and i made this girlfrens storybook for her! know im a sucha sweetpea

and the not so cheap but super happy helium balloon

and the 1buck rose! cheap n pretty haha

strawberry cognac cake from the patesserie for twin!

twin's bday celeb with the Soos at Bosses!

its official, and i've finally reached an important milestone of my life. 21 years flew past me, and at once. am thankful and appreciative for all the pleasant surprises i had, the presence of my loved ones were just so awesome. i truly thank God for them and may they be abundantly blessed for their love for me. hee.

2 celebs so far, 1 was at mission trip. the cake, the tea-light candles forming a happy 21st, the sparkles, the balloons. mann. all my sweet peas. then when i came back to sgp, the 3 lovely girls with pieces of birthday greetings right smack on the grass patch opposite my room. and twinnie had to coax me to go over so that i can see the 3 girls sharing an umbrella, shouting happy birthday at me. i am touched. i am. and they brought food over n we had a mini indoor bbq with mei's portable grill. had prawns, sukiyaki, squid balls, pizza, chicken wings, mango pudding, choc fondue and a banana choc cake from awfully choc. hehs. slurps.

so there was twinnie, nick, aud, suaty, eu, mei and eug.

and they got me the gold watch i had always wanted! hee. all ideas contributed by bestie. and the mphosis bag. but i was kinda sad cos it wasnt the design i wanted, and i cant exchange it cos its out of stock. nvm, i'll still use it.hehs. really apprec the girls n guys for always giving me such nice surprises. simply cos i believe im like the baby of the cell, the apple of their eyes. haha thick skin but yeah i think its cos im the youngest. thats why i enjoy being dote by others. wahah and i prefer hanging out with older ppl. anw, i love them all. for being there for me always. for making me feel so special and worthy of their love. the rest of the elijahs got me a huge piggy toy over at msia. hee. and i loveeeeeeeeed all the cards and greetings. then mei, eug and twinnie stayed over at my place and had breakie tog before svc with daddy too.

tho i must say i was actually feeling quite sad deep down. couldnt quite say why, but perhaps bcos i expected smthg more. greedy i know. i dont deny it. but perhaps it was the period, or him telling me abt his yet so stupid story on my bday, and NOT even knowing its my bday, and ppl whom i've spent so much effort on actually forget abt it and didnt text me till now, or even not having my mama ard on my bday(she was at my aunts church camp. man. that was really sad. it sucked. it really did. but at least now i know who are my true friends, and i know who i have chose to leave footprints in my heart. and i know God have planted them in my life for great reasons. i was hoping more ppl would remember, was hoping for more presents, but this yr was kind of disappointing. sigh i know i shouldnt be greedy but i just wanted more. but God also thought me to be contented with what i have. such a paradox.

am also thankful for a churchmate, aunty yuhua, who never fail to remember my birthday. its such things and such people who makes me feel loved. and i thank God for her love for others.

shoutout to those who wished me happy birthday, who celeb my bday with me : thanks so much for loving me and may our God bless u doubly for your love for me.

--> Daddy, Mummy, Naomians: Twinnie, Xueying, Grace, Eugene, Eunice, Nick, Audrey, Elijahs: Maggie, Sharon, Anthony, Jacqueline, Cindy, Esther, Joshuas: Ruth, Vincent, James, Auntie Yuhua, Grace's mama, Pastor Phoebe, Evelyn, Sijie, Glen, Charmaine, Mooncher, Rasheel, Kaikit, Pearlie, Johua, Mission trip friends: Pastor Kelvin & wife, Andrew Pastor Davidson, and lots more.

mission trip was great but shall update say tomorrow or smthg.
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today i prayed with twinnie for a really long time aft svc ended, we just sat there, tears keep flowing, wept buckets, and keep interceding for each other. now that i've said it, i realised today's sermon was preached on intercession for others. oh mann. see how amazing God is. but i really do hope He'll give twinnie a clear sign as to what He has in store for her, cos im afraid she can hang in there no longer. but anw, twin's the by far the most impt person in my life. God on the throne first, then twinnie as my psychic. we've come so close tog, share our deepest darkest secret, know each other like we know ourselves, do crazy things together, all but i can only give thanks and give thanks. and regardless of others saying we're like lesb, etc, we're just gonna turn a deaf ear cos what impt is what God thinks and not others who arent even worthy to judge us. im just thankful for this wonderful sister, so great that i just need 1 in my entire life and that will suffice. gamut of emotions for the past week, have been thinking alot. i guess gg into adulthood is really not an easy thing. sigh.

did a great deal of retail therapy to make myself feel happy.

damn. shouldnt have read the blog. now i feel even more melancholic. sigh.

i am back from camp! haha. like finally. it have been a long 4d3n. was like a emotional rollercoaster ride. almost wanted to murder C. thank God i didnt. just had enough of her. and sm ppl had to get so uptight abt not alot of money, and come bunk in with us, making things super inconvenient and all. sigh. that really sucks. but heng its just 1 night.

anw, all complaints a side, there were some high pts. firstly we had a pretty good speaker, tho i didnt exactly understand the conclusion. haha. loved the lobster feast with 9 other peeps at sm seafood restaurant. lobsters were fresh sweet and succulent. cooked in 3 different manners, buttered, steamed and black pepper. we ordered abt 9 lobsters, so so each of one had approximately 1! isint it shiok. man, salivating at the thought of it now! haha. meals at resort werent too bad la. rooms were great too, except for the fact that i had to squeeze with other irritating ppl, nt my twinnie for sure. wahaha.

we went to swim at the beach, and at the pool. almost caught a hermit crab but its legs were too fast! wanted to go snorkelling but got bad feedback fr others who went, so we didnt go in the end, and that explains for the lobster feast! activities were alright, cept that we played it too little times. had yummy ramly burger too! fat patty of beef sandwiched with 2 nicely toasted bread and a dollop of coleslaw enclosed inside. yumms!!! wish i had more. ahaha.s had to share 1 with twin cos they forgot my share. BOO.

anw, im one lucky girl! i got 2 ndp tics! mann i was over the moon when the guy called me. smore its under my name, nt my pops whom i've had used to apply too! lucky me!! God really loves me. wahaha.. so ndp 07 here i comeeeeeeee~!

leaving for mission trip tmr, just checked the itinerary and its like super empty. hehs. good also. nt as intensive so that i can have a good rest.

that aside, i really need to go find a job already. since im bent on gg unisim nxt july. so God, pls grant me smthg which u have in mind for me. thanks!

wheee got lotsa really nice compliments abt my hair and boy am i loving it!

twinnie is back from china since last mon. woohoo. no more loneliness. and its here birthday, so HAPPIEEEEEEEEE BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY LOVEEEEEEEE! hope we'll have a blast together today eh! heehee. got a helium balloon, a fat red rose, a cake from the patisserie,sadly no passionfruit meringe, and a girlfrens book i made for her. haha i love all i did. ROFL.

got acceptance from sim biz mtkg, but the other, unisim, only offered me a place for their nxt intake in july 08. am at a lost now. really have no idea what i shd do. sigh. smtimes i wish i need nt make so many major decisions in life. seems like the future is really obscure. hais. hate that feeling. eeks. if only God will give me a really clear sign. time's running out too. church camp's like 1 wk later, and sadly, i am not at all excited about it. weird as it may seems but yup, no special feelings. infact i aint even sure if i wanna go. and the farnie thing is i have yet to pay up yet! ahhaha.

wondering if i shd take up mktg, or go wk and wait for unisim. sigh.

got another 2 surprises from bestie! haha. first it was the letter which she mailed me from changi airport! wheee. so touched i started tearing haha emo me. cos she remembered that im envious of the fact that she always has letters but not me! wahaha, so surprise surprise again! keke. what more can i ask from a friend like her. and secondly she sent me a ecard! another surprise! haaha cos i didnt expect her to be able to go online, perhaps biz ctr at hotel or smthg. anyways, am looking forward to have her back with me. her company sure beats everything.

and asking certain ppl for help is like - blood inducing. bleah. smtimes i wish u were less intimidating and more helpful! sigh. no one is perfect i guess. and the jerk! i nv once assumed we were anything, just what makes u think that others will wanna go out with u? stupid mcp. puiiii.

had insomnia the night before, prolly cos of the cup of green tea i had 1.5 hrs prior to sleep. so in the end i slept at 2, woke at 5.45am and slept again at 12.30pm and up at 2plus to have lunch. def feel groggy now, bleah. gonna cut hair tmr! excited! woots. just hope and pray that it doesnt turn out too disastrous or smthg. *fingers crossed pls*

d®t to me

yo twinnieee babe..! i know im gonna miss ya soooo soooooo muchhhie... and u gonna miss me toooo hehs sooo tot i'd drop u an email as a little SURPRISE !!!! keke. u know i always hav a penchant for surprises yae. wheeeeeeeeee...!!!

always had fun with u love. all the time can. every single moment, despite occasional ups and downs. all the silly antics we hav, laughing hysterically at each other kukus stunts, my "intentionally awful" singing+harmonising (im for real its intentionally awful, i sing much betta than i put across can), always wanna go tanning but rain/cloudy, and when we finally did so we suntan till we get back redness+sore+ache+itch, going new and almost never intended places tog, being there for each other thru tears and pain. i vividly rem tt day where we weeped so heartwrenchingly in my room, my attic. just pains me can, whenever i think of it. but we know yah tt ultimately nothing's gonna get both of us down, or tear us apart, break us up, nope NOTHING !!! we shall stick stick STICK with each other thru thick and thin k. i know sometimes its difficult to tolerate with my incessant ramblings and yet not appear irritated or pek chek else i grumble and make noise again. wahhhaha. thanks for understanding, thanks so much for trying dearie. i know and i can definitely sense tt u are trying alot. MUACKKSSS!!!

totally appreciate u for all u have done for me. all in all, i just wanna say u play a mega huge part in my life! without u, i dun know how i cld hav survived especially the past year. sigh tears are welling up in my eyes. so much intense feelings yet i cant put it down exactly into words, but u know how i feel and what i mean yes darling twin? our psychic powers! tho i always say things to hurt u intentionally or unintentionally, pls forgive me wont u love. sometimes in the fit of anger i just dun know wat im doing anymore. and i may claim tt we were only close since yest, but in my heart it has been forever can, i dun even know since when i regarded u as best fren, but it sure has been a long loooong time. yes i may not appear to really cherish this friendship more than u do, but trust me i do cherish it every single bit of it, every moment spent tog.

babe, lets treat this one week break as "absence makes the heart grow fonder" (and literally distance too). and we'll look forward to MORE fun times tog coming up in june !!!! hee. im EXCITED, cant wait, having ur company and experiencing more new things tog. thrills my heart already. take care darling benben, be wise and take good care of urself k. im gonna be soooo missing u for sure. will be praying for ur safety and ur parent's trip to china too. stay healthy. be happpy too. eat proper meals promptly. wait for my phone callss.....!!!!!!! LOVELOVE, HUGS and french KISSESSSSsss

received the above email from bestie before she departed for bj on sun! such a lovely email just make my day! wheee. hee am so thankful that i have such a great friend/sister in my life.

kukus sim have yet to get back to me regarding my posting. it had better come soon grrrr.! twin's bday cmg up and i have no idea what to get for her! worstill, im a pauper now. ugh. and 1 more mth to my bday, boy am i excited! wheeee. hahahaha.

am getting busy with perf on 27th, hope the elijahs will just come have fun and make it a blast, and i'd be really happy! hehs.

spent almost half the week at bestie's place, since shes gg off to beijing soon. went swimming, movies, fixed our perf stuff which is pretty much driving me insane. come sunday morn she'll be off to beijing boo. anyways, am scared w/o her ard. sians. latr stupid ppl will bombard me with stupid qns and im left to fend for myself. ugh. nvm i shall look on the brighter side of life.

period is finally here, boy am i happy. just hope it the nxt cycle wouldnt fall in church camp/missions. wheee pms will be gonee soon and i wont do any more silly stunts to upset u and me! was scary that night. bawling our eyes out. eeks. i hope it doesnt happen again. sigh. feel so wretched for making things turn out like this all the time.

right now im worried abt nxt sat n sun night. dont like to be home alone! sobs. i need company. badly.

and we're like 2 lobsters now. burnt.bleah.

the dislike for certain ppl in church have been growing stronger, and i can never seem to put a halt to that. and the way certain ppl do things too. making my blood boil and my blood pressure rocket. damnit. know i aint perfect, but i just wish that others will try harder to be nicer and less fake or act less superior and all. afterall, we're all created equal right, so why wanna distinguish yrself so that the attention falls on u?? bleah.

anw, bestie's gg beijing on 13-20th with her pops. and yes i am jealous!! and she knows it. sigh. know i havent been a good pal, since im always envious bout what she gets but i guess the grass is always greener at the other side. but anw if u do happen to see this, im sorrieee babe. i'll learn to get over it k, no worries. (: that aside, my parents are gg china too! hais. from 19-25, so yes i'll be stuck in sgp alone btw 19-20th, sleeping in a lonely home. hais. if only smone will take me in. mayb i'll go bunk at smone's place or smthg. boo.

guess im kinda disappointed that she didnt ask us along for her mini 21st celeb with her other pals. but i presume that we wouldnt go anyway. nevertheless still the tinge of sadness which can be rather overwhelming. haha guess we aint that important to her afterall.

im desperate to go for a holiday. hais. but all i get is malaysia. *roll eyes. how interesting eh. if only i'd win in some lunky draw or smthg. i wish i wish i wish... mayb i shd tell the whole world that i would like to have a trip to italy for my 21st or smthg? then they may try fulfill it for me...! wheee. hahaha ok thats impossibly impossible. ohwells, if only dreams will come true.

been 2 weeks since i last updated, equating to a fortnight, amounting to half a mth.

finding myself caught up in the bk the family way by tony parson. totally lost and trapped in it. in a way that book's really inspiring and takes me to another world altogether.

bcos i have nothing much that i have to update on, i shall do a thanksgiving list.

1. i thank God for a loving set of parents. that is smthg which i think God has truly blessed me with, cos i believe my parents are very much in love with one another.

2. i thank God for the people He had planted in my life. whether they had stay or chose to move on, the difference they made to my life will forever be cherished.

3. i thank God for not making me a very rich girl, so that i learn the value of being thrifty, and finding joy in cheap thrills.

4. i thank God for creating me to be plump so that i dont dress skimpily or bitchily haha

5. i thank God that i can sing in tune and that im nt tone deaf (contribution by twin)

6. i thank God that i can serve him in the music ministry and the piano skills He had bestowed on me. (learning to play via chords, and no longer looking at the scores.)

7. i thank God for my room which i absolutely love

8. i thank God for twinnieeeee for being there for me all the time, be it happy or sad times

9. i thank God that im a girl so i can escape NS! haha. but the menses part suck big time.

10. i thank God for choosing me to be His child! tho i aint exactly a good girl, i'll try hard to behave to be more pleasing in His eyes. (:

on another note, my 21st is coming! haha im bloody excited!!! but nah, im nt expecting anythg. just wanna spend a day with myself and do happy things. wheee~!

period came and gone. well, almost. i am one happy girl now.

it has been a wk of scouting for beads with dino. nt an easy task, in fact its driving both of us up the wall. ugh. combed the whole of chinatown, bras basah, and jalan sultan, with many surprises and cheap thrills coming alongside with us..! just want to get it done soon. really hope u will just tell us how to get it done instead of being so vague and all. fyi, nt wking doesnt exactly mean that we're so darn free to get these stuff done alright. grrrr.

im so looking forward to my 21st. i must be mad. yet i know there wont be any major celebrations or such. i guess its just a day when i feel that the whole world shd just revolve ard me! a day whereby i get special treatment from loveeed ones. HAHA. ohwells. wake up.

tt aside, i feeel really useless for bumming ard for sucha long time, close to 4mths.. mama have been nice enough to give me a cheque. i didnt see it coming at all, but yes she is generous, tho its nt a hefty sum. but enough to last me a wk or 2. haha.. papa has been pretty nice too la, as usual. but im really beginning to feel bad. yet i cant be bothered to look for a job. grrr.

and the outcome of sch will only be made known to me nxt mth. sians. wondering what i'll get. sigh. i really hope my decisions and everythg will be what God wants me to do and not otherwise.

whoa. so much had happened since i last updated... was the holy week, so theres maundy thurs, good fri, and easter.. didnt expect myself to weep buckets cos dino and i were still sayiing that others were getting emo. well at least not until she came over and gave us both a hug. so sad. but i really do apprec the fact that shes taking initiative and all, plus it shows she still very much treasures this friendship. seems like there this invisible wall ever since the cell gt dismissed. dont exactly know how to go about saying it, but just kinda sad.

new cell aint too bad. at least we feel more involved nowadays, with the mentors and mentees. ohwells. kinda mixed feelings. but i still dislike certain ppl, doubt it will ever go away. sigh. wondering how i can ever break out of it. hate the fact that he's showing scant respect for others. gross.

attended ethan n bryans bday party over at the madeira on fri. nthg much i would say, just swimming in the pool, eating and cutting. if there aint the swimming pool, the partys gonna much be a boring one. brought along charmaine n mooncher.. and the two imps came over to stay over at my place with dinosaur. had a blast! the laughters were insane. kept laughing and laughing at the nippies. those u get at topshop to put on when putting on a bik so u wouldnt see the nip. haaa and the girls thot is was some jelly. was a riot! hilarioussss.

its scouting for beads later at chinatown with twinnieeee. hope i'll get smthg frutiful done. really dont wanna bum ard anymore!

contemplating whether to go for mini mission in jb with the youths. cos we'll cm back only on the 16th - my big day! haha.

we won all 3 games at paintball today, emerged as champion but apparently nobody cared. HAHA. just wondering how much bragging and boasting there would be if it was somebody else. anw, kudos to my teammates, tho none wil see this --> uncle henry, xiao wei, james, dorothy! u guys rock! beginning of the game was like yucky. hated it cos of the smelly mask, heavy vest and the extremely heavy rifle! and the fact that i had to dodge and duck! scary too. i shudder each time smbody fire. but by the 2nd and 3rd game i pretty much got used to it. was proud of myself for bringing back the 2 flags for my team! hahaha... ok shall eat a slice of humble pie. but anw, im glad i was in that team. at least we were pretty much humble and all had integrity. not like losers who had already lost yet cont shooting ppl. i mean cmon its just a game right? haha.. and sm kept telling others who he shot blah blah blah. yawns. how did things get so ugly and all? it was all so innocent when i was serving during sec days. now the mere sight of ppl just turn me off.

wept buckets like SIAO jus now la. haiyooooooooooooo. get a grip mizz whaaaannggggg~! so NOT looking forward to combine cell tmr. infact im dreading it. boo.

march is coming to an end and i have yet to find a temp job. sigh. am i useless or what. simply lazy n not taking initiative and expecting my pops to feed me at 21. i feel bad. honestly i do. and i so wanna earn my money so that i can spend it like nobodys biz and make myself happy. but it seems far-fetched now. sians.

submitted application for RMIT mktg.. needed smthg to fall back on in case i dont get the unisim application. sigh. smtimes i really wonder what the heck im doing. and of course i always regret not studying hard enough during o's and even in poly days. but one cant turn back time, and so i shall no longer waste time pouring out all my regrets. am determine to do well if i go back to sch. infact i already miss the good old days of schooling. even tho it aint rosy all the time, i sure had my fair share of fun too. at least things werent so complicated back then. or at least i didnt have to make any major decisions. all i had to do was to attend lectures, do my tutorials, study for exams. nt like nw where i have to decide whether to study, and if so to study what, or to work...

i really hate growing up. and seeing hw low human beings stoop just to get recognized/popular/power - the thought of it just gross me out. i believe no one is perfect, but the fact that ive seen ppl descend to such depths to manipulate others ----> way too ugly. but despite all these, i have to try and love. almost impossible. dont know how im gonna get it done. its okay if u aint a christian, sad thing is, you are. im disappointed.

looking back, i realised certain issues have arised time and again and i certainly chose to ignore it. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. how apt eh. everyones getting tired. physically/mentally/emotionally. but yet we can't give up, else the game's over. much as i hate making empty promises, i keep doing it. so i blame no one for the predicament im in.

what a night! was watching tv in the evening and my brother came running outta his room and told me bout it. sort of witness a suicide. oh wells. saw the dead body covered up with a white plastic. then the police flip over the plastic and took pictures of the dead corpse, then they actually flip the body over to take more pics! omg. thot i was gonna pengsan. kinda sad actually. saw the kins crying hysterically. what a way to die. imagine jumping off a building. and theres the poor nehneh who had to clean up the bloody mess. DAMN SAD CAN!!! sigh. my heart goes out to the family mann. anyway, this area is like warped la. one day funeral, one day ppl getting married, and another day smone jumping off the building. seriously freaking me out. shudder*

been rotting at home for 4 wholesome days! boo. super sians! need to get outta house soon!

went to the clinic on thurs with twinnie! oh my and what a disappointment. there was no proper dance floor and the crowd was really old and all. more like a bar than anything else. and the interior doesnt make it a clinic. guess we'll nv head back there anymore. got outta tt place pretty soon and walked ard the cannery to take peektures! and to our surprise we saw a bapok, all the boobs spilling out. eeks.

ecp with cellies ytd. thanks to bestie who offered to ride a double bike with me since i cant cycle. ohwells actually i can just that theres this phobia which actually exists. and makes me HATE cycling. but i really do apprec all that she've done la. tho i appear super pissed. sigh. cannot control my emotions. arghhh. hate it. but the miniature viking we took it to a high. at least it ended on a fun note! cosmo grp again, but guess it wasnt too bad afterall. we kept on and on laughing like forever. was damn farnie to see their faces and hear the incessant screams! wahhaa... nt too bad..

and today we were totally shagged, head bk home to nap before watching virgin suicides which was well, a bit warped. the stoic and astute cecillia.. scaryyyy!! living life as a dreamer. gdness. and the promiscuous sexual encounters on the roof. mystical...!anyway it tells of the suicides of the Lisbon girls, 5 sisters, and that there was nv a truly satisfying answer as to why they attempted suicide. pretty interestin i guess.. hehs.

anyway, hate the politics in church and all.. so much so much. totally grossed out by all these ppl. all wanting to vie for power and all. like wtf. its so disgusting. like hello wheres the democracy? and in case u dont know, i am not, and will never be on the same league as u. sorry if i led u on! and to hell with the stupid ppl with have gt no guts, no balls too. nt sure even if u have a willy. if only u wil steer clear of the ppl i love, the ppl i hang out with, the ppl i like, i would get down on my knees and thnk u. for nw, BUGGER OFF.

talking to certain ppl can just make me vomit blood. worstill when they are yr church friends. thot we were supposed to be encouraging and say things to build each other up and not tear them down, but why do i often get the other? im so grossed out by my churchmates. shameful thing to say. i jolly well know that no one is perfect but im just beginning to see more and more of the ugly sides of them. sigh. its really saddening la. i mean if u cannot be happy for me, then just leave it, dont cont to shower me with yr cynical responses. honestly i dont need them at all. why cant u ever ever be happy for me? u selfish little bitch. suddenly it all seems so bleak to me.

that aside, went to jb with dot n her pops ytd morn, got cheap thrills again! lurveee the good bargains i got.hehs. a pity we were there for just a few hours! then bk to twinnie's hm and napped before discipleship, which wasnt too bad ytd. usually i would have dreaded it but ytd's one turn out to be pretty okay. had supps at macs then gt a lift hm..

stay home thurs but not sure if shd go clinic tonight with twinnie to check it out since she gt the invite. hehs. seems pretty happening! 2nd thots im scared to go clubbing haha sounds sillyy i know. will prolly jus cower behind twinnie again... wahahaa... til then~!