30th anniv celebration came and gone, with nothing very much interesting for me to look forward to. boo. wasnt too bad of a celeb, but i wouldnt say it was fantastic whatsoever, just happy to meet up with old friends. time flies at warped speed, and changes are inevitable! scary. cny will be 0ver pretty soon, time to look for a job!! def have to decide if am gonna study or not. hais.. hate it. hate having to make major decisions. how i wish everything was planned for. ohwells in a way it is by God, but i just wish certain things would be made transparent to me then i wouldnt have to bother. what i fear is probably making the wrong choices.

caught norbit with chak over at great world ytd. many cheap thrills! anw, silly showww! hahaaa but had a good laugh anw. didnt want anythg too heavy.. stay home tues since chak went hm ytd.. gotta pack the room again and do some piano... zzz...zzz...zzz...

3 nights of insane frenzy rushing out the clergys' gifts almost drove us bonkers and edgy, snapping at each other and almost biting each others' head off! eeks. but im so glad we're finally (oh wells, almost) done with them all. just hope that we wont get any cynical comments upon seeing it la. definitely need to catch up with our sleep, esp my insane fren who slept at 7am last morn. me being the PIG as usual, succumbed to the sheets at a mere 3am. hahaaa what a traitor!!

blog-surfing and ended up reading some old sec-sch frens' blogs.. smhw its nice knowing that they still keep in contact with ppl in their cliques. kinda envious at the frequency which they meet one another. just wish mine was like that too, seems impossible tho. but, like what i always say, ppl grow up and move on. just want to keep certain r/s close to my heart and not let it go!

am super perplexed, wondering why on earth is that person having all the things that i have?! isit really such a coincidence??? definitely is strange. and i dont like it. sigh. wonder if it will ever ever end, or will it just continue forever to annoy me to no end? ugh.

i need to get a job real soon. sigh. but i loatheeeeeeeeee the process of getting a job, gg for intvs and all. gross. and i need to like sign up for sch soon too. time is running out! and im nt even sure what i wanna study or do. its time i stop avoiding the issue altogether.

and theres patrina's 21st bday party at secret garden 2 wks ltr. looking forward, wheee~!

.: imitation is the highest form of flattery :.

how true can that statement get. but fk u! for trying to imitate me cos its simply sucks on u. scrawny ugly thing. gross. oops. im a big meanie. shall repent. but i really hate it when ppl have the same things as me, esp aft when i've jus got it. what looks 'nice' on me might nt necessarily be nice on you, so wake up! anyway. notice the inversions, dont really mean the NICE nice. anyway. its jus smthg i loathe, wish u wil get a grip and get a life! bleah.

cny can not get any badder. with the asshole constantly screwing up my life, and driving me up the wall. cant even have a gd night's rest. wish u will just die n disappear. eekssssssssssss. puiiiiiii. bawled my eyes out for the slightest reason. dunno why im forever sucha emo wreck. gross. i want to grow out of it!

anw, cny is totally boring. definitely NOTHING for me to look forward to. except for maybe the moolah. u call it mercenary whatever, i dont care. HAHA. its just the cynical and skeptical me. so there, its a total waste of my time. poof.

other than tt, alls pretty fine except that i have to like spend 30 mins to blowdry my hair each time i wash it. high maintenance! price u have to pay for vanity.

over to graces hse w a cosmopolitant grp ytd. just bitching n more bitching. hehs. so much for confidentiality. haaaa. and theres this super cute toddler, who kept laughing and muttering, much like a funny ahjek! cuteeee!

as for nw gotta start preparing the clergys gift for the anniversary. bit of a bummer. cos it aint turning out the way we want it to be! ahhhhhhhhhh.

til then, enjoy yr cny!

cut my hair wheee like finally. look like bobbit! hehs. thanks junie for bringing me thereee, apprec it. met up with eve n sj! like happy. was a wk belated bday celeb for sj, yes, zhichar at coffeeshop near my place. hw hip eh. anw, was a nice ketchup with em before they fly off to perth. jealous.

chinatown with twinnie, suaty and my pops ytd! cosmopolitant grp but was fun! hee. am glad they all went afterall. can really feel the festive mood there except for a few stupid ahjeks. bleah. cny is cmg and im gonna be so bored at home... boo.

stil having tons of fun rotting around, nt having to do anything. but sigh i am so broke nw that i can only stay at home. boo. i need a job desperately. but im lazieeeeeeeee. ugh. starting to get the jitterbugs of playing nxt sunday. so many ppl . bet i wil sure screw up. sigh. was thinking abt it in the bus earlier on and the thot of it is scaring me. and i have to nice clothes or new shoes to wear........

its valentines day tmr!!!!!!!!!!! and i have a date! wheee. with 12 other people in discipleship class. wahahaaa.. too bad cant go for grace's invite to her place. nvm. i just hope nthing stupid will happen during discipleship tmr.

2 weeeeks since the last update. peaches and creme, rather rosy i would say. but of cos there were the turbulence, eject me fr the seat and send me crashing down again.

met up with juneeee! it was a good one. and yes meet up soon k babe!! know u'll see this, so here it goes... thanks so much for everything! the flower, the fab company and all the girls talk. really apprec n thank God for YOU girl!

and adels party on sat night..a tad boring, but glad i went in a way or so. at least i got to catch up with eve n sijie n chers.. etc etc. but sm things stil remain the same. the cynism, the skepticalism, whatever my own words la. and im quite sad it doesnt change. but guess its the character.

the more i think abt certain things, the more i gathered that life is unfair!! humph. dunno why i keep allowing such issues to rule my life. hate it.bleah. and things that permeate so easily that it will eventually spark off to a new dimension. yikes! cringe at the thought of it.

and its really ok to nt get me involved, cos thats forever the case. then again, no regrets cos i let it happen. right under my nose.poof. wicked, evil ppl. but it might be a good thing. sigh. dunno why im so angsty nowadays. 1 word, im wretched.

hell lot of things happening each day, dont even know where to begin. relived the good ole days of slacking and bumming ard.

stjames power station last fri! ha. clubbing with twinnie and her friends. some hen's party but it aint wild at all. lol. nice peeps tho. wonder whats the big hooha abt it cos its jus mediocre! jus like any other clubs. and the most spastic of it all - ACROBATIC PERF right when everyone was getting high. lol. imagine all the attention shift to the acrobats. all stood and stare and stop dead in their dancing tracks. isnt that rubbs. lameeee~!

and of cos, some things never change. forever will be present ppl who do things that hurt others unintentionally.haha yes unintentionally. but ive learnt nt to bother so that i wouldnt fall into the devils trap. like what ive said, some choose to stay, some wil eventually leave. and it all doesnt seem so important anymore. cos i keep all the worthy ones. hehs. so there.

and then theres the brother with the filipino gf. driving me up the wall. 4 races for him to choose fr ---> chinese, malay, indian, eurasian.but instead ive got a new maid. wtf. insane. this is definitely insane. hahaaa. ahhhhh.

then i had to fall out with mama cos of a stupid lift to church. like fuckkkk. hw can i allow an asshole to come in btw us? duh. anyway, to hell with it. bleahhhh.

starting to have the fear of friends leaving me one by one cos i dont take initiative to hang out with them. like left out or smthg. sigh. dont want that to happen. but then again, some things are jus inevitable. u win some, u lose some.

and this rat race is driving me to the edge. seems like i jus cant see eye to eye with many and their doings.perhaps i shd be taken up (i hope) and i might be happier.

im at twinnies place! yes again. just hope and pray that madam chua will nt be mad. and my bloody phone bills have nt been paid and im so fucking screwed cos i cant use the blardy phone! how sad is that. damnit. sians.

and im jobless. i feel so damnnnnnnnnnn insecured!! hate the feeling. just wondering hw soon it will be before i declare bankrupt. yet again.boo.

i feel like im morphing into queen bitch soon. if certain things continue to develop in a certain way. ahhhhh.

suck it suck it suck it.

watched scary movie 1 n 2 with twin. is damn damn damn effing hilarious!!! laugh til i peng ah. go watch it...goooooooooooooooooo~!!!

out of job out of job out of job! and boy am i enjoying rotting the days off, simply slumbering til theres no tmr! wheee. thanks twinnie for the stay at her hse for the past few days. watched all the dvds we borrowed fr esplanade lib - it takes 2, curly top, welcome to the dollhouse (Stupid show) and of cos the wizard of oz! only enjoyed curly top n wizard, the rest were borrringgg.

sigh. nw that im jobless, i feel a little lost actually. hate the feeling of having no income! gotta call sph soon n let her know im available. dont wanna bum ard too much also. in the meanwhile, gonna pack my room, go get a decent tan, make a trip to the zoo! haaaa. and await my 3rd pair of birks. wahaha.. which i presume i wont like. dunno why i buy also. anw, disciple's back again tonite. stress * boo.

theres sale everywhr! mango, zara, topshop, fox! wheee. but i am so very broke now. sigh. so means i have to watch the sale sail by me. bleah.

twinnie and i have decided to stay in elijahs. wondering if its a gd or bad choice. then again, we dont really have other choices do we?lol... just hope 2007 will be a pleasant one. its the 3rd day arleady. scary isnt it. and i forgot to wish 2 person happy birthday. ugh. why am i sooooo forgetful?! ughughugh.

off to bathe and then botak jones with twinieeee.

today mark my last day at cnc! mixed feelings. bittersweet i would say. and best of all we'll be released at 3pm! cos theres nt much to do. woohoo. shiok! and ive got a new friend, phyllis! wen's fren.. haaa take over me.. too bad i wont be wking with her cos i gtta be outta here! anyways, all the best babes, both wj n phy! haaa may u gals have a fruitful and fulfilling stay here and may 2007 be filled of caramels of sunshine n happiness for u! hugs & misses.

on the other note, christmas came and gone, all in a flash! much like lightning. u either catch it or u dont. christmas was nt too bad i guess. gt all busy with the perf n carolling.. nt too bad. but guess it doesnt really feel like xmas this yr. kinda like dead. but anyway, am glad there aint anymore chionging to get pressies, cos it sure sucks when u are rushing. all have come to an end. and smhw i'm glad christmas is just once a year. thanks to all for the pressies, for i simply believe its a season of giving...!

gonna take a hiatus fr work and pack my room, spent sm time by myself and hopefully catch up with loved ones and do sm meaningful stuff. like perhaps volunteering at sm orphanage (no empty talk) i hope.

grace's hse is like nice can! i lurveee it. tho there are sm parts which i dont exactly know hw to appreciate. haaa. cant wait for her to move it so that turbs and i can have slumberthon theree. wheee. til then'blessed 2007! (:

super groggy today. sians.

and everyone is getting on my nerves. hibernated at home for 2 days, wishing i could continue the hiatus. its like wednesday blues. bleah. and i see stupid ppl around me! fancy having me to tell u what to do aft sucha long time. sucks eh. wish u could open yr eyes and nt be oblivious to happenings ard u. sickening. pui.

and i havent finished my christmas shopping. that is definitely a headache. boo. need to go down to mustafa soon. thot i had better get smthg small for ppl at cnc.

and i gt 2 pressies already! 1 fr charlize and the other fr jovis, kia's top salesman. wahaha. hope it doesnt stop coming. haha. greedy pig. didnt have proper lunch. im hungry. grrrr. hungry woman is a angry woman. and its freaking cold in here. but at least it hasnt rain yet. hope it goes like this tmr. else our efforts will all go down the drain.

hope i'll recover by tmr. but quite unlikely. boo. i need moolah. i want moolah.

have been out doing all the christmas shopping every other night, but nt to much avail. perhaps im picky, or simply nthing is gd enough to catch my fancy. ohwells.

cant help but have weird mixed feelings abt friends ard me. aft what ive heard. but of cos theres only 1 side of the story, but fr my own judgement, i can conclude n very much believe what ive heard. ive jus seen the ugly side of u. yet again. sigh. u snap, u bite, and u morph into a queen bitch. wtf.

and... my period is finally here! ive been waiting forever for it to come. hehs. no more crankiness for the nxt 2 wks or so i hope. lol.

church contacts in msn all gone! all went for camp. and inside me there's this wish, wishing i was there with them right now. smhw feel a lil sad tt we're unable to join em. afterall, we were there every other year. ohwells. i'll learn to get over it and perhaps grow up too.

shopping time!!

time for a quick peek...

its fri. and as usual i cannot get any happier. but of cos theres this tinge in me wishing that such wouldnt have happened at all. i mean its like fark can. hw can 1 be so selfish. sigh. shd i know, i wouldnt have rope u in. oh wells. too late for regrets. and i guess whatever ive learnt in HR have finally been put to gd use. the pros and cons.. enlightened finally!

fucking period nt here yet. and its definitely driving me insane. just wanna shout at everyone to fuck off!!! big pieces of shit all around. damn. gonna be a long n crazy day tmr with all the stupid cooking etc at the carnival. while the other 2 shits get to do nothing. effing gross.

2 weeks more to christmas. nt even sure now if i shd look forward to it. and theres prac in church tonight. tiring tiring tiring. boo.* if only all of u would give me a break and cut me some slack.

popeye's last nite! am a happy kid now. wahaha.. and my sweets gt me cheese muffin!! warmed up smore. uber sweet. and daddy drove me to work this morn! so nice of him! i totally appreciate it. hehs.

monday flash past in a whiz! and nw im suffering from tues blues. LOL. then again, no la. just stoning away again. and whats with all the stupid ppl jumping off tracks? guess the most 'IN' way to commit suicide is to jump into railway tracks. hw dumb can that be. imagine dying in such a ugly manner, with all yr brain bits flying everywhere..!! and the worse thing is u are wasting other ppl's time n money! time cos they have to wait so long for the train to start operation! and time equates to money! dumbdumb. wanna die, rem to think abt the kind of disruption u wil cause to them first ya? stupid.

these few mornings have been super chilly! *tsk.. n cant wear the black wool since my bestie used it to kiap her armpit. hw nice. so imagine all the overpowering BO!!! omgosh. gonna be a busy morning i presume!! boo. nvm. at least time past faster that way.

chaaaaaaa~!

ok. its clear that the weekend have yet to be eradicated fr my mind. practically lost as i sit in front of the pc this morning. just dont want to do anythg! boo*

bumped into lizzie the other nite, felt so gd to see old faces again, after like half a yr or so. and there she told me abt her blog add.. seems like shes living life on the edge, all the partying! but smhw theres a tinge of melancholic feel in all of her post. infact its quite saddening la, felt as tho she doesnt have much of a clue whats happening in her life, and that everythg is like a whirlwind ard her. ohwells, nt that i know what i want to get out of life, but anyway, im glad we're mtg up real soon. its time for an update. from both of them. for they were inevitable in my life during poly days. thats why i chose to hold on despite times of weariness or simply when i cannot be bothered.

hate all the scandals in church!! yikes. making my goosebumps surface time n again. eeky. what everybody's doing jus make me cringe. and i really dislike it. mayb. mayb its time for a change. mayb i wil be doing better in sm other church? i dont know. am nt really growing in sjc anyway. then again, its my own fault la, no one to blame. sigh.

fashion nowadays is getting ridiculous. all the plunging necklines.. omg.. everywhr i see on pictorials all models revealing more and more cleavage. why is sexiness always defined with skimpicity? (my own creation, haha) dont really get it.. but sure the world has fallen, and is getting from bad to worse each day. and i can only sigh and pray that i dont fall into the trap of it. so many desires, temptations each day. guess it takes a strong will to turn from it all.

its monday. and i sure dont like it.

its FRRRRRRRRRIDAYYYYYYYYY!!! can i get any happier? nahnah. hahaaa..

have been a train of events thus far, out almost every other day, and my nest is smwhat turning into a hotel! only spent like 7 hrs there for slumber, and use the loo. HAHA. didnt even get any chance to pack my room, or talk to my mama! boo*

dinner with j, dessert with turbs, schweeet, came to pick me up fr town! haaaa. know i can always depend on her. the supper escapades, and shopping! the bday celebs!

so its rest time tmr, since ive gt no music prac! woohoo! gonna catch up on my sleep, tidy up my sty, do my christmas list.. wheee...! but am broke. if only i'd get my paycheque soon.bleah.

and i wanna get madrid bronze before they upp the price! need to hunt for ppl to buy birks again.boo.

and dec is gonna be so exciting cos its CHRISTMAS soon! wheeee~! and im gonna go straighten my hairrrrr!

singapore discovery centre was a tad boring.boo. so much for anticipating the simulator ride. and the iwerks movie was super sianing.bleah.

anyway whatever P said that night was bothering me. why is it that if i dont have a boyfriend, and im really close to a girlfren, and that equates that we're lesbians? wtf. am so pissed. AND in the first place, from where did u get the conclusion that we're even close?? i didnt even fking talk to u since like dinosaurs were still ard? sigh. u're making me disgusted can. pui. dont u dare cast a judgement on me when u aint even PERFECT.

it was gd to see charm n moon! lunch tog with turbs n the 2 girls.. and boy did they gang up to make fun of me!! bleah. haaa..jus laugh my head off. then choir prac was eeks la. o'holy nite is driving us up the wall. and seeing the disgusting ppl's face jus make me wanna puke all over them. just hate ppl who try to hard to be different. and hate those who try so hard just to hope others will notice them and like them. to hell with it.

what a post filled with vengeance and hatred. LOL.

and worstill the stupid job!! asking me to make the decision, and prolly backstabbing in the back? hell. cant wait to get outta here already. want to have a break!! want to go shop for christmas pressies. boo.

anw, eventful wkend to boot. caught happy feet. courtesy of nick.. anw, nought much, perhaps more of a musical.haaaa. back to work. yawns.

its tuesday. boo. had a hard time getting up from bed. hate early mornings. unless its for fun. otherwise, we shd start the day from noon. bleah.

and xxx have nt get what i taught her into her head yet! its the 3rd day already, and she still doesnt know the ropes well.. ugh. sure hope she wil pick up speed. else she will be eliminated!! then again, i took a rather long time to get things gg. so there, i oughta be more patient. God gimme strength pls!

guess nt heading sim for the time being. til i can sort out my thoughts and get a clearer picture of where i shd head. at least i can slowly sit thru and think. and i thank God for understanding parents who nv fail to support me. tho when my mama ask me to think abt my future, she prolly implied that i shd do smthg that makes money, and nt what i like. i dunno. anw, its nice to know that there are those who care. appreciate it. (:

im boredddddd. cant wait to get outta here.

twin whipped up a nt-too-bad dinner for her family on fri cos of her mamas bday! so schweet. hehs. and im invited too! quite a cosy affair la, having dinna with the ones u loved. tho as usual i felt extra. hehs. cant help it la!

cruise ard town area on saturday with twin behind the wheel. gt the supplies fr art fren to paint mei's mirror. gt basil green pretty pretty! but gt the car scratched cos of bloody chaonehnehs. super zonked out aft the waiting btw each coats n all the varnishing. boo. left the putting up of flowers on the mirror. wonder when we'll have the time to get it done! hmmm.

the to study/nt to study issue is tormenting me like theres nt tmr. sigh. and the deadline to reply sim is like tmr, else i gotta wait for like another 1/2 a year. but guess im nt gonna rush into it, since a whopping 20k is involve. ugh. dont want to be bothered abt it until aft christmas. i want a carefree christmas!!! haa.

town ytd alone in the early noon cos of the stupid bastard. if he werent there, i would have had a gd lunch with my pops. screw u idiot. so i went shopping alone in orchard but lucky dajia came to my rescue! else i'd have died of boredom. but she took solong to come. sobs. but at least she came!! hehs. love her to bits. but i just made her upset again with my stupid words emitting fr my smelly mouth. boo.

its so bored it here. another 3 hours to kill before home sweet home. sians.

ive crossed the limits this time. period. nv intended things to end up this way. keep emitting hurtful words fr my mouth, so sharp they cut. sigh. time and again i hurt the ones i love. i break promises which i have initiated. i lose the trust that others have in me. regardless of how many times i say sorry, i know there will always be this crack deep down. give me another chance, and i swear i would hv never said such stuff..

but smtimes i wish u would let the good rule over the bad, and look at the gd sides instead. but of cos i dont do good jus so that when i do bad, all will be covered up. NO. no strings attached at all. perhaps u shd be given time to think thru bout this frenship, whether if it shd be kept. for i am uncertain of whr we shd go fr nw. im a bad fren to keep. sigh. oh wells. hope all will turn out well and God make me a better person. im disgusted by my own actions. eeks.

anyway, it was a pretty much difficult night for me before. woke up before my alarm rang this morning. super early for work. which is gd in a way. its gg to be a busy day since both are nt ard to help me. shall wallow in self pity and perhaps die in C&C.

for once, i am NOT suffering from monday blues! cos perhaps the wkend was gd enuff. hehs.

girls nite out with gracie and dottie on fri. had dinna tog and jus laughed at silly things. tho it felt strangely weird at certain times. oh wells. im glad at least we all made the effort to come together and cast all our differences aside. im glad.

slumber at twins place on fri, went to get the awfully banana choc cake in the morn for mama's bday celeb.then invited twin n mei over for steak, cos dad's cooking! and i was glad they enjoyed the simple fare. haaaa! think my mama was quite happy la, so many ppl celeb for her. tho it was kinda funny that i invited my frens over, as if it was my bday. haa but nvm la, the girls were a bunch of lovelies anyway! acc turbs to work aft tt, and boy was mango hilarious! nice fren to keep la, since he's almost as sampat as a girl, or prolly even more sampat than turbs n myself.

sunday.. had choir prac and it was a disaster!!! didnt even know what the hell they were singing, had so much difficulty. but thank God for the cd, at least i can practice to it now. afterwards had tea with old peeps and finally the question arise -" where should we finally go?" HAHA. sigh. nt much cell choices to begin with anyway. its either to joshua, to the adult zone, or stay rooted in elijah. nt as if the other sound good. ugh. dunno la.

anyway, its 647, and im stil in the office, nt knowing where to head. well done! haaaa. til then, laters~!