my msn kaki said i have to blog abt out outing on fri. so here it goes.

was a cosmopolitan grp this time! june pearlie beehar and me! haha like a reunion! nevertheless, had a great time of catching up with the babes. cont to shopping with june aft pea n bee left! got same earrings! haaa we got similar tastes in certain things HAHA. anyway mad girl la kept exclaiming every now and then. CRAZY. hope we'll meet up soon! hehs.

saturday had prac as usual, then went out with turbs. have been looking forward to saturday, so many things to tell her! we caught the hills have eyes. all gore n violence. eeks! i always have 'good recommendations' according to her! always loved my bestie's company! wonder what i'll be w/o her. its amazing how close we get tho we can be quite different in many ways. but she's been really encouraging, esp with all the trauma that ive to face. and she was telling me so what if she stays in a big house and all, but theres no warmth in it, and that she returns home but yet can have nobody to talk to, cos everyone's in their own rooms and doing their own things. sigh. she's trying to make me feel much better and to appreciate the fact that my folks treasures what i think and feel abt the issue, yet at her own expense. haiis. guess the grass is always greener at the other side. nevertheless, am jus gonna keep her n family in prayers. cos i knw how hard she've tried, but nt to much avail.

took the bus back tog ytd, and smthg dreadful happened to her! she alighted at hwachong, and when she was crossing the bridge, she felt smone bumping into her. and so she apologised. it was actually a SICK INDIAN ASSHOLE. he went infront of her and pulled down his zip to show her his fucking cock. kept asking her to look cos its big. oh my goodness. that must have traumatised the poor girl so much! she was so angry with that chao nehneh, but yet kept composed and shouted at him to go away. this is so worrying! men. then only think with their fucking cocks. but im so thankful that that was all he did. couldnt imagine if he pulled her into the bushes and did other more horrendous things. ugh. the thought of it is scary enough. haiis. poor girl, couldnt even get a good night's rest cos the images of that bloody chaonehneh kept flashing in her mind. stupid CNN fucker. hope the girl's ok already. sigh. what a way to end the night.

was talking to her on the phone at the lobby, then waited when theres no one before i went into the lift, then 2 angmohs jus got bk. pengs. haha and they asked no bf to send u back? haha and said i can choose btw the 2 of them. sweat. anyway, they were so sweet - "goodnight my dear, sleep tight." they had me there. haha.

 

ok. the moment of truth is out. stupid damn results.

see the C+ over there? thanks to my niceee hpm tutor who gave us really accurate tips so that we can score really well for our papers. really helped us so much. am so grateful.

the rest.. sigh.. was hoping for an A. too far-fetched i guess. cem i expected smthg better. dot n ib's ok. hcomm n wisp aint that impt. atm B im ok. satisfied except for hpm. damned.bullcraps. logged into npal at 9 and thot that my gpa for this sem's 2.7319. was so disappointed. then i jus checked again at 12 and it was actually 3.0417! happieeee. hahaa so easily satisfied. turned out 2.7319's the graduating gpa. hell with it. thats so much more impt but i did so badly. really regret nt doing well during the first 3 sems of sch! its all too late i guess. and stupid uni need 3.5 to get in. only 2.7319 and i hope to get into a uni? FAT HOPE. bleah.

kbox with the 2 woman.. hahaaaa. feels like we didnt sing alot but was damn tired.. meet up again SOON!

ps. eve if u are reading this, dont be too demoralised by the results ok. cos anyway, we graduated! (:

nvm. at least im happy for the gpa for this sem. thats hw i console myself. i need to talk to stepsis soon! missing her lots!

ok so they spilled the news over mac breakie on monday. nt like i was ready for it. that was the last thing which i expected them to tell me. strange thing is i didnt feel much. jus wondering what it will be like, and more importantly where we'll be located nxt.

so e first person i told was turbs, cos only she knows what ive been thru. and she so totally understand and im so thankful for that. smtimes u do nt require ppl to tell u what to do, but simply being there in tears or laughters will suffice. the aches may be setting in, >> but having known the fact that smone is there for u, i guess everything is not that bad, because if anything goes wrong, theres always that someone to rely on. "It doesn't take much to be someone's hero. Just do what you always do". I realised the truth of the sentence. Just accompany one, and give the person the strength and courage to walk on, and you are a hero to the person, like what turbs did. <<

time to put down my pride. and tell myself it cant be peaches and cream all the time. perhaps its time i learn to grow up, put myself in their shoes, and think like an adult, whether i like it or not. it sure aint gonna be easy for me as well as for them, but as long as God is in the picture, im pretty sure all will be fine. smhw, after hearing what the interior and all were like, im starting to get a little excited.

monday was tanning with fish but to no avail cos of the gloomy weather! aft tt went btp to play pool with vincent ruth n nick. haaa been ages since i last did that!

tues... was bored stiff, and was asking God to ask smone to ask me out and kaikit smsed.. went to watch yours mine and ours, haha cuteeee show.. hehheh.. then walk ard, did sm retail therapy! it really work wonders i gathered! time to reward myself for the "trauma" on monday. haha.. and i told my mama abt the bkk trip.. and shes gonna foot half of the bill cos of the trauma they instilled on me! wahaha.. threatening rocks! am so excited bout the trip now. wheee~!

kakis, kbox n dimsum buffet soon pls!

bibliography
http://www.xthost.info/sharontan/poohmemories.html

whoa. it was an intensive & critical camp. a little too hot for me to handle. sighs. mayb he shdnt be so direct since he is not in the ministry, and he cannot jus assess us like this. but anyway, he hit the spot la. attacked on our weak points and all. but then i was thinking jus what changes will there be after this camp. then came the evaluation, kena shot a few times! super sianded. was damn pissed. plus they were really focusing on the wrong stuff. all the nitty gritty shits such as having musicians wear BLACK PANTS and BLACK COVERED SHOES. wth. and whether to get a wardrobe. put here or there. i mean come on its DUH can! alamak. sigh. at times i jus dunno what these ppl were thinking.

and then all the drama begin. cold war. haaa. had both of us in tears. decided to kiss n make up and the channel was a pantyliner plastered on the door when i came out from the loo. cuteee. HAHA. then the even last episode of the drama. was so awkward! madness. dunno why the sudden mood swing also. sigh. and they are gonna get married soon? liek wth. im sorry but i seriously doubt they can live happily ever after. lets pray that God will lead them to the correct path and all..

overall.. nice humongous place, smwhat like a british colonial house! niceeeeeeeeee! hehs. and the toilets are damn clean n new. hehs. toilets are the most impt to me! haaa. ok these are all besides the pt. anyway, quite enriching, learnt quite alot. hope to bring the lessons back and apply it to my daily life.

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dot just told me over msn that there was once she had a heated argument with eunice. and eunice blurted out that she's not her sister and that im more like her sister instead. *gasps* dumbfounded can. sigh. never wanted things to end up that way. i shall make an effort to be chummy to eu. but i dont wanna appear fake. damn. and smtimes i feel that suat is also being left out. im a real bitch.always upsetting ppl ard me. haii.

on the other note. i really need to get a job. barista at starbucks sounds fun, but hate to go for intvs. sians. damnit. need $$$ for camp, for bangkok trip! ugh. anyone with job lobangs pls lemme noeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. danke.

i guess boredom really kills. so here comes another one of my cynical entry? i dont know. perhaps not.

anyway was blogsurfing.. then saw shazzie's blog, on hw she was thanking Ruth for being in the rain with her last saturday.. then mayb thot i can like drop smtg for dot too.

anyway, an extraction fr shazzie's blog..so here it goes.

Next thing, I must thank ruth for being in the rain with me. I don't know what I will feel without you there. Everywhere was quiet except the two of us rushing. We were in the rain, we can't breathe and see clearly, yet I saw how you cared. Thank you! The rain drops were like hails beating down on your skin, aching every single drop, but with you there, I guess everything is just not that bad, because I know that if anything goes wrong, there's always one to rely on. Thank you for volunteering to go with me. Really glad to have you as a friend. I feel like using Cynthia's line. "It doesn't take much to be someone's hero. Just do what you always do". I realised the truth of the sentence. Just accompany one, and give the person the strength and courage to walk on, and you are a hero to the person, like what ruth did. Thank you! =)

sweet one. and it just dawned on me that dot did the same. it started raining heavily and she went off ta help the rest move our bags into the shelter, but asking me before hand if i'll be fine. she then went off, but told me to wait for her at the exact same spot, cos she'll come pick me up. i must say it seemed like a hell long wait. imagine dripping wet at the hawker centre, lonely, not knowing when she will come bk. a wait of despair i would say, being out there in the cold. but she did in the end, and i was delighted to see her. imagine being stuck there all alone. the rest all together in the shelter. so glad she came bk for me. its the small things in life that makes me learn how to appreciate em more. what would i be w/o her. i really dont know. tho most of the times i'd wonder if we'll be as close if celine is still ard. then again. nvm. cos i live for the moment.

a quick peek into the happenings...

satty was with the elijahs n joshuas... we went kayaking at ecp! haaa.. dumb yujun n anthony kept wanting to capsize our kayak.. but in the end, had a race back, and they were superrr slow. haaa. damn funny.. anyway cute boys. smhw the reshuffle might do us gd. and im so glad that dot have started to take a fancy on them.. the issue nw is prolly being a assis cell leader, a role model and all. but i sure hope she can gel with them.. i believe all are different. in fact, everyone is special in his or her way, and i really do treasure all the unique identities in us. i realise im beginning to love the elijahs n joshuas more now.. its indescribable. heartwarming i would say. like a big family. diff age grp but stil like 1 big fam. moving over into a new cell will sure bring by many changes. but smhw im looking for it. sigh. dont know if its good or bad. its so confusing. i jus dunno what to expect.

anyway seems like its gonna be a busy year ahead with the endless happenings. mayb i shd start to withdraw fr them all and disappear. sigh.

the weather didnt do us justice. cos jus as we were riding for less than 15 mins it started pouring. and i almost fell. a serious one. but thank God no. sigh. still got the phobia of riding a bicycle. wth. i swear that bike wasnt cooperating at all. damn.

sunddy was watching dorm, and it was the least bit scary. yawns. i think ive grown out of horror.. need some thriller to keep the suspense cmg.

worship camp is less than 4 days away. and i am anticipating it but at the same time ... ... cos ah mei casually asked me to bunk with her. ugh. i am so torn. cos if i do so, dot will bunk with who? haii. and if i bunk with dot, mei will bunk with who? sigh. sian. why am i so well liked by so many ppl? haaaaaaaaaaaaa. *slaps. this is indeed a dilemna. a dumb one in fact. y shd i even bother man. mayb they shd bunk with each other and i shall sleep with pastor phoebe or smthg. HAHA. dont wanna think abt it. meanwhile, will cont packing my room.. and i better start to buy straits times. sighhh.

rather fruitful week thus far.. cant believe i enjoyed every minute of cleaning my room, wiping the cupboards, rearranging the furnitures, stickin the postcards on the wall, putting all my lovelies into display. endless fun i would say. so happy. ive waited damn long for this.

have been tanning yesterday and today, jus want to get a nice tan and look healthy! hehs. got myself a pair of shoes, and 2 music scores from yamaha. waste of money on the score bks. am already regretting it. aint even jazzy songs. i shd go esplanade lib n be a member and borrow all their score bks.

other than that... im having a great time rotting at home,watching tv.. feels so good to wake up at any time u like, not having to do anythg. shiok man. but of cos, the funds are gonna run dry soon, how to go bkk like that. sigh! need to get my butt cracking, earn a living aft music camp nxt wk. sigh i hate it. but what can be done. damn.

past weekend had been awesome!

felt a tiny twinge of guilt on fri, cos kept shunning from all the responsibilities, and kept delegating. but oh well, there is a reason them all, for i dont want to appear to be superficial, doing things not from the bottom of my heart. i jus hate it all.

icekimo with nick aud ruth vin anthony n pongs after prayer mtg. took the van down, haaaa i lurrvee taking the van.nick sent us back to pong's and we drove to prata cafe at nie.. had our dinner til abt 2am then went bk. and our girls talk till 5.30 in the morning. two consecutive nights of being up til 5.30 is really crazy. anyway, i loveeee pongs house. so big and nice. jus that i thot if i were her, i will prolly deco the attic much more to make it like my little heaven! anyway, the girl nv fail to shock me with her endless information on mutilation. is like gross. cutting and eating each other's privates. PUI*

sat was watching mrs henderson presents and shopping shopping and more shopping. went to the career fair and it was so disappointing la. haiis. shop and shop but i got nothing, and that pongs got so many things. mango,gg5,mphosis,pazzion. pengs. had carls for dinner. and they didnt have onion rings. wth. they dont have it at 9pm cos the stall for it had already closed. wthhhh! and they dont have that salsa chilli sauce.! ahhhhhhhhhh. so nice to a person who havent got anything on the shopping trip. damnn.

sunday... had the fellowship with the rest.. the talk on harry potter, and the da vinci code was, well boring i would say. i caught nick and amanda dozing off haahhaha. wth! then it was nanny mcphee! soooo nice and heartwarming and cute! grins. mad jacks for dinner yums and then we went to island creamery! it has been a FAT weekend, piling up on all the ice cream and fast food. HAHA. anyway, it was a good weekend. nv felt so happy for a longggg timee. shiok! and theres more cmg, ecp on sat, music min camp! cant wait! wheee~!

APPARENTLY, grace's gg for music min camp too. oh wells. i sure feel weird. haha. in fact, i am ego abt it. cos i think she will wanna bunk with me. or rather i assume she assumes that i wil bunk with her. but then, she will sure make a hooha saying oh u gonna bunk with yr twinnie blah right. which gets on my nerves. to hell with it. anyway, pongs is my first priority, haha the rest are secondary! and eunice might be gg too.might as well. last reunion to thrash things out before we go our separate ways.

so much rubbish to think when one have so much free time.

talking to turbs on msn will result to not being asleep at 4.15 am. think i will hit the sheest at 5am. madness. ahaha. but at least i can dump out my rants.

haha nah. its 5.30. and im gg off soon.

ok. time to party and make merry. i jus realised ive reached the point of my life whereby i have no idea whatsoever what to do next. and its kinda frustrating and nerve-wrecking. sigh. guess i will just take a step at a time.

i must say all my papers went relatively well, by the grace of God. jus hope for an A perhaps. but it seemed a little far-fetched. but i sure do not hope to get any Cs. in fact, i have absolute faith that i wont get any C. HAHA! anyway, am delighted that i dont have to study for now! haha.. all that seating in the dining table are numbing my ass! and i finally realized how comfortable it is to be able to sit on my pretty sofa and watch nice tv shows, WITHOUT having to carry notes and memorise shit. *bliss.

off to IMM with sj n eve, then took xiaolan to town to catch final destination 3, which ithought was nice! hahaaa.. didnt know i will like it. lurveee it tho it scared the shit outta me nevertheless. and then back home to pack my clothes and all.. tidy up the stuff. clearing away all my notes.

and she's back tonight to pack her things, and off she goes back to her country! and the whole room will be mine, and i can decorate it the way i like, and invite my frens for a sleepover!! got my 60bucks pay today, like aft 2 whole mths? like wth. frigging long. but at least its here.

it will be hendersoning with turbs tmr and i shall go bunk there. haaaa. and then theres the prayer mtg. which is like ............ sigh sigh SIGH.

anyway sj did this ppt thingy for me and eve. like so sweet can, and i was a little paiseh, cos i got nothing for them. but meanwhile, i shall think of smthg and get it done for them. hehs.

goodbye my friends. and till we meet again.

well... time for a little update...

the week have been spent at home studying for the papers with two exceptions on tues and thurs. shall forget about the details.

was a little dumbfounded by cem paper..the qns look foreign, guess its cause of the way they phrase it. but it went well, thankfully..able to answer them w/o much problems

today. oh wells. im pissed. pissed with the rigid bureacracy. pissed with being ordered to do this and that. i am starting to feel that the church sucks. the management sucks. everythg is being told unto us. and there was nv once when they seek our opinions whatsoever. so maddening. and the poor girl was in tears. always forcing us to do things against our wishes. sigh. whatever la. freaks. think its time for break and switch of environment.

oh im so happy! cos it was an awesome sunday, despite waiting for turbs for 3whopping hrs cos of the dumb mtg. haii.

anyway. God pays attention to details i guessed. Rev praised me infront of the whole congre, both mandarin and canto, abt how my skills have improved but i werent there to listen both times. anyway. hmm. i think God is telling to take heart cos He cares. im glad. (:

caught the fog. was a dumb show la. sigh. shouldve known better than to watch it! but nvm since the companys good. bcos we are mtg only like once a wk, i think its gd. better in fact! cos absence makes the heart grows fonder, and we wil like treasure it. perhaps mtg too often may not be gd afterall cos we tend to take each other for granted. and i can see that things are improving, at least im more real towards the girl, not wearing too many masks. cos that is tiring. walk all the way to grange rd aft the movie. hahaha and i scare her silly. so funny. anyway, im love walking, jus like how i do it with liz. actuallyi think if u have gd company, it doesnt matter what u to.

took a bus back to her plc then we drove out to macs for a drink. shared abt the happenings and cell grp lunch. kinda sad abt the superficial things we say regarding the food and all. wish there was a breakthru. but nv la guess. im so glad she wanted that breakthru. but its jus hard. sigh. and time doesnt permit us to do so. im kinda dreading it when the day comes.

finally met up with pat today! the last time was like sept 20. faints. anyway its good to see her, the usual bitchfits and retail therapy. today, i got a shirt fr zara and a pair of shoes. another pair of pumps. wanted to exchange for the black one aft that but the stupid sales staff said NO. was like wtf la, damn pissed. but nvm, since its only 9.90. am so tempted to get the black pair, as well as that white bag. but it costs a whopping 44.90. that will be a permanent damage to my fortune. but i loveeee it so much. ahhhh.

on the bad note, it was a sucky night. cos of the bloody music practice. am so pissed. they shd have at least told me first, instead of telling her. the feeling sucks. feel like im a second class citizen. i know im no way better than her, but stil, u could have told me first. fuck. i am pissed. but more of disappointed. sigh. words can never express how i feel. this is gonna be so sucky. feel like calling it quits! perhaps i shd. have been up there almost every wk. sigh. feel like taking a break. visiting other churches. or jus rot at home. cos im soooo bloody disappointed. madness. the more i think abt it, the more mad i get. fumes*

to top it off, the application to the unis have driven me to the grave too. all the essays. sigh. wanna write on smthg diff but nothign comes to my head. and the filling up of my grades are simply demoralising. ahhhhh. but i thot perhaps i shd jus give it a shot, cos i wil never know the outcome til the last min. at least it wil be fulfilled, not an answered answer.

night gone wrong.

better day tmr pls.

so sick. couldnt sleep well at all. drag myself outta bed and went for atm lecture. was convulsing the whole time, stomach kept churning. felt damn cold and couldnt concentrate at all. so i gave the tut a miss and took a cab home. then it was sleeping and sleeping and more sleeping. head felt woozy! ugh. feel so sucky to be sick! got this creepy feeling that im gonna kena chicken pox. ahhhh! dont want dont want!!! sobs.

on another note, woke up at 2am and see the nice sms from stepsis. always such touching smses that we exchange. haha. stating that the offer for dinner at 15 watten dr is still standing! damn funny. let out a snort when i saw it. haha. and that black beauty rose bud! awaiting it to blossom for sharing, and then keeping it as a favourite dried flower. sweet! hehs. and the growing old. cant wait. having that special connection and all.

on the other note, talked to mei online today. and i realised its all abt eug. its starting to make me feel so sick. and talking to suat, its her telling me where she gg today blah with her frens dinner where blah. i mean cmmon, im not even the least bit interested. it bores me to death. yawns.

i realised 11 more days and i wil have my first paper. so scary!!! ahhhh.

sun 12thfeb

lunch at crystal jade with the cellies. jus wonder how long more can we stil do that tog. had cell aft that. which was terrible i guess. poor girl kept talking while the other 3 jus shut their mouths, getting busy with folding craps. that always happen. w/o fail. chatty and all over lunch and once we're in that rm, it all happen again. horrendous la.

turbs acc me to jp aft that. been eons since we last went there. cleared sm stuff along the way. talk abt having best friends and all. jus occured to me how on earth wil a 7 yr old boy knows that mr abia is her bestie? must be the dad and that uncle nick. thot that was a little nice.

i opened the phone and saw the girl. hehs. she looked a bit alarmed, like how i feel when the same happens. then again. it wil be duh if is us. haha.

im under the weather. damnit. flubug bugging me. damn. hate the damn throat.

we havent gone out tog the whole of this week. weird it may seem. but i already gather the fact that she is too busy dating christopher to go out with me. so there, its ok, i wil get sad and wallow in self-pity. thats what i always do. and there nv is any solution for that. didnt exchange sms also except on sunday. guess i need to get over it! once ppl have bf, off u go, no matter how close u used to be. i will be fine. thats the least i can enc myself. hehs. tmr wil go over to help her. cant help wondering if she wil be gg out with ct aft that. hahaha. smhow i wish she wil tell me. but i think she is prolly keeping mum abt this. cos for fear i may laugh at her? then again i dnt think theres anythg which i dunno yet. sigh. i will get thru this! if only i had a bf. hahaha. juneee chin stop laughing.

went over to sy' anuties hse. sigh. so HUGE can. somemore got pond with fishes inside the house. so damn nice la. isnt it good to be rich. why are there ppl who are so poor and ppl who are so rich? its so unfair. very very unfair. but ive learn to take it in my stride already la. haii. depressing nite.

today was classes til 3, then head to town with sijie and eve, got clothes fr fox. hehs. retail therapy yet again! really like my nick- when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. haha. so lame can! then watched casanova with them and keith, nice chap, changed my impression of him. haha. if only i had a bf like him. hehs. anyway, nice show. home sweet home. lets hope for a good sat.

first time in poly life that i submitted a proj 2 days before the deadline! i mean cmon, its 2 whopping days! screw the fact that we didnt know abt the extension. but anyway, that was the last project in my life. and it felt good. first time that we are able to get it done w/o much conflicts. tho i was pissed in the noon when they were playing mahjong. anyway, i feel that ive done a whole lot, so im pretty pleased abt that, except that i dont know much abt the figures. glad its all cleared. which also means that its time to start studying, cos exams is 2 wks later! madness.

had them over since monday, and i jus realised how much i hate the twins. its like they are always so full of sarcarsm for me. they need to really study and learn how to communicate with others. being in my house yet taking me and my things for granted. bitches. to hell with it. eeks. they turn me off totally. puiii.

mini celeb for sj's bday at nydc. havent got the girl anythg, except for the cake which cost a whopping 3.80. for sucha small slice! what a ripoff. hehs. got nail polish at sasa. afttt over at west mall to top up buscard and then went walk ard. op gt sale! almost wanted to get the skirt except that it was a tad too long. good thing. else i would spend again. was abt to leave the place when i saw the popular sale. hehs. and i got a book called be beautiful. lalala. teaches abt hair, face, body etc. then even at ntuc i can get wrapping papers. i am a sucker for giftwraps! haha. i am a true blue shoppaholic who buys everything!

thnk its time to start saving and curb my spending. but i simply love retail therapy! which girl doesnt???

anyway. V day is coming! which means................... im gonna be dateless! for the 20th time in my life! haha.. quite sad. but nvm. think i shall stay at home and watch tv! what a loser. sobs.

truly well spent wkend with all my loves. its been a long time since i really enjoyed myself with them. i guess acceptance is really impt. and like what ruth said, sounds corny but we really lived like one big family. enjoy all the visitings, all the fellowshipings, all the travelling around in one whole big gang. its sooo heartwarming. but all good things have to come to an end. thats what i hate the most.

overnight at dots place on fri, with suat this time, cos she so wouldnt believe that she will wanna go. and of course i won. and i peeped at it again, and i found out that she have been mtg him!! ok im being a real kaypoh bitch, i admit. infact im knocking into her privacy. ugh. and when i saw it, i was like ok, she got a bf, and shes so gonna chuck me aside soon like what ah mei did to me. cant help feeling upset. ok fine. i guess im thinking too much. cos they have jus met for like prolly 3 times, and i already decided that they will get married. on 1 hand, im happy cos hes a catholic, at least i hope hes not some rotten apple. and he sounds quite decent. ha. then again. im jus sad la. cos i know the same will happen. and history wil repeat itself and no one wil have time for me.

but i guess thats life. frens dont belong to me. yes that fact hurts. but ultimately, we'll be gg separate ways. perhaps i shdnt even be thinking till that far. cos who knows i may be fetched upstairs i hope. tmr. or later. sigh.

and i was getting all so emo cos the fun's over, and its back to reality, school tmr, and shes gonna chuck me aside. but then the sms came, haha right smack all the timing and hot tears started rolling down the cheeks. feels so good to cry. im loving it.

and i realised how i have to learn to put myself in other people's shoes. like in the bus, suat wil always sit alone cos dot wil def sit nxt to me. and its sad. real saddening. but yet i aint the slightest bit empathetic/sympathetic/sensitive. smtimes i think i deserve tons of slaps across the face. im guilty yet not ashamed.

ok so its weddy! which means i have my intv and role play tmr. fuck! sianings. dreading it like theres no tmr. jus want it done and over with. and i'll be a happy soul. hehs. wanna do some retail therapy. i need to get shoes! but not like i will wear them. damn. always buying but nv wearing. haii. and i need to ask turbs to quickly get the air tics if we are confirm gg. cos i am so afraid i will spend all my savings. that will be real badd.

other than that, life has been pretty much peaches and cream. went to the pool to tan these 2 days. shall cont to do it tmr shd the weather do me justice. hehs. wanna get back my tan! then turbs wont laugh at meee. sobs. i need to work on a nice one. but gg down alone can be so boring and scary. sigh. still, im gonna muster my courage for the sake of my skin. jus a couple of times more and i shall stop. stil havent get the cloth for my mama to make the oriental top. wondering if i shd get it done or jus forget abt it. ahhhh. so mafans. puiii.

cant wait for the weekend to come so that i can hang out with my loves!