woke up feeling lost. wished i could sleep more. envious of ah jek who wil prolly wake up in the late morn. sigh. sitting at my desk now stoning. eyes are hurting, tired from all. and am sneezing n wheezing away. ugh. i dont want the bug bugging me. sickening.

discipleship was a-okay last night. thankfully nt as disastrous as when we first started out. guess he already knew our pattern. sigh. just hope it gets better, and that stupid ppl will stop spouting nonsense. keep their mouth shut, and all will be on cloud9.

i gotta wear pink on sunday so that joshua might wanna be friends with me. haahahaha damn hilarious. and jek gotta wear black so that she might be classified as suemay's fren instead. like how cute is that.

i wanna like go home and zzz now.

eventful night earlier. well, i must say there's a lot more i need to do. smtimes im totally clueless abt my own identity. ive lost it. and i disappoint ppl ard me. perhaps theres so much more expected of me. sigh. im really confused, perplexed and all. life is a paradox isnt it. but i wonder why such harshness have to be thrown at me time n again. hurt, yes i am. i wont deny it. but i'll def try to make it a better one. cos i cherish and treasure it so much. hold it so close to my heart. no way am i gonna let any other jeopardise it. but smhow im really afraid of losing it all. sobs.

daily scoop last nite. followed by ecp carpark with jek to check out all the couples who were hanky pankying in the cars. super scandalous n farnie laa. laugh til drop. then had supps at geylang. no hookers peeping this time. journey back home was ...

slept at 2, woke at 7, super shagged nw. if only i can go home nw and lie in the comfort of my bed. zzz... skipped lunch, hoping to catch a wink, but guess nt much time. ugh. busy peasy. bleah.

To begin with, weekend was awesome! Absolutely awesome. And I really thank God for that. Seems like I always enjoy my weekends. Hehs

Satty…

Music practice was as usual, ahem. With the screw ups and getting all flustered cos unable to play well. Sigh. Hated it. Simply wish I could play super well and not have to bother with the fill-ins or complicated chords. That aside, TSK was having a potluck over at Karina’s house. All couples except for twinnie and me, felt EXTRA as usual la. Perhaps they shd take us out from the membership. HAHA. So we ended up being babysitters! Thaddeus is like damn cute n chubby, 10mths old but his face seems on par with his maid’s already. Kakakka. And Joshua is uber cute too. We brought jap curry, sushi fillings and shitake… thanks to yati for her help, else we wouldn’t have make it.

Sunddy…

So called youth leaders mtg with the rest early in the morning at 9. eeks. Had to like share and update abt out lives and all, and prayer needs, thanksgivings etc. and as USUAL, my heart will start to beat twice as fast when its gonna be my turn to share. Just cannot comprehend why I cannot be myself and share freely. Perhaps im really afraid of how others will judge me. Anw, they always have such politically correct answers that im so sick of em. And most of the time, they CONTRADICT themselves. Bleah. Ok fine, nobody’s perfect I know, but why cant everyone be like me?! Then all will be peaches and cream! Wahahaaa..

Went out with my ah jek to town to meet mama n frens. Its nice to see old faces again aft like 7 yrs or so. Even though we spent less than 10 mins tog, its already enough. Then got down to Queensway to get my miss lala specs for sch! Gonna keep my fingers crossed that I’ve never lose it! Cos the previous 2 have all gone missings. Sobsobs. In the night went to celeb sue’s bday. Surprise again, jus like last year, this time with an additional member – ah jek!

Anyway.. its good to see Joshua opening up to us, willing to play and talk with us. Seems pretty much a quiet boy who always stick to his mama, but not so much now. Hehs. and I love chip+sue’s house! So nice and cozy. And I like them as a family. Simple n nice people, not pretentious or anythg. N when sue told us that they had her bday lunch at a hawker centre, I came to realize that we don’t have to spend lots of money to feel happy, to feel loved, because its always the people around us that make things special. (:

Spent 200 bucks since fri. ugh. Heartpain. Got the dkny be delicious perfume. Wheee. Ah jek gt the miniature. Which is like damn cute. I want too. Got my lala specs done. And got a jacket on fri. wheee. Retail therapy rocks! But time to start saving up already. Back to work means back to scrimping and saving.

i gt lotsa zits emerging from my face. isnt that sad. hais. gonna get busy as of nxt wk. anyway, wenjun brought me cocolatte! awww. how sweet. hehhehs. i would prefer bird's nest tho, nt coffee from a free dispenser in the pantry. cheapskate. hahahaaa kidding.

bought durian n peach strudel fr renald's for the Soos ytd. am glad they like it. thot i had better bring smthg since i always dine at their place! haaa. i know. im sweet n thoughtful. i know i know i know. but i ended up eating more than they did. so much more. but i likeee.

anyway, i live by my own standards. and nobody can ever change that.

i wanna eat popeyes chicken!!! like now. grrrr.

and my pops are cmg back tonight, like finally! then again, these 5 days passed by so fast! i miss em! and im jus glad that they wil be back tonight. pray for journey mercies*

after hibernating in slumberland for sucha long time, it sure suck to be back at work.

3 full days of living with twinnie. i knew it was never gonna be easy. problems arise when we're too close. and smtimes i choose to let the differences btw us embed my heart n mind, and i end up feeling so wretched. lots of tolerance. tolerance for nonsense, occasional cold wars, silly squabbles. but of cos there were happy times too. all the laughing that shook the house down, the silly dancing antics, the girl talk till the break of dawn, the feasting, or even saying grace tog. that i really like. hehs. am just gonna try my best to speak my mind!. anw, the 3 days were filled with many adventures! taking the citybuzz bus to the esplanade, driving to mustafa, dimsum buffet, movie, grocery shopping for TSK. splendid time spent. guess i need to learn to cast our differences aside, and instead to apprec the other even more, for it aint easy to be such close frens isnt it. i mean like just how many come and stay in yr life for sucha long time and promise to stick ard. nt much i guess. thats y im thankful for babe! w/o her, i'll prolly be roaming the streets nw. ups n downs, she have been there, and i believe always will.

and ... TSK is driving us bonkers. so much for everyone cooking and bringing smthg nice so that we all can enjoy n fellowship tog. like reeeeeel. gimme a break n cut me some slack pls.

mei's wedding wasnt a too happy affair for all of us. guess we were all stressed out by the perf, and i was so damn bogged down by the damn dress. hais. but glad that mei stil enjoyed it, despite it being a disaster! but anyway, sad to say, didnt really enjoy it. everythg seemed so tensed. there was this uncomfortable n deafening silence. ... guessed the church wedding was def better! hehheh.

wish i was zzzing at 15 watten drive nw with twin instead even tho i have to face the wide open mouth with drool hanging down by the sides, and the weird noises. i dont mind trading my work for that. haaaaaaaaa. til then~!

cant get to sleep, so thot mayb i can jus let in a bit of nonsense here and perhaps fall into deep slumber soon after.

perhaps we all have dreams afterall. wanting to do things that gives us a feeling of lavished exuberance. but of cos along comes inhibitions. so often that these dreams start to fade away, leaving behind traces of broken hopes. smtimes i wish for things that seem seemingly impossible to fetch.

i need to once again be reminded that all are made in different manners, and learn to care less abt things that will make me unhappy.

sigh. guess they call it pms. smtimes, i wish i hadnt know so much, and most importantly, think so much. oh wells, ranting off the wall again.

...

have been staying put at twinnie's place for the week. pops have gone out of town, leaving me to die in singapore alone. haaahaaa. feel so bad cos she might have to miss gatherings cos of me. yet again.sigh. i prove to be trouble. eeks.

after days of insane frenzy, its finally over. phew. and i can take a breather! then again, gonna get busy over the wkend cuz of grace's wedding. hehheh.can wear nice nice n trigger happy. wheee~! and im gonna take leave nxt wk! hiak hiak. havent told boss cos shes nt ard. gonna depend on wenjun. hehhehs then can sleep like theres no tmr, go swim, go to the zoo, go sgp discovery, so sentosa! woots.

so much has happened over the past few days. what can i say. guess theres alot to learn in life. so much so much more. i guess with time, n God in the picture, all will turn out fine!

gonna extend stay at cnc i guess. the way she phrase it. oh wells.. i need retail therapy. boo. and i need another pair of birks! and more shoes n clothes! and more bags and watches and many more.

spent the weekend at twinnie's place. went to get the mirror, lights and string for making mei's pressie, from ikea to imm to mustafa to spotlight. so much effort involved. just wondering if she will ever appreciate it. but then again, who cares. as long as it is given out, i wont really give a damn anymore.

was practicing the song at suats place yester. and it is pretty much driving me up the wall. i was convulsing much to the pain of the stupid tummy, and yet had to brainstorm ideas for the wedding. ugh. so much trouble. sigh. jus hope that all will turn out to be fine la. and as i look at the cellies, they being my seniors but yet i keep snapping at them, i cant help but feel bad. its like ive been so dominating and all, nt giving them the due respect. oops. hope they forgive me. wahaaa.

and i dunno why the hell i keep doing silly things when im in slumber. and sampat have to always catch me in action. ugh. its so bloody embarrassing. omgosh. dun even know why the hell i do it. how can i be so zonked out?! arghhh. wonder what she'll think im doing. then again, to hell with it la! hais. cant help it also.

forbidden city on sat with yet another cosmopolitan group. wahaha.. everytime such thing happen, i feel kinda weird but happy la. smtimes its gd to mix ard with the others i guess. so theres mag shazzie geof dorthy n me. tho its my 2nd time, i must say i had a much clearer view this time, thanks to the binoculars! wahaha.. addition of some scenes, hehheh.. anyway its nice la!

lunch on sunday was farnie. cos was in such a hurry to say grace before our meals. we had to like chiong before the other 2 came back. wahaahhahaa..like so scared of getting exposed! know that ive said that a thousand times, but im so glad each time we say our prayers tog! wheee.

and im so thankful for the sisters for they took 61 back with me ytd. so bloody touched i wanna cry. wahaha. hated gg home alone, ESP WHEN ITS ON A SUNDAY NIGHT. I HATE SUNDAY NIGHTS! bleah. anw, we yak n yak n bump into mr cocky and as usual, missydot screamed, scaring the wits outta the poor sister and myself. nt by the cock, but by the daft scream fr dot. she has been driving poor eu n poor me up the wall. arghh.

mei's wedding's coming up. and ive got no clothes to wear. woots*

today is an angry. farking angry day. stupid brother hogging the phone forever. damn irritating. i hate him. pui. and other contributing factors. argh. pffftt.angry angry. on fire. BLEAH.

im a person without principles. is that sad or what. told myself that i will never ever perm my hair. NEVER. over my dead body. but i just succumbed to the persistent persuasions that sprouted fr my aunty's mouth. ugh. i am so screwed. and now ive got a big hair. cant say whether i like it or not, but for sure its a change! wanted to color my hair at first, but she said it was flat, so might as well. think the nxt time i do smthg drastic to my hair, it will prolly be shaving it bald. wahaha.

sigh. and people are adding on to my agony when they are suppose to be contributing to Singapore's economy. pissing the shit out of me. hate the fact that u came all the way up to look for me and ask if i wanted a ride home. hate it when u call me jia2. who the hell are u to call me jia2? even my mama doesnt to that. shame on u. pui.

other than that, all's pretty well.. twinnie gt a lil smthg for me when she went to jb the other day. 3 boxes of green tea pantiliners tied up nicely with a purple ribbon. wakakaka laugh til ROF. anyway, it was sweet that she remembered i was searching high and low for it, so ultimately, it doesnt matter if ive already gotten it. but its the sweet thoughtful gestures that matters!

was gg to send in my application for sim, but decided to holdback and think twice if thats what i wanna do. dont wanna waste 2 yrs and so much money on smthg i dont like. but then again, there aint much choices for me to choose from either. sigh. life really is a paradox aint it.

till then, laters~!

.: two's company, three's a crowd :.

its a slow monday to begin with. the skies are grey, winter is here early.

weekend, always so treasured for its time to make merry and catch up with loved ones aft a week of business. over at plaza sing to catch host on fri night. had dinner at pastamania and there was a blackout. boo. so much for romance. haa. so we had to eat with the hp lights on. and the movie wasnt too bad. at least i didnt fall asleep. the riotous character humor as the dysfunctional family infiltrating the forbidden zone strikes a balance with the horrid ugly monster. but still, the authorities are the greatest monsters of all! wahaha.

sat was music prac and then nat lib in search for performances ideas for graces wed. but to no avail! boo. then we were so bored we tuned in to power 98, and there it was, we heard the spoof for ji ki sio ho suah >> little umbrella. and sooo... we decide to sing that! hehhehs.. guess its all gonna be corny and all. but i seriously dunno how to get it gg la. smone got to talk and all, but its jus not me! had dinna aft n twin came over for slumberthon. we slept and woke up at 2am to bathe. haha kukus pigs.

sun.. went for lunch and had then went to choose pics with the sisters' family. happy for them. 1 big happy family who will go take pics cos of twin's grad. isnt it nice n all? hmmm. but then.. before n aft the atmosphere was kinda tense. just cannot be myself when the sister is there. it feels weird. like all's struggling to keep it gg. super draining. two's company, three's a crowd. i cannot agree more with it. sigh. its driving me up the wall. she and her forever "ANYTHING". fuck la. ok fine i do that at times too but not like everytime! wth... and it looks like she doesnt enjoy our company and all. i mean cmon if thats the case, why nt u just go home right. instead of pulling a bloody long face and sounding all pekchek n cranky n all. kns. ok dunno why im so worked up also. might be other contributing factors. it doesnt explain it all does it. and i highlight contributing factors. such as barbed people. wahahahaaa.. but stil twin has been good as always. i guess we can only have 1 best friend.yups, thats what i gathered and concluded. sparks jus doesnt fly when the chemistry's nt there. we cant really expect miracles yeah. so there, im thankful enough that ive got twin with me all these while, and of cos it'll cont til we meet in heaven.

anyway, got lotsa crap at song n song the past wk. shirts skirt shorts biks. boo. n belt fr dorothy perks! its a matter of time when i become broke. haaahaaa. gotta curb my spending before i become a pauper again. the chilly weather has gotten a hold on me too. freezing my ass off everyday. ugh. eeks.

p.s. snow-white: tell me when u free to come my place, u're welcome at all times! hehs.

wheee! its thursday! 1 more day to the weekend! woohoo.

ok. grace is mad at me! oh no. sigh. she is sooo sooo soooooooooooo disappointed that we aint gonna put up any performance for her. said that she have always perf at others' wedding, but yet on her own wedding, no one is willing to do so. so sad can! hais. think we had better do smthg nice so as nt to disappoint her any further. but the issue is, WHAT ARE WE GONNA PERF? it aint easy when we have so little manpower. ugh. and most importantly, IM SHY!!! kakaka. sigh. so there. dont know how also. worstill, its only a mere 2 wks to her wedding. ugh.

gave my pops 100buckeroos. nt alot, but jus a little gesture of mine. was hoping my mama would say no la its ok, u take it back but then she took it! ugh. haha my heartpain. smmore must tithe. hahaha alamak broke already. and i stop taking pocket money as of today. ugh. guess gotta pay for own transport too. double ugh. no more left of me. sobs.

caught the devil wears prada ytd. ok fine this is a spoof! a clever one. the shows nt too bad, except tt i doze off a little towards the end. guess am a tad tired tho. anw, i like anne hathaway! and i want to watch movies! provided i have replenish my sleep first. hehs.

had royce chocolate potato chips ytd! super yummy. then on monday we had banana choc cake from gastronomia or smthg. the super branded michael angelo shop. so nice. hee. and today we painted our nails in the office. haaa. beginning to enjoy wking at cnc.

its discipleship again tonight! so fast. ugh. sobs* how fast.

all my tangled hair are all out too! so happy. got them out 1by1 over tv last night. pull out a damn whole lot of my own hair.sobs* and footshopping replied me! but damn, the birks i want is completely sold out. bohoho..

but gd news is, i got my paycheck!!! woots* have been waiting forever. time to go shopping and pamper myself!

i've got all my dreadlocks out! boohoo. kind of sad but yet happy at the same time. finally a load off my hair, super light nw, and smhw im glad about it. trying to get used to my old hair. happy thing is ive already received 4 compliments on hw i look nw! hee. exhilarated can. woots* spent 2 days at home trying to get the dumb locks out. and i had to skip church cos of the terrible state which my hair was in. funny la. d of cos thanks to twinnie who took time off to take out the hair for me. another selfless side i see. (:

really had a gd rest at home during the past weekend. really like having time for myself, simply packing up the room, or watching tv. feels shiok. but of cos too much of it makes me gag too. now i wanna go watch movies! wanna go shopping to. cheque shd come in today. it had better! aft such an embarrassing moment on friday.

slept at 3am last night,woke at 7am, but yet i dont feel tired at all. how strange. gg out tonight with the idiot. thot i told myself that i aint gg out with him anymore cos of the previous stupid issue. oh wells. we'll see how.

.: cortry :.

told monstwin that my colleagues were commenting that my eyebags were popping out the other day. then ytd night twin brought out her cortry when we gg creaming. and so slapped my forehead, thinking she was gonna use it in the car during her free time. but turn out it was for me! hehs. ugly eyebags but sweet twinnie! so touched can.

so we went creaming at daily scoop with rose, send her home then went bk to my house. and twinnie put cortry for me on the eyes. thot it was a little stinging, but went ahead with it. turns out 20 mins aft she took it out, my upper cheek was flushed. like i put blusher on it. damn funny, and sampat twinnie was super scared that smthg worse might happen. so she quickly prayed, super funny. ROFL. but thankfully it subsided aft abt 30mins or so, and finally she can breathe. hahahaha.. silly gal. i wasnt even the least worried but she was like getting all jittery. haaa.

anyway, ITS FRIDAY!!! T.G.I.F. woots*

wheee! today makes post no.4! sigh. not that i really love bloggin or what alright. just so happen that i got nothin better to do. bad news. my birks are no longer on the list. they took it off! so saddening. i love it so so much! hais. nvm. can save that amt of money and perhaps put it to better use. plus, i havent even get my pay yet. ugh. even more saddening.

discipleship was alright. thot we were all struggling, trying to endure n all, tho i dunno when i wil ever give up, cos the fact is ive already given up. the disability to answer qns is driving me up the wall. making my heart race all the time. i just aint cut out for it. cant give brilliant answers, always keeping quiet. nt criterias for the class.

after that went for supper with my bestie. had desserts at ah chew, and thick peanut butter toast with condensed milk. wahaha damn shiok n sinful can. anw, my bestie's sampat la. fancy bring out a whole big bottle of sally hansen nail remover and whole pack of cotton wool to remove her nail polish. where? AT THE BUS STOP WHILE WAITING FOR THE BUS AND IN THE BUS. !!! wth. only sampat ppl like her would do such a thing. slaps forehead* to top it off, she brought her j&j lotion out to. to apply when shes free. sampat. machiam she busy til no time to breath. SIAO!!! haha. strange monster twin.

am waiting for friday to come!!! then can have a gd rest over the weekend. am so zonked out. felt like they suck the life outta me. haaa but then again its cos im having lotsa fun in the nite. serves me right. and 2 already commented on my dark eye rings. sobs. isit that obvious? ugh. time for sm soothing eye therapy.

its so bored n cold in here! brrrrr.

haha ok yes, ive been blogging consecutively for the past 2 days and today makes post no. 3!

wonder why i always get green when kecai gets cheque and i dont. humph. life is unfair. think ive made this pt a million times. sucky. it always happen. when im down, kecai's up, and when kecai's up, im down. hahaa. guessed God plan it this way so that we can be there for one another at all times. guess im jus a silly girl la. fancy getting jealous and all of my bestie. so ashame of myself. ugh. but im glad we cleared the air, and good things always come out of it. so glad n thankful for a fren whom i can just rant everything n anything to. jus pray that i dont take her for granted and jeopardise the frenship in anyway.

oh yeah, and im glad we now say prayers tog before meals! i dont even recall us doing it for a looooong looooong time, and im over the moon abt that. silly it may seem but thats how i feel! i want a frenship based on our r/s with God. thats what i want! so im thankful abt all our prayers tog. and simply praying out loud during prayer mtg and during cell grp. all those make my heart smiles. hee.

caught click ytd with bestie. nt too bad a show. and thank God i didnt dozed off. haaa had prata at thomsom before home sweet home. hit the sheets at 2 and now im totally zonked out. ugh.

and i WANTTT TO BUY BIRKS!!! fuck. the pair which i want is no longer in the website. i am so sad i wanna cry. boo*

ok. the cupboard have been given a new lease of life. decided that i shd give them a chance. and they look great now. problem is, the color doesnt match my room color. haahaa wth. nvm. guess it doesnt matter that much nw. mayb shd repaint my rm again. HAHA. and then i wil be slaughtered by my dad.

the ability to go home at 6 really feels gd. simply rotting infront of the tv! and i did my discipleship wk til i fell asleep. lengthy bible chapters to read. ugh. old testament is really driving me up the wall. the numerous stories, never-ending reading to do. then i woke up an hr later to continue. hehs.

and today wil be off at 6 too, if nothing goes wrong! seems pretty free now, having ample time simply starin into space. daydreaming is shiok if u ask me. hopefully tmr'll wil be the same. then wil have time for dinna with twinnie!

only thing now is im waiting for the damn cheque! ugh. then i can go shopping!! wheee. i wanna buy birks, and i cant find ppl who wants to buy too. sobsobs. stupid problem that is i know. and i want to go travelling too! anywhr wil do..! need to get specs done, need to go take pics. so many things to do! bor eng. and i wanna take out my hair soon. then go for haircut. its all over the place now, and the lustrous bunch have wilted and only a few strands are left standing. sobs. hahahaa.

til then...

i typed/saved as draft/deleted. and here's a completely new post. thot the other one was like random. nt that this wil make much diff.

anyway, disgusting ppl are still ard me. cant seem to brush them off. need to find a sol. haa ok fine am bring cynical again. but i dont care. *poof.irritants!

sigh. how can i ever forget the powers of the internet? damn. stupid me. and of all post, it has gotta be that. ugh. gonna die of emb.

snow city last sunday was fun, tho there was jus 1 pathetic ride. guess its the company as always! but damn those who werent there. who promised to go tog but didnt make it in the end. whatever reason/excuse u give, to hell with it. haaaa.

and my mama jus nagged at me ytd. hate it when they nagged. arghhh.

i need retail therapy. LIKE NOW. *GRRRR.