ppl on the bus is eeky too. not much work to be done, since its the mere beginning of the month. goodie. can slack. haaaa.

twinnie came over to stay on tues.. but had to rush home ytd half way cos her daddy's cut his finger. 1/3 of it came off. freaking scary. so had surgery last night. hope all's well and that everybody at home is ok too.

over at marina to catch a glimpse of the fireworks on tues. quite pretty, but it was dumb that we spent time queing at ljs, wasting our chances to catch the whole 12 mins. perhaps shd go down again on sat. hehheh. twinnie might be gg dubai at the end of yr. i wanna go too. but i dont have the moolah leh. if only i can save all my pay, then i'll follow her. but im scared. freaking scared that ltr when we're thr, they'll wanna do stupid stuff.. like clubbing/marijuanaing, smoke pot. then i wil faint. since her fren's pretty notorious. haaa. oops.

other than that, ive attempted packing my clothes into the cupboard. but suck it la, cupboards freaking ugly, and one side of the door seems to be falling out pretty soon. hope it happens soon, so that i can get a new one. perhaps i shd keep banging it, n then it wil fall out.

chaaa~!

been putting up at twinnie's place for 1 wk already. everyone's really nice, except that i stil get the jitters when we have dinner tog. hais. cant help feeling super shy n paiseh. haaaa. have been slacking all day long, watching satc, and sleeping most of the time. feel like a paralyzed nw. oops.

getting used to the hair nw, doesnt seem as heavy or irritating nw. but i dropped 1 strand of the dreadlocks on friday! ugh. yati picked it up for me and tied a knot. smwhat look like a pretzel. wahaha. think will take it off pretty soon. but other than that, im loving my hair! have received pretty cool comments abt it. hahaaa. quite fun actually, smthg diff i guess!

am lacking of ice cubes. cos twinnie forbid me to eat them. but 1 or 2 occasionally. feel like im a drug addict. only diff is im an ice addict. sigh. thinking of them simply makes me drool. anyway... its discipleship class tmr. so fast. and ive yet to done the work. ugh... hope we can drive out later to have ice cream or smthg. im pretty bored cooped up at home all day long. makes me super lazy.

jus realised i havent enrol for sim jan intake. hope i'll get it done soon. chaaaaa~!

am back from bkk. like ive said a million times, TIME FLIES WHEN U R HAVING FUN. boo* how sad. but travelling is sure fun with the right company. tho i admit ive been pretty much a bitch, being cranky, demanding, selfish and cold at times. hope she wont be frighten horrid by me. hee.

anyway, back at twinnie's house since everythings is a really huge mess over at 171. almost couldnt believe my eyes when she drove me there earlier on. yikes. guess wil be putting up at twinnie's for the nxt few days.

super sian. felt as if im bk from holi, and that nobody wants me anymore. wth. back to a place where its so messy. toilet's nt done up. furnitures unwrapped. boxes unpacked. dont even feel like gg bk there til its all done up for me. eeks. sad too. jus wanna get it over and done with. if only we didnt have to move. feel like a nomad now la.

anyway... bangkok has been prettty awesome. loved the fact that all things are dirt cheap, and we are like living the lifestyle of the rich n famous there, giving tips and all. wahaha. didnt do much shopping tho, seriously if u asked me, things there can all be found in sgp, so nothing much for grabs. its more of the company and the window shopping that i enjoy. simply appreciating the fact for different ways of life. amaze me a whole lot.

we covered almost the whole part of bkk, went to chatuchak, pratunam, baiyoke sky, suanlom, siam centre, siam paragon, siam discovery centre, mahboonkrong, khaosan. all markets, cept for a few shopping centres. chatuchaks like super hot la, making me pek chek jus by walking. took the ferries wheel over at suanlom. loveeee it. so nice. oops. and we watched the thai girls show too. finally know what all the hype is abt. anyway, its jus girls using their vaginal muscles to perform stunts. the things they do are quite shocking. openign a coke bottle, playing pingpong, pulling out long strips of blades, bells, flowers, shooting balloons using the arrows on their vagina, etc etc, all with the use of their vaginas. scary but am taken aback at the same time. and they ended it by having sex. wth. that sure freaked me out cos we were sitting right on the first row. eeks. but anyway, its all jus for the exposure.

everywhere we go, we took the taxi, except the first day where we took the tuktuk. that was absolutely fun, like we are in a really huge toy car. haaaa. hate the noise+air pollution tho. took their train too and its so short. alamak. one thing that scares me silly are the beggars on the street. omg. one was maimed in one leg, and he was sitting on the floor and moving using his butt n legs. was a scary sight. the other fella was also maim in one leg, he was lying flat right on the floor, with a container in one of his hands. scary. sigh. and saddening too.

food was gd, had phadtai almost every other day, had jap bbq, calamari, black olive rice, and lots of fruit shakes. loved the lychee shake. had dunkin donuts and a&w too. slurps. and 2 times of popeye's chicken, during our departure and arrival. hee.

guess the most significant thing we did there to remind us the remnants of bkk has got to be my DREADLOCKS and twinnie's BRAIDING. hahaha. but the itch is driving us bonkers. and its so heavy that we cant really sleep with it on. contemplating to remove it tho its a mere 1 day. haaa but nt so soon cos i spent a bloody S$60 on it. anyway, mine can last foreveer for twinnies one only for 2 mths. got a hunch shes gonna get it out really soon. haaaa. anyway, still liking my dreadlocks tho its making me feel really uncomfortable at the same time.

overall, it has been a gd trip. relly enjoyed myself. have nv been anywhr, so am really glad abt this trip, and i must say it was pretty much satisfying. thanks to my babe who have been so accomodating and doing such a gd job of taking care of me. am so glad shes the one whom i went there with. wanna go out of SEA now. i wish...

woke up early this morn, follow the pops to get the toilet stuff, plus lights for the house! and i chose a white one which looks like birdnest! lurrveeee it. starting to see the bright side of moving house already, thanks to twinnie's analysis n encouragemt. she have been a real darling, helping me pack my stuff, cheering me in times of need, and also painting of my room. appreciate it so much. wonder what i'll do w/o her.

anyway, we are off to bkk tmr night! finally its here. hehs. but wil be gone in a flash too.

fyi, my new add... blk 171 bukit batok west ave 8 #04-359 s650171

other than that, life has been pretty much fun ever since i stopped work. love having all the time in my hands. but am so broke nw. changed 400bucks for bkk trip. broke broke broke. wil need another job soon. think im prolly gg sim jan's intake. hope i'll rem to register for it, plus collect my dip cert! ugh. suddenly life seems void. so many things gg on. cant really get hold of it all.

til then, ciao!

slumberthon at my place for the past few nites, twinnie came over. and we watched sex n the city. hahaaa damn hilarious n daft too! but i fell asleep quite a few times during the wee hours. have been sleepign at like 6in the morn. madness! zits are all popping out now. ugh. suntannign was fun too! and all the piggingg out, and durians in the middle of the night in geylang. all except when i got scolded til i cried. sobs.

my babes are gone to aussie. am gonna miss them tons! til we meet again in dec yeah. (:

its 1 more week to bangkok! so excited can! *giggles

shifting in a wks time. too bad i wont be ard. gotta start packing already. hope the loo's nice. i want a new n spanking clean one.

p.s thks june for the lovely pressies from jap!! heres to more cabbing nxt time! hee

ok.the signs are even clearer nw. 3 more days to byebye cnc! hehs. finally can take a break aft like 2 mths of slogging my ass off. no more papercuts too!

twinnie was so sweet to have thot of lunching with me at anchorpt ytd. poor gal had to go see the osteopath alone. now the trotter's wrapped up again and she is grounded at home. ugh.

it has been shopping and more shopping nowadays. and ive finally found the joy of shopping alone aft 20 yrs. really enjoy having that time for yrself, walking ard and jus enjoying the pretty sights. and i jus counted, i blew 900buckeroos of my salary on shoppg, treats, n the bkk trip. ahhhhh. madness. and theres the jap buffet on thurs, eve's bday, farewell gift for the girls. madness redefined!

sudden whirl of excitemt when i thot of gg bk to sch in sim. hmmm.

after much procrastination. sin-bkk, finnair. amazing thailand here we come! lol. 21st to 25 jul! cool yeah. jus dorothy soo n me since the rest cant make it. and my mamas mad. cos i booked the tics n paid w/o her agreeing to it. sigh. obviously i understand that its bcos shes worried and all. but c'mon i havent been to anywhr in my whole 20 yrs. wish she wil understand me too. sigh.

so we went chinatown to get it all booked. flying finnair! hw funs. cant wait already. but to be frank, im also a lil scared. imagine 2 girls al alone in foreign land. and thailand aint exactly safe. and i wanna watch thai girls show. yet im scared. haha kukus me.

and i am so damn broke now. only abt 10 bucks left. and theres zara sale. ahhhhhhhhh. how irritating! lets hope the pay come in soon, and the sale will linger on! waka.

im gonna get busy...! gotta meet up with joshua before he goes to NS. gotta meet wenjun before i leave. wanna catch up with june. gotta meet the girls b4 they leave for auzzie. gotta have a thank u party for suat. busy busy!

serene's contract ended today. sigh so sad. no more lunch partner. dont really click with xiuwen. and the new temp staff cmg in are her frens. 2 guys smmore. think i shall be like amy n stay in office n eat. mayb can diet too. hehheh. and bitch with rahimah.

God has been really gd, giving me answers as to whether to stay in cnc or nt. the signs are clear. thank u Lord. beginning to see the dark side of it all. am smhw glad tthat im having my last wk soon. no more ot. no more slogging my ass off, getting paper cuts, sarcarsm fr stupid ppl. but im sure gonna miss rahimah and the trolley auntie. keke and nice ones like phllip. hehs.

gonna go turn in soon. everyday ive been out. turning into panda soon. nights! gd wkend.... (:

twinnie is sucha sweetpea! text me n offered to help my pack my stuff. and so she came n we started packing. then again, theres not much to pack. kakaka. girl talk again til 12 plus n then we head to geylang for our supper! hehheh so fun but kinda scary too. anyway, it was a splendid night! made up for the monday blues, and all the silly squabbles & unhappy times. am looking forward to so much more.

its gonna be a longgg day at wk. hais. and i think they are gonna hire perm staff, which is making me kinda happy. nothin's concrete, but i need a break. contract's ending nxt fri, God pls show me the way! *confused again. ugh.

friday.
had our silly argument again. this time it gt worse. and i thot it was all gonna end there since she wants me to stay away. felt totally awful. can almost die in the bus la. i mean its like wtf u ask me out and yet thats how u treat me? boo*

saturday.
am so glad that things have changed for the better! way better. she was in her normal self. hehs. but i was stil scared n hurt la. dont know when she wil do it again. damn. haaaa.. and we went out. almost miscomm again during lunch. bleah. went down to chinatown to check out stuff for our bkk ttrip! so many laobeibeis there can. tsk.

then caught silent hill and its another stupid show la. then had dinner at ps. n twinnie brot me to tcc for dark devotion. super yummy warm choc cake with choc fudge oozing out! super nice can. but damn exp. 9.90. ugh. anyway ostrich concluded that its cos we've seen too much of each other! getting on each others nerves. everyday for 9 days! madness. but im glad all things are solved la. guess when frens get too close, they tend to take each other for granted.

sunday.
rehearsal for youth sunday. i must say i had pretty much lots of fun.they sure make me laugh lots! lookg forward to the nxt rehearsal where i can laugh my ass off again. haaaa. off to town with the cellies. wonder hw we are gonna go bkk tog when they are all in their own world. wondering if they wil ever have a break thru. else its jus gonna be so so WEIRD. hais. dunno how to deal with it also. bleah.

caught jsut my lack. it was lacklustre la. haaaa. but am glad they found it ok. cos i thot it was borringgg. retail therapy at mango! gt my denim jacket n a top. hehhehs. cheap thrills. HAPPY. but nw ive got no money to go bkk. ugh. wondering if i shd extend my stay at cnc. confused. boooooooo. gonna be a busyyy day! byeeeeeeeeeee

monday
went for pedicure @ earth element at holland v on mondy with twinnie. thats was pretty fun n ticklish! and we were both kinda sampat, and had a really low threshold for pain. ugh. then went to get pressie for amei. sad night la. sigh.

tuesday
Mei's ROM was awesome! it was by the beach at east coast park, what a pretty sight! nice decorations with the garlands, the nice flowers, organza. it was all sooo pretty! so happy for my girl. had sucha nice time taking pics, eating n drinking til the stars came out to play. it was a first time attending a ROM by the beach for me. heeee, definitely a nice one!

aft that went bk to the chalet for missions camp. rot ard the first night since there were no activities. went out for night supper n saw bapoks! wheeee. i likee.. then as usual had girl talk w twinnie til the wee hours of 5 in the morning. then it was the msg by pastor simon then our bbq. and thats abt the end of it. beginning to enjoy playing bridge whahahaa. sigh. im beginning to feel that im like the claustrophobic friend. hais.

this has got to be the best birthday so far! lovely surprise i had that made me wept buckets.

thursday.
great meet up with my girlies, thanks for the pressie, eve, sijie n jesselyn! niceeee, i like. heehee. and lizzie too, for the nice cute karma like bottle with the sticks. i thnk they are like damn useful can. cos i asked the qns whether if i'll have fun ytd and the answer was a YES! heeee. thanks babes! (:

friday.
took half day off from work. mama rang me in the morning and sang e birthday song to me over the phone. so sweet can. had lunch with the pops in the noon, and then went home. took a nap, and was supp to go for pedicure n then to fish n co to watch dot's fren perform, some band at fish n co.

so twinnie came over, and we cut a cake fr my parents. i am really so touched by it, cos we havent been doing such stuff since a long time ago, cos every yr we'll be so bogged down by the hse that we dont have mood for that. then off we go to bukit timah plaza, but couldnt find the shop.

took a cab down town, cos i didnt want her to be late for her fren' perf which was fr 7-730. she was reluctant, but in the end we stil board one aft much persistence fr me. heh then stop at far east n walk all the way to glass hse jus cos we didnt wana pay the erp charges.hhhaaa wth. so we walked for a bloody 40 mins. and when we went there, her fren wasnt singing already. so she called her and went upstairs and look for her.

and there the whole of my cell group were singing the happy birthday song as soon as went up the stairs. omg. i couldnt believe it. it was really a plesant plesant surprise. and as i sat down, i was simply speechless. and as they sang the song i started crying. tears of joy. im just so thankful that God loves me so so much that he had such a wonderful celebration for me. cos everyone's like really busy, and i realy dont expect them to cast their work aside jus to celeb for me. am so so so so touched. will never forget this man.

thanks so much - eunice, dorothy, grace, eugene, nicholas, audrey, xueying, vincent, ruth. thanks for all the lovely gestures that really melted my heart.

i think i cried for a good 10 mins or so. couldnt control it. so malus. tears kept streaming down my face. ugh. puffyeyed!! then i finally stop and started eating.. then aft a while amei came over and talk to me and i cried again. haaaa crybaby. jus too touched la. really thank God for this group of me. and also for loving me who's undeserving n unworthy. im really really touched.

went to giraffe oppo the istana aft that, had drinks over there.. it's a super nice n chic place, a tad like balcony. had long island tea, pina colada, red wine, tequila sunrise, n blue lagoon. hee nice chill out place. aft which they tried to hook me up with the waiter! wth. haaa they asked for his number for me, saying im the bday girl blah, and he was a gd sport, cos he came back with a card and his name n number on it. haaaa so paiseh can. but i jus shrug it off and play along la. and wth they gave him my number too!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. didnt wanna appear petty, so i jus let them do it. and omg he sms me saying he finish wk for that day already, and that he aint free that night but wouldnt mind gg out for a drink today. haaaa CRAP can. i mean its like HELLO, we're jus kidding cant u tell?? lol. funny day la.

and to all who have wished me a happi birthday, i wanna shout out a big thank you for remembering for each sms/ lovely greeting have touched my heart.

Aunty
Jesselyn
Audrey
Nick
Dot
Xueying
Pastor Phoebe
Pearlie
Grace
Esther
Ruth

Ginny
Daddy
Mummy
HuiHui
YanBing
Wenjun
Maggie
Joshua
Jacqueline
Sebastian
Kaikit
Haryanti

am gonna treasure all these gd times. these memories can last me a lifetime man. shall post up pics real soon.

back from camp. had a great time with the lovelies, tho i wouldnt say it was the most fantastic or whatsoever, but sure many trigger happies with twinnie. sermon was nt too bad but place wasnt gd n food was sianing. everyday was more or less the same n many had diarrhoea. ugh. haha.

watched slither on sunday with twinnie. kinda hilarious n gruesome. but smone spoilt my morning la. sigh. dont know why she like to say such stuff to hurt ppl. intention or nt, to hell with it. and i must say i was a little disappointed. dunno why i always like to make a big hooha outta smthg. i gotta learn to take things in my stride, and nt put my focus n attention on nonsensical things.

had dinner at geylang with joshua ytd, and we walked ard for 1hrplus in search for the hookers n trannies! and indeed we feast our eyes! haaa. but seeing em makes me feel quite sad la. sigh.

n my birthday is cmg. ive pin so much hopes on it, as usual. haaa always thinking that its gonna be a special day blah. but i guess i gotta slog my ass of as wk la, sians. anyway, thanks for wanting to celeb my bday with me. i really appreciate it lots but i cant help feeling that its out of obligation. perhaps im wallowing in self pity yet again.

today's graduation! but im nt gg. haaaa. wth.

and i might be studyin at SIM. hell. the sch which i always emphasize is for people who are rich but stupid. ugh. karma. so much for it.

a belated shout out to jess: HAPPIE 20TH BIRTHDAY!

my birks are heree! finally. keke. pretty pretty. i likeee.

thanks twinnie babe for driving me ard, apprec it! went icekimo for ice cream. yummy. horlicks, jasmine n cempedak. slurps.

am gg for church camp tmr til sat. cant wait already! woohoo. finally can unwind and get away fr wk.

mtg my missed ones tonite! like finally. happi happi.

it was a great wkend to begin with! twinnie came over for a slumberthon for a change! watched the nun and it sucks. so pls do nt attempt to watch it. yucks. pui.

sat was the grand opening of tsk. went swimming at karinas place and then the potluck/bbq party. and i had my FIRST BIRTHDAY CAKE! how nice! hehheh. n im the only one whose bday falls in june! hiak. that makes me special special SPECIAL! wahaha...... ok kns i know.

then comes sunday where i had my SECOND BIRTHDAY CAKE!! for me and me only. that was from the mthly youth celeb! heehee.. its MAHJONG choc cake, baked by maggies mama! sweet.

towning with sampat darling. hee. it was a gd weekend spent with worthy people.

thanks for all the sweet thoughts and advanced celebrations. appreciate all of u. infinite kisses, abia.

peak period's over nw, can finally take a breather. phew. and yeah! tgif again!! how fast. (: had a great time during the wkend, even tho for the indiv hiccups. am so ashame of causing so much hurt to ppl i love. i need to change!! so sorry. tho i know u wont be seeing this.

mini pj party celeb for twinnies bday on sunday at church. thanks nick for e wonderful bbq! loved the bacon wrapped bananas. yummy. then celeb with twin again on the actual day, with nick n aud. watched davinci, courtesy of twin, and i fell asleep. oops. so paiseh. hahaa. but thot the show sucks la. no climax whatsoever. and it was the 940 show. was too shagged by wk to pry my peepers open.

anyway, its friday soon!! WHEEE!!! how fast. am loving it!! woohoo..

sat's gonna be the secret kitchen's grand opening. why am i nt looking forward to it? hmmm weird. but im sure lookg forward to camp! which reminds me i havent pay my fee.s

did overtime today! 2 whopping hours.. cos rahimah was busy, and needed my help.. new kia magentis cmg in, so sales have been increasing, plus its the end of mth, and theres a target to hit. so its busy busy for me too.

and praise God, my salary came rolling in! like finally. phew. and i can finally heave a sigh of relief nw! woohoo. just that it appears i cant withdraw it. weird. nvm. and tmr im gonna send in my other payslip! shiok man.. wheee. gonna start saving up, but gt urge to go shopping alone on fri aft wk! zara, here i come! woots.

today mag asked when im staying in c&c till. then i told her 7th july, but part of me wants to extend my stay there. how weird. sigh. dunno la. but think their pay quite miserable also.

and tmr i'll have to ask mag abt all the leave that i wanna take. hais. so scary.! ugh. hope she approve them. if u happen to see this, rem to keep me in yr prayers! hehs.

cant wait for my birkies! woohoooooo. and i cant wait for friday too.

so the week came and past as usual. and CX gt fired. think they shdve told her nicely and gave her another chance. nt like she made a grave mistake. perhaps its the attitude.. hais. scary la. jus hope that it wouldnt happen to me.

am starting to like the ppl there, and enjoy doing even the mundane and repetitive job. only concern nw is that i havent got my pay yet, and am kinda worried they deposit the moolah into the wrong a/c. ugh, hope i'll nt be that suay! other than that, alls well, jus that it has been busier these days, since its towards he end of the mth, and the salesppl have to achieve their target!

had the diocese sports day ytd.. tons of fun despite nt winning anythg at all. but my poor poor twinnie sprained her ankle and had to see a osteopath! nick sent her there straigh aft the match! after which being the usual nice me, i went over to her place to keep her company! watched tv, had our girl talks n dinner in room!! thanks to yati. wahaha.. hope her zhujiao's much better nw! so she didnt come today!! gotta rest the zhujiao, so means less time tog. but gonna anticipate her recovery and we'll go davinci...!

skipped the mtg with rev today. went to crystal jade for lunch with the pops and the rest! good old days are cmg bk i hope! aft that went to arab st with auntie yl, charmaine and mooncher.. the 2 girls were driving me crazy! mayb cos im pmsing, so got really cranky and all. came home, took a nap and watched sgp idol.. and my pri sch mate gt into the 2nd round.. watch out for charmaine..

now the only thing i look forward to is friday. wahaha. how nice. and we're gonna reminisce and have our pajamas party again on sunday to celeb twinnies bday! how funs. hehheh, jus that it will prolly bring me pre-monday blues.

i just realised how attractive one can be. how u can outshine others cos of the quality u possess. jus showed me how worthy u are and how pale in comparison the other was when beside u.

7th - 14th may

 

more or less settled down at work already... scandals were cmg in, and i found it downright hilarious...! i need these kinda gossips to inject cheer into my daily grind! ting n debra left, and amy will be leaving on the 25th, which means serene me n cx to cope by ourselves. i dont like cx. she is like so blur and all, doesnt do her things well. ok fine im nt perfect, but its jus that she's too careless, n i dont like it. hais. and she has been blacklisted by the ppl already. im jus glad that there's serene w me!

it has been a really short wk, thanks to the holi. spent thurs n fri night at twinnies place... went tanning, shopping n attempted to night cycle at 1am last night! that was totally cool n fun! really enjoyed it, less the barkings fr stupid dogs, cars, and the occasional nehnehs who pop out fr no where, causing me to forget my other fears and pedal real fast. wheee. the company has been really good, despite the ups n downs which were inevitable. but still, im wking towards escalating the friendship ladder.

ive havent been on talking terms with him ever since the incident last saturday. but anyway, i dont have much chance to do so since i have to work. feel kinda weird abt it. hais.

i figured out i'll be really broke aft getting my salary. cos
52.5 x 7days = 367.5
367.5 x 0.8 = 294
294 - 150(campfees) = 154
154 - 55birks = 99
99 - 35pedicure = 64

how nice. i'd have 64 bucks to spend. SO MUCHHHH can!!! and i need to save up for our little get-away.

sometimes i wish i can tell you the truth, but it seems so difficult.

hope the pre-monday blues will NOT cm in tomorrow.

time for an update...!

what a weekend! action-packed and gone with a whizzz! was soooo happy when fri was finally here! out with the bestie and the other babes...! hmmm... drama on saturday. i couldnt believe that sort of thing actually happen. i mean yeah i know my shoes are all over the place, and the jigsaw are starting to collect dust, but u could have told me nicely and nt messed them up into pieces, for u have NO F**KING IDEA how long ive spent on it. seriously, im damn disappointed in you. i think i'll nv want to talk to u again. hurt me so much i wept buckets. to hell with it.

its monday. the blues have set in. but soon it will be gone! it wasnt too bad a day to start with cos basically had nthing to do aft lunch.. wahaha. but really hope i didnt screw up the mailing stuff.. those are still giving me butterflies in my stomach. hais!

everybody's been telling me that ive gt a really nicee and pretty phone. hehheh so oriental, i likeeee. (:

looking forward to thursday cos of holi!! and payday too. wheeee.

hey peeps.im back!

ok so its nt that bad afterall, just that mitsubishi, kia and mercs benz are driving me up the wall. am stil confused after 2 days!!

3 girls who are all 19 are wking there as temp too, leaving soon, so they are like supp to show us the ropes.. they are quite nice ppl and they get along really well with the peeps there.. like super chummy and all, makes me feel a little out of place. and in came 2 new girls today, 1 of them are cousins with the temp girl.. hmmm so i gt closer to the other new girl. who seems really decent.. the other one's kinda like ah-lianish.. oops. but yeah..

then there's this auntie fr the cafeteria who'll push a trolley up to our office during breakfast and tea times selling food, which i thought was absolutely cute. i mean how many times have u cm across smthg like that? haha..

and theres the lady boss as usual.. whos really tall, pretty and sexy for her age, tho at first look may look like a tranny! wahaha.. but shes quite hot la.. always get creeps when she calls us, but its always to get the documents. sigh. bad exp makes me like this!

then there's the funny bunch, the weird spinster, the ah lian, yada yada! other than that, its nt too bad. jus hope and pray that i'll get the things right, and nt be so blur! wk's more or less repetitive stuff everyday.. whether more or less to do. so there.. pls cont to keep me in prayers! thanks!!

and i wanna say thanks to all those who've shown their concern regarding my job in a way or so. i appreciate all of u.

eve
jess
june
twin
xueying

and thanks daddy for getting me this! remembered how i cry the other time when she told me she gt a new phone, and yet i gotta like shift house, downgrade blah, lamenting how unfair life was, blah.. and tada! God is so niceeee to give me a new phone.. nothing very grand, but its jus sweet to know that smone cares! (:

.:sunday:.

hung out with my cellies as usual, then one by one left and theres only mee n twinnie. gt my mphosis white birkies! haaaa.. happieee but this time, im really really broke. how sad. anyway yesterday was ... ... ... wondering how many times certain things have to happen. then again, i think im the problematic one! hais. i really oughta change...

.:monday:.

daddy gt sm m1 voucher...asked if i wanted to change hp but i think the choices are quite limited! haha.. and there really isnt one which i really want.. so there.. but im happy cos i was thnking abt it last night, hw im gonna earn money and get 1 for myself and ta-da! he asked.. hee thank u Lord! but perhaps nt changing la..cos i cant find the warranty card. craps!! ahhhh.

Kecai was at macs studying so i went down to look for her! always make me laugh til peng. PUN INTENDED OR NOT, still love her the same!

that aside... im starting work TOMORROW!! and it is freaking me out like mad!! sigh. really afraid of mtg new ppl, being in a new environmt where theres no one whom i know. really getting the jitters!! heebies jeebies. UGH. pls keep me in yr prayers if u happen to see this! hope ive smthg happy to blog abt tmr....! for now, i jus wanna prep myself mentally for it! hahaaa.. till then, auf wiedesehen! (:

girls night out - lizzie's 20th celeb (:

 

june is a jammed-pack month! its gonna be chockful, brimming & bustling with activities!

5th june - June's bday
8th-10th june - Church camp
12th june - Jess's bday
13th june - Graduation ceremony
16th june - My burpday
18th june - Cera's bday
19th june - Donna's bday
20th june - Grace's ROM
24thjune - Ana's bday
____________________________________________________
i just finished a 500pcs puzzle and i realised theres 1 piece missing. doubleewteeeff.

am gonna replenish my sleep before i embark on waking up at like 7am in the morn. ugh.

i signed the contract today!!! ugh. i feel BONDED. )=

• Client: Cycle & Carriage Industries Pte Ltd
• Contract duration: 2nd May til 7th July 2006
• Breach of Contract: You must complete the assignment for the contracted period. Should you wish to resign during the period of contract, you will be liable to pay Recruit Express the remaining unworked days of the contracted period.
  

so scary! i am so damn scared now. please pray for

no1. ability to take leave for retreat + grad ceremony
no2. niceeee people. (no more chaonehnehs pls, im really petrified by the bad exp)
no3. casual dress code to wk! (hate black pants and ugly shirts)

_______________________________________________________

retail therapy really make my day!
- got 2 pairs of shoes, 1 for mama! see im a fillial daughter!
- 2 knickers fr topshop
- 1 top from zara
- ripples flipflops for lizzie

hehheh i heart shopping!

fuck. i just got a job!!!

cycle and carriage.. cust svc for 2mths..8.5-6 mon-fri. looks like theres no way im gonna turn it down already. sigh.

my main concerns:
no1. i cannot go for church camp!
( if that happens im gonna kill my in-charge. )
no2. having to wk on twinnie's bday
no3. having to wk on my bday
no4. unable to attend ahmei's rom
no5. unable to attend graduation
(quite impossible)
no.6 unable to attend the evangelism camp

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I AM SO SCREWED!!! tmd. _|_

i thought it was pretty obvious that i wanted to make it a surprise, therefore nt asking her to put it into the list, but she still did. stupid or what? guess she dont want the surprise idea, cos it would deem unfair to the rest? i dont know..

have been staying home fixing jigsaw these days.. over to btp for a swim with wj ytd. disgusted by the worms and insects, we left the vicinity within 30mins. they really ought to change the water. filter is nv clean!

attempted to do the potato corn bake today. and i guess it was a success, except that it was a tad runny! hehs.. so it means im gonna bring that to the party!! wheee..

told the bestie abt how i felt! didnt want to harbour such evil thoughts cos we are like so close. and im so glad she totally understand. no hard feelings i hope. haaa.. and she said that she's gonna help me with my life puzzle when she's done with her papers! thot that was quite funny.

ive been rotting away for 2 bloody mths already. and i keep turning down job offers. sigh. u call it lazy, apathetic, bum, careless, comatose, dallying, dilatory, drowsy, dull, flagging, heavy-footed, idle, inattentive, indifferent, indolent, inert, lackadaisical, laggard, lagging, languid, languorous, lethargic, lifeless, loafing, neglectful, passive, procrastinating, remiss, sack artist, shiftless, slack, sleepy, slothful, slow, slow-moving, snoozy, somnolent, supine, tardy, tired, torpid, trifling, unconcerned, unenergetic, unindustrious, unpersevering, unready, wear. screw it man. hard to find pt that needs me for jus a few wks, plus allow me nt to wk or wkends.

double sigh.

oops they did it again!

and why does it always have to happen on a sunday? there are like 7 days in a week, but why must it be sunday? fk it. anyway, ive gathered that no1. consultations are nt needed. 2. opinions are nv aired. 3. its better to mmob.

im a total wreck, and my life can never get any messier. i have absolutely no idea how many times i must go thru all these shit. endless. and each time aft bawling my eyes out, nothing gets done, and all's the same. its time to accept the fact that there can never be equalities in life. as much as i would love to be in denial.

and why do people always get what they want? without having to earn for it. born with a silver spoon. buy all they want, and spend like theres nt tmr. sour grapes or what. fkkkkk.

i was just thinking.. if it actually pays to be nice? will the person appreciate it? do they deserve my niceness? why am i always so thoughtful to em? will u do the same for me? but i have to keep reminding myself that they are all attached with no strings. but smtimes its really tiring. mayb its time to stop doing nice afterall.

sobs.

why do bad things happen to good people?!

Keli & Kecai

 

lunch at pizza hut with eunice n suaty today! ahaaaa.cosmo cosmo! then we went to swim at sherwood towers.. was damn fun, there was no security guard whatsoever, which means i can go there n swim anytime any day i like! wheee~! after which we went to daiso then had dinner.. nick pick us up, then dot who was mugging in sch and then we went creaming at 6th ave. yumms.

anyway, twin told me abt her gut feel. which means like a third party kinda thing. wth. and i was being so nice the whole time thinking she will be so damn sad blah. still, im glad she shared. tho i was a little mad at the fact that ppl will ask u out when their other halves are nt free. wth. machiam like sparetyre. kns. if it's accurate, well, im jus gonna be totally skeptical abt it. dont u ever dare take me for granted! hehs. and we shall see.

oh yeah, and fuck you ___________.

.: good friday :.

it was raining cats and dogs and we were practically stuck in church aft service. so we ordered pizza and it was fun + nice + warm cos ard 12 of us were lunching tog. oh wells in a way or so. and mei was even there! town with the bestie and suaty! over to taka to scout for a pressie for eug but to no avail. so in the end walk ard and then settle for dinner at nydc for my craving!

.: satuday :.
went to see houses with the pops n the agent.. hais.. wth.. craps.. then went to aunts shop to cut my bangs..! i want it straight across! aft which i followed her to her church for the perf by the continentals. cant beelieve i went. just to "ying4 chou2" her la. dont wanna turn her down also. she always got this power to persuade ppl to do certain things. hahaaa..

.: sunday :.
easter sunday.. gr8 celeb.. drove to bestie's sch to submit her proj, courtesy to nick's car, and then went bk to church so that we could go visit may at the hosp! her baby's so cute.. haa thank God for His creation. then off to orchard with fish, twin and special guest eunice! haa.. cosmopolitant grp again. had so much laughters over dinner at marche. and i think we ordered a tad too much food! had pizza, rosti, pork knuckles, mashed potato, calamari, chicken and root beer! yumms! so glad eu came with us. it was a rare opportunity that we gt to hang out tog.
went over to bunk at Soo's.. so paiseh when i was there. hais. cos as usual, im super shy ard their parents.. hais. cos i feel that im like putting them out.. anyway watched a bit of tv then went to wash up, wait for twin, then went up to sleep at the attic. felt a teeny bit bad cos we'll always go upstairs, and she'll be downstairs doing her own things. hais. and that silly woman is soooooooooooo damn afraid of the dark. switched it off and she made a big hoo-ha which was quite funny, but not so when she scared me by placing her phone beneath her face. i tell u she can not look any more like a ghost. lol. usualy yada yada till 3plus and we galloped to dreamland..

.: monday :.
woke up at 10 plus and yada yada til 12 noon and went back to sleep! wth. pigssss. woke up at 3, went to west mall for ice age, then wanted to go daily scoop, in the end bad jam, so off to adam's rd!

.: tuesday :.
dimsum buffet with the sj n eveee. tehy cannt eat one. hais. haha no match for ruth and co. then we went for the briefing by recruit express. they are paying alittle too little.. so we didnt take up the jobs.. off to retail therapy! gt rubbish stuff but im happy. thinking abt that pair of shoes nw. oops. the next time im there i shall get it! hiak. supp to go for crusade gathering.. but decided nt to cos ive been out too often, plus im nt really close with them. and only if that fucker will stop scolding me bitch bastard whatever. he must be bonkers. asshole. thot im gonna stay at home, then talk to eu online and she asked me to go swimming tmr. so im gg.. sigh i hate to hear such news from her. shall pray for wisdom when i speak tmr!!

3 nights of sermon, i hope have done me gd. thank God for annointing his servant. it really feels different to be hearing stories every nw n then when he preached, and i thot that was gd. at least we can relate to it better. (: the folks have been nice, offering me rides home, or rather i asked for the rides back..haha.. went for supper on tues at railway mall with nic aud hawk brig. its 24/7, so nxt time can go w turbs! hehhehs.

worked for HSBC premier golf tee-off event at sentosa golf club today! super slack. sigh. felt so paiseh. basically there wasnt much for us to do. so we just sat ard gt into our bitchfit sessions again. me and pearlie. wahaha.. and sm ppl were nice, sm were nt. but had so much fun when the malay guy took us on the buggy to explore the golf club! had a sudden urge to pick up golf.. lol but its a rich man's sport! hais.. but then he told us its nt true.. cos even taxi drivers play golf nowadays.. haha quite funny. anyway slack the whole day la. too good to be true. and gt 90buckeroos. cash on hand. hiak can buy birks liao! didnt stay for dinner cos was running really late for svc, so took a cab down.. and had dinner aft that. blanja my pops to chicken rice ok. i am a fillial daughter. wheee.

.: friday :.

famished so we went prata cafe for supper but that stupid place with those stupid chaonehnehs pissed the shit outta us. they were sooooooo busy that we waited for 30 mins b4 smone came to attend to us and the first thing he did was apologised and say that the prata stall will not be taking anymore orders but the rest of the stalls will. wtf! you telling us this after we had waited for a bloodyyyyy 30 mins?!! assholes! arghhhh.. so we settled for adam's road hawker in the end!! had mutton chop n prawn noodles. haaa slurps.

went over to bunk at dots hse again on fri night!! hehs. cos i promised i'll go help her out on music prac so might as well stayover.. once again its the 6am syndrome. lol. n theres smthg eerie abt the attic. it drives us barmy cos we tend to act in a strange way when we're there. as if we've gone bonkers. like trying to scare each other with weird hues of laughters. i realise im always talking bout my twinnie here.. gets a little boring for my readers. but shes my bestie! so cant help mentioning abt her. hais . better stop else the lesbian nonsense wil cmg bk. wtfk. bleah.

.: saturday :.

went home aft lunch.. cuzzies n niece nephew were all over at my place.. i LOVEEEEEE them. so glad i could be home. cos usually my weekends are burnt. am glad for that chance to be back and spend time with them! then went to ikea in the night with my cousins and their children.. funs, but once in a blue moon pls. u nv know what these kids might do. hahaa.

.: sunday :.

today was shopping at bugis with twin, fish n ruthh..! then took 170 which was as usual flooded with endless chaonehnehs. alighted at twinnies place and then she drove me bk.. went over to look at my "new hse." hais.

on another note, he seems bent on cmg for svc tmr. sigh. and he asked abt ice age. but i really aint interested............. unless he's gonna pay for me which i doubt so. HA HA HA.

supp to go house viewing but it was cancelled.

spoke to the agent over the phone and he asked me to work full time! he asked for my expected pay and i told him 1.5 and he said its reasonable, and may even double it. HAHAHA dont make me laugh can uncle. anyway, am suppose to give him an answer and then i can start work soon. wking hours are 10-6, and its at toa payoh hub. when busy means really busy but when im free i'll be free til i'll get soooooooooooooo frigging bored. HAHA. sounds lucrative eh. sigh. shall pray abt it.

dilemna again..hais i need to talk to turbssssssssssss.

ok im bored outta my frigging mind, and so ive resorted to blogging. was just lamenting that i shd stop bumming ard and get a job! and thennn my mama told me the agent asked if im interested to help him handle some paperwk in his office at toa payoh.. part time basis.. hehs, and since i'll be seeing him tmr, shall ask him abt the details.. since hes the director or smthg, the pay had better be good.. hehs..

and im so boreddd, i painted my nails! half of the nail in black, other half in pink for my left hand. right hand will be half in black, and half in green. see, i told u i was bored! i think it looks quite funky oops *bimbotic moment* but then shall clean it off soon la.. abit outrageous.. and ive been sleeping quite alot! woke up at 1.30 today.. then went for nap at 5.. i can really sleep..

and, np is really stupid. text me to pay my lib fines before i graduate. wth! money-minded! kns.

supp to go for dimsum with my taitais tmr. but last min changes. hope we can meet up nxt wk, cos i miss them! and im so gladd that im finally able to get out of the house tmr! finally. havent step out of it since i came bk from turbs hse on monday..! sooooooo long.. with so little entertainment at home. hais!

i want a holidayyyyyyyyyyyyyy to europe, greece, states, aussie, india, south africa!!! i wantttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. grrrrrrrrrrr.

after much procrastination, ive decided its high time i get my butt cracking and send in my resumes. even tho im still very much enjoying myself, bumming around. however, the moolah have not been cmg in, and i feel so broke. if only i had a rich bf. and when i say rich, i mean filthy rich. then he can buy me all the clothes i want, bring me on a shopping spree in milan, pay for my expenses, get me a car, buy me a house, a yatch, everythg. wouldnt that be cool. but of course, dreams will only remain dreams. if only...

ok back to reality.. was sorting out my letters/cards/etc.. and i realised how much ive missed the old peeps. ij, tss, np. sigh.. why does all gd things have to come to an end. cant we just stop at where we are? why must we grow up? sulks.. i really hate the process.. what im feeling nw is like bullcraps. nt knowing whr to go/what to do. frens are gg to unis, sm have started wk. but im simply clueless where to head next. i guess unis are out of the picture, so it boils down to work. but as what? sigh. sickening.

and each day can only pass by faster and faster. ive already lost track of time. its scaring me. but yet im doing nothing abt it.

=P

isnt this funny. entertaining myself when shes busy doing her work. at least she's nice enough to lend me her feet.

topsy-turvy wkend altogether. great happiness one moment, great sadness the other, what a gamut of emotions! but it was all for the good. sm people are jus worth it, some are not. ive figured it out and im seriously struck by the stark contrast!

sleptover at turbs hse again. yes again.sigh. i shd stop doing it. cos

No1. seeing eunice is like WEIRD. and i meant STRANGE. cos its like Hi, bye. hais. got a feeling she doesnt like me much too.
No2. im disturbing turbs when shes doing her proj. ugh.
No3. i dont have impeccable manners lol

but i swear i was gd last night! i kept quiet when she was doing her work, dont wanna distract her! just tried hard to pry my eyes open so that i can wait for her. and i did.. cos we fell asleep at the wee hours of 6am again! but i drifted to dreamland before marikita! missed it! anyway we woke up at 2pm. piggs. then lunch courtesy to yati and then we watched campus superstar. hahaaa. she laughed at my reaction when teresa won. (-.-)lll hw niceeee. video it smmore? wth. left soon aft eu came bk. i spell - awkward. lol. im glad all things are cleared btw us. and we're gonna escalate up to another level of our exhilarating friendship ride! *grins.

and my silly pops are nt on talking terms cos of a really silly issue. so both have resorted talking to me. hahahhaha. its quite farnie. btw my daddys bday's cmg! wanna give them a treat yet im quite broke. thot of bringing them for dimsum buffet!

i hate uncertainties. and i just dont know what to expect anymore. and im very scared. cos i think ive interpreted it in the right way. and im so freaking scared. sobs. ahhhh. smone help meee!

jurong east swimming pool is hell lots of fun! hehs. pay a cheep 1.5 n u get to use everythg like nobody's biz. floats are only 2bucks. and lockers 20c or 40c. nt like that shite www where everythg wil total up to 20 bucks. but there were too many chaonehnehs already!eeks. company was good old turbs n suaty. threesome again! left the place late, went bugis to get my bag! HEHS. i almost didnt get it! but i did in the end. at the expense of many many things. oh wells. mayb i shdnt have bought it afterall. hais. we caught fragile, then went over to turbs hse and watched da chang jin! courtesy to geoff for recording it! haha. then watched final destination, courtesy of eve! haaaa. GROSSED out as usual.

bunked at turbs place cos mama was attending alpha at ymca... anyway, girl talk as usual, thrash things out and this time we cried our eyes out and nw i got a new name - puffyeyed pongs! so cute can! slept at 6 in the morn n woke up at 11 for prac with a free gift of a stiff neck n backache. haha.. im glad its all cleared. no hard feelings, pinky hook. dont know why these issues are always popping up every nw and then, but i always feel that its for the better. sigh. bad thing is, most of the times im the root of all problems la. i admit it. what a memorable april fool's. scary part is when i sang with the radio to the tunes of shake it off, and then i started laughing hysterically and i think it scared her. she thot i was possessed or smthg. (-.-)||| come to think of it, i think its quite freaky too, didnt really felt normal. shudders.

i've decided its time for me to be nice. then again im always nice. but im gonna try to speak my heart, and not mask from anythg. its so tiring. im just gonna be myself to the ppl i love. no longer wanna lie in my own bed of lies. and im gonna stop being so fickle, so as not to irritate the shit out of others. im gonna be nice, yet stop being so nice when there is no need. haha. ok im confused myself.

was thinking what color to paint my new rm when i shift.. saw these and i thought they look really nice! loved pics 3,4,5 7 from top down, esp the 7th one.. 2 diff shades of turquoise! woohoo niceee~!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

really cranky these few days. am so effing pissed with so many ppl. and the green eye monster is eating into me. damnit. my period shd be here any moment.

chinatowning with joshua on tues. but the rain spoilt it all. anyway, jus walked ard n had dinner. realised how much i wanted the bag! combed so many places for it. ahhhhh. i shall get it, by hook or by crook. hehs. anyway, that ass's grad gpa is like 3.5 or smthg. hell.

anyway, i am really pissed with ppl who initiate a convo, but went off w/o even saying bye, or simply letting the convo hang in mid air. it seriously pissed the shit out of me. dont fucking come and talk to me and go off jus like that.

there are tons of smart ppl ard me i jus realised. all got accepted into nus. i am so happy for them, at the same time cant help feeling green. if only i had realised the importance of it and did smthg to salvage the situation when i was in yr1. its all too late now. sigh. why do we always have regrets. and i dont even know where the future path will lead to. how sickening. am like a wandering spirit, nt knowing where i shd set foot. its really getting into me today. fuck it.

my msn kaki said i have to blog abt out outing on fri. so here it goes.

was a cosmopolitan grp this time! june pearlie beehar and me! haha like a reunion! nevertheless, had a great time of catching up with the babes. cont to shopping with june aft pea n bee left! got same earrings! haaa we got similar tastes in certain things HAHA. anyway mad girl la kept exclaiming every now and then. CRAZY. hope we'll meet up soon! hehs.

saturday had prac as usual, then went out with turbs. have been looking forward to saturday, so many things to tell her! we caught the hills have eyes. all gore n violence. eeks! i always have 'good recommendations' according to her! always loved my bestie's company! wonder what i'll be w/o her. its amazing how close we get tho we can be quite different in many ways. but she's been really encouraging, esp with all the trauma that ive to face. and she was telling me so what if she stays in a big house and all, but theres no warmth in it, and that she returns home but yet can have nobody to talk to, cos everyone's in their own rooms and doing their own things. sigh. she's trying to make me feel much better and to appreciate the fact that my folks treasures what i think and feel abt the issue, yet at her own expense. haiis. guess the grass is always greener at the other side. nevertheless, am jus gonna keep her n family in prayers. cos i knw how hard she've tried, but nt to much avail.

took the bus back tog ytd, and smthg dreadful happened to her! she alighted at hwachong, and when she was crossing the bridge, she felt smone bumping into her. and so she apologised. it was actually a SICK INDIAN ASSHOLE. he went infront of her and pulled down his zip to show her his fucking cock. kept asking her to look cos its big. oh my goodness. that must have traumatised the poor girl so much! she was so angry with that chao nehneh, but yet kept composed and shouted at him to go away. this is so worrying! men. then only think with their fucking cocks. but im so thankful that that was all he did. couldnt imagine if he pulled her into the bushes and did other more horrendous things. ugh. the thought of it is scary enough. haiis. poor girl, couldnt even get a good night's rest cos the images of that bloody chaonehneh kept flashing in her mind. stupid CNN fucker. hope the girl's ok already. sigh. what a way to end the night.

was talking to her on the phone at the lobby, then waited when theres no one before i went into the lift, then 2 angmohs jus got bk. pengs. haha and they asked no bf to send u back? haha and said i can choose btw the 2 of them. sweat. anyway, they were so sweet - "goodnight my dear, sleep tight." they had me there. haha.

 

ok. the moment of truth is out. stupid damn results.

see the C+ over there? thanks to my niceee hpm tutor who gave us really accurate tips so that we can score really well for our papers. really helped us so much. am so grateful.

the rest.. sigh.. was hoping for an A. too far-fetched i guess. cem i expected smthg better. dot n ib's ok. hcomm n wisp aint that impt. atm B im ok. satisfied except for hpm. damned.bullcraps. logged into npal at 9 and thot that my gpa for this sem's 2.7319. was so disappointed. then i jus checked again at 12 and it was actually 3.0417! happieeee. hahaa so easily satisfied. turned out 2.7319's the graduating gpa. hell with it. thats so much more impt but i did so badly. really regret nt doing well during the first 3 sems of sch! its all too late i guess. and stupid uni need 3.5 to get in. only 2.7319 and i hope to get into a uni? FAT HOPE. bleah.

kbox with the 2 woman.. hahaaaa. feels like we didnt sing alot but was damn tired.. meet up again SOON!

ps. eve if u are reading this, dont be too demoralised by the results ok. cos anyway, we graduated! (:

nvm. at least im happy for the gpa for this sem. thats hw i console myself. i need to talk to stepsis soon! missing her lots!

ok so they spilled the news over mac breakie on monday. nt like i was ready for it. that was the last thing which i expected them to tell me. strange thing is i didnt feel much. jus wondering what it will be like, and more importantly where we'll be located nxt.

so e first person i told was turbs, cos only she knows what ive been thru. and she so totally understand and im so thankful for that. smtimes u do nt require ppl to tell u what to do, but simply being there in tears or laughters will suffice. the aches may be setting in, >> but having known the fact that smone is there for u, i guess everything is not that bad, because if anything goes wrong, theres always that someone to rely on. "It doesn't take much to be someone's hero. Just do what you always do". I realised the truth of the sentence. Just accompany one, and give the person the strength and courage to walk on, and you are a hero to the person, like what turbs did. <<

time to put down my pride. and tell myself it cant be peaches and cream all the time. perhaps its time i learn to grow up, put myself in their shoes, and think like an adult, whether i like it or not. it sure aint gonna be easy for me as well as for them, but as long as God is in the picture, im pretty sure all will be fine. smhw, after hearing what the interior and all were like, im starting to get a little excited.

monday was tanning with fish but to no avail cos of the gloomy weather! aft tt went btp to play pool with vincent ruth n nick. haaa been ages since i last did that!

tues... was bored stiff, and was asking God to ask smone to ask me out and kaikit smsed.. went to watch yours mine and ours, haha cuteeee show.. hehheh.. then walk ard, did sm retail therapy! it really work wonders i gathered! time to reward myself for the "trauma" on monday. haha.. and i told my mama abt the bkk trip.. and shes gonna foot half of the bill cos of the trauma they instilled on me! wahaha.. threatening rocks! am so excited bout the trip now. wheee~!

kakis, kbox n dimsum buffet soon pls!

bibliography
http://www.xthost.info/sharontan/poohmemories.html

whoa. it was an intensive & critical camp. a little too hot for me to handle. sighs. mayb he shdnt be so direct since he is not in the ministry, and he cannot jus assess us like this. but anyway, he hit the spot la. attacked on our weak points and all. but then i was thinking jus what changes will there be after this camp. then came the evaluation, kena shot a few times! super sianded. was damn pissed. plus they were really focusing on the wrong stuff. all the nitty gritty shits such as having musicians wear BLACK PANTS and BLACK COVERED SHOES. wth. and whether to get a wardrobe. put here or there. i mean come on its DUH can! alamak. sigh. at times i jus dunno what these ppl were thinking.

and then all the drama begin. cold war. haaa. had both of us in tears. decided to kiss n make up and the channel was a pantyliner plastered on the door when i came out from the loo. cuteee. HAHA. then the even last episode of the drama. was so awkward! madness. dunno why the sudden mood swing also. sigh. and they are gonna get married soon? liek wth. im sorry but i seriously doubt they can live happily ever after. lets pray that God will lead them to the correct path and all..

overall.. nice humongous place, smwhat like a british colonial house! niceeeeeeeeee! hehs. and the toilets are damn clean n new. hehs. toilets are the most impt to me! haaa. ok these are all besides the pt. anyway, quite enriching, learnt quite alot. hope to bring the lessons back and apply it to my daily life.

_________________________________________________________________

dot just told me over msn that there was once she had a heated argument with eunice. and eunice blurted out that she's not her sister and that im more like her sister instead. *gasps* dumbfounded can. sigh. never wanted things to end up that way. i shall make an effort to be chummy to eu. but i dont wanna appear fake. damn. and smtimes i feel that suat is also being left out. im a real bitch.always upsetting ppl ard me. haii.

on the other note. i really need to get a job. barista at starbucks sounds fun, but hate to go for intvs. sians. damnit. need $$$ for camp, for bangkok trip! ugh. anyone with job lobangs pls lemme noeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. danke.

i guess boredom really kills. so here comes another one of my cynical entry? i dont know. perhaps not.

anyway was blogsurfing.. then saw shazzie's blog, on hw she was thanking Ruth for being in the rain with her last saturday.. then mayb thot i can like drop smtg for dot too.

anyway, an extraction fr shazzie's blog..so here it goes.

Next thing, I must thank ruth for being in the rain with me. I don't know what I will feel without you there. Everywhere was quiet except the two of us rushing. We were in the rain, we can't breathe and see clearly, yet I saw how you cared. Thank you! The rain drops were like hails beating down on your skin, aching every single drop, but with you there, I guess everything is just not that bad, because I know that if anything goes wrong, there's always one to rely on. Thank you for volunteering to go with me. Really glad to have you as a friend. I feel like using Cynthia's line. "It doesn't take much to be someone's hero. Just do what you always do". I realised the truth of the sentence. Just accompany one, and give the person the strength and courage to walk on, and you are a hero to the person, like what ruth did. Thank you! =)

sweet one. and it just dawned on me that dot did the same. it started raining heavily and she went off ta help the rest move our bags into the shelter, but asking me before hand if i'll be fine. she then went off, but told me to wait for her at the exact same spot, cos she'll come pick me up. i must say it seemed like a hell long wait. imagine dripping wet at the hawker centre, lonely, not knowing when she will come bk. a wait of despair i would say, being out there in the cold. but she did in the end, and i was delighted to see her. imagine being stuck there all alone. the rest all together in the shelter. so glad she came bk for me. its the small things in life that makes me learn how to appreciate em more. what would i be w/o her. i really dont know. tho most of the times i'd wonder if we'll be as close if celine is still ard. then again. nvm. cos i live for the moment.

a quick peek into the happenings...

satty was with the elijahs n joshuas... we went kayaking at ecp! haaa.. dumb yujun n anthony kept wanting to capsize our kayak.. but in the end, had a race back, and they were superrr slow. haaa. damn funny.. anyway cute boys. smhw the reshuffle might do us gd. and im so glad that dot have started to take a fancy on them.. the issue nw is prolly being a assis cell leader, a role model and all. but i sure hope she can gel with them.. i believe all are different. in fact, everyone is special in his or her way, and i really do treasure all the unique identities in us. i realise im beginning to love the elijahs n joshuas more now.. its indescribable. heartwarming i would say. like a big family. diff age grp but stil like 1 big fam. moving over into a new cell will sure bring by many changes. but smhw im looking for it. sigh. dont know if its good or bad. its so confusing. i jus dunno what to expect.

anyway seems like its gonna be a busy year ahead with the endless happenings. mayb i shd start to withdraw fr them all and disappear. sigh.

the weather didnt do us justice. cos jus as we were riding for less than 15 mins it started pouring. and i almost fell. a serious one. but thank God no. sigh. still got the phobia of riding a bicycle. wth. i swear that bike wasnt cooperating at all. damn.

sunddy was watching dorm, and it was the least bit scary. yawns. i think ive grown out of horror.. need some thriller to keep the suspense cmg.

worship camp is less than 4 days away. and i am anticipating it but at the same time ... ... cos ah mei casually asked me to bunk with her. ugh. i am so torn. cos if i do so, dot will bunk with who? haii. and if i bunk with dot, mei will bunk with who? sigh. sian. why am i so well liked by so many ppl? haaaaaaaaaaaaa. *slaps. this is indeed a dilemna. a dumb one in fact. y shd i even bother man. mayb they shd bunk with each other and i shall sleep with pastor phoebe or smthg. HAHA. dont wanna think abt it. meanwhile, will cont packing my room.. and i better start to buy straits times. sighhh.

rather fruitful week thus far.. cant believe i enjoyed every minute of cleaning my room, wiping the cupboards, rearranging the furnitures, stickin the postcards on the wall, putting all my lovelies into display. endless fun i would say. so happy. ive waited damn long for this.

have been tanning yesterday and today, jus want to get a nice tan and look healthy! hehs. got myself a pair of shoes, and 2 music scores from yamaha. waste of money on the score bks. am already regretting it. aint even jazzy songs. i shd go esplanade lib n be a member and borrow all their score bks.

other than that... im having a great time rotting at home,watching tv.. feels so good to wake up at any time u like, not having to do anythg. shiok man. but of cos, the funds are gonna run dry soon, how to go bkk like that. sigh! need to get my butt cracking, earn a living aft music camp nxt wk. sigh i hate it. but what can be done. damn.

past weekend had been awesome!

felt a tiny twinge of guilt on fri, cos kept shunning from all the responsibilities, and kept delegating. but oh well, there is a reason them all, for i dont want to appear to be superficial, doing things not from the bottom of my heart. i jus hate it all.

icekimo with nick aud ruth vin anthony n pongs after prayer mtg. took the van down, haaaa i lurrvee taking the van.nick sent us back to pong's and we drove to prata cafe at nie.. had our dinner til abt 2am then went bk. and our girls talk till 5.30 in the morning. two consecutive nights of being up til 5.30 is really crazy. anyway, i loveeee pongs house. so big and nice. jus that i thot if i were her, i will prolly deco the attic much more to make it like my little heaven! anyway, the girl nv fail to shock me with her endless information on mutilation. is like gross. cutting and eating each other's privates. PUI*

sat was watching mrs henderson presents and shopping shopping and more shopping. went to the career fair and it was so disappointing la. haiis. shop and shop but i got nothing, and that pongs got so many things. mango,gg5,mphosis,pazzion. pengs. had carls for dinner. and they didnt have onion rings. wth. they dont have it at 9pm cos the stall for it had already closed. wthhhh! and they dont have that salsa chilli sauce.! ahhhhhhhhhh. so nice to a person who havent got anything on the shopping trip. damnn.

sunday... had the fellowship with the rest.. the talk on harry potter, and the da vinci code was, well boring i would say. i caught nick and amanda dozing off haahhaha. wth! then it was nanny mcphee! soooo nice and heartwarming and cute! grins. mad jacks for dinner yums and then we went to island creamery! it has been a FAT weekend, piling up on all the ice cream and fast food. HAHA. anyway, it was a good weekend. nv felt so happy for a longggg timee. shiok! and theres more cmg, ecp on sat, music min camp! cant wait! wheee~!

APPARENTLY, grace's gg for music min camp too. oh wells. i sure feel weird. haha. in fact, i am ego abt it. cos i think she will wanna bunk with me. or rather i assume she assumes that i wil bunk with her. but then, she will sure make a hooha saying oh u gonna bunk with yr twinnie blah right. which gets on my nerves. to hell with it. anyway, pongs is my first priority, haha the rest are secondary! and eunice might be gg too.might as well. last reunion to thrash things out before we go our separate ways.

so much rubbish to think when one have so much free time.

talking to turbs on msn will result to not being asleep at 4.15 am. think i will hit the sheest at 5am. madness. ahaha. but at least i can dump out my rants.

haha nah. its 5.30. and im gg off soon.

ok. time to party and make merry. i jus realised ive reached the point of my life whereby i have no idea whatsoever what to do next. and its kinda frustrating and nerve-wrecking. sigh. guess i will just take a step at a time.

i must say all my papers went relatively well, by the grace of God. jus hope for an A perhaps. but it seemed a little far-fetched. but i sure do not hope to get any Cs. in fact, i have absolute faith that i wont get any C. HAHA! anyway, am delighted that i dont have to study for now! haha.. all that seating in the dining table are numbing my ass! and i finally realized how comfortable it is to be able to sit on my pretty sofa and watch nice tv shows, WITHOUT having to carry notes and memorise shit. *bliss.

off to IMM with sj n eve, then took xiaolan to town to catch final destination 3, which ithought was nice! hahaaa.. didnt know i will like it. lurveee it tho it scared the shit outta me nevertheless. and then back home to pack my clothes and all.. tidy up the stuff. clearing away all my notes.

and she's back tonight to pack her things, and off she goes back to her country! and the whole room will be mine, and i can decorate it the way i like, and invite my frens for a sleepover!! got my 60bucks pay today, like aft 2 whole mths? like wth. frigging long. but at least its here.

it will be hendersoning with turbs tmr and i shall go bunk there. haaaa. and then theres the prayer mtg. which is like ............ sigh sigh SIGH.

anyway sj did this ppt thingy for me and eve. like so sweet can, and i was a little paiseh, cos i got nothing for them. but meanwhile, i shall think of smthg and get it done for them. hehs.

goodbye my friends. and till we meet again.

well... time for a little update...

the week have been spent at home studying for the papers with two exceptions on tues and thurs. shall forget about the details.

was a little dumbfounded by cem paper..the qns look foreign, guess its cause of the way they phrase it. but it went well, thankfully..able to answer them w/o much problems

today. oh wells. im pissed. pissed with the rigid bureacracy. pissed with being ordered to do this and that. i am starting to feel that the church sucks. the management sucks. everythg is being told unto us. and there was nv once when they seek our opinions whatsoever. so maddening. and the poor girl was in tears. always forcing us to do things against our wishes. sigh. whatever la. freaks. think its time for break and switch of environment.

oh im so happy! cos it was an awesome sunday, despite waiting for turbs for 3whopping hrs cos of the dumb mtg. haii.

anyway. God pays attention to details i guessed. Rev praised me infront of the whole congre, both mandarin and canto, abt how my skills have improved but i werent there to listen both times. anyway. hmm. i think God is telling to take heart cos He cares. im glad. (:

caught the fog. was a dumb show la. sigh. shouldve known better than to watch it! but nvm since the companys good. bcos we are mtg only like once a wk, i think its gd. better in fact! cos absence makes the heart grows fonder, and we wil like treasure it. perhaps mtg too often may not be gd afterall cos we tend to take each other for granted. and i can see that things are improving, at least im more real towards the girl, not wearing too many masks. cos that is tiring. walk all the way to grange rd aft the movie. hahaha and i scare her silly. so funny. anyway, im love walking, jus like how i do it with liz. actuallyi think if u have gd company, it doesnt matter what u to.

took a bus back to her plc then we drove out to macs for a drink. shared abt the happenings and cell grp lunch. kinda sad abt the superficial things we say regarding the food and all. wish there was a breakthru. but nv la guess. im so glad she wanted that breakthru. but its jus hard. sigh. and time doesnt permit us to do so. im kinda dreading it when the day comes.

finally met up with pat today! the last time was like sept 20. faints. anyway its good to see her, the usual bitchfits and retail therapy. today, i got a shirt fr zara and a pair of shoes. another pair of pumps. wanted to exchange for the black one aft that but the stupid sales staff said NO. was like wtf la, damn pissed. but nvm, since its only 9.90. am so tempted to get the black pair, as well as that white bag. but it costs a whopping 44.90. that will be a permanent damage to my fortune. but i loveeee it so much. ahhhh.

on the bad note, it was a sucky night. cos of the bloody music practice. am so pissed. they shd have at least told me first, instead of telling her. the feeling sucks. feel like im a second class citizen. i know im no way better than her, but stil, u could have told me first. fuck. i am pissed. but more of disappointed. sigh. words can never express how i feel. this is gonna be so sucky. feel like calling it quits! perhaps i shd. have been up there almost every wk. sigh. feel like taking a break. visiting other churches. or jus rot at home. cos im soooo bloody disappointed. madness. the more i think abt it, the more mad i get. fumes*

to top it off, the application to the unis have driven me to the grave too. all the essays. sigh. wanna write on smthg diff but nothign comes to my head. and the filling up of my grades are simply demoralising. ahhhhh. but i thot perhaps i shd jus give it a shot, cos i wil never know the outcome til the last min. at least it wil be fulfilled, not an answered answer.

night gone wrong.

better day tmr pls.

so sick. couldnt sleep well at all. drag myself outta bed and went for atm lecture. was convulsing the whole time, stomach kept churning. felt damn cold and couldnt concentrate at all. so i gave the tut a miss and took a cab home. then it was sleeping and sleeping and more sleeping. head felt woozy! ugh. feel so sucky to be sick! got this creepy feeling that im gonna kena chicken pox. ahhhh! dont want dont want!!! sobs.

on another note, woke up at 2am and see the nice sms from stepsis. always such touching smses that we exchange. haha. stating that the offer for dinner at 15 watten dr is still standing! damn funny. let out a snort when i saw it. haha. and that black beauty rose bud! awaiting it to blossom for sharing, and then keeping it as a favourite dried flower. sweet! hehs. and the growing old. cant wait. having that special connection and all.

on the other note, talked to mei online today. and i realised its all abt eug. its starting to make me feel so sick. and talking to suat, its her telling me where she gg today blah with her frens dinner where blah. i mean cmmon, im not even the least bit interested. it bores me to death. yawns.

i realised 11 more days and i wil have my first paper. so scary!!! ahhhh.

sun 12thfeb

lunch at crystal jade with the cellies. jus wonder how long more can we stil do that tog. had cell aft that. which was terrible i guess. poor girl kept talking while the other 3 jus shut their mouths, getting busy with folding craps. that always happen. w/o fail. chatty and all over lunch and once we're in that rm, it all happen again. horrendous la.

turbs acc me to jp aft that. been eons since we last went there. cleared sm stuff along the way. talk abt having best friends and all. jus occured to me how on earth wil a 7 yr old boy knows that mr abia is her bestie? must be the dad and that uncle nick. thot that was a little nice.

i opened the phone and saw the girl. hehs. she looked a bit alarmed, like how i feel when the same happens. then again. it wil be duh if is us. haha.

im under the weather. damnit. flubug bugging me. damn. hate the damn throat.

we havent gone out tog the whole of this week. weird it may seem. but i already gather the fact that she is too busy dating christopher to go out with me. so there, its ok, i wil get sad and wallow in self-pity. thats what i always do. and there nv is any solution for that. didnt exchange sms also except on sunday. guess i need to get over it! once ppl have bf, off u go, no matter how close u used to be. i will be fine. thats the least i can enc myself. hehs. tmr wil go over to help her. cant help wondering if she wil be gg out with ct aft that. hahaha. smhow i wish she wil tell me. but i think she is prolly keeping mum abt this. cos for fear i may laugh at her? then again i dnt think theres anythg which i dunno yet. sigh. i will get thru this! if only i had a bf. hahaha. juneee chin stop laughing.

went over to sy' anuties hse. sigh. so HUGE can. somemore got pond with fishes inside the house. so damn nice la. isnt it good to be rich. why are there ppl who are so poor and ppl who are so rich? its so unfair. very very unfair. but ive learn to take it in my stride already la. haii. depressing nite.

today was classes til 3, then head to town with sijie and eve, got clothes fr fox. hehs. retail therapy yet again! really like my nick- when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. haha. so lame can! then watched casanova with them and keith, nice chap, changed my impression of him. haha. if only i had a bf like him. hehs. anyway, nice show. home sweet home. lets hope for a good sat.

first time in poly life that i submitted a proj 2 days before the deadline! i mean cmon, its 2 whopping days! screw the fact that we didnt know abt the extension. but anyway, that was the last project in my life. and it felt good. first time that we are able to get it done w/o much conflicts. tho i was pissed in the noon when they were playing mahjong. anyway, i feel that ive done a whole lot, so im pretty pleased abt that, except that i dont know much abt the figures. glad its all cleared. which also means that its time to start studying, cos exams is 2 wks later! madness.

had them over since monday, and i jus realised how much i hate the twins. its like they are always so full of sarcarsm for me. they need to really study and learn how to communicate with others. being in my house yet taking me and my things for granted. bitches. to hell with it. eeks. they turn me off totally. puiii.

mini celeb for sj's bday at nydc. havent got the girl anythg, except for the cake which cost a whopping 3.80. for sucha small slice! what a ripoff. hehs. got nail polish at sasa. afttt over at west mall to top up buscard and then went walk ard. op gt sale! almost wanted to get the skirt except that it was a tad too long. good thing. else i would spend again. was abt to leave the place when i saw the popular sale. hehs. and i got a book called be beautiful. lalala. teaches abt hair, face, body etc. then even at ntuc i can get wrapping papers. i am a sucker for giftwraps! haha. i am a true blue shoppaholic who buys everything!

thnk its time to start saving and curb my spending. but i simply love retail therapy! which girl doesnt???

anyway. V day is coming! which means................... im gonna be dateless! for the 20th time in my life! haha.. quite sad. but nvm. think i shall stay at home and watch tv! what a loser. sobs.

truly well spent wkend with all my loves. its been a long time since i really enjoyed myself with them. i guess acceptance is really impt. and like what ruth said, sounds corny but we really lived like one big family. enjoy all the visitings, all the fellowshipings, all the travelling around in one whole big gang. its sooo heartwarming. but all good things have to come to an end. thats what i hate the most.

overnight at dots place on fri, with suat this time, cos she so wouldnt believe that she will wanna go. and of course i won. and i peeped at it again, and i found out that she have been mtg him!! ok im being a real kaypoh bitch, i admit. infact im knocking into her privacy. ugh. and when i saw it, i was like ok, she got a bf, and shes so gonna chuck me aside soon like what ah mei did to me. cant help feeling upset. ok fine. i guess im thinking too much. cos they have jus met for like prolly 3 times, and i already decided that they will get married. on 1 hand, im happy cos hes a catholic, at least i hope hes not some rotten apple. and he sounds quite decent. ha. then again. im jus sad la. cos i know the same will happen. and history wil repeat itself and no one wil have time for me.

but i guess thats life. frens dont belong to me. yes that fact hurts. but ultimately, we'll be gg separate ways. perhaps i shdnt even be thinking till that far. cos who knows i may be fetched upstairs i hope. tmr. or later. sigh.

and i was getting all so emo cos the fun's over, and its back to reality, school tmr, and shes gonna chuck me aside. but then the sms came, haha right smack all the timing and hot tears started rolling down the cheeks. feels so good to cry. im loving it.

and i realised how i have to learn to put myself in other people's shoes. like in the bus, suat wil always sit alone cos dot wil def sit nxt to me. and its sad. real saddening. but yet i aint the slightest bit empathetic/sympathetic/sensitive. smtimes i think i deserve tons of slaps across the face. im guilty yet not ashamed.

ok so its weddy! which means i have my intv and role play tmr. fuck! sianings. dreading it like theres no tmr. jus want it done and over with. and i'll be a happy soul. hehs. wanna do some retail therapy. i need to get shoes! but not like i will wear them. damn. always buying but nv wearing. haii. and i need to ask turbs to quickly get the air tics if we are confirm gg. cos i am so afraid i will spend all my savings. that will be real badd.

other than that, life has been pretty much peaches and cream. went to the pool to tan these 2 days. shall cont to do it tmr shd the weather do me justice. hehs. wanna get back my tan! then turbs wont laugh at meee. sobs. i need to work on a nice one. but gg down alone can be so boring and scary. sigh. still, im gonna muster my courage for the sake of my skin. jus a couple of times more and i shall stop. stil havent get the cloth for my mama to make the oriental top. wondering if i shd get it done or jus forget abt it. ahhhh. so mafans. puiii.

cant wait for the weekend to come so that i can hang out with my loves!