and 1 week later, here i am, giving a little update, we didnt so much screw the presentatn as we thot we'd did! God is amazing, cos He gave us a surprise, we got a DISTINCTION! wheee. tho others had HD, but im thankful enough!

and i got a DISTINCTION for my 1st module, PR Practice & Writing! woohoo!! first mod and this is my grade, im hairpeeee~! what a great kickstart to sch n 2008! (: cannot be any happier. and after submittg my remaining assignments tonight, im officially a free bird!! break for 2 wks! yay! happieeeeeee..and so i can enjoy my CNY in peace. thumbs up! but its only tues, and work is a bore! but gonna head to chinatown tmr so am lookg fwd!

.loves

took leave ytd to rush proj for presentation. and boo, i screwed it big time. sigh. not all our stuff was postmodern, and i feel we seriously lacked substance. boo. sigh. and all she said was 'interesting'. how sad. perhaps we shdve pay more attention during class. sort of anticipated it already. cos til the 11th hour, even right before our presentation, i couldnt convince myself which part of the ppt was postmodern. and some parts were pretty out of point. arghh. damnit! bleah. was so sad. but at least for indiv assignmt i gt a distinction tho its jus upon a meagre 5mks. but i went home, and had sm yummy food and boy, that washed my blues away! wheee. had few mouthfuls of daddy's beef horfun, ate a hard boiled egg, had a few mouthfuls of tiramisu and truffle choc cake! was yummy!!! choc sure is therapeutic eh. and i was satisfied, and no longer upset. wakakaka~!

and sch's over! and i can have my 3wks break fr sch! whooohoo~! can now look fwd to CNY w/o having any worries. but of cos wil have to complete my remaining assignmts.

sigh. i hate it when im feelg green. cant help it. imagine being in a foreign land with yr loved one for 6mths, living life on the edge. damnit. why's God so unfair? sigh. why do bad things happen to good people, and why do good things happen to bad people? don't i even deserve smthg small? like a little trip across town? sigh.sobs.

twinnieeeeeeeeeee im sooooooooooooooo fkinggggg envious of the pixie and elf. esp aft i read her blog. sigh! hate it. ):

i am so silly. gt my new phone, changed SIM card last time to fiddle with it. then when i change bk SIM card to old phone, i forgot to change the time to 24hour format! damnit! and so i woke up at 7.47, and had to take a cab to work. bleah. luckily nt too exp, 9bucks. but still, i can feel the heartache. the acceleration of my heartbeat was like the taxi fare. madness. ):

there's classes today! dread it. only gonna reveal assignmt today and then submit and present on saturday. how am i gonna cope! sigh. its so freaking scary.

and i miss twinnie! she has been gone like since forever. but actually its jus a week ago. still, i miss her! boo. BUT, SHE'S CMG HOME TOMORROW! wheee. thankfully. supposedly nxt tues, but thankfully God made it possible for her to cm home soon. poor girl. my heart goes out to her.

had a relaxing night ytd, shiok! hadnt been able to watch so much tv with a night. hehs. think i watch from like 7-12, with shower breaks in btw. i really enjoyed American Idol7! super hilarious that i literally LOL. highly entertaining.

met up with sj n eve last sunday night. i appreciate them for being the same after all these years. simply true and genuine. unlike superficial ones. was a gd meet up with lotsa updates la kopi times. and i gt flowers for them! rose for eve and gerbera for sj! wheee. am i sweet or what, kakaka...

anw, conclusion: i am so dreading sch! sobs. BUT consolation is that the best friend will be home real SOON! (: then it'll be off to mustafa, makan, movies, shopping and fellowship times!

last post dated 7jan. this is what school does to me. deprive me of my beauty sleep. cos of the dumb reading logs i have to do everyday. sians. this week has been a super busy one! and there's another week of battle i have to fight. ugh. God gimme strength pls.

module's reading media texts. its quite interesting in a way, get to watch really morbid videos each lesson, the blue velvet, damsels be damned, kylie minogue, desperate housewives etc etc! interesting, but at the same time difficult to understand. all the really technical jargons, semiology, blah blah. sounds greek to me.

sch fees in cmg soon according to fel. like feb. sigh then i wil only have left 1 more cheque. then i dunno what wil happen aft that. but i trust that God will provide. and i really hope He will provide. sigh. pls pray for me gals. thks.

that aside, its amazing how God places frens in our life. so much happened in sch lately. with the new girl in the clique. spark off a series of bitchfits, sm rather sarcastic but i choose not to let it bother me. its like, HELLO, we're all friends right? plus its jus the beginning of sch, what makes u think we gonna like stick forever? wake up pls. anw, the gal is a christian, and i can see how we click better than with the rest. oh wells. i dont know la. whatever it is, im jus gonna commit it all to God. whoever He wants to put in my life. just that am pissed with this new intrusion of sm other girl when doing assignmt. its like she jus appeared of no where cos she gt no grp. apparently she already ask my grp mate and they said yes. nv even ask me. but sigh, i think i shd just be more big hearted and acceptable of others. afterall, if i cant even love others ard me, how can i even love God whom i've nv seen, right?

anw, theres lotsa cheem work to be done, dreading it! worst of all i have a individual presentation to do. sigh. imagine presenting to the whole class of say, 56? madness. im already shaking when presenting as a grp. now alone. i'll probably jus spasms and collapse on the floor. hais. arghhhh. shall nt think abt it since its not here yet.

had my beauty sleep today aft i came home fr classes. 6.30-9.30. feels great! its sunday. blessed sunday girls.

and i will catch YOU on the 18th! wheee~!

the best friend's leaving town for indo once again, while im reduce to a poor state here. but nevertheless, ive learnt we need to let go, cos only by then can we learn to be independent. sm training ground before either gets attach. maybe nt me. wahaha.

i hate to say this over and over again but i really hate monday mornings! pui. and the thought of sch makes it even worse. 2 weeks of hell again, rushing proj n assignmt. i really cannot wait for it to be over. bleah.

but weekend was great. potluck party on sat night for the jan babies as well as elf n pixie's farewell. im jealous cos they get to go sweden for 6mths. and they even get to go to jerusalem! how cool is that man. sigh. why do i nv ever get such gd deals? bleah. and they get to tour ard europe too. its so unfair! pfftt. sigh. grass on the other side is always greener. guess i'll just have to try to complain less. party wasnt as bad as hw i expected it to be. jus that sm guest were abit redundant.gross. still, i had a gd time karaoking! sing til we went hoarse in the throat. wakaka! i promise u we'll go kbox smtime soon k babe! cheeryup!

went for dinna/supper, had dimsum near mustafa, aft which we went to mustafa my all time fav hang out place! gt a maternity dress which is soooo chio! wahha. again yes. im so fat that i can fit into a maternity dress. i love it, albeit it being a hefty 30buckeroo.s hehs. then ytd we got the hooded vest in towel material in shocking pink and sky blue! so v pretty, different and cute! hehs. need to curb my retail therapy, save money and go on a holi!

on the other note, papa is jobless. pls pray that he will find job soon! cos my ma seems rather sad and worried abt it, but all he does at home is watch tv and eat oranges. haaha so v random.

i only look fwd to CNY nw, its the only thing thats egging me on! blessed week ahead! (:

today is Friday. and Friday makes Abia one happy girl! tho its gonna be short-lived. still, im relieved. cos from nxt wk onwards, its gonna be a long stretch of nightmares week! sigh. the best friend will be gg off again. just back for 2 weeks and off she goes again. it is so saddening, really it is. i wish she didn't have to go. no more confidante for the nxt few weeks. the worse thing is she doesn't even know when she will be back. sigh. hate it! sobs.

and sch is startg nxt wk, and theres where the other set of nightmare will begin. getting all tired, frenzy and all. sobs. and theres no one around to share my woes. damnit. sigh. i hate the new year already!

and im so tired with all the happenings in church. i guess its really time to quit stjames and move on to othr churches where i can grow, where true love is manifested. the scenes at sjccc are plain ugly. i don't even know where to begin. its so saddening to see how everyone shirks responsibility and turn the table around. im so very disgusted. sigh. even the ones above who're supp to be gd role models are living a life of the opposite. there is no confidentiality, no respect, nothing. feel like im just hanging on cos of the responsiblities in the worship team. its becmg a duty, a routine. yes, im ashame. but i cant help it. sigh. time to move on.

Happy 2008! This marks the first post ever in 2008. just thot it might be gd to pen down some thoughts here with regards to the past yr.

2007 came, gone, all in a whizzz.

Throughout this year, I've gain some, lose some. Significant changes were inevitable.

Wealth and health have been gd, by God's grace, tho if i could lose some pounds, that will be fab. Though i didnt work much, God has been providing me, am really thankful for that.

Studies and work were ok. Sch started a little shaky, but am glad i managed to get settled down, but i shall not dwell too much in it, cos only a fraction of my time is spent in sch. which is gd, means i get to spend more time with other loves. Work, ohwells, only had a proper job at the last qtr of the yr. and it was really God-given. Seeing that i didnt enjoy myself at Ducktours, He granted me smthg which i had nv asked for.

Best aspects in my life has got to be my family and friends. they make my world. the spontaneous, fun and ever-loving pops have been awesome for these 21 years, and i thank God for even their love for each other. and also always being so berserk, bonkers, eccentric and lame!

For friends, i've gained quite a bit. manage to build better relationships with much more ppl. tho i had some unhappy moments, i've learnt to let go and let God.(i hope) Had tremendous amount of fun with the best friend, not forgetting my churchmates. Tho r/s might turn cold with others, still, im thankful and i hope God will bring us closer in His time.

I guess being 21 ain't too easy. but God has sure open my eyes to see beyond what my human mind can comprehend. and thank God for granting me such a great gf, who has nv failed to be ard me at all times of life. i really wonder what i'll do without her. we've been great companions, going almost everywhere together, and almost all the time. and for being ard me when i went thru super tough times, helpg me call the bank, protectg me fr sunny, sigh. i can nv thank u enough. but i do hope im nt hindering u fr building r/s with others ok.! don't worry i stil love my 138 wahaha. Anyhows, sorry babe, for now u are stuck with me. hehs.

all that aside, spent the first day of new yr with bestie n her family (jus a while). haha then we went shopping! wheeee. i loveeee shopping! gt a mango shirt for bk-up singing, and a top fr cotton on! all super gd deals! wheee. best deal was my bundle pack fr spotlight! they had so many things inside, and was gg for a song at only 6buckeroos! all the arty farty stuff! and i love diaso too! we got some really pretty cards which looks super chinoserie chic! shall take a pic and post it. i love it. too bad dorothy soo wouldn't let me get another one. perhaps i shall go back there secretly! whoohoo. shhhhh. then we caught Lust, Caution. my first R21 show. and it ended at 12:30am! madness. am so thankful for my loving daddy who came to fetch us home! (:

great start to a brand new year, am awaiting and looking forward to all that is to come! May the good God bless all of u sweeties, have a fruitful and fulfilling 2008~!

Christmas came and gone, action-packed! all over much to my relief. somehow Christmas just dont seemed as happy as ever. perhaps people do change, we grow up, and what seems like friends forever have diminished. reduced to mere acquaintance?

did our wrappings for the gifts til the wee hours of dawn. barely catch enough 40winks and had to wake up for svc. and sleepg late last night didnt help much either. woke up with puffyeyes and triple eyelids. madness.

carolling on the eve was great. i totally immersed myself into the spirit, and the ability to sing those beautiful carols to the residents just made it even more special. tho it was pretty short, it was also sweet too. i just hope and pray that more will come to know Him.

had a bad start on the Christmas morning. i actually allowed a small issue to screw up my day. just cos we forgot to bring a bag of presents to church. sigh. but thankfully the best fren managed to pull me back tog, so that i will stop sulking and stop allowing all the anger, sadness reside in me. and i really do apprec it. cos i know when i get frenzied, angst, its often the ones ard me who really suffers.

started svc, so many screw-ups. the projector wasnt wking til 1130.madness. then sudd the keyboard goes wiry. but thankfully many did respond during the altar call. that was nice. spent the afternoon playing with thadd n louisa. cute toddlers.! i likeee* hehs. then went for super late luncheon with the best fren at sakae to satisfy our cravings! then was jalaning, and then home sweet home. mayb nt so sweet, cos i end up hvg puffyeyes.boo. i hate mornings! hate gg to wk too. sucks! bleah. wish i had a longer break.

i wanna leave on a jetplane now. right now. to sm place where u can find me no longer! haha. right. just gimme a little break pls and cut me some slack, and be my nice santa and buy me a air-tic. tq. (:

its wednesday, till then~!

time waits for no one. it literally flies past me each time. but this time round, i like it. cos it means twinnie is coming back soon!!! YAY!

hee can't help but feel that im well-received. everyone wants to go out with me! everyone wants a piece of me. wahaha. kns i know. --> joshua, jacq, pea, eve & sijie, jess & liz, mass comma peeps. muahahaa.im the epitome of party! too bad had to do ot last night and turn down eve n co.boohoo. havent met the girls since they feb this yr. wanna get smthg ncie for them before mtg up. oh wells.

havent gt much pressies for main peeps. ugh. but the trip to IMM on monday was really fruitful man! got like so many things for the kiddos, the notebooks, glitters, and more notebooks! wheee. happieeee. but nw gotta think abt what to get for the babes tmr. damn. and for the party on fri too.ugh.

thankfully its a holi tmr! woohoo! means i can rolly ard in bed all morn! wheee. hope u girls have a great time with yr loved ones this season! God bless! (:

today is monday and twinnie is coming back on friday! wheee* and angels still cont to surround me! rec sms fr eve iniating a meet up with her and sj since they are both back from aussieland. woohoo! just that ive got no time to buy pressies for anyone. so far just that cute red rack, a diary for the kiddos, and a uber cute cow inflatable couch. thats abt it. zilch for church peeps. ugh.

anyone of u girls gt sm fantastic ideas? i luv diy, personalised stuff but i got 0 idea leh. time is running out. poly peeps on thurs, mass comm peeps party on fri. so shitified!boo.

and ive contracted alzhemier's. keep forgetting things. and the white hairs on my head are increasing in number. scary.

i cant wait for Christmas! but there aint much for me to look forward to. prob just awesome company of loved ones. guess its the presence that matters. (:

i hate rainy days! makes me so very dread gg to work. how i wish i can jus continue sleeping and nv have to wake up for work! boohoohoo.. wed blues too! boo. and i havent started on my essay. sobs. and theres a million things i need to do. bleah. i need a break pls.

smone pls just kidnap me on a jetplane to smwhere nice! thanks.

and byebye. im gg home.

twinnie has been gone for a week to be exact. and i sure miss her! perhaps we've clung on too tightly, and so now that she aint ard, smthing seems to be missing! and just being in the church office w/o her seems weird. my lunch kaki, bitchfit sessions kaki, retail therapy kaki, phone kaki, my everything kaki! sigh. and there's stil 13 days before she is back. soooo long. HAIS. but still, God has been so good and faithful.

the way He got His angels to surrond me and keep me co. God answered yr prayers twinnie!hehs. even before she departed sgp, i've already bumped into ppl whom i nv thot i'd see. hehs. and how eug told grace he wanted them to sit with me, which is what they've nt done before! they didnt even know twin aint in town. hehs. and r/s with classmates are getting much better, at least i gt to know em better! and actually havg a christmas party. woohoo. sch doesnt suck that much anymore, smore the dreaded presentn has come to an end! freedom after tonight's test and nxt wk's proj submission!

sigh. this year end has been a busy one for me, first time ever that i dont have time to get christmas pressies. oh dear. and the fact that i dont like to get things which everyone has seen before adds on the my agony! want to make smthg nice, but ive gt no time! and no ideas. boo. dieded. but shant let such blur the vision and real meaning of Xmas.

its sunday, and i've fallen into a deep slumber of depression. and the songs playing on gold90 makes me even sadder. sobs. smhw i can't help but feel sorry for myself. cos there will nv be a day where im the one whos off for a holi. but its ok, ive resign myself to fate.

its just me myself and i to brave the storm for the nxt two weeks. cos God seems really far away. sigh. i wonder how im gonna survive.

im so freaking bored at work. eyes are soooo heavy, anytime soon i'll doze off. skipped class ytd for a break n a haircut, look like a chinadoll now with a concave fringe.ugh. its friday, but sats gonna be a bloody longgg day from 9-5. hate it! grrrr. i wouldnt mind if lecturer's ravi or sm interesting fella but definitely nt this stephen gaunson guy!boo. anw this was type in the morn, now its almost knock off time. managed to pia finish the more impt wk. phew. else cant make in time for tonight.

on another note, the bestfriend is gonna be away from the 3rd til idunnowhen. sobs. lucky ass who gets to go jetset while im stuck in this miserable rut, having to balance job and sucky sch. my life's a mess. sigh. when isit ever my turn to go for a holi?! sobs. i hate wallowing in self pity but i cant help it. hais.

and adding on to my misery is the stupid ibank transaction thingy. they havent fucking gt back to us like since ytd . shit u for cheating my money. shites. bugger off! f.

its sat tmr and i gt yucky lessons.bleah. ): ive got nothing to look fwd to all wkend. and bestie has to go attend a wedding on sunday. mayb thaddeus will make me happy. i dont know. but i got a feeling he will.

ciao.

ok, im not trying to be cynical, or cold-blooded. there has been the recent big hoo-ha abt the misfortunate event of the 5 dragonboaters.what i cannot understand is the numerous no. of ppl being so upset about it when they aren't even related to them in anw. just like the princess di phenomenon. reminded me of the show"money no enough" whereby these few sisters wept buckets when they heard abt demise of princess di, and when their mother died, they couldnt even be bothered about it. mayb its just me being skeptical. smhw i feel that everyone seems to want a piece of it. being involved. attending their wake. signing on memoirs. whatever. i deem it as nt entirely genuine.

makes me wonder if it happened to a relative/whatsoever, would u be as bothered? sigh. this is so confusing. call me heartless, whatever. i don't care. but i'll sure cherish those ard me. i shall try.

and i shall skip class today and go for a hair cut. wheee. and tgif soon. sucks to have lesson on sat tho.sigh.

school has started and i was in much anticipation of it, only to be dismayed by a monotonous, uninteresting, ho hum lecturer. to think i have such high expectations of angmoh, but this guy makes me sleep. bah! the way he delivers is impossible. hypnotizing. and only this grp of girls in front are entertaining him. i thought young angmohs might be u know, engaging but i was wrong! So i started toying with rocher wrappers on the table, making hair extensions, making dummy ones which is seemingly real for mates. haha. funny shit. but yeah, thats what keeping me gg. dreading class on thurs and sat already. sigh. Am so not looking forward to it. deprive me of my beauty sleep and time i get to spend with loved ones. bleah.

on another note, went to watch my dad perf at sm singing competition. and i sure laugh my head off over his silly antics, nt forgetting all those farnie stuff that happened. the super unpolished emcees, the aunties with the blings and bk cracks instead of cleavage cracks(cos the dress were too tight), and some really impossible singers. ROFL. followed by supper with 2 unknown strangers, well frens of pops and they sent the twinie and i home. had supper with them and it was way beyond awkward. but they were rather nice la. cept that they make me feel a little small.poof.

on another note, i can hardly pry my eyes open in the morning. cant keep them fr closing. ugh. hate mornings! and ps. i dreamt of the stupid elf and the stupid pixie again.sigh. what does it mean if i keep dreaming of ppl i don't like? sigh.

22 november 2007

my mind was in a whirlpool. i was tired: physically, mentally and emotionally. somehow i feel God likes to play jokes on me. i don't know why either. some people try so hard getting things that were never meant to be theirs, some dont have to try and it just appear to their doorstep.

was reading my text for theories of comm and persuasion, saw this theory by this Bourdieu guy. and i kinda thot it ties in nicely. Quote"value is placed on products according to their social status, as well as cost and scarcity....Individuals and groups identify each other and their social positioning according to their taste, including their taste in music and clothing styles... people are not born with superior or inferior tastes in cultural products; rather, the economic system of capitalism requires disctinctions in order to operate.

the other fella critical of Bourdieu is good too. He, Baudrillard, in fact begins from a rather different perspective to that of Bourdieu. For him, contemporary culture is a deluge of signs, symbols and images. Quotes"the Princess Di phenomenon, the killings at Columbine, the love affairs of Leonardo DiCaprio-all are constituted through a new televisual culture, a new reality, a hyperreality, which has no substance and no fixed form. This hyperreality creates new forms of stimulation, new forms of arousal and demand, new forms of erratic consumption. The product becomes intensely sexualized, often through the deployment of a young female body - but this arousal is a stimulation and can never be satisfied.The consumer is prompted to act and consume; however, the deluge of images and signs is unending and the urge to consume is never consummated, never quite complete.

In Baudrillard's terms, therefore, the sign overtakes the product as the primary source of arousal and action. Because it is nothing more than a sign, a powerfully sexualized sign, the consumer can never escape its abstraction. The proliferation of signs continues to stimulate.The BMW is sexually imaged and motivates some form of consumption - if not the car, then something else. But ultimately, there is nothing there. the sign is vacant, leading merely to another sign, another amorphous arousal, another vacuous avatar.... EVERYTHING IS AN IMITATION OF AN IMITATION - A SIMULACRA."

sorry if this is too much to digest for a friday, just some food for thought... thought it all makes sense. so duh can, then why the hell am i always so caught up in the rat race? ugh.life's a contradictory.

weekend came, and gone all in a whizzz! didnt even get to enjoy it cos of the proj. many thanks to help fr demin, i think i need to acknowledge her in the reference, as well as attribute to her. hehs. so glad its done and over with, and at least i can rest for a wk before beginning on another battle which wil last me 2 weeks! madness.



work is so sianing. totally dread hvg to wake up at 7plus in the morn. i so abhor mornings! if only nights will last forever. on another note, the pops are nt in town, over to our neighbour for some unwinding. wish i was there, sigh... so gotta seek refuge at the bestie's plc. who has been really nice and make me feel so welcome as usual. but i gotta cm outta the shell and nt be so frightened of the pops. and sista.



i wanna go do smthg fun. like to the beach.(ps nt cycling pls) haha. to the zoo.night saf.science centre. sentosa. smthg to let me unwind. i need it badly. nt shopping/movie. smthg else. desperately. gg bonkers in the office. but i did ot last fri and that day fetch me a good 100buckeroos. im sucha moneyface. need to get over it for materials like plastic, never last.

today is tuesday. aka tu4si3 day. hate the sucky feeling of gg bk to work. yucks.

anw, have been neglecting this baby of mine. thanks to endless piles of notes to study. dont even have time for reading newspapers/magazines but TV yes. haha. am so glad its all over! nw have to pia for proj then can let hair down for a wk before sch starts to torture me.

on a happier note, PR paper was a breeze!wheee. mann i studied damn hard for it ok! hehs. and God was faithful too. just hope proj can do well and at least get a distinction! went out with the class peeps for lunch at super sucky place called yuki yaki. RIGHT, IT WAS YAKI(YUCKY). gross man. i really think i cant click with sm of them. fancy gg to such places for lunch. if it was nt for the bday girl, i'd have violently objected! but i have to say churning the ice cream was fun tho i totally suck at it. boo. then went for some retail therapy before mtg the bestie.

outta here now. lunchtime's over. boohohoo...

i realised that if u stop counting down, time will just fly past! haha. gd or bad i dont know. but sure is scary. eeks. and i gt a million things to complete. study for paper, proj. heng managed to chiong out mtg mins.

anws, monday was scary. i rem vividly telling my incharge at ducktours saying i cant wk til end of mth. then sudd she msg me on monday ask me why im nt at wk. ugh. and so i told her say i cant commit anymore. scary! i was so very freaked out. but ive said byebye to duck already. so its hello world kitchen. which is gd. cos i think world kitchen pays me quite handsomely. wahaha. for the kinda work produce. and i always snake during work! haha. but have to snake secretly. but waking up so early sucks!

anw, i hope to go for the getaway to msia with mumsy and twin(maybe)! i wanna gooo eat shop play let my hair down.hehs.

combed jurong west on sunday and we met this scary ahjek. wat a day to rem. he was practical stuck to the window of our car and asking for money. so scary! gdness. always gt so many scary ppl ard me.ugh

anw.gg to sleep liao. nights all.