bestie did this for the natday straits time bestfrens contest! didnt win, but the gesture is heartwarming enough. (:

as the song goes... sad movies, always make me cry.

cept that it aint sad movies, its the sickening thing abt sch. sigh. supp to submit sm doc bk to sch to secure my placemt, but due to sm uncertainties, i have to give them a letter to assure abt the loan shit, and all by tmr! so last min. screwed.and i just called the bank and apparently they havent got my bros name in the system at all. and the guy who attended to us is on leave til like fri or smthg. fuck. i knew it was nv gg to be easy. but i never knew it was gonna be so diff either. ugh. and asking my bro to do things can be bloodcurdling cos dad jus called him and i guess he shook him off the phone in a pekchek tone again.sigh. if only i need not depend on him. sigh. nw everybodys nt feeling too happy. sigh. fuck. why do i always bring unhappiness everywhr i go God? why cant u just make it easier for me..? is that too much to ask of?

it hasnt been an easy week. tho on the surface i appear to be happy and all. underlying it, you'll never know. cos u are not me. still rem vividly the day i wept buckets at tpy. no idea what had gotten over me, but the tears kept streaming down my face. ugly sight i know but i couldnt help it. lasted for an hr or so. sigh. smtimes i wish i wasnt so emo. i wish u would stop, and comforted me. cos at that pt of time it was impossible for me to take in any word u said. so any little thought would have triggered the spilling tears.

if i knew things were ever gonna get so complicated with sch, i'd have aborted the idea. but yet they were the ones who enc me to pursue my studies further. yes i know with a degree, i would definitely be put in a better stead, but what does it guarantee me? a life of happiness? a man who loves me by my side everynow and then? hmmm. everything seems so vague and bleak. in life we need to pause momentarily before proceeding elsewhere yeah? it is never easy to take the step of faith. to walk into a path where you dont even know if there's a way out? sigh.

i know jolly well its my fault for not wking all these while, nt helping to provide for myself. then again, how big a sum have i asked from u all these while? am i like those girls who indulge in brands, always wanting to outdo others? or have i even cavort with boys? or have i ever asked for smthg which i know i will never be given? i havent. all these while i can only see and be filled with envy upon what others have and i didnt. grass is always greener at the other side. yes, that i know very well. and of cos i have so many things to be thankful about. but i just wish u'll learn the fact that afterall, i am but a human being. i have my wants, and also my weaknesses. sigh.

anw, i wonder about the existence of this post. meaningless as it may seem. but at least i feel much better.

albeit still upset.

6th august marks the saddest day of my life in 07. (til now that is) period.

i really feel like eating this now. how ah?

ndp preview was awesome! had sucha great time watching all the perf. tho i must say smhw the place hinders spontaneity and interaction, but the firewks, drills etc sure escalate to a higher level. fireworks were so near, feel as tho we can reach out our hands and touch them! haha. was really busy snapping pictures away. anw, was glad that i had the chance to go! hehs. goody bag's getting better each yr, more n more stuff. was amazed by this mini fan which spin out the words - happy bday singapore when it was switched on. haha.suaku.

sunday svc was horrible for me. screwed up during the last song, so hot tears keep spilling out once i sat down. thanks twin who saw it and comfort me and all. just feel so rotten that i told myself i will nv play again. sigh. wonder why such things have to happen. ugh. just wanna get over it and move on.

they went to KL with the elf n pigsy,even took the train. cant help but having this tinge of jealousy. it used to be us, but things turn out so ugly and different now. guess friends will never belong to us anw. saddening as it is, we have to MOVE ON! and get over it. HAHA.

1 mini escapade on wednite. picked the chair fr church and went all the way to serangoon to return it to the Lees.. then we went over to chompchomp for a late dinna but the place was kinda dirty n fattimah said she saw her fren, so we thot we had better nt settle down there.. ended up at this yums dimsum place at little india. good grub they have there! haha. salivating. another supper hang-out place. then over to my fav plc mustafa! haha got a couple of balloons and sm farting bomb. looks cute. i love mustafa! there are always so many great finds and cheap thrills there, albeit the nehnehs.

another mini escapade ytd nite. went over to ikea tampines, and the plc was humongous! but prior to that i had to squirm a lil in the car cos there was a mr minicock and i had to kill it before the woman beside me go ballistic! so i prayed to God that i'll be able to rid it with one swipe, and i did it! wheee. was so happy. but had to wait til she park the car and get out before i can tell her. haha. anws, ikea was so huge. the cafe was huge too, and i like the tall tables and chairs we sat on! and we can self scoop the mushroom soup. yums. had our usual fare of meatballs and wings. we were the last customer, and it was darn funny seeing my dear friend chew off her drumstick. cos she usually takes a much longer time to eat than me! haha. the cleaner even ask us to clear our own trays cos she says everybody gg home already. wth.turn out then when we were at the check-out area, there were still many ppl browsing for products. kena cheated! alamak, if we knew it we wouldnt have congcongmangmang. then went over to changi village to check bapoks out but to our despair, there werent any! so we decided to go home where we stop by changi beach park. sat on the swings, played on the see-saw, gazing at the planes hovering above us. mann i wish i could jus go travel to sm angmoh countries. yes, im really deprived of it. sigh. nvm. anw, i would like to relish those moments again soon pls! hehhehs. anw,the sight of the plane taking off is really mesmerizing, like what she said - a new hope arising? haha.. anw, those beautiful sights are so captured in my heart! oh yeah, we saw couples hanky pank too! my fren said the woman was near naked! hahaa wth, but the couple actually brought blanket to cover them as they lie on the platform. gross! wonder what they were doing. then our last stop was at the infamous ecp carpark where all the couples will hankpank in the car! haha. but there was condensation on the car windows so we couldnt see a thing! haha. smtimes i think we are really too free eh?lol. anw, there seems to be this silent rule we all have to abide, is unspoken, everybody there had the same ethic, that is nt to on any headlights or buttlights of the car when entering and leaving the carpark! CONSPICUOUS! wahaha..

then it was home sweet home~!

been gloomy these days, really nice to be sleeping in. but i woke early! and the stupid electricity keeps tripping and i had to switch it on a million times. GRRRR. anw, its the ndp preview tmr and i am soooooooooooo juiced up/thrilled/zingy/zippy/elated/gay/ stirred/charged about it! WOOHOO~!!! haha. ok im nuts. smtimes its gd to be able to feel happy. cos things always seem bleak for me. then again, im nt gonna let anyone/anytg get me down. not for this weekend!

cha~!

pics we took the other day over at imm.

just sent another 2 resume, one for the fashion intern, the other assistant producer. but then again, im rather skeptical abt it. saw advert for sandwich artist, thot it might be fun to wk at subway, but it requires me to clean up! eeks. anw, the dateline's a long way to go, so i'd better attend to other stuff first. sch's stuff drivingme up the wall. guess i will never ever know what i want. sigh. hw i wish everythg is decided for.

on another note, i am so tired by the entire affair, and i told myself that i would get angry no longer, for there seems to be no end to it. so there, will pick ourselves up and cont to be angels! wheee. and im sure GOD has it all mapped out in His time.

ndp preview this sat is making me so bloody excited! really looking forward to it, but im still sending in smses, in hope to win the tics for the real stuff. haha GREED i know. but if i really do get it, i'll sure give the preview tics to others! hehs.

the taliban issue sure is depressing. i really pray that those in captives will be set free for all were doing work for God. sigh. have no idea how to pray for such issues too. ohwells.

have a good day my frens~!

2 weeks of church hopping makes me open my eyes, brought me to a whole new world. so much out there i havent seen and touch. and i can only thank God for the opportunities. 1 sunday at st johns chapel, the other at trinity. i can say i really do enjoy it at trinity. seeing the huge masses worshipping God, being so filled with love, filled with God's spirit. sigh. i just nv once see that at st james. and people are so scheming. the thought of it just makes me shudder. sigh. to think they even give us names behind our backs for so long. and we were so nice, always around to help whenever they asked. well, theres a limit to one's tolerance, and once u've pass the line, thats it! im plotting a sweet revenge. hee. but perhaps i might not do it ultimately, cos im still nice, unlike u.

you two are simply gross, disgusting, ugly, foul, have evil hearts, and all u want to do is to get more power and to pull others to yr side. so much of yr smartness have gone to waste, cos all u do all day is to email others to get back at them. but u are so stupid. u forget that God is watching. sigh. what can i say. im hating u guys so much so much. but im glad at least ppl knows abt all u guys have been doing. and im so glad we are still thorns in yr flesh. at least we still pose as a threat to u. so there, as long as we're around, you can forget about getting yr asses to the top. fuck u my dears, and i really hope u get yr just desserts soon. ugly pigsy and stupid eff. ROARS.who the FUCK are u to label us?
bugger off u nehnehs. __

visited wj the other day at the hosp, her face was kinda swollen. quite scary. she was in pain i guess, super tired too. apparently she cant fall asleep in the hosp. anw, wil pray for speedy recovery!

had been out pretty often lately, enjoying co of my fattytwin, june, pea n wj too. its good to meet up with the girls aft sucha long time. and thnk God for fatty, at least we can curse and swear at them tog. else i think i'd have died of angst, depression or gone into pig spasms. no worries k twin, im pretty sure God has His plans for all that happened. as long as we do what we are supp to do and remain as the pretty angels, all will be fine! cos we are angels, in and out~! (:

twinnie im so sorry abt all that happened! nv meant to make u so sad. heres a really heartfelt apology from me. cant wait to see u tmr! hugs.

S - O - R - R - Y - !

finally the musical's over and i can only heave a sigh of relief. cannot be any happier! thru this few weeks, i've seen really ugly sides of the human race, thus stirring up a strong hatred towards them. i was really taken aback by how selfish people can be. not lifting a finger to help and yet have the cheek to go have lunch when the rest of the youths are all busy clearing up the place. what can i say, birds of a feather flock together. man, how true. but at least my conscience is clear, and i have no fear in my heart. it just portray how low, gross, repulsive and wicked u can get.sigh. so disappointing. how can the church ever ever grow under such terrible leaders? anw, am glad our mamas are singing in the same tune as us. guess God will see our heart and reward us accordingly. so i'm going to get too mad over the biasness or unfairness no longer. cos i dont want to be like them. PUIIIII...

twin, cindy n i acc my mentee to retrieve his wallet at clementi interchange on sunday. and boy am i glad and happy we went, cos i feel that we are very NICE PEOPLE!! haha. and i really thank God that it was there. cos we were all kinda tensed n kanchiong. lol. then had late lunch at mcs tog, great time of bonding and fellowshipping! had so much fun discussing all the funny school stuff. it proves that age shdnt be a issue or barrier to anythg. cos theres a 15, a 17, a 21, and a 27! hahaha~! another cosmopolitant group! another break through! wheeee i lurveeee it! happy ending to a infuriated beginning!

blogsurfing aint doing much good to me cos others always seem to lead much more colorful lives than me! and it saddens me. sigh. but guess twin's right, colorful or not is not to be determined by others but by oneself. shall not allow myself to wallow in self pity! hehhehs. ohwells. i do like my life. just that its really aimless now and i am not doing anythg about it. ugh.. smtimes i feel so guilty but yet i refuse to face reality. sigh. hope i'll wake up soon and that it wont be too late.

am looking forward to ndp preview now! the only thing thats keeping me sane. haha. i know im impossible, but hell to that!

and i finally made the choice, went down to sim to register for mc. am just waiting for the results. and if i dont get it this time, i honestly have no idea what to do next. feeling alittle detach from my parents nowadays. perhaps im just guilty each time i see them, for not wking since a long time ago, and always asking money from em. sigh. wish i wasnt such a lazybone.

voice is almost back, but still coughing. do hope i will recover soon. being ill sure make a person feel lousy. on top of that, there had to be much frustration and anger over certain issues. smtimes i wish i could take a hold on myself, and stop letting my emotions ride over me. ugh. i need to calm down. just hope 777 wil quickly come and go. had enough of it.

the tooth issue is coming back to me once again. sigh. everytime i look at it,i get this worried pang in my heart. what if it suddenly drop off? what am i to do? but i cant bear with the idea of going thru the whole process again, the numerous trips to the dentist, the amount of money to be paid.sigh. i know i cant avoid the problem for long. and all i do is to pray for a miracle to happen. wish i didnt had such issues plaguing me. sobs. and my gums are extremely week. just a harder brush and it'll bleed. not a lot tho but still am bothered.

sometimes i really wonder whats the reason for our existence? what does it bring?

birthday surp at during missions// uber cute chloe~!

my sweet peas & all the tea-light candles surp for me & me only!

3 weeks overdue from church camp haha

had been busying ourselves with the making of props for 777. lots of fun, not to forget tire! hmmm. now that most of it are done, i feel much happier. doing all the props sure drain energy off one.. then there were the rehearsals, which was rather badly done. they didnt prep well, and the date is drawing near. what can i say? ohwells. and sm parts of the story are such a contradictory. guess the ppl who wrote them had the liberty to plot it in sucha manner. just found it strange. but to em, it might be a chance to proclaim to all that they are dating and might tie the knot soon? who knows? haha.

was over at the zoo with twinnie last thurs since she had the car. and we had so much fun. the elephants were extremely cute can! and we saw them poop like 2 times! right before our eyes. hehs. and thank God the weather was gd the whole time, tho there was a lil drizzle, but all was ok. the constrictors were scary. yucks. i hate snakes!! the animals shows were superb, all really entertaining esp the elephants of asia show! ahha...too bad we had too little time there, else we could have seen more.but nevertheless i definitely enjoyed the trip. company was awesome. hehs.

then sunday night the devastating news came, mama's eldest brother passed away in KL, so we took a coach on monday morn and got back yesterday. it wasnt a too sad affair la. did lotsa catching up, lotsa laughing too. am glad i went. cos managed to say hi to many many peeps.and i really do appreciate their hospitality. people there are so much warmer than over here in sgp. i could see so much love. makes me feel guilty for the way i treat my brother. but then i bot gum back for him. haha. feast alot over there too. food was really yummy, i ate so much so fast that i burnt my throat, thus making the journey back to sgp hell for me. was convulsing in the bus, feeling super cold, goosebumps coming out etc. had indigestion, felt super bloated and head was throbbing and i felt so rotten. anw, im just glad to be home. tho i wont mind gg there smtime soon. 1 day was too short to do anythg.

now im deliberating if i shd sign up for mass comm at sim. sigh. wonder when i can ever get down to deciding what i want. all ppl tell me is to seek God and all. but i nv seem to be getting any answer. sigh.

thot i shd upload some pictures to make my blog more interesting. ohwells, perhaps just a visual feast for myself each time i log in instead of the melancholic grey. not that im nt sad enough. haha. send in resume for wardrobe officer at MediaCorp Studios. but doubt i will get any calls. boo.

my 21st photos still in others' hands. i wish they will send it to me soon. GRRRR. anw. i got a package from australia from eve n celest! so schweet can. was a pair of roxy flipflops and a balenciaga lookalike. hahhaaaa. am using it today! so sweet. not the the other 2. totally heartlessss. bleah.

hehs us with all her pressies! (the attic bk home)

nice stickers cum mini banner for twin with love fr mei

naomians with the bday girl n her pressie!

twins bday celeb at mei's hse!