sun 12thfeb

lunch at crystal jade with the cellies. jus wonder how long more can we stil do that tog. had cell aft that. which was terrible i guess. poor girl kept talking while the other 3 jus shut their mouths, getting busy with folding craps. that always happen. w/o fail. chatty and all over lunch and once we're in that rm, it all happen again. horrendous la.

turbs acc me to jp aft that. been eons since we last went there. cleared sm stuff along the way. talk abt having best friends and all. jus occured to me how on earth wil a 7 yr old boy knows that mr abia is her bestie? must be the dad and that uncle nick. thot that was a little nice.

i opened the phone and saw the girl. hehs. she looked a bit alarmed, like how i feel when the same happens. then again. it wil be duh if is us. haha.

im under the weather. damnit. flubug bugging me. damn. hate the damn throat.

we havent gone out tog the whole of this week. weird it may seem. but i already gather the fact that she is too busy dating christopher to go out with me. so there, its ok, i wil get sad and wallow in self-pity. thats what i always do. and there nv is any solution for that. didnt exchange sms also except on sunday. guess i need to get over it! once ppl have bf, off u go, no matter how close u used to be. i will be fine. thats the least i can enc myself. hehs. tmr wil go over to help her. cant help wondering if she wil be gg out with ct aft that. hahaha. smhow i wish she wil tell me. but i think she is prolly keeping mum abt this. cos for fear i may laugh at her? then again i dnt think theres anythg which i dunno yet. sigh. i will get thru this! if only i had a bf. hahaha. juneee chin stop laughing.

went over to sy' anuties hse. sigh. so HUGE can. somemore got pond with fishes inside the house. so damn nice la. isnt it good to be rich. why are there ppl who are so poor and ppl who are so rich? its so unfair. very very unfair. but ive learn to take it in my stride already la. haii. depressing nite.

today was classes til 3, then head to town with sijie and eve, got clothes fr fox. hehs. retail therapy yet again! really like my nick- when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. haha. so lame can! then watched casanova with them and keith, nice chap, changed my impression of him. haha. if only i had a bf like him. hehs. anyway, nice show. home sweet home. lets hope for a good sat.

first time in poly life that i submitted a proj 2 days before the deadline! i mean cmon, its 2 whopping days! screw the fact that we didnt know abt the extension. but anyway, that was the last project in my life. and it felt good. first time that we are able to get it done w/o much conflicts. tho i was pissed in the noon when they were playing mahjong. anyway, i feel that ive done a whole lot, so im pretty pleased abt that, except that i dont know much abt the figures. glad its all cleared. which also means that its time to start studying, cos exams is 2 wks later! madness.

had them over since monday, and i jus realised how much i hate the twins. its like they are always so full of sarcarsm for me. they need to really study and learn how to communicate with others. being in my house yet taking me and my things for granted. bitches. to hell with it. eeks. they turn me off totally. puiii.

mini celeb for sj's bday at nydc. havent got the girl anythg, except for the cake which cost a whopping 3.80. for sucha small slice! what a ripoff. hehs. got nail polish at sasa. afttt over at west mall to top up buscard and then went walk ard. op gt sale! almost wanted to get the skirt except that it was a tad too long. good thing. else i would spend again. was abt to leave the place when i saw the popular sale. hehs. and i got a book called be beautiful. lalala. teaches abt hair, face, body etc. then even at ntuc i can get wrapping papers. i am a sucker for giftwraps! haha. i am a true blue shoppaholic who buys everything!

thnk its time to start saving and curb my spending. but i simply love retail therapy! which girl doesnt???

anyway. V day is coming! which means................... im gonna be dateless! for the 20th time in my life! haha.. quite sad. but nvm. think i shall stay at home and watch tv! what a loser. sobs.

truly well spent wkend with all my loves. its been a long time since i really enjoyed myself with them. i guess acceptance is really impt. and like what ruth said, sounds corny but we really lived like one big family. enjoy all the visitings, all the fellowshipings, all the travelling around in one whole big gang. its sooo heartwarming. but all good things have to come to an end. thats what i hate the most.

overnight at dots place on fri, with suat this time, cos she so wouldnt believe that she will wanna go. and of course i won. and i peeped at it again, and i found out that she have been mtg him!! ok im being a real kaypoh bitch, i admit. infact im knocking into her privacy. ugh. and when i saw it, i was like ok, she got a bf, and shes so gonna chuck me aside soon like what ah mei did to me. cant help feeling upset. ok fine. i guess im thinking too much. cos they have jus met for like prolly 3 times, and i already decided that they will get married. on 1 hand, im happy cos hes a catholic, at least i hope hes not some rotten apple. and he sounds quite decent. ha. then again. im jus sad la. cos i know the same will happen. and history wil repeat itself and no one wil have time for me.

but i guess thats life. frens dont belong to me. yes that fact hurts. but ultimately, we'll be gg separate ways. perhaps i shdnt even be thinking till that far. cos who knows i may be fetched upstairs i hope. tmr. or later. sigh.

and i was getting all so emo cos the fun's over, and its back to reality, school tmr, and shes gonna chuck me aside. but then the sms came, haha right smack all the timing and hot tears started rolling down the cheeks. feels so good to cry. im loving it.

and i realised how i have to learn to put myself in other people's shoes. like in the bus, suat wil always sit alone cos dot wil def sit nxt to me. and its sad. real saddening. but yet i aint the slightest bit empathetic/sympathetic/sensitive. smtimes i think i deserve tons of slaps across the face. im guilty yet not ashamed.

ok so its weddy! which means i have my intv and role play tmr. fuck! sianings. dreading it like theres no tmr. jus want it done and over with. and i'll be a happy soul. hehs. wanna do some retail therapy. i need to get shoes! but not like i will wear them. damn. always buying but nv wearing. haii. and i need to ask turbs to quickly get the air tics if we are confirm gg. cos i am so afraid i will spend all my savings. that will be real badd.

other than that, life has been pretty much peaches and cream. went to the pool to tan these 2 days. shall cont to do it tmr shd the weather do me justice. hehs. wanna get back my tan! then turbs wont laugh at meee. sobs. i need to work on a nice one. but gg down alone can be so boring and scary. sigh. still, im gonna muster my courage for the sake of my skin. jus a couple of times more and i shall stop. stil havent get the cloth for my mama to make the oriental top. wondering if i shd get it done or jus forget abt it. ahhhh. so mafans. puiii.

cant wait for the weekend to come so that i can hang out with my loves!

chinese new yr's like so overrated can! one word to describe it all - boring. yawns. svc was a short one. was decked in my old clothes la, couldnt bother much, stil, i think i look nicee.lol.egoego. had breakfast with papamama and aunty yuhua at delifrance! i gave them a treat! hehs. felt kinda good, wheee.then back home, and rotted the whole day off with my 2 male cuzzies. 12 & 9. oh wells. then at night some uncle and aunty came, with their daughter. it was an yearly affair kinda thing, so they are like always ard on the first day. stil, it was a tad quiet, cos huihui and auntie all have gone for a holiday overseas. so there. but we played mahjong jus now! cos they were short of 1 kaki, and bobian have to rope me in. my mama was like really reluctant. haha. but anyway they played with money but not me, so i have no winnings/losses.

mag was in this pair of boots which were really nice but it doesnt suit her la. cos her thighs are thunderous, not that mine are not, but hers are really pear shape. so it doesnt flatter her alot. i was thinking of getting it, but think it wil look the same on me. haha or even worse! but i want to get onee and tuck my jeans in. hehs. but its so bloody exp. she got hers for 80. that i wil rather buy birks!

i want a pair of birks!!! *slurps*

supp to go catch i nt stupid today but certain circumstances does not allow me to do so. anyway, hopefully tmr or smthg la. i want to go shopping too!! ahhhh. collected 178 so far.hehs. but i am a good girl. i return what ought to be returned to my mama. i dont take advantage k. im GOOD.

i screwed abacus! sobs. didnt do lotsa theory, jolly well 30 marks plus gone, but jus hope to get a pass. anyway its only 10%, so heck!

checked my a/c and i got my pay! was so freaking happy! lol. like finally, after 2.5 mths. so i went retail therapy with eve and sijie. they always make me feel comfy and welcome, which is good. dunno why but smhow i prefer them to the other 2. oops. got a cheap topshop top. hehs. im always looking for cheap thrills. smhow i dont thhink that one needs to pay a big price for ncie stuff. ha. call me cheapskate, whatever, i dont care. and got a white eyeliner! from missha and a nail polish fr face shop! woohoo. and that cute kodomo powder which i can bring to camp. hehs.

issue with turbs stil gg on. but its over already i guesss. silly gunai kept weeping buckets. like whatever for. whats happen happened, and cannt be undone, so there. she had better be nicer to me from now after all the hurt which she have inflicted onto me. haaa.

anyway snow white came my house. haha. like finally i see her la. and she was so uber sweet to buy food for my mama. im touched.boo. haha. thanks babe! appreciate it lots!

cny is cmg but i aint exactly looking forward to it. so im glad i have 2 dvds with me, gonna watch them during my free time. no vistings etc. boring. yawns.

gotta start saving fr bkk trip. gt a feeling i might jus spend them all on impulse. ahhhh.

it has been a rude awakening i must say. and i dun deny tt ive been a lil hurt by certain things tt u mentioned. i didnt think it was that serious and bad. sigh. n yes sometimes i wonder to myself, why is it that i always know so much about u n yet u can never know me well enough. it saddens me tt theres stil so much u havent discovered. but hey gal, don't take the blame yourself k. it takes 2 hands to clap. and im glad u said all those stuff instead of keeping them to yrself and not making known to me. i believe theres so much more to this frenship and i'll never wanna jeopardise it in any way. so im gonna learn to give myself more, not for you, but because i want to. really, and theres a whole lot for us to learn abt one another. n of cos the tears wont go wasted. hee. n over dinner ytd, there was this one thing that u said, abt hw u dont care if my existence matters to others but it sure it impt to u. That, is enough to justify yr piece yesterday. U have no ideahow much it touched me tho we were still very much mad at one anohter. and i never intended to portray myself in tt wway. my attitude prob is getting fr bad to worse, tt i have to make an effort to change. Ans no worries k, im ok. am looking forward to so much more of this awesome sisterhood. may it not be words tt im saying, but actions that speaks louder. i love u twinnie, jus rem tt k and u have such a impt place in my heart tt no one can replace. And of cos im gonna claim the HUMONGOUS hug fr u! that is if u still wanna give it to me. (:

Dearie, i ask for ur magnanimous forgiveness about yest's issue. Im so depressed when i returned. I'll doubt even when d whole screen is filled wif tt sobbin emoticon its hardly enuf to express d way i feel. Im so ashamed for causing u misery time n again. U're barely 20! its really bcos of me. fuck! read d online daily bread n it said some psychologist determined jan 24 as d most depressing day of yr. wth la. sigh. can we cast yest's happenings aside? i really dun wa n hope it will not affect our r/s in any way. cos i really do treasure the times wif u n havin tt special connection wif u even when we're apart. its esp in times like this that all d things u did for me, all yr gdness suddenly i think supersedes all else. N its really all those tt matters. Appreciate u lots. I know i cant turn back time. My selfishness n unreasonable self has inflicted hurt and pain on u. Wounds could have been very deep but u try ur best to conceal wif smiles and laughters so i wont feel as bad. Fr nw i hope to shower u wif my love and patience we'll ease the pain recovery tog k. even tho tt psychologist determined the worst day, we still rejoice eh, cos everyday, yest today tmr r days tt Lord made for us n we b iglad in it. can? IM SORRY my twinnn!!! i really do mean it. Can i stil gif u a big hug???! dun cryyy my darling.

history jus repeat itself today, this very faithful day, 24th of january. things always happen when i least expect it to. damnit. or rather thisi night. it was all well, went to watch geisha, and it was when the show ended where it all began again. jus like 29th dec, excecpt that it was much worse this time.

she just refused to tell me where she wanted to go. and we stood there right in the middle of orchard road, jus spacing out. i hated that feeling. yes, i know u want me to make the decision, but doing that right there wasnt jus the wisest thing to do. it seemed like forever, and then we started walking and she jus followed me, not mentioning a single word whatsoever. was almost at my brink of tears but jus hold it back. i didnt know what she wanted. she could have told me. but certainly she didnt. so we jus walk into shops, she looking at her stuff, and me looking at mine. felt totally horrible, the feeling was jus indescribable. i hated it.

but it didnt stop right there. it was carried over to dinner. standing right outside taka food hall, not knowing where to go. and it suck. the feeling realy suck. in the end settled for ajisen. and once again there was that deafening silence creeping in. we jus keep on eating, and she started to speak. telling me so many many things that really brought tears to my eyes. endless times.

saying that she dont like one-sided stuff. and like the 2 way thingy. abt how she always share so much with me but yet im unwilling to open up. and always becoming so quiet. and how i can always say" thats so you" but she can never say the same to me cos she will never know me enough to do that. it is sad i tell you. very saddening. i jus sat there speechless and dumbfounded once again. i knew she was hoping for some kind of reaction fr me. be it rebuking her, scolding her, slapping her, anything but keeping quiet. but i chose to do the latter. cos thats me. everything she said is so true and right.

and of cos she doesnt expect me to change/ give her answers that she wanna hear. and that she was wondering if things wil turn sour btwn us. so i answered. i told her some stuff. and then i mentioned abt my existence. saying that it doesnt matter like when last sunday at the dialogue session. and the sweetest thing that touched me most is what she said. cant exactly remembered it word by word, but it goes like this "your existence may nt be important to other people, but it sure is important to me. i dont care if other ppl notice it or not, but always remember it does matter to me " i almost felt the tears welling up in my eyes haha. cos i didnt expect smthg that sweet to turn up. but i was really touched . words can never express how i feel.

aft which she tried to brighten the atmosphere a little, saying that its her fault cos she tends to think too much and stuff like that. she jus need to let it out and then she will be fine. or that she is expecting way too much fr this frenship. but she mention a lil stuff abt how she can do away superficial and surface frens which made me go a bit eh uh.

i didnt want it to end like tt and gg home, so we went to have a talk and things were pretty much norman. took 171 back to her hse and asked her to send me home. haa. but i didnt want to go home, so in the end we drove to mustafa and hang ard til 1 plus. yes jus me and her w/o the chungs. gues we got some things cleared. at least, i hope.

i believe she really treasures this frenship/sisterhood and thats why all the talks every now and then. it takes heart to hear such things. tho it may not be presented well, but i know that underlying it is a piece of love for this beautiful relationship which God had blessed us with. it aint easy, but one thing for sure, im gonna try to open up my real self, cos i believe thats hw a real frenship can grow and blossom. and im gonna speak my heart and mind in the right way. God pls give me the wisdom on how to get abt doing it and i jus want to commit this awesome sister into yr hands, and may the things we do/say cont to glorify yr name. amen.

usually i would have thisn depression! y cos its sunday nite. but nt today, cos theres only ib tut tmr! haha and elearning on wed and fri, but got abacus test. sucky!

job was damn fun, tho i was aching all over esp my shoulders. could really feel the ache! madness. signs of aging.lol. but it was fun man. saw jack neo and the cast, and 933 deejays. too bad i wasnt captured on tv!haha.. tiring but fun nevertheless. after which went down town with a cosmopolitan group again! me eve taojing and karen. wahaha. really get to know them so much better. but shucks i think i portray a mad woman on the loose woman image. again. damnn. ahaha. tao is so much fun, tho im pretty unsure of her gender identity. hehs. farniee woman. i likeee.

today was svc and then lunch recep at quadrangle. george's baby's first mth! baby's cute but looks kinda scary to me. ha cos of the humongous eyes. then had celeb for jan babies, then the dialogue session. back home cos turbs had to rush her proj.

came back and sleep for 2 hrs. nt enough man.

anyway, that guy left me a msg on frenster again. i guess when someones really serious abt smthg they wil do that yea? but too disgusting for my liking. and i dont like that kind of idea. sigh. if only its someone i know or i like. but fat hope la.

yay. its fridayyy. my fav day of the week! hehs.

anyway, was blogsurfing cos sj was talking abt glen gg bkpacking with his frens. so i jus went to read it. was like wow, he gets to go to japan with his classmates, airfares all paid for by his parents. thinking why are some ppl so rich, and they can have what they want. and saying things like he got his levi's jeans blah. know hes not bragging but smtimes i cannot comprehend why ppl like to go for such branded stuff? does it really make u very cool by wearing all those? and what sort of happiness does it bring you? is it all that matters? perhaps i aint brought up this way, where i can have all thse things, mayb im eating sour grapes? i dont know.

and we went shopping in town, and sj got this belt for her bf. its like 40 bucks aft discount. and she got this portrait of them drawn by some china guy. was also wondering why do couples like to get expensive stuff for one another? i really dont understand. they like to get things like perfume, clothes, belts, all the expensive stuff. i seriously cannot comprehend at all. money isnt everything u know. whats the pt of getting all these things? i deem them to be boring, conventional, and really thoughtless. // should one day, one day when i have a bf, i sure wouldnt get him such stuff. u may say that its cos i dont have money/cant bear to spend on him etc. but no i guarantee that i will nv ever do that. the idea's so saturated and super eeks la.

was glad tt abt the change of plan. well hope that shes happy despite nt receving any pressies. so there. she was cranky today, and i hated it. i pop by pretty fit to kaypoh and realised that her pair of bloody shoes cost a whopping 69.90. whoa. rich woman. im gonna rip her off. haha. isnt it crazy to spend so much money on a pair of shoes??? sigh. but well thats nt my moolah, and not my life. so whatever makes her happy. smtimes i wish i can not be so kaypoh. haha. anyway simple fare at nydc, kept harping on james. its kinda irritating i must say. cmon i dont like him ok, tho i may be a little despo. so stop harping. anyway hes a dumb ass. booksmart. too square a brain la! realised all brothers cannot help to keep surprises. sigh. useless bums.

and elaine cheng is lke so screewed today. man i dont give a flying fuck about u man. biatch.

anyway, will be wking tmr morn, which im actually looking forward to, cos its some events for the sneak peek of i nt stupid 2! gonna give out goodie bags etc, mayb can see cute celebs also! hehs and good pay of 60 buckeroos for 6 hrs. but doubt they gonna pay on the spot. am so broke now. only 6 bucks on me. haha. and i havent paid for the cake! ahhhhh.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU LOOK AT?
my pretty face!

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU?
25 buckeroos

WHAT'S A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH "TEST"?
pest

FAVORITE PLANT?
gerberas

WHO IS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST ON YOUR CELL PHONE?
evelyn

WHAT IS YOUR MAIN RING TONE ON YOUR PHONE?
speakers down. Boo.

WHAT SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
OP lol

DO YOU "LABEL" YOURSELF?
no.

NAME THE BRAND OF YOUR SHOES YOU"RE CURRENTLY WEARING?
barefoot

BRIGHT OR DARK ROOM?
Dark

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
proj/msning

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED ON YOUR CELL?
thanks for helping me ask!

DO YOU EVER CLICK ON "POP UPS" OR BANNERS?
nah..

WHAT'S A SAYING THAT YOU SAY A LOT?
shit!

WHO TOLD YOU THEY LOVED YOU LAST?
my twinnie!

LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
cannot remember

HOW MANY DRUGS HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST THREE DAYS?
zilch.

HOW MANY ROLLS OF FILM DO YOU NEED TO GET DEVELOPED?
zilch. It’s the pc la darling.

FAVORITE AGE YOU HAVE BEEN SO FAR?
18?

YOUR WORST ENEMY?
nah.

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
collage of twinnie and me

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE?
what are you doing? To my mama haha

IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A MILLION BUCKS OR TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE A MAJOR REGRET?
a million bucks la!

THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?
my hump, black eyed peas

i tag no one.
june perhaps? haha

its weddy!!! woohoo. this week have been great thus far, giving me lotsa time to rest, rot and slack at home! hehs. coool.

seriously dunno why we like to talk abt the humps. i mean its like yeah i have it but so? does it mean that it have to be flaunt? im nt like u alright, always in that. thats jus now me. so even if it looks in proportion, good, yummy, whatsoever i dont give a damn. smtimes i hate u. hate u for what u have, hate u for always harping on the same stuff. it gets on my nerves at times. realy it does. and your forgetfulness. always. guess its a love and hate kinda thing.cranky. thats what u always say i am. and yes i admit im cranky. but thats me. jus me. either love me or hate me. i wont stop u.

lol i mus be mad to write all of the above. anyway. cranky again i guess.

today a even bigger and better surprise! i got back my dt test paper! i got 75%. my peers were a few mks lower than me and i felt a little teeny smart cos i didnt study much, and i even asked them for answers. but turned out i did well for the first part, which was w./o their help. and that was good, cos according to the tutor, thats what will come out for the exams. cant help grinning fr ear to ear. but all these can happen only bcos of Him, so i will learn to eat humble pie.

she got herpes zoster, and she stil wants to come to sch tmr. damn it. and its the same stuff that causes chicken pox. damnit. contagious. i dont want to have chicken pox for CNY. damn. how ahhhhh. shit.

her bdays cmg and nobody can be bothered. oh mannn. how how how. and theres no pressies. sigh. everyone's too busy to bother. damnit. selfish creatures.

finally i can have a break today! ip's down, ib presentation's down, so left human comm, wisp assgmt 3, cem, hpm, atm test blah to come. so glad for the breather today! stomach cramps left me in convulsions! hate it. and the leakage's like damn lot la! already 3/4th day but stil coming a whole lot. eeks!

atm tutorial was cancelled, so only 2 hrs in sch. was in pain the whole time, yet i was like obligated to have lunch with her whatsoever. was like wtf la, dont take me for granted. i mean its like cmon u got yr proj stuff to do, and u expect me to wait for u to have lunch with u? dream on man. i wouldve done it if i wasnt in such great pain u know. and anyay, who are u that i shd wait and lunch with. damnit. why cant some ppl jus be more considerate? it irks me a whole lot. anyway, took cab to and fro fr sch today. felt so terrible that i jus couldnt bear the thot of taking a bus.

yesterday was spent with turbs n suats watching in her shoes. oh wells. some yaya sisterhood kinda show, a little dry, but still, a movie always work wonders for me. the cny mood seems to be setting in, with all the cheesy cny songs, tv comms. thot i was perhaps a lil excited bout it. at least thats the only thing i look forward to now. sigh. i constantly need things to excite me so that life can get going. its bad isnt it.

and turbs told me abt the msn thing ytd. lol. i suck in that picture tt guy stil complimented??? hahaha. my heart was actually smiling, and head a lil swelling. tho i acted as if i couldnt be bother. anyway, she doesnt even know who the hell he is. craps.

suats bday is coming.and nobody seems to be bothered. oh wells. like what to do. sigh. supp to have a big celeb, since hers is always neglected. moreover, shes gonna go up to adult zone. hais. the talk ytd is making us alil worry. jus wonder how shes gonna take it.

shit. now i have craving for tau huay. wth.

caught the heirloom. which was super NOT NICE btw. yucks man. nt scary plus i dont get the ending. off ta crystal jade for dinna, and as usual ordered truckloads of food. thats what happen when u have jus ONE fren who eat like pigS.hehs. off ta huagus house hse to thon. watched the kingkong, haa but we both fell alseep at different times, lol. then girls talk again til the wee hours. 5:05am. that is madness redefined. anyway, it was fun altogether. ((((((((:

got my period. which means fuck. i really hate it man. sucks! having all those cramps, worrying if u wil stain yrself. blah blah blah. eeksss! had a sudden craving for jelly, so i went to get it plus my sanitary napkins and my cup noodles. ha ha ha! but its nt satisfied yet, cos i cant find my gimme one gimme one gimme one more! shall attempt to cont searching for the purrfect jelly tml! hehs. *snort.

anyway, went down with mama to get those stuff before she went to wash her hair. and while we were getting a dustpan for my auntie, she gave me a hug and told me she love me. awwww. and i told her the same too. im glad that me and my mama are so cool with all this verbal and non-verbal lang, showing our affections for one another. i know it doesnt happen much in asian families, so i make sure it doesnt extinct btw us. hee. i lovee her u know, tho she drive me crazy at times, but its all for my own good. (((((((:

its late, and i had better go get some sleep. out*

while waiting for jess to send me the ip, thot i could like blog or smthg.

am so glad that time flies at warped speed smtimes. tho dreading it, this time im gladdd. ((((: and tomorrow is friday, am gg out with turbs to catch either in her shoes or the heirloom. prollly go stay at her place too if we are watching heirloon. cos we wil be too freaked out. but sigh, her hse's like so proper and scary la. then gotta see eu, then later she wil think why is this girl always cmg to stay at my hse. then again, i may think too much. its like so weird la. know both of them yet im close to turbs, and not really to her sis. and when i go over, we wil sleep at the attic, and eu alone. sigh. mixed feelings!

jus talked to sijie online!tho it was a short while. still, i was excited. wish she was back here with me. then i wouldnt have felt to lonely. sigh. gues i use to take things for granted, but gonna learn nt to do so anymore.

turbs told me the time capsule thingy! sounds exciting. imagine keeping all our good/bad thoughts abt one another/writing abt our wishes/ and seeing them only after 1 year! and we'll laugh at it together. simply heartwarming and fun isnt it? am so looking forward to it already. trust turbs to come up with smthg like that!

on another note, ruth's mama was hospitalised again. sigh. shes always falling sick, really weak i guess. gonna uphold her in my prayers.

from the beginning i already knew that it was a bad week.

he asked to see me and proceeded to asking me abt the sch fees. i was for a moment quite touched actually, to think someone bothers. haha but then i realised he's my advisor, and he is obliged to do that.lol. anyway i told her abt it. and then during lunch... ... ... sighh. smtimes i wish i can jus die. wonder whether if God is there. wonder why i cant live like some normal kid. why are some people born rich, have looks, money, brains, everything. live in big house, party all day long, get ferry around, handsome bfs, go to prestigious schs, have everythg they want, gg for hols etc etc. life is sure is unfair, but i guess ive learnt not to complaint anymore.

i jus realise i really love to wallow in self-pity, which is not a good sign.

dont ask me why. i know 5 is a small number. but at this point of time i only need 2. or even 1. or mayb 0. i don't know.

it has been bad. and i guess u are right. i am really cranky. prolly due to the fact that my period havent come since like 2 mths ago.

schs starting tmr,sj have gone to the states. i have absolutely no mood to go to sch at all. atm make up tut from 3-6, which means i have to go get the laptop from wj. which means 8.15 and i have to leave house to go get it from wj. this is madness. im sinking into depression again. really hate sunday nights, always feel so down, so emo, esp in the night. and its gonna be a damn busy wk for me. human comm presentation, wisp presentation, IP proj submission. all in 1 week. seriously have no idea how im gonna survive it. jus cant wait to graduate fr np.

on the good note, ive been spending quality time with ppl whom i hold close to my heart. guess at the same time i'd need to restore some broken relationships. its gonna be hard, but at least im gonna try. the future seems so obscure. and nothing is forever. now, isnt that sad.

and there are gonna be endless changes in 2006. transitions. new environments. new faces. sigh.perhaps i shouldnt even let my mind wander to that stage, since i dont even know if i'll still be around by then.

wallowing in self-pity. again. damn. i am so hating it.

God had jus sent me an angel to pass me the moolah. and indeed im real thankful.

on the other note, i almost couldnt believe what i heard. i thought the old man had died, but turned out that he waved to her, and hahaha tigeress saw it. how dumb can she get. and into the box she will hide for 1 week. was ordered not to step out of the house. henpecked& useless creature. what jolt me was finally, after 5 years, the dream is almost vivid. and when it happens, all nations will celebrate. and my panties will be raised onto the pole, declaring that that is mine. now and forever. and i will no longer live in darkness. no longer lying in a bed of lies.

oh ya, by the way, i hate ppl who despise me. and if u think u've got me down, u are so fucking wrong. hahaha. the mere sight of you makes me so sick i wanna throw uppppp. puiiii. lalala..