Paradise was near, really near...

okok i changed skin again...
but its cos of the tagborad lah
today... worst day of 2004 i guess

went to church in the noon
was at the busstop waiting for 970
ppl were smoking
so i kept inhaling the disgusting smoke
waited for what seems eternity for the bus
and when the bus came
i felt totally weak.
legs were wobbly, hands were numb
things were fading in color
stomach cramp was unbearable
but i forced myself up the bus
was really uncomfortable
couldnt sit still
felt very cold
but yet i was sweating
but the beads of sweat were cold too
so scared
i just felt terrible
felt like i was so helpless
and that i was dying soon
finally reached hv.
told myself no matter what
i had to make my way to church
the journey seems exceptionally long
it took ages for me to get there
had to cover my lips with tissue paper
cuz i knew it'd have gone all white
and i was right.
it had been a long time since i last felt like this
so scared and frightened
but i kept praying
i said God please stop the pain
please let me be ok soon
but the pain didnt subside.
then went up to church office
went straight to counselling rm to lie down on the sofa
couldnt take it
the cramps were really unbearable
i was jus lying on the sofa
with my hands clutched to my stomah
kept curling my body up
it was really scary
and i had to inhale real deeply
to breathe normally
the pain was on and off
but the it was off for just a few sec
didnt want to call for their help
so i jus felt that i needed to talk to my mum
rang my mum and told her what happen
jus started telling her
and hot tears rolled down my cheeks
i felt really helpless and scared
my mama was worried sick
and she kept asking if she needed to come pick me hm or not
must have scared her as well
aft that she called pastor phoebe
which was funny
cuz she didnt know i was in church
anyway aft that i just went out
and asked Aud if she gt any painkillers
took 2 panadols
and the pain went away
the panadols were like elixirs

aft that felt so much better
and was back to normal
frightened myself so much
guess dominique was shocked too
kept asking if i was ok
really nice of him
sigh...
sometimes i wonder if God listens at all
sigh...
then i called my mama again
to tell her i was alright already
and i started crying again.
thank God for giving me a mum.
really thank Him for that.
i jus felt really relieved when i hear her voice
and that she asked me to keep praying
its reall great to have parents who are christians
u'll feel the joy really
that we all share the same faith
and that we can trust in Him tog
it was tough for me today
felt that God wasnt there
and that He was like making me suffer
was kind of angry
angry Him for not curing me
but i hope He'll forgive me.

was so happy when i got back to normal mode
chatted with aud
then went out for dinna with
dot, suat, dom, nic n aud
after that was prayer mtg

went out for supper
drive to many places
6th ave, Adam rd hawker centre, Holland
before settling down at Fong Seng Cheese prata
at west coast area
had egg prata and horlicks.
yums.
then got hm at 1.
mayb gonna go church kaypoh tmr.
if not wil stay hm.
mayb wil got hawks place for the breakfast spread tmr morn
provided i can wake up.
hehs.