this is post is gonna be a super long one
so please bear with it.
kinda zonked out

07/10
left at 8, went to hyatt at J.B
quite a nice place, but it was too businessy
so aud say no no
then we proceeded to Summerset Colonial resort
abt 3hrs drive fr s'pore
so was singing, reading, crapping in the car
reached there, and it was like a ghost town.
kinda creepy. not a single soul in sight.
then that dumb mary ghost joke kinda scare me
it was like a rainforest there
landscape was nt very nice, but think angmohs will like it there
very deserted
the rooms were ok, but the function rms were horrid.
hot, stinks, and the paint's peeling off
but we took a really 'nice' pic
will post it up soon
went to the sea area, saw a cricket
then nic used it to pretend to throw at dot
and guess what?
she C.R.I.E.D.
then drove out for dinner
dinner was great
then we walked ard to shop for some tidbits and satay
before heading bk to the resort
jus rotted in nic's rm and play daidee
nut much lah'
had a good sleep...

08/10
woke up, went for breakfast
and it was pathetic
but the ppl there treated us cuz we were supp to get a deal
for having camp nxt yr
so we had nasi lemak noodles omelette chipolata sausage hashbrowns toast. yums'
and my fav honey stars haha
then went swimming
super fun
learnt freestyle from nic
but still dun really noe how to swim ha
but had fun
a little burnt tho.
then drove bk to J.B,
was shopping the night away
bot my big hoop earrings
hehs.
everythg is so cheap there!

thanksgivings*
1) safe journey to and fro
2) prayed for rain to stop, and God answered it immediately.
3) good time of fellowship
4) a time of retreat

hmmm, she replied my mail.
eh now im ashamed.
very ashamed.

even wilfy visits the web
alamak, shall not post anythihg nxt time.

im confused.
totally confused.

so how now?
how, you tell me.

went for blaw tutorial today
as usual, boring.
went church to mug after that
but nothing much went into the head
haha...
too noisy at hm,
with all the renovations gg on downstairs
think i wil go crazy

gg off to m'sia tomo morning
so excited
like taking a break
but then suppose to be mugging for exams
but anyway, wil be back on fri lah
so not that bad
will try ta study in the car too!
haven pack my stuff yet, ugh.
hope tt God'll grant us journey mercies
and that we'll have a blessed stay there
bye peeps! take care... *winks

i wanna go MAMMA MIA!!! *grins*

so tired... jus fell asleep sitting on the sofa
sigh, nothing productive done again
test was flop
so many things i dont know haha...
gg away on thurs to m'sis with nic, aud, n dot
gonna go to recci nxt yr's campsite
staying at the hotel
they offer water sports there
hopfully can canoe?
haha but think its gonna be dangerous

thanks to all my friends who cared
and ask me why i was so sad
got over it!
am not gonna bother anymore
daughter1 cut her hair!
tot she look nice, demure, haha...
pukes...
looks like joey swee in the 9o'clock serial
hahahahahahhahahaha...

think gonna skip classes tmr
so tired, wanna sleep till late late
cant wait for thurs, yet feel tt i wont have time to study if i go away
but yet i want + definitely will go
hopeless...
exams so near, yet im still playing

*yawns*

i wrote her an email, and it went like this:

hey gal... whats up man... havent had heart to heart talk with you for a really long time. nv receive any smses from u at all for some time... realise u havent sat beside me during svc for quite some time also... are u like mad at me or smthg? or is it because of the kite-flying incident? the nonchalant reply fr me? its bothering me, that we seem nt as closed as before... noticed that u are like extremely busy nowadays... and you dont look as cheerful as u used to... perhaps u are too stressed out over all yr work etc?

saddens me very much really, that we both seem to distance ourselves... prob its just me being too sensitive. i don't know... things ok between u and him? u dont talk much abt him, so i guess and hope all's well...

anyway, i really, sincerely hope that we'll remain close, and let nothing ever jeopardise our friendship. may God's blessings be poured unto you in the week to come. take care..

before she could reply me, i went into our cell webbie and there was a reply from her to my question of "Does anybody cares? Where's everyone? sobs...and it says:

everyone seems mia, but they are around n they care, n u did a wonderful job with updating the site. my dear sister, it ain\'t our absence that matters, but what results fr our presence that matters (not alot too, haha..) i guess this cloak of cynicism to protect us fr disappointmt shd be shed cuz it\'s not helping. wat disappointment are we reali goint thru??tat\'s gotta stem fr asking ourselves wat do we want? a lot of hang out time? or quality time where everyone\'s eager to come n share out tots n feelings n pray 4 each other? watz the thermometer we are using to measure our frenship/fellowship? no. of hours tog? no. of activities tog? no. of jokes we share? in fact, can we honestly say our cellmtgs r satisfying n wat hv we done 2 make it so? am i disappointed? do i have to be? i think not. it's life. it's reality. to see u gals in church is heartening enough. i dun have to doubt or question if u gals care, cuz i know u all do. n so wat if u dun, i dun even myself to wander ttat dangerous zone to be disappointed. many times life n all itz suckiness obstruct us fr translating our love/concern into chirpy emails/sms/calls but does it reali matter IF we can look fwd to a warm sharing time on sunday? IF....anyway, jus shooting off here, dunno how to wrap up all these thoughts with sugary sweet language but heck, who reads?? n it's facts wat, hahaa... so jus feel free to shoot off whatever thoughts here cuz i guess we do care n maybe being face to face may hinder sharing? cuz we are all so timid/shy at heart. hahha........... adiosss wif luv.

jus saddened by this, and tears just start rolling down my cheeks. and as im writing this, the tears are still flowing... sigh... jus wrote her an email, telling her that answers all my questions.
im jus sad, really sad... why do things have to turn out this way? i hate myself, i hate everyone.

another one! groovy huh!

another pic of 2 chic women in our retro shades! thx for the pics, jess!

lizzie and me at Np Hill in our cool shades!

didnt have cell today
went to pizza hut at bk timah plaza with dot and suat
today was children's sunday @ church
the sunday sch's kiddies put up a few songs and dance
its sucha joy to watch all of them perform

still didnt sit beside me today
really dont know when that will ever end.
sigh.
now that we've talked abt her
i realise she wasnt as happy as she used to be
perhaps shes trying very hard
to balance everythg
kind of pity her
yet at the same time mad at her

felt terrible these few days
pmsing away.
exams are here soon
but im still doing nthg.
ugh.

had a nice brunch at Hawks place'
nice spaghetti sausage egg and bread
yums
went to church kaypoh for music prac
sort of help dot get on the track for keyboardist 2
ah bee kept saying im good enough for main keyboardist
but i doubt so
prayer mtg already freak me out
imagine playing for normal svc
need to coordinate with drummer bassist worship leader
sure gabra til jialat one
haha.
i know my own pattern

jam for a while then went oppo to walk walk with dots
wanted to get pressie for sm
but nothing much there
in the end i got those hp strap
which i was supposed to do cross-stitches on
the thread wasnt enough damn.
so i jus left it as it is
had extra thread of other colors
so i sewed her name on it.
so nice. kinda like it myself
but kept getting my fingers pricked

gonna play for canto svc tmr
so gotta wake up at 7 plus
nic picking me.
ugh. will be super tired.
aft that got cell, then wil go ppl's pk with dots hehheh.
gonna get shades, buttons etc etc!

Paradise was near, really near...

okok i changed skin again...
but its cos of the tagborad lah
today... worst day of 2004 i guess

went to church in the noon
was at the busstop waiting for 970
ppl were smoking
so i kept inhaling the disgusting smoke
waited for what seems eternity for the bus
and when the bus came
i felt totally weak.
legs were wobbly, hands were numb
things were fading in color
stomach cramp was unbearable
but i forced myself up the bus
was really uncomfortable
couldnt sit still
felt very cold
but yet i was sweating
but the beads of sweat were cold too
so scared
i just felt terrible
felt like i was so helpless
and that i was dying soon
finally reached hv.
told myself no matter what
i had to make my way to church
the journey seems exceptionally long
it took ages for me to get there
had to cover my lips with tissue paper
cuz i knew it'd have gone all white
and i was right.
it had been a long time since i last felt like this
so scared and frightened
but i kept praying
i said God please stop the pain
please let me be ok soon
but the pain didnt subside.
then went up to church office
went straight to counselling rm to lie down on the sofa
couldnt take it
the cramps were really unbearable
i was jus lying on the sofa
with my hands clutched to my stomah
kept curling my body up
it was really scary
and i had to inhale real deeply
to breathe normally
the pain was on and off
but the it was off for just a few sec
didnt want to call for their help
so i jus felt that i needed to talk to my mum
rang my mum and told her what happen
jus started telling her
and hot tears rolled down my cheeks
i felt really helpless and scared
my mama was worried sick
and she kept asking if she needed to come pick me hm or not
must have scared her as well
aft that she called pastor phoebe
which was funny
cuz she didnt know i was in church
anyway aft that i just went out
and asked Aud if she gt any painkillers
took 2 panadols
and the pain went away
the panadols were like elixirs

aft that felt so much better
and was back to normal
frightened myself so much
guess dominique was shocked too
kept asking if i was ok
really nice of him
sigh...
sometimes i wonder if God listens at all
sigh...
then i called my mama again
to tell her i was alright already
and i started crying again.
thank God for giving me a mum.
really thank Him for that.
i jus felt really relieved when i hear her voice
and that she asked me to keep praying
its reall great to have parents who are christians
u'll feel the joy really
that we all share the same faith
and that we can trust in Him tog
it was tough for me today
felt that God wasnt there
and that He was like making me suffer
was kind of angry
angry Him for not curing me
but i hope He'll forgive me.

was so happy when i got back to normal mode
chatted with aud
then went out for dinna with
dot, suat, dom, nic n aud
after that was prayer mtg

went out for supper
drive to many places
6th ave, Adam rd hawker centre, Holland
before settling down at Fong Seng Cheese prata
at west coast area
had egg prata and horlicks.
yums.
then got hm at 1.
mayb gonna go church kaypoh tmr.
if not wil stay hm.
mayb wil got hawks place for the breakfast spread tmr morn
provided i can wake up.
hehs.

i think i need to squeeze
all the words to the left
so that my tagboard could be seen
haha...

wow, today was jus
another F.A.N.T.A.S.T.I.C day
S.U.P.E.R.B.
F.U.N

Skipped biz etiq again
went church help the gals out
then 2 daughters went Holland.V
met em aft that,
gonna go Chinatown,
but daughter2 was tired
so she went home and sleep
so left me and the M.A.D daughter1
Yap Wan Zi aka Beth.
oh my.
She was hysterical today
shocked me a few times
totally suaku
took 61 one there
and there was a mad uncle
and im sorry to day that but he
smelt terrible.
couldnt breathe.
had to smell my jacket.
went to Ppl's park
so superduper funnn
and R.E.T.R.O
walked ard
found Tokyo
were over the moon
so many shades
countless
and the really retro earrings
she gt a shades
and i got 1 too
love it lots
cheap and good
$8 a pair
cheap cheap cheap
the aunty was super cute
i mean cute

wanna bring dot there
she'll love it.

then we went to OG.
had fun criticizing clothes
haha.
and we were really terrible
cuz we wanted to wear the shades
and yet feels dumb when ppl
stared at us
so i was putting it on
and removing it
kept repeating the sane steps
felt so daft
but then again
it was really fun
laughed like mad

went Food Street at Chinatown for late tea
had sesame dumplings in peanut soup
and also wu xiang. YUMMY.

then dropped by P.S
so many things we wanna buy
necklaces, shoes, shoes and shoes.
ha.

Conclusion: Daugher1-YAP is NUTS.
i repeat. NUTS.

dirty water, dirty people all around...

lunch at pizza hut wid ma 2 besties and glen
had a great bitching session
conclusion: ppl are selfish, they like to shed crocodile tears, annoying and lots more
then again
no one's perfect. thats why we need God.
its hard, sometimes i just feel like cursing those ppl
esp the dumbass malays.
those on the bikes.
bloody childish.

then we walked bk to sch
the car came and splashed the puddle of dirty water on the road unto us
i was beside daughter 2 - beth
it all happened too fast
wanted to curse and scold
but jus didnt react,
so let out a shrilly scream
so did daughter
haha super funny
we were like crazy
jus kept screaming for some time
mad.
2nd time.
daughter grown smarter.
asked us to stop and let the car passed first
but stil kenaed a bit
but then it was fun la
super relaxing day.
sue tan released us early as well
so glad i dont have to see her anymore

got back my cma
got a 48/100
great yah
first test 52/100
therefore, its ( 52+48 ) / 2 = 50
i got a 50.
God's grace really.
managed to jus scrape thru.
thank u Lord!
now i need to pass my exam to make sure i pass
go gotta really study for it man.

hope we're gg Chinatown tmr.
but 1 thing.
just 1 thing.
i'm B.R.O.KE.

Putting on the apron of humility...

phew, tuesday over. great feeling. one more day in sch down! yeeps!
today ms wong was in a gd mood i guess
bought so much chocs for us. act i think she's quite nice and lame, only if she doesnt bomb us with questions.
can't take all the tremors, so noisy
like they gonna hack down the whole building.
wish the renovations would be done soon man.

watched the invention show last nite
so surprised to see ms chai and mr leong
and turned out that my sec sch won!
so proud of em peeps!
suaty and dot gonna lead worship for fri's prayer mtg
will be playing for em

read purpose driven life ytd
and they were talking abt servanthood
and its really true u know
how many ppl want to be leaders, but not servants
bring me to the pt that as christians
we should not be in the limelight
and that real servants shld maintain a low profile
"put on the apron of humility, to serve one another" - 1 Peter 5:5
i guess that would be a struggle to many ppl
they become addicted to attention, unaware that always being in the spotlight blinds one.
so lets enc one another to keep on serving God
Lastly the words of Jesus
"If as my representatives, you give even a cup of cold water to a little child, you will surely be rewarded.
-Matthew 10:42

Faith is indeed the key to answered prayer...

Oh my goodness... this is like totally shocking.
cuz i couldnt blog due to some prob with my blogger.
and i jus said a prayer, didnt really mean it
jus said God, plz, if possible, just let it wk k...
and ta-da! he answered it! even tho it was sucha small and unimportant one!
thank u father!

so glad the gals wanna go watch Mama Mia! wahaha...
so happieee.
nickie auddy cmg too.
hope ah mei will come along
else it wouldnt be fun w/o her

was home at 2 last nite.. watching dvd at hawk's place
but i was sleeping thru out the whole show lah
so boring
then that dumb nic use cam and took a pic of me when i was sleeping like a pig
then aft that he fell asleep too
then i gave him a tooth for a tooth! muahaha...

ytd's bbq was quite fun
played with the sparklers
then i think i burnt my eyebrow
haha got one hole down there

the He Shi Bi was super duper sian!
many ppl were like sleeping
then the woman talked to me lah
but before that they were like making me feel damn sad
even the other woman feels that the woman is segregating herself fr me.
but at least got talk a bit la
somehow still feel the uncomfort btw us

it was real glad to see dottie
sucha long time
anyway, am glad to have her back

think nxt monday no need come bk sch anymore
*happieee*
have been waiting very long for this day

u know i really really love my church peeps.
but they seem to disappoint me time and time again
or perhaps im being too sensitive lah
maybe i shd change cell
have been thinking bout it for some time
love Naomi, but i should be in Joshua
feel intimidated in Naomi
Sigh...
but they are all the loveliest ppl in my life.
i really dunno what to do.

havent done my qt for a long long time
i really pray that God'll forgive me.
everyday im jus wasting my time away
i owe God so much so much
pray for me ya peeps

im so glad sch's cmg to an end really soon.
the feeling is great man.
indescribable feeling

Today was quite alright… had a good time laughing at the skit… Thought it was hilarious… Made a new friend today or rather two… So happy! Janice – got to know her so much better today… She’s a funny gal, great sense of humor! Daniel – didn’t really talk much to him, only till today during dinner… Anyway, nice people, hope to get to know them better and better with help from God!

Went to Bt. Timah mkt with the crusaders, and when we jus finished buying food, I saw Nic they all! So happiee! *grins* before that I was still thinking if they will go there for dinna, then TADA! They appeared! Works of God! Then got a lift home from my new neighbors! Think they watching some DVD, but I decided to stay home… too tired le, even though its just the floor above mine! Hee…

Something’s wrong with my lappie… sigh… can’t figure out what’s the prob… man… how lucky can I get? Taking a break from music min this week… Send some quality time alone, to breathe in fresh air, and perhaps help m new neighbors with their things tmr! Maybe will play with my new toys from Diaso, cut the collage thingy from 8-days, arrange my photos, do a masque, play the piano, bake biscotti read the papers, go for a swim, do my tutorials? Pack my things, throw away rubbish, paint my skirt, decorate my bag etc etc etc… Will make sure my free day tomorrow will be a fruitful and fulfilling one!

Went Diaso on Thursday with my daughters… we bought…

Jess – Cookies’ paper bags
Nail art thingy
Binoculars
Eyebrow thingy
Eliz – Milkish bag
Blusher
Loose powder
Eyebrow thingy
Skipping rope

Moi – Milkish bag
Loose powder
Skipping rope
Rainbow-colored Wig (love it!)
Connect 4!

Don’t know why can’t blog… Something’s wrong with my blogger… so had to ask my daughter to help me blog… haha…

Presentations are more or less over, so relieved now… but still got other tests, role-plays etc… life is still very much terrible…

Sigh… seems like ppl are getting colder and colder nowadays… it’s just so hard to reach out to them. Sigh… wonder what’s running in their minds, what’s holding them back.

Ytd no water supply, later no electricity… my house is super jialat… haha… always got this kinda problems… otherwise it’ll be lifts breaking down.. still remembered there was once, when I was still in primary school, both lifts broke down when I was going back with my mum after grocery shopping. Then we had no choice but to start climbing up the never-ending flight of stairs, to 22nd storey… halfway, and I crying and sat down on the stairs. I told my mum that I don’t wanna climb anymore…. Haha.. funny huh… now when I recollect the past, I could imagine the cold beads of sweat that were trickling down my mama’s forehead when I said that! Haha… anyway, hope that’ll nv happen again! Haha… but then my dad will be home late later…hope and pray that he’ll be back safely, cuz he got asthma, and can’t possibly climb 22 x 2 flight of stairs…

Asked ah bee for a break from worship duty this Sunday…really needed it. Im up
every week. Everyweek.. Its not that I don’t wanna serve but I really do need a break badly. Its real taxing… sigh… electricity gg off soon.. nic asks if I’ll be scared.. actually haven tot abt that, but after he asked, started to get the creeps. Plus im HOME ALONE. Ugh. What great luck…

Just a little encouragement to keep my loved ones going...

Drop a pebble in the water: just a splash, and it is gone; But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on, Spreading, spreading from the center, flowing on out to the sea. And there is no way of telling where the end is going to be.
Drop a pebble in the water: in a minute you forget, But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet, And those little waves a-flowing to a great big wave have grown; You've disturbed a mighty river just by dropping in a stone.

Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute it is gone; But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on. They keep spreading, spreading, spreading from the center as they go, And there is no way to stop them, once you've started them to flow.
Drop an unkind word, or careless: in a minute you forget; But there's little waves a-flowing, and there's ripples circling yet, And perhaps in some sad heart a mighty wave of tears you've stirred, And disturbed a life was happy ere you dropped that unkind word.

Drop a word of cheer and kindness: just a flash and it is gone; But there's half-a-hundred ripples circling on and on and on, Bearing hope and joy and comfort on each splashing, dashing wave Till you wouldn't believe the volume of the one kind word you gave.
Drop a word of cheer and kindness: in a minute you forget; But there's gladness still a-swelling, and there's joy circling yet, And you've rolled a wave of comfort whose sweet music can be heard Over miles and miles of water just by dropping one kind word.

so thankful, finally got back my internet connection
today was HQ & SS's wedding
she looked totally gorgeous
but the worst things kinda happen to me
was putting on the bod shop liq foundatn and it splattered all over me
kena on my skirt, right before the wedding
and the loose powder was horrendous
need to get a new one
then drank my mango tea, and it dripped down to my shirt
ugh
dinner's at Meritus Mandarin in town tonight
but im not invited
not that close
but overall fun lah

got my bag ytd
exilarated mannn
cma test is gettg nearer and nearer
sighhh...
bbq tmr, still recovering, dont know can eat or not haha

this week was a tough one
ask them
they will know
so tough u dont know what to do
cleared the problem
but dont know if it'll arise again or not

tmr's the wedding
can't wait
but got no top to wear
sigh
nxt wk cma test
ugh...
sure mati

nxt week's gonna b worse
2 presentations
german role-play
cma test
in deep poop

need to do ppt
paint
draw
color
alamak

bbq on sunday somemore
gonna go do my pacnet thingy later
hopefully wil b ok
have been paying few mths bills
but nt using the net at all
wthell right

heard from eu recently
she took the initiative to msg me
so happie
can tell that she really misses us
asked bout the bbq
but it was gonna end early
so i guess she couldnt come

i wanna go chinatown wif my daughters to get the shades
haha...
i need to have things to look forward to
to keep me going for the week
haha
such as shopping
or some activity
else i'll haf low morale
ahaha
what rubbish right

she didnt msg me at all this wk
prob still mad at me
sigh...
nothing i can do

cheryl pass me the deeds card
so cool
haha tot it was like super fun
going to pass to someone soon