its tootsday!

And the 1million and 1 thoughts are still swimming vigorously in my head. damned. where did all those endorphins disappear to?

the circumstances failed me yet again, when i was very much hoping for some kind of say, reconcillation, or on-goings.

but then God spoke to me and once again reminded me to let go of what is not eternal, and to live each day like its the last. I wil learn to free my loved ones and start each day as if its the very last day. and by doing so, i will be upset no more with anyone, and i will no longer bear hatred toward those i don't love.

im trying to live by this nw.
>>keeping up with trends/fashions/popular values just doesn't matter as much anymore.

sidetrack.
suddenly gt this flashback of primary school days when i used to hang out with a indian and a filipino and a chinese gal all the time, cos we were all staying at bt timah bk then. with i could relish those times again. i vividly rem gg to play at the swing and pool of goodluckgarden's condominium which was behind her house, munching tidbits all the way. or to the gal's hse to do project,eat pizza etc. or alternatively we'll go to my filipino fren's hse to play with her dolls, and i thoroughly enjoyed the yummy sandwiches! or we'll go play badminton, or play ball in the gym, and did a million retarded things. mann. im so missing those days of carefreeness, bumming ard and having 0 worries!

hvg said that, its also scary hw ppl have changed, all 3 are like wild animals now. haha. well, changes are inevitable ya. therefore, pls dont send your kids to a convent school! or they'll slowly unleash the animal in them and leave you dumbfounded.

I dont want to be a restless wanderer. Products of past, yes, but not prisoners of it.

its monday. 26th may. 1.10pm and i had just finished lunch. and on top of it all, there are some 1million queer thoughts swimming in my head.

the weekend was, well, not too bad. i couldnt quite sum it up, but its just a wild mix of everythg, and it churns out making me a little funny all over.

its funny how hard i try but smtimes circumstances just fail me.i don't know.

yay. friday! my fav day of the week. and double yay! cos the best friend is cmg bk tmr! i'm so glad. just pray tt her gastric flu will disappear so that she won't have a difficult time on the plane. i can wait no longer! wheee.

somehow these few days i've been thinking... i used to like certain things so much (materials wise), they always seemed so desirable, and i guess its because i don't have the ability/money to buy it. yet when you have the money, all these things doesn't seem so desirable anymore. life's such a paradox. nowadays, when i shop, i only get things i really really like, and usually they are cheap too! and nice. heehee. im nt one who spend lotsa money on an item. i don't exactly believe in the "quality" stuff logic. why pay more when u can get more with less? haa. mayb i jus like cheapo stuff la. can't afford to splurge anw.

and there's classes tonight. and im beginning to feel the stress over the fact that we havent got started on our presentation. nt even the slightest inkling on what to do. and that is terrible. cos the presentation is like 1wk later. sigh. gt a feelg im gonna do badly for this module la.sigh. tmr sure is gonna be a hell of a busy wk. but i pray that i learn to depend on God, and nt myself for brilliant ideas. just that really clueless on a headstart. and the lecturer seems to expect alot, like a WOW presentation. sigh. we have our limitations lor.

am afraid of nxt wk. its gonna be super action packed with the proj shit. i can foresee it alreay. boo. ):

til then, hv a gr8 wkend. (:

the weekend whizzz past me, just like that. usually i wil be lamenting and sulking but this time it's different, cos it means that the best friend is coming back soon. wheee.

saturday was spent with lim. met in town, went for lunch, over to PS, then to clarke quay, over to MeidiYa, then walk all the way to Great World, then back to town for dinner. wth. walked till my legs ached. feeling the muscle strain on my left leg. ): but managed to get sm cheap deals of wallets and sm air refresher thingy for maybe say Mag's bday or smthg.

sunday had lunch with the pops at crystal jade. had dimsum which was sadly, nthg fantastic. and me being the fillial daughter, paid for the meal! haha. then went back home to rest.

ytd met the schoolmates to discuss proj. which was nt exactly productive, cos all are clueless as to what to do. damn. am starting to fret alittle, cos exactly 2wks from now is our presentation. AHHHHHHHHHH. just hope we dont flunk it. then went shop ard a little, and i gt my loot! sm very very stripey, bright and retro jacket from ebase, and cos only 12buckeroos! i really luv it! mann. smore so cheappppp! then saw sm shoes which i like, but tot i shd learn to be more frugal and nt just buy anythg i like. and i want to wait til bestie is back, and i want her opinions! then frens went off for dinna, and so i cont with my expedition to accomplish my mission.! independent woman >> thats me, WANG XIAOJIA! wakakaka...

its tuesday! i want saturday to come soon! i jus hope the mates doesnt spoil the wkend by wanting to meet for proj. i really think there's no pt in mtg up. we need to be efficient and effective darling. mtg up is useless if we have nthing prepared on hand.! bleah.

til then, hv a fab wk.

dont make me fume. dont "HEE" and "HAHAA" when i am asking u a damn question! ANSWER IT. but HENG u manage to salvage yrself at the very last moment. am so pissed! what the hell is wrong with you! slap u silly.

on another note, its friday. which makes me one happy girl.but twinnie is not in town.but i shall go shopping by myself after music prac tmr. (: time to be independent woman!

gt classes later. hope it wil be gd.

I am so bored, and feeling so dull. There is just this lull ringing in my entire body.

Classes wasn't that bad last night. Well, at least we had some fun with that kukus specs i gt from Mustafa. ohwells. but attention span was short, could concentrate no longer after the break. and yeah, got irritated by this classmate who is REALLY nothing but a GLUTTON. everytime w/o fail, she will just 'bio' whatever food we have and then jus reach out and take without even asking. i cant stand it. its like so duh! and so, in the recent weeks, whoever bought food will not take her share into account. its like she always take without any giving, and like taking it all for granted. she could have at least shown sm form of appreciation. the worst thing is she wil smtimes jus leave the rubbish behind on the table for us to clear. GRRR. i hope smone will knock sm sense into her soon. behaving like 猪八戒. super TAM JIAK la.

Was feeling kinda low when gg hm last night. its like everyone gt their dad to pick them up/drove own car. i just feel so lonely suddenly. i don't know why. though im grateful that they did offer to give me a lift smwhr. probably cos the best friend is not in town. ): but im ok now. will pick myself up.

i really really really want a trip to sm exotic place can God? pls? say Aust/USA/Europe? smwhere nice? is it too much to ask for? i really really really hope for a break. )':

thankfully. monday is over. and i've managed to chase the blues away. and the fact that nxt monday is a holi contributes to helping me cheer up a little.

thankfully the bestie is staying put at the hotel with internet access, so we can chat our way through the night, and the distance btw us doenst seem so far anymore.

the bestie has departed for PRC in the wee hours of the dawn. and im feeling lonely already. boo. ):

adding on to my agony is the excruciating pain from cramps, and the sucky blues of monday. yucks. i just wanna get it done and over with.

visited aunt at TTSH ytd. and its kinda sad to see her sitting on the bed, nt exactly able to move ard w/o help. sigh. i just for wisdom in doc to be able to diagnose with precision, so that she'll be fine soon. cos shes always so active/agile. i just hope that nothing goes wrong.

on another note, i gt bk result for Strategic PR & Planning, and yes, by GOD's grace, its a D. extremely thankful. and also to bestie who helped me so much for the assignments and presentation! xiexie.

to digress a little, was pissed with mei. she's on worship duty, playing drums, and 3 mins before svc starts, she called and said she forgot to set the alarm, and just woke up. sigh. isnt that a really irresponsible thing to do? smtimes i really wonder what goes inside their head. it is sucha terrible thing to do. i really am utterly disappointed la. hw can sm ppl just shrug things off like that? horrendous. but then again, who am i to judge? but i just cant help but feel like WTH!!! haha.

gt lessons later. double sianness. i need some beauty sleep.

once again we had sakae sushi, and to our horror, prices had rose, yet again! 2.29 for a plate of sushi. the standard color plates. guess we cant patron as much as we like now. prices are rocket high la! how to eat? sure pok gai. maybe we can DIY la huh. i cant wait to make out potato salad inari and the potato mackerel pumpkin croquette! wheee.

brought the bread i bot ytd to work and to my horror, there were ants in the bread cos of the sugar. ugh! but i tried to rid them and cont eating. moral of the story: never keep yr bread inside yr room. bad choice. ):

its friday today and im so darn pricked! in other words excited. but its a mixed feeling. cos i know the best fren is departing for PRC, soon. but i shall await the 24th with anticipation.

my prayers are with you love. may the good Lord keep you strong, grant you journey mercies, and may the r/s btw u and loved ones strengthen each day in His love. Stay bright and chirpy for me come what may. and im looking forward to see you 2 weeks later. HUGS & LOVE.

and when you are back, we shall have a wild time tog, celebrating bdays and doing lotsa fun stuff tog! and i sure hope u will come with me and pops to KL. that wil be awesome! dont u dare turn down my papa's invitation ya! we will bring you go eat the yummiest of bak kut teh, a brimming pot of rich soup brewed for many hours filled with lotsa mushroom, think fat juicy shitake, and delicate, silky enoki. and those crispy beancurd skin they throw into the soup, accompanied by crunchy lip-smaking dough sticks. not to forget the well-missed black hokkien mee, a tragic sin of fat noodles clothed in black sauce adorned by the crackling pork lard that melts oh-so-nicely on the tongue. the chee cheong fun, rice rolls wrapping parcels of shrimps, charsiew, soaked in sweet soy sauce, with a dash of shallots and spring onions. pop one into yr mouth and it will send shivers down yr spine. let us not forget the rojak, dominated by cut fruits - green mangoes, papayas, cucumbers, pineapples. the think black paste of molasses and prawn paste are then mixed to perfecto before adding the fruits, taupok, and crunchy dough sticks. then a dash of crushed peanuts and a generous topping of crunchy crackers will round it up nicely.

ok. i shall stop. cos im salivating non-stop already. wakaka.

blessed weekend huns. XOXO.

Blackout in the office! apparently the power tripped. so there. but thankfully, the lights over at my area is wking. so im living in the light! just that earlier on there was no aircon, but nw its reinstated. wheee. no more sweaty sticky pits! haha.

the bestie acc me to shop for presents for the classmates. so in the end we stock up sm treats fr marks and spencer. if u happen to read this, u had better wait for me before starting on the ROAST BEEF AND ONION chips! else i will stuff yr mouth with smthg nasty! heehee.

then had the much missed carl's jr for dindin, loved the onion rings and zuchinni! then went bk to bestie's hse, then she drove me back, but then we decided to go pack tau huay, so we zipped ard to find the beancurd plc at Rochor. which we literally cruise for like 1 hr altogether on the roads. madness.

jus wanna spend more happy times together.period.

It's MONDAY.

1.12pm. and my monday blues hasnt even the slightest hint that it will vanish. ):

eeks leh. why did God create mondays? its jus the most saddening day of the wk. sobs.!

pass week was extremely eventful. so eventful it was scary. i just pray that God make me a better person. am going to try to do nice to everybody!

sorry my dearest friend, for the incessant tortures from me. spiritually/physically/mentally. when i thought of the things i did in the car that night, i too, was horrified of myself. forgive me.

thankfully, God made things right in the end.

new module awaits me. another 1.5mths of battle before i can take a break. we'll see how it goes ok. (:

may God keep the ones i love beside me. don't take them away from me pls.

i've lost track of time. it passes so fast, and tmr comes 1st of May. like hello, 1/3 of the year had disappeared just like that.

looking back, its all thanksgiving besides thanksgivings. say work, His providence. Wasn't what I had in mind, ain't alot of money, but the ppl are awesome. School, had been relatively well in context of results. and the ability to juggle btw work and sch. tough at times, but He gave me the strength to persevere on. Having said that, life in church is like rolling down the slope. i find it so hard to catch the momentum. still, im trying, with help from above and the one who's always beside me. constant encouragement is all i need. being in the worship ministry, given the ability to serve has been great. but often i take it for granted, and i fume at the slightest reason. smtimes hidden agendas blurred my vision, and it becomes a display of what i have to show. which i must all repent for it. family has been great, despite a almost non-existent r/s with the sibling. pops are awesome, as always, and im truely thankful for that. and especially the providence of my sch fees. cos i know since im the one who wanted to study, i shd go all out and support myself. but the pops are so nice, wking hard to pay my sch fees so that i can study in peace. friends, always an essential part of my life. i must say i've lost some. perhaps i havent been trying hard, i don't know. or probably as we grow up, mentality differs, views change, and i find myself unable to catch up with them in the rat race. and perhaps is the reason why i cont to grasp tightly to the ones i find worthy. thankful for the best friend, who has became a family fren. the constant shower of love, understanding, and even just by being there. i may nt have mention, but my heart is smiling each time i think of what u've done for me, and how our frenship has blossomed these yrs. its truly amazing, the kind of telepathy,psychic powers.

pardon me for the long post. just wanted to let my fingers run free and share the sudden outburst of emotions which i gotta let out. strange, cos i didnt expect to touch on all these.

its Labour Day tmr. have a good rest my loves.

im just gonna unwind and let my hair down. (:

hello. am back. after what seemed like a hiatus? hmmm actually its jus pure busyness with all the mugging for exam. which i must say the paper came as a shock and a disappointment as well. kinda tough the questions. but now that its over, i will pick myself up and nt brood and linger in the sucky mood.

the best fren has been amazing.gestures so sweet. i am so touched. brought ice cream fr daily scoop and surprised me when i was feeling so stressed up and bogged down with exams and was craving for sm comfort. and suddenly the phone call came, and nxt thing i know, DING DONG! she was there, at my doorstep. the very nxt day yet another sweet surprise, yummy muffs fr Choc and Spice, piping hot, all the way fr tanjong pagar. when u have such fab frens, u'd realise that u dont need any other thing!

wilfy's wedding on fri night was great, nice lomantick ambience n music. company was great, tho there were sm nt very pleasant times, but at the end of the day, the rainbow sneak out to embrace us in the wee hours of the dawn. trigger happy moments. (:

lazy sat, had yummy mcgriddles again, then went swimming before the music min mtg. over to JP and gt skirts at a steal! 1.90! madness. hehs. then the best friend came over for a slumberthon.

svc on sunday and the much dreaded mtg. sigh. i dont know what to feel anymore. poof.

sigh. i cant help but get envious of those who always get to jet set. damnit. boss is gg darwin like friday. boo.when will my dream ever ever come true?

this weekend was crazy. really crazy.

have been burning midnight oil toiling thru the proj. met up with the rest on friday. prior to that had retail therapy again! at little india. haha. tank tops going at 50cents per piece! can u believe it? my gosh. and sm nice transparent rubber flats which ive gotten a pair for twinnie as well.

then saturday morn we took the car, went to get macs breakfast- mcgriddles! was absofkinglutely yummilicious can! the maple syrup infused muffins were fab fab FAB! wheee. hungry nw. then went exchange shoes and had lunch at little india! woohoo. mei brought us to Komali Vila and we had fantastic poori and thosai! was humongous! shall post sm pics soon or smthg.

then back to shiqis pad for proj. wanted to buy lana cake but ran out of it. so got a mango strudel. then when at her plc, this bitch was trying to pick up a fight with me and frens jus cos she was the sub-editor but her name was taken out and placed elsewhr. wtf. i was seriously pissed. then after fren talked to her, she woke up her idea. but stil as bitchy in my opinion. then we went back. took a cab back cos super tired, smore we didnt have dinna! madness.

then talked to babe on phone, and realised i left her laptop in the taxi! i wept buckets. literally. for a whole hour i kept crying til there's no tmr. so today i had super puffy and swollen eyes. madness. triple eye-lids . haha. think it actually makes my peepers bigger. and ma said that i shd cry every sat night. SIAO. but anyhw, i was so scared shit outta my ass, cos i was afraid that dot wouldnt want me anymore. that this whole saga wil either make or break our frenship. boo. so i kept crying. then when i was checking online the cab hotline to call, my hands were shaking! then told one of my mates, and she told the other girl, and in the end fren called my and said i left the laptop at her house! AHHHHHHHHHHH. i wanted to shoot and kill myself. sigh. am i forgetful or what. but sure GOD was faithful. He made me learnt many lessons. but after i know it was there i was still crying like siao. suffering from shock la!

then now, stil pia-ing the project. pui. but i really appreciate the best friend for fetching me here and there. despite it being none of her biz. just that we were supp to meet like later but she has to go for dinna with family. but well, family is always more treasured than frens ah. haha. perhaps im post-pmsing. just feeling sad. sigh. supposedly gg out for dinnna. but stomach is like rumbling now. boo.

its monday tmr. and there's work. but imfeeling soooooooo tired. but cant take leave for mon and tues cos the paycheque's issued till 15. sians. i neeeed rest........

and food. byebye.

whoa. it's like friday. time crept up so silently i didnt even realise.

but there's proj mtg tonight. and tomorrow! yikes. and the girls are feeling bitchy, keep having stupid conflicts. really stupid ones.

i gt back my assignments. did pretty well. way above all my mates. im so thankful. and happy. and thankful again. thanks to all those who helped me in a way or another. wouldnt have been possible w/o their help.hehs. so happy, im jumping for joy. so im hoping for a distinction for that module. woohoo.

things aint exactly too smooth at home. its the devil at work. sigh. ireally really hate my brother. he seems to always make all of us upset in a way or another. sians.

exam is in like 2 weeks time. and i havent started studying! bah. and i think its gonna be so tough. she doesnt seem like a v lenient marker. let's just hope that i can get down to mug soon. i really hope to ace well through this entire course man. make my pops happy.

the weekend is here. savour it~! XOXO.

i woke up feeling blue, cos why? its monday.

i really abhor mornings you know. esp when one has to work. SIGH. why can't the weekend be longer? sobs. i wish all good things didn't have to come to an end.

was on the phone with bestie last night, was complaining to her how my fren keep telling everyone that she and her bf break up. like broadcasting to the world. sigh. im so tired abt this whole issue. why is it that every topic has to be abt bf, sex etc etc? just feel like crawling into a hole and hide. probably that's the reason why i haven't initiate any meet-up with my other frens besides church ppl. its all superficiality and pure shallowness. the thought of it is revolting. almost felt like throwing up when i was washing up this morning. all the funny thoughts of being in this rat race is making me sick. everything we see is so so plastic! sobs. i don't like it. sigh. but yet i found myself being trapped in it at times. sigh. smtimes i wish God will just come and take me away altogether. there seems to be no other way out.

nthing substantial ever arise from convo with ppl ard me. its all abt BF, SEX, JOB, MONEY, INCOME, CLOTHES, BLAH. i am so so sick of it! yucks! sobs.

i just want to go back to the very basics.

i am so freaking bored at work. and its basically because i have nothing to do. sigh. smtimes i wish my wk will never stop so that 5.30 will be here before i know it. but i shall spend time to start mugging for my paper already. just flipped thru the past yr papers and its so bloody difficult. this time i think sure die. =X

on another note. i gt my result today for reading media text module. the module which i have so little confidence in, cos of sm screwups during presentation etc. but God, who was ever faithful gave me a distinction for it. got 78mks leh! what a joke right! highest among the 3 results i gt back so far. smtimes i think God is really humorous. so besides thanksgiving, it is still thanksgiving la.

hope i can keep up with the good work. if only i had study much harder since young. ugh. too late for regrets. nvm.

out for lunch with adel at clementi cos she wanted to get sm files fr big bookshop.but sold out. so just had lunch, her treat again. so nice. i feeling paiseh leh. i really did tried to pay but she always forbid me to. sigh. shall get her a big pressie when i say byebye worldkitchen.

its friday. but im nt as exhilarated as before. because...
1) it will come and go so fast, i don't even realise its existence
2) sucky proj mtg which i know will be super unproductive.

B.O.O.

then on thurs, classmate ask me help her buy sausage so i did. and its like she never even attempt to pay me back. sigh. honestly, its nt the money that mattered, but i just dont like this kinda "pai2kuan4" attitude. i think its a really ugly trait. and the other day when i bought water for her too. she just conveniently forgot cos she was on the phone. so now, once bitten, twice shy. i've learnt to play it smart.

but when i thought of all these, i rem smwhere in the bible where it goes like: if someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer yr left cheek to them too. i know im over-reacting/exaggerating. but yeah, at least i was the victim, and i was "cheated", not i cheat you.

its just a few dollars. i know. but this yucky character of yrs just turns me off. and also when u keep rattling abt yr life, abt yr bf, abt hw this guy is after u. honestly, yawns. bugger off. its nt like im jealous. but u are so self-centred. and the topic keeps revolving ard you. EWWWW. gross. am gonna put an end to all these!

colleague is gg to states. how i wish it was me.

i think my greatest dream ever, for now, is to travel. smwhr outta SEA. hopefully say America, Australia, Europe. and i will die happy.

but no worries, i know a dream's a dream, and the reason it remains a dream because a dream is something of an unreal beauty, charm, or excellence.

source: www.dictionary.reference.com/browse/dream

2 things that I told myself in the past week

1) I will not measure myself according to the standards that the world has set for me.
2) I will not allow anyone to hurt me.

food for thought eh, hmmm.

went for a haircut, looked the same as before. over to Raffles City to check our Shokudo, that marche concept Japanese Food Bazaar. but the queue was seriously crazy. So went to PS, had Ichiban, which ain't too nice. late dinner, had gastric, so even the yummiest of food wouldn't turn me on. HAHA.

Got a lift home, but it wasn't a pleasant end to the night. It's occuring too often. And i don't know what triggered me to react the way i did. sigh. instant guilt. its scary hw my mood changes within split seconds and then spillover effect to ppl whom i love dearly. Besides Sorry, its still SORRY.

classes tonight.what a dread,drag too. am so tired, perhaps i will give it a miss. bleah. I am so not in the mood!

was googling forums/blogs on Shokudo, and it does seem like they serve the loveliest of food there at affordable rates. damned, we shdve gone there ytd.

on another note, its thursday. shudders. scary how time flies.

mug hard June! (:

and one week later, the best friend is coming back! woots~! heehee. then i won't feel so lonely anymore. and then i can rant about anything and everything to her! my partner in crime!

anyhw, met with a nasty encounter on sat. it was definitely gross. yucks. scary too. thankfully had 8other classmates with me.

here the story goes:

We left a teammate's pad aft discuss our proj. so me and 7 other girls went off, all heading towards the MRT. we stopped along the street to grab some drinks before making our way to the MRT. i was walking in the front, and suddenly i heard this CHINESE AH JEK IN HIS FIFTIES on my right making some "noise", kinda ushering us towards his direction, since he was obviously trying to get our attention. and to my much horror/disgust, he was fiddling with his cock. it was hanging out and he was shaking it, wanting us to see!!! SCARY AND GROSS la! then 2 other girls saw it too, but the rest didnt. Little India sure is one hell of a scary place with MAD ppl! we contemplated calling the cops, but we didnt in the end. sigh. procrastination la. then we wanted to head back and all take out our cameras and start snapping pics of his bird. asshole!!!

super suay lor. i dont want anymore of such deals pls!

now twinnie and i sama sama liao. cos she met a flasher before too! LOL.

then on the very same day, i got 2 dresses, 2 pairs of shoes, and 2 skirts, all for the good deal of 53bucks! cheap or what?! hehhehs. and those things i gt were lovely!

but i shall quit being sucha shoppaholic.

on another note, church camp looks uber fun. they screened the slide show with a pic of times square and the image of twinnie and me on the roller coaster appeared at the back of my mind. fond memories it brought me. but sadly, most prob i can't make it cos of the exam on the last day of camp. sigh. saddening la. ): first time in 10yrs leh that i cant go for church camp.boo.

i want to jetset smwhere! wonder why i always feel so jealous upon receiving emails from the elf n pixie. just cant help but get jealous at the fact that they are having a gd time in sweden, and even have a chance to go jerusalem, bethlehem. blah. bleah. ):