it came as a surprise when someone chat with me on fb. someone whom i kinda have a deep-seated animosity with. hmmm. was just telling the bestie that i wanna make peace with this person. and probably God saw this in my heart and gave me a chance to mend this "broken friendship." well it wasn't exactly fixed, but it gave an entry to something better to come.

and i believe and thank Him for this window He opened for me.

was over at suntec yesterday for a filming session for our proj. and it sure sucks to have 3projmates puffing their ciggies away in your direction. i am so gg to get lung cancer with all the second-hand smoke! but no doubt the company was much fun, and the exchanges were a riot. will continue our secret filming in class laters and hope it will turn out to be gd.

on another note, everyone's like pushing me to get a job, ): its not like i'm not trying you know. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. but pls jus gimme some time. ugh. who are you to press me when my pops never even once said anythg. boo. i just don't wanna get a 9-5 job where i just wk and wk to no end, just to put dough on the table. i want to do smthg that i enjoy, that i will look forward to, that i will take pride in. is that too much to ask for?

been getting ribbons, paperstock, buttons etc. im really quite serious to go into some online biz. just don't know how to get it started proper. like what the bestie say, we shouldnt just jump into it without proper planning and all. i do hope that we can get it started and running soon, at least ppl won't say we're doodling our time away. bleah.

ok. i'm back! had a 2wk stint at WK again. and it was one super stressed week. it ended, and im glad. though im sure staying on will be gd to my pocket. still, i believe He has greater plans for me. so its back to job-hunting again. sigh. which can be really exhausting. am thinking of selling some arty-fart stuff online, but just can't get down to getting it done.

im so desperate to go bintan with gracie & company. but my skin ain't thick enough, plus need to take over this wk for keyboard. so there. i guess it's just impossible now. ): but i know it is gonna be really fun with all the cute tots that i love gg as well. boo! sobs.

church is gonna move out soon. stipulated date on 3rd May. and we'll be under the roof of Queenstown Lutheran Church for at least a good 2 years. mann, im gonna miss the old building so much, for it keeps so many memories of mine thru all the seasons. - of tears, joy and love. i pray that all these beautiful memories will be deeply etched in my heart til eternity.

the soo sisters and myself are supposed to give phoebe an answer with regards to which cell we've decided to join. pls keep us in prayers with regards to this issue cos we're really unsure, and still feel hurt and disillusioned at how we're being chuck away. felt like we have no worth at all. saddening that such things are happening in the church. but i've learnt to let it go altogether. moving on and letting God.

i really miss those times where we were all so innocent and loving each other so much. now, i find it so tough to look you in the eye. perhaps growing up ain't such a good thing after all.

Wah! i can't believe i last updated this blog like close to 3months ago. that's like a quarter of the year. and to think i'm so busy with whoknowswhat when i haven't even been working. creepy. where did all the time in the world got swallowed to?

nevertheless, the past 3mths have been good. trip to hainan was an eye-opener! and the company was fab fab fab! the aunties and uncles were really nice, friendly, and coupled with my dad's lameness, i had a swell swell time! despite the fact that we had an unpleasant encounter with the tour guide cos he is so very money-face! bleah. conniving fella. that aside, it was a really awesome cultural exchange. and i got to see where my dad lived when he was 10years old! imagine that. super uber cool. but also learnt to be thankful for God's blessings on us. and to be content with one's lot! I can't fathom what'll happen if i were to stay there for 1 night. just 1 night and i think i wouldnt get to see tomorrow. its really like those old n tattered village you see on tv. tho poor, the people were hospitable, and gave us their best treat. we spent day 1 there, and for the rest of the week, we followed the tour while popo stayed on in the village till day of departure.

school is good as usual, got to work with new peeps. real fun people but sadly, they all smoke. ogay i know i ought to like discourage them from doing so but its like 3 against 1. i shall keep them in my prayers. turn out one of them is my neighbor who stays at the 7th floor. what a coincidence. so from then on, we always take cab back together from sch with 2 other kakis. but then for the just past module, things went the other way. new group. ): didn't really see eye to eye with them and clearly there was bad communication. but anyway, am glad its all over, and finally submitted the report today. probably gonna do quite badly for this module. cause i screwed up my part. sigh. hopefully can still command a credit. regretting now.always hate the fact that i am so last minute. boo. bad idea to initiate compiling. but yet i'd prefer to do it.ok. slaps myself for talking rubbish.

Christmas was gd too. but perhaps once again i got too flustered with all the presents stuff and missed the real meaning of it. i know i shdnt be so caught up with all the giftings but yet i can't help but just want to some nice to ppl i love. sigh. and after all of it i came to realise that it definitely wasn't worth it. cos some people whom i thought i want to share my life with happened to be so cold to you when they realise there's not much worth left in you. such is depressing.

CNY was even better. get to meet up with ppl i love. and i saw the love and concern showered on my aunt cos she was in a state of depression due to certain matter. it was really heartwarming and inspiring to know how much we all love each other, and that this love is so real, with no strings attach. i am really thinkful for my maternal side of family. dad's side is of course, cold like always, esp my uncle's family. sad then we failed to tread deeper into each other's lives. but i shall rem them in my prayers too, that salvation will come to them. Aunt's family is good, tho we hardly hardly get to meet up. but i feel they care much more, and i can relate to em better.

and im no longer in the youth zone. saddening. yes. definitely. and the way it was disseminated was so bad, i couldn't believe i would received the news just like that. and then the whole responsibility is just dumped to another person! i cannot believe such a hurtful thing would have happened. ): and they went cny visiting w/o even informing us about it. i understand that it would take effect in feb, but hello, there is yet any proper adios! grrr. talking about it makes me fume. no point dwelling about it la i know. but there's just this feeling of dejection, rejection, resentment and anger residing in me. pls pray that God will heal all hurts and take away all my tempers. but oh wells, penning or rather blogging it down already makes me feel a million times better. at least i have an avenue to vent my frustration.

have been dropping lots of hair of late. aunt says it might be bcos of my dieting. sigh.

no doubt i lost quite abit weight, and it sure feel damn gd to receive all the compliments. but throughout this entire time, i learnt many things too.
1) people are shallow and superficial. cos those who have nv spoken to me started speaking to me.
2) looking good does make lots of difference to a person's life.
yes, definitely i feel much happier, and it really did boost my self-confidence. by ALOT. and i really appreciate it. and i can only thank God. but i pray that this doesn't get to my head and that i will learn to be contented. and that He can sustain me like He had always! and lastly, that we will all be truthful to one another, and love because He first loved us.

ok, gotta run. happy lunar new year. (:

and i appeared. such accuracy! freq has been tuned to 1post/mth. wahaha.

time FLIES so fast. it really wait for no one. and the fact itself is so scary. the proj is almost over, cept the report which still requires fine-tuning. it wasn't as horrid like what i mention earlier, and thank God for sustaining me. i'd probably be bawling my eyes out/gone frenzy if nt for Him. presentation went rather ok, though there were quite sm hiccups along the way, still at least its over for now.

a couple of things that still baffles me: i don't understand why im busier than before, and 24hours/day is just not sufficient! Ahhhh. its crazy. life in this era is really really throws me into a tizzy: upsetting, exciting, confusing, all happening concurrently. there are so many things undone, and a million things to be done. my room's in a mess, and i hv no time to pack! exam's nxt friday, and i've yet to really start revision! plans for online biz but we don't even have an inkling on hw viable it is..! mei's bday celeb planning, volunteering at NUH, etc et...! Bah.

lookg at the brighter side, sm good things hv been happeng, but perhaps God won't be too happy by the mere mention of it. it isnt exactly gd, but smwhat like a person getting punishmt for all that she'd done. im nt like gloating over it or what, but can't help feeling (at times) that she somewhat deserves it. its like God is like telling me that it doesnt matter hw much hurt/wei3qu1 experienced in the past, because He knows what is going on, and He will do smthg abt it. its like a paradox la. God forgive me if this ain't exactly smthg nice to post abt. that aside, am thankful to be able to serve in the worship min, albeit the fact that it can be really tiring/dead at times. esp as a keyboardist, i'm experiencing different aspects of worship. in the past, i'd have nv dared dream that i could play like now, but God has made it all possible, much more and better than i ever imagine. (:

on the other note, am feelg pretty disilusioned these days. perhaps such is the paradox of life. its like you have to take the good with the bad. it can be so puzzling at times. my existence. the significance. oh wells. i shall leave it as now.

till then,
LOVES.

okay. the hiatus was unplanned for. anyhow, within a short span of 1 month, a million things happened, too fast, too furious for me to even take a whiff of fresh air.

bumming ard have nv felt so gd. it was a nice clean break from work! strangely, i feel like i havent really started resting. i was busier than ever, and each day was crammed with activities. or perhaps 24hrs a day really is insufficient.

and yes, im gg to oriental hawaii! hainan island! gonna visit my roots. hehs. with pops, popo and pops' frens! wheee. it came like a dream. i nv dared believe that we had a chance to go travel tog, ever since we got into the rut residing at bt view. bad choice, but smthg GREAT came out of it, chance of knowing Him. (: and JC i so happen to read yr blog! similar scenario, almost the same as mine. hee. and it is so very heartwarming. im so happie for u dear, such a simple and sweet gesture, yet it brings such joy to you and family. indeed it is nv the things we do, but always the company that matters. i pray that you guys will have so much more of such times to come. and even most imptly that they will all receive Christ! (:

classes resumed after a 1mth break. and its wasnt too great to begin with. thanks to the addition of a new proj mate whom kinda make sm of us feel really small before. my chirpiness just evaporated at the very sight of her. and i can no longer contribute freely/state my opinions for fear of what she has to say. sigh. but no choice, guess i have to hang in there for another 1mth of so. God pls grant me the extra strength needed pls! thank u. results have been awesome thus far, and all glory to God.

have a blessed wk ahead loves.

and today marks the last day at World Kitchen.(like finally) i hope there aint any screw-ups. cos by hook or by crook im getting my butt outta here! i needa break! wheee. the tot of being able to sleep til shiok, and nt 7.30 every morn keeps me gg! i can almost smell it now. 1.5more hrs to my long awaited freeeeedommm!

i desperately wanna get outta town. and bkk is nt makg me very happy with all the uproar and protests. eeks. and hkg is alittle outta budget. well, i hope to wk smtg out cos im only left with 2 wks of holi! boo.

the bestie is at camp. i sure hope she survives and that those stupid ppl will not agitate and frustrate her with their stupidity and retarded antics.

pops might be gg Hainan Island. i want to follow! GRRRR. just pray that it doesnt clashes classes. cos i really really wanna trot the world. real badly. ):

it was an eventful week, lotsa upheavals, lotsa exhilarating moments.

was rejoicing when my ma told me that my aunt had ndp tics, and i could have all 6 of them. cos i tried endless attempts balloting/contesting for the tics but to no avail. so i thank God for being so sweet and so nice for giving me the tics. and cos i couldnt contain the excitemt, i spilled the news to ppl whom i didnt exactly want to share the tics with but in the end i had to. and it was a real dilemna which caused me to be so upset that i wanted to forgo it altogether. then i thot, heck, since i was the one who got the tics first, i shd have the privilege of getting at least 2 tics. so i fought my way through, only to get disappointed at the very last minute ytd when i was told that the tics wasnt cmg my way cos aunt's grandchildren heard abt it and all wanted to go. so there goes my ndp tics.

i was really really upset. its like one moment you are up there in the sky, and no one can reach and upset you, the nxt moment you've fallen and land with a pain which doesnt seem to cease. saddening. life sure is full of unpleasant moments.

and to top it off, am gg thru sm difficult moments with ppl i love. and i have absolutely no idea what to do. for a moment i wish i could sleep and sleep and never wake up, so that i don't need to face the pressing issues which are pounding me for an answer.

last day of wk for A/Cs dpt at WK. feeling funny. bittersweet. its like i wish i didnt have to go, yet im relieved to be leaving. gonna be income-less for quite sm time i can foresee. so its really time to be thrifty, time to stop buying and start saving.

digressing a little, tho i ain't sure if my national day will be spent happy, stil wanna wish us all a happy national day.

i pray God comes and mend all broken relationships and restore the love we have for our loved ones.

you know, I would really love to trot the world. go to places where each day is brimming with activities, bustling with life. rich cultures, towering landscapes, mother nature. it is my dream to travel to all parts of the world! i shall dream big. i shall buy a map and pin down the places where i've been. each time i hear smone gg smwhere, i get so green with envy that it begins to cause a dull ache in my heart. i only wish i could go.

the states. uk. australia. japan. europe. africa. greece. dubai. all sounds so yummy.

sometimes i wonder if that day will ever come. or is it just wishful thinking on my part. smtimes i wanna just take whatever i have in the bank, buy a ticket and just fly off to some exotic country. but yet i know i can't just leave and go. cos of the pops, the friends, school, work. nt to forget fear of being alone, fear of hvg to be independent, fear of mtg new ppl.

sometimes i wish that i could turn back time.

its funny how fast each event untwine itself within the short span of 4 wks.

gt the depressing mod over and done with, and i can only cross my fingers that i need nt do a repeat. and then adjusting myself and ushering into yet another new module, which has been alright so far, thanks to the indiv assignmt and exam. no more nightmares of scary grpmates.

twinkling of an eye, 10 mths at World Kitchen, and its time to say goodbye soon. and i'm feelg happy. cos it means time for break! and coz i feel i so deserve a break/holi for myself.

im beinning to feel a little disgruntled. funny tots are always swimming in my head, leaving no room for logic. however much stuff i try to enter into my brain data, it seems futile. and pure rejection. heart aches at times, but i try to let it go, and let love overcome me.

and if it's time to leave, i will go. if that is what GOD says is best for me.

after what seemed like a hiatus, im back. nt feeling on top of the world, but right at the pit of the valley. project is stressing me out like shit, and once again, i had bad dreams, and this time, the grp members were in it, exactly same scenario as what was happening. which is that no one can be bothered abt the proj and keep wanting to change topic.

i am seriously so so freaking scared. i had never felt like this for a long long time. perhaps God is trying to teach me something. i dont know what it is tho. but i really pray for perserverance and peace to last me this entire saga ends. i feel so alone and afraid, sigh. wonder why such has to happen to me. everyone else seems to be doing good in their new grp, except for me. but guess theres no pt wallowing in self-pity. am gonna try pick myself up. ):

trip to KL was fab, and i had the bestie for company! it was a awesome time of reunion with relatives at the wedding, and the customary traditions were really an eye-opener! *gasps! and i totally enjoyed the shopping with bestie, our strategic plan of combing every single shop. and the meals were really a gastronomical affair. and the cousins let out their rm so that we cld sleep in there, so me and twinnie dominated one room, all by ourselves, except when my 2aunties came crashing in. haha. but still, i had tremendous fun. i want M.O.R.E!!!

nw i seriously need a break. some kind of holiday pls! BKK/HKG/AUST! please.

the bread has gone stale. turned sour, and no longer edible.

and pronto! i am back.

and i had one of the best birthdays ever.

the classmates celeb for me at popeyes on friday after exam. had a mango cake from chocz, sweet girls who rem what i like. (:

then spent a lazy sat with the best friend, roamed around the heartlands. went ikea for lunch then back to IMM for sm stationeries shopping.

received this sms from grace:
Dearest Abia, you've been invited to a 2D1N celebration of Your Highness royal birthday. Pls pack ur bags tonight wif all u think u might need to go from glam to sporty n be ready to be whisked away right aft church tmr. Attendance is compulsory so is spontaneity!

sunday.
service, then afterwards head to bestie's hse with her mama and grandmama. had yummy fish and chips & calamari from the fish market at greenwood. then Grace came and then we drop her at her hse so that she could pack her stuff. after she came down, they blindfolded me with sm headband. and so i couldnt see where we were gg til we reached the destination.

which to my splendid surprise, it was hangout hotel at mt emily! so schweeet! i was only telling the bestie that i would like to stay there, and my dream came true! haha jus that it wasnt a themed room. was like a budget hotel, no frills kinda plc. but it was uber cool. all the walls were like cutely painted. and then the veg out room was like nice too, super cosy! so we unload our things then zipped ard town, went IT fair, the babes gt their hard disk, then we settled for dinna at Popeye's (again) haha. and eug came to join us, then went bk to hotel and take lotsa silly pix and count down to my bday! heehee.

then monday morn we checkout, then eug went bk to wk. we went PS for shopping before yet another surprise! over to swensens for sm free ice cream then to chinatown. *gasps* they brought me for a massage! madness. i was freaking scared can. cos we had to like strip. was damn scary. and i was so reluctant. but guess i didnt have a choice. still, it was really nice of them for all the planning. and all the money spent. i feel so loved, and bad at the same time, cos they spent so much so much on me! then dinner at waraku, suaty eug and eu was there too. was super yumms!

anyhw, i had tremendous fun, and i really thank GOD for each and everyone of them. they made me feel like a princess! heehee. and nt to mention all the sweet tots, presents, gestures, everything! despite occasional hiccups, still, im truly touched by the genuine love. all these sweet memories will always be deeply etched in my mind. (:

<3

fuck lor. cant text or call out now damnit. thanks to the screwed up asshole. real spoiler. i wish u didnt exist.

gonna be away to start mugging for paper on friday.! yay, a break from work! but the thought of having some disgusting stranger in the house makes me one angry woman.

screwed u!

!@!#abc123!*@#$%!?!

GET LOST.

Mundane Monday.

nothing much for me to do at work, so am gonna make use of the time to mug a little. feeling stress, as always! even the hairstylist says that my white hairs are increasing in numbers. boo. i think its all cause of my uptightness. no idea why, but im very easily stress/troubled by minute matters. i wish i can loosen up abit, let things take its course, and not be so worried as to how things will turn out.

hibernated in the comfort of the warm fluffy blankie quite a bit over the weekend .shiok man. at least i feel much more recharged now. went to snip sm hair off on sat, then walk ard singapore town. lonely sunday, cos had to study for paper, so no recreation/nthing. boo. sobs.

have a fab week ahead. XOXO.

Just recalled the email SJ sent me and i thought it was kind of apt. To learn to write my hurts in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away and carve my happiness on stones where no wind can ever erase it.

Much as how i feel others are hurting me, ganging up against me, wronging me, i shall learn to erase all of it, and let love overcome everything else.

Food for thought: Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

I'm just very tired. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. Each morning i wake up with a million pins and needles knocking me all on every single part of the body. The reluctance to get out of bed, wishing i could snooze the hp alarm till forever. Every night i get hm i only yearn to hit the sheets. That's all. Too tired to do anything. But im glad all these have come to an end. Time for some rest and revision for the cmg paper, and then I'll have sm proper rest and fun before embarking on a new journey.

side track a little. mr chin just asked adeline which countries she has been to. she said Aust. thats abt it. So he probed further and ask what bout taiwan? No she replied. Msia? Oh yes, to Genting. Thank God he didn't ask me. I would be super embarrassed to even reply him. ):
Everyone around me is gg for holi. Coll Amy is gg Taiwan tmr, BeeLing is gg Australia nxt wk. Eu is gg BKK nxt wk. Sm are gg church camp nxt wk. Some are in Europe. Myself? Msia? Loserish or wat? Sigh. sobs.

don't i deserve a little break for wking hard? not even when i have to juggle work/sch, not even when i did relatively well for classes? im not complaining. i've lost the energy to complain. perhaps life is all abt never getting what you want.

HAHA. im back.

the wkend was super eventful and definitely action packed! smhw i can't believe we actually do so many things within a day.

met at bestie's plc at freaking 9am in the morn. gave her the bday present! and im glad she loveeeee it cos its the bag that we both like from women's secret! wakakka. mayb i can use it too. keke. then drove to funan to grab breakfast before heading to the central fire station at hill street! surprise for bestie, cos this sillypig's ambition was to be a firewoman when she was young. so since she couldnt be one, we thought there was no harm if we were to bring her for a heritage tour. mann, it was bloody fun, and we took like a million peektures.

then aft that ard 11 odd we went great world to do sm shopping! and we gt sm steals.! then off to ikea at alexandra for luncheon, then walked ard ikea til 4ish. after which we sent suat off to clementi. plan was to go to the henderson wave and horti park but the weather wasnt doing us nice so we changed plan to trinity svc. but was raining couldnt get a lot, so we decided to fall asleep off arcadia road. had a short nap and then snack a little. felt like a little getaway to wonderland. aft tt the weather cleared and we went to the hortipark! and we walked for what seems forever til 8 odd, then took a cab bk to whr we park the car. nxt destination for a secret night swim at my old plc. funs! so spontaneous. and there's nobody, so i aint shy. wakaka. quickly shower then off to dinner for curry rice. yums. then over to mei's plc to hangout for a while before heading hm where we just like ZONK OUT.

then early in the morn over to the patissier to collect the passionfruit meringe which was absolutely yummy! thumbs up! but for a hefty hefty price. off to church for svc where we accidentally bump into a barricade, and cause a tiny bump/scratch at the bumper. boo. twin was so upset abt it. i hope she cheers up. aft which a combine bday celeb with the youths aft mtg. then we left for lunch, which we end up getting fish and chips and calamari fr fish market at greenwood. ABSOLIPSMACKINGLICIOUS! i want moreeee! grrrr~ then went to twin's hse to cont with proj. sianess. then twin's dad's bday celeb at trader's hotel. which he ordered like a million dishes. am stuffed to the brim. went bk, cont with proj. stayover again. then went to wk on monday.

bad day in sch on mon. can't help but feel sm are ganging up against me. but GOD was gd and faithful. we did relatively well for the presentation. He said it was very very well done. lotsa effort etc! wheee. am so thankful. at least i can finally heave a sigh of relief.

thanks to the best fren for sticking ard all these while, driving me hm, cheering me up. i can never thank you enough.

loves.

now its time to make a little merry, then time to mug hard and do well! (:

i took leave on fri, hiak hiak. oops but nt yet signed by my boss. nevertheless im happy.



and MDA replied our email regd the proj! wheee. i just hope she get back to us asap so that we can quickly input all the information in. i pray that God will help us with this proj!



there's class tonight. BOOHOHOOOO...but i shall cheerie up cos its gonna be a short wk fer me!



and i just discovered there's a 1mth break fr sch in sept. hopefully can take a short trip. pls God, pretty pls..



i had a fab fab time with the best friend ytd! absolutely loved the company, i swoon. its so nice to have her back, and spending time with her beats anythg else. more to come pls.



ciao.

its tootsday!

And the 1million and 1 thoughts are still swimming vigorously in my head. damned. where did all those endorphins disappear to?

the circumstances failed me yet again, when i was very much hoping for some kind of say, reconcillation, or on-goings.

but then God spoke to me and once again reminded me to let go of what is not eternal, and to live each day like its the last. I wil learn to free my loved ones and start each day as if its the very last day. and by doing so, i will be upset no more with anyone, and i will no longer bear hatred toward those i don't love.

im trying to live by this nw.
>>keeping up with trends/fashions/popular values just doesn't matter as much anymore.

sidetrack.
suddenly gt this flashback of primary school days when i used to hang out with a indian and a filipino and a chinese gal all the time, cos we were all staying at bt timah bk then. with i could relish those times again. i vividly rem gg to play at the swing and pool of goodluckgarden's condominium which was behind her house, munching tidbits all the way. or to the gal's hse to do project,eat pizza etc. or alternatively we'll go to my filipino fren's hse to play with her dolls, and i thoroughly enjoyed the yummy sandwiches! or we'll go play badminton, or play ball in the gym, and did a million retarded things. mann. im so missing those days of carefreeness, bumming ard and having 0 worries!

hvg said that, its also scary hw ppl have changed, all 3 are like wild animals now. haha. well, changes are inevitable ya. therefore, pls dont send your kids to a convent school! or they'll slowly unleash the animal in them and leave you dumbfounded.

I dont want to be a restless wanderer. Products of past, yes, but not prisoners of it.

its monday. 26th may. 1.10pm and i had just finished lunch. and on top of it all, there are some 1million queer thoughts swimming in my head.

the weekend was, well, not too bad. i couldnt quite sum it up, but its just a wild mix of everythg, and it churns out making me a little funny all over.

its funny how hard i try but smtimes circumstances just fail me.i don't know.