whoa. it was an intensive & critical camp. a little too hot for me to handle. sighs. mayb he shdnt be so direct since he is not in the ministry, and he cannot jus assess us like this. but anyway, he hit the spot la. attacked on our weak points and all. but then i was thinking jus what changes will there be after this camp. then came the evaluation, kena shot a few times! super sianded. was damn pissed. plus they were really focusing on the wrong stuff. all the nitty gritty shits such as having musicians wear BLACK PANTS and BLACK COVERED SHOES. wth. and whether to get a wardrobe. put here or there. i mean come on its DUH can! alamak. sigh. at times i jus dunno what these ppl were thinking.

and then all the drama begin. cold war. haaa. had both of us in tears. decided to kiss n make up and the channel was a pantyliner plastered on the door when i came out from the loo. cuteee. HAHA. then the even last episode of the drama. was so awkward! madness. dunno why the sudden mood swing also. sigh. and they are gonna get married soon? liek wth. im sorry but i seriously doubt they can live happily ever after. lets pray that God will lead them to the correct path and all..

overall.. nice humongous place, smwhat like a british colonial house! niceeeeeeeeee! hehs. and the toilets are damn clean n new. hehs. toilets are the most impt to me! haaa. ok these are all besides the pt. anyway, quite enriching, learnt quite alot. hope to bring the lessons back and apply it to my daily life.

_________________________________________________________________

dot just told me over msn that there was once she had a heated argument with eunice. and eunice blurted out that she's not her sister and that im more like her sister instead. *gasps* dumbfounded can. sigh. never wanted things to end up that way. i shall make an effort to be chummy to eu. but i dont wanna appear fake. damn. and smtimes i feel that suat is also being left out. im a real bitch.always upsetting ppl ard me. haii.

on the other note. i really need to get a job. barista at starbucks sounds fun, but hate to go for intvs. sians. damnit. need $$$ for camp, for bangkok trip! ugh. anyone with job lobangs pls lemme noeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. danke.

i guess boredom really kills. so here comes another one of my cynical entry? i dont know. perhaps not.

anyway was blogsurfing.. then saw shazzie's blog, on hw she was thanking Ruth for being in the rain with her last saturday.. then mayb thot i can like drop smtg for dot too.

anyway, an extraction fr shazzie's blog..so here it goes.

Next thing, I must thank ruth for being in the rain with me. I don't know what I will feel without you there. Everywhere was quiet except the two of us rushing. We were in the rain, we can't breathe and see clearly, yet I saw how you cared. Thank you! The rain drops were like hails beating down on your skin, aching every single drop, but with you there, I guess everything is just not that bad, because I know that if anything goes wrong, there's always one to rely on. Thank you for volunteering to go with me. Really glad to have you as a friend. I feel like using Cynthia's line. "It doesn't take much to be someone's hero. Just do what you always do". I realised the truth of the sentence. Just accompany one, and give the person the strength and courage to walk on, and you are a hero to the person, like what ruth did. Thank you! =)

sweet one. and it just dawned on me that dot did the same. it started raining heavily and she went off ta help the rest move our bags into the shelter, but asking me before hand if i'll be fine. she then went off, but told me to wait for her at the exact same spot, cos she'll come pick me up. i must say it seemed like a hell long wait. imagine dripping wet at the hawker centre, lonely, not knowing when she will come bk. a wait of despair i would say, being out there in the cold. but she did in the end, and i was delighted to see her. imagine being stuck there all alone. the rest all together in the shelter. so glad she came bk for me. its the small things in life that makes me learn how to appreciate em more. what would i be w/o her. i really dont know. tho most of the times i'd wonder if we'll be as close if celine is still ard. then again. nvm. cos i live for the moment.

a quick peek into the happenings...

satty was with the elijahs n joshuas... we went kayaking at ecp! haaa.. dumb yujun n anthony kept wanting to capsize our kayak.. but in the end, had a race back, and they were superrr slow. haaa. damn funny.. anyway cute boys. smhw the reshuffle might do us gd. and im so glad that dot have started to take a fancy on them.. the issue nw is prolly being a assis cell leader, a role model and all. but i sure hope she can gel with them.. i believe all are different. in fact, everyone is special in his or her way, and i really do treasure all the unique identities in us. i realise im beginning to love the elijahs n joshuas more now.. its indescribable. heartwarming i would say. like a big family. diff age grp but stil like 1 big fam. moving over into a new cell will sure bring by many changes. but smhw im looking for it. sigh. dont know if its good or bad. its so confusing. i jus dunno what to expect.

anyway seems like its gonna be a busy year ahead with the endless happenings. mayb i shd start to withdraw fr them all and disappear. sigh.

the weather didnt do us justice. cos jus as we were riding for less than 15 mins it started pouring. and i almost fell. a serious one. but thank God no. sigh. still got the phobia of riding a bicycle. wth. i swear that bike wasnt cooperating at all. damn.

sunddy was watching dorm, and it was the least bit scary. yawns. i think ive grown out of horror.. need some thriller to keep the suspense cmg.

worship camp is less than 4 days away. and i am anticipating it but at the same time ... ... cos ah mei casually asked me to bunk with her. ugh. i am so torn. cos if i do so, dot will bunk with who? haii. and if i bunk with dot, mei will bunk with who? sigh. sian. why am i so well liked by so many ppl? haaaaaaaaaaaaa. *slaps. this is indeed a dilemna. a dumb one in fact. y shd i even bother man. mayb they shd bunk with each other and i shall sleep with pastor phoebe or smthg. HAHA. dont wanna think abt it. meanwhile, will cont packing my room.. and i better start to buy straits times. sighhh.

rather fruitful week thus far.. cant believe i enjoyed every minute of cleaning my room, wiping the cupboards, rearranging the furnitures, stickin the postcards on the wall, putting all my lovelies into display. endless fun i would say. so happy. ive waited damn long for this.

have been tanning yesterday and today, jus want to get a nice tan and look healthy! hehs. got myself a pair of shoes, and 2 music scores from yamaha. waste of money on the score bks. am already regretting it. aint even jazzy songs. i shd go esplanade lib n be a member and borrow all their score bks.

other than that... im having a great time rotting at home,watching tv.. feels so good to wake up at any time u like, not having to do anythg. shiok man. but of cos, the funds are gonna run dry soon, how to go bkk like that. sigh! need to get my butt cracking, earn a living aft music camp nxt wk. sigh i hate it. but what can be done. damn.

past weekend had been awesome!

felt a tiny twinge of guilt on fri, cos kept shunning from all the responsibilities, and kept delegating. but oh well, there is a reason them all, for i dont want to appear to be superficial, doing things not from the bottom of my heart. i jus hate it all.

icekimo with nick aud ruth vin anthony n pongs after prayer mtg. took the van down, haaaa i lurrvee taking the van.nick sent us back to pong's and we drove to prata cafe at nie.. had our dinner til abt 2am then went bk. and our girls talk till 5.30 in the morning. two consecutive nights of being up til 5.30 is really crazy. anyway, i loveeee pongs house. so big and nice. jus that i thot if i were her, i will prolly deco the attic much more to make it like my little heaven! anyway, the girl nv fail to shock me with her endless information on mutilation. is like gross. cutting and eating each other's privates. PUI*

sat was watching mrs henderson presents and shopping shopping and more shopping. went to the career fair and it was so disappointing la. haiis. shop and shop but i got nothing, and that pongs got so many things. mango,gg5,mphosis,pazzion. pengs. had carls for dinner. and they didnt have onion rings. wth. they dont have it at 9pm cos the stall for it had already closed. wthhhh! and they dont have that salsa chilli sauce.! ahhhhhhhhhh. so nice to a person who havent got anything on the shopping trip. damnn.

sunday... had the fellowship with the rest.. the talk on harry potter, and the da vinci code was, well boring i would say. i caught nick and amanda dozing off haahhaha. wth! then it was nanny mcphee! soooo nice and heartwarming and cute! grins. mad jacks for dinner yums and then we went to island creamery! it has been a FAT weekend, piling up on all the ice cream and fast food. HAHA. anyway, it was a good weekend. nv felt so happy for a longggg timee. shiok! and theres more cmg, ecp on sat, music min camp! cant wait! wheee~!

APPARENTLY, grace's gg for music min camp too. oh wells. i sure feel weird. haha. in fact, i am ego abt it. cos i think she will wanna bunk with me. or rather i assume she assumes that i wil bunk with her. but then, she will sure make a hooha saying oh u gonna bunk with yr twinnie blah right. which gets on my nerves. to hell with it. anyway, pongs is my first priority, haha the rest are secondary! and eunice might be gg too.might as well. last reunion to thrash things out before we go our separate ways.

so much rubbish to think when one have so much free time.

talking to turbs on msn will result to not being asleep at 4.15 am. think i will hit the sheest at 5am. madness. ahaha. but at least i can dump out my rants.

haha nah. its 5.30. and im gg off soon.

ok. time to party and make merry. i jus realised ive reached the point of my life whereby i have no idea whatsoever what to do next. and its kinda frustrating and nerve-wrecking. sigh. guess i will just take a step at a time.

i must say all my papers went relatively well, by the grace of God. jus hope for an A perhaps. but it seemed a little far-fetched. but i sure do not hope to get any Cs. in fact, i have absolute faith that i wont get any C. HAHA! anyway, am delighted that i dont have to study for now! haha.. all that seating in the dining table are numbing my ass! and i finally realized how comfortable it is to be able to sit on my pretty sofa and watch nice tv shows, WITHOUT having to carry notes and memorise shit. *bliss.

off to IMM with sj n eve, then took xiaolan to town to catch final destination 3, which ithought was nice! hahaaa.. didnt know i will like it. lurveee it tho it scared the shit outta me nevertheless. and then back home to pack my clothes and all.. tidy up the stuff. clearing away all my notes.

and she's back tonight to pack her things, and off she goes back to her country! and the whole room will be mine, and i can decorate it the way i like, and invite my frens for a sleepover!! got my 60bucks pay today, like aft 2 whole mths? like wth. frigging long. but at least its here.

it will be hendersoning with turbs tmr and i shall go bunk there. haaaa. and then theres the prayer mtg. which is like ............ sigh sigh SIGH.

anyway sj did this ppt thingy for me and eve. like so sweet can, and i was a little paiseh, cos i got nothing for them. but meanwhile, i shall think of smthg and get it done for them. hehs.

goodbye my friends. and till we meet again.

well... time for a little update...

the week have been spent at home studying for the papers with two exceptions on tues and thurs. shall forget about the details.

was a little dumbfounded by cem paper..the qns look foreign, guess its cause of the way they phrase it. but it went well, thankfully..able to answer them w/o much problems

today. oh wells. im pissed. pissed with the rigid bureacracy. pissed with being ordered to do this and that. i am starting to feel that the church sucks. the management sucks. everythg is being told unto us. and there was nv once when they seek our opinions whatsoever. so maddening. and the poor girl was in tears. always forcing us to do things against our wishes. sigh. whatever la. freaks. think its time for break and switch of environment.

oh im so happy! cos it was an awesome sunday, despite waiting for turbs for 3whopping hrs cos of the dumb mtg. haii.

anyway. God pays attention to details i guessed. Rev praised me infront of the whole congre, both mandarin and canto, abt how my skills have improved but i werent there to listen both times. anyway. hmm. i think God is telling to take heart cos He cares. im glad. (:

caught the fog. was a dumb show la. sigh. shouldve known better than to watch it! but nvm since the companys good. bcos we are mtg only like once a wk, i think its gd. better in fact! cos absence makes the heart grows fonder, and we wil like treasure it. perhaps mtg too often may not be gd afterall cos we tend to take each other for granted. and i can see that things are improving, at least im more real towards the girl, not wearing too many masks. cos that is tiring. walk all the way to grange rd aft the movie. hahaha and i scare her silly. so funny. anyway, im love walking, jus like how i do it with liz. actuallyi think if u have gd company, it doesnt matter what u to.

took a bus back to her plc then we drove out to macs for a drink. shared abt the happenings and cell grp lunch. kinda sad abt the superficial things we say regarding the food and all. wish there was a breakthru. but nv la guess. im so glad she wanted that breakthru. but its jus hard. sigh. and time doesnt permit us to do so. im kinda dreading it when the day comes.

finally met up with pat today! the last time was like sept 20. faints. anyway its good to see her, the usual bitchfits and retail therapy. today, i got a shirt fr zara and a pair of shoes. another pair of pumps. wanted to exchange for the black one aft that but the stupid sales staff said NO. was like wtf la, damn pissed. but nvm, since its only 9.90. am so tempted to get the black pair, as well as that white bag. but it costs a whopping 44.90. that will be a permanent damage to my fortune. but i loveeee it so much. ahhhh.

on the bad note, it was a sucky night. cos of the bloody music practice. am so pissed. they shd have at least told me first, instead of telling her. the feeling sucks. feel like im a second class citizen. i know im no way better than her, but stil, u could have told me first. fuck. i am pissed. but more of disappointed. sigh. words can never express how i feel. this is gonna be so sucky. feel like calling it quits! perhaps i shd. have been up there almost every wk. sigh. feel like taking a break. visiting other churches. or jus rot at home. cos im soooo bloody disappointed. madness. the more i think abt it, the more mad i get. fumes*

to top it off, the application to the unis have driven me to the grave too. all the essays. sigh. wanna write on smthg diff but nothign comes to my head. and the filling up of my grades are simply demoralising. ahhhhh. but i thot perhaps i shd jus give it a shot, cos i wil never know the outcome til the last min. at least it wil be fulfilled, not an answered answer.

night gone wrong.

better day tmr pls.

so sick. couldnt sleep well at all. drag myself outta bed and went for atm lecture. was convulsing the whole time, stomach kept churning. felt damn cold and couldnt concentrate at all. so i gave the tut a miss and took a cab home. then it was sleeping and sleeping and more sleeping. head felt woozy! ugh. feel so sucky to be sick! got this creepy feeling that im gonna kena chicken pox. ahhhh! dont want dont want!!! sobs.

on another note, woke up at 2am and see the nice sms from stepsis. always such touching smses that we exchange. haha. stating that the offer for dinner at 15 watten dr is still standing! damn funny. let out a snort when i saw it. haha. and that black beauty rose bud! awaiting it to blossom for sharing, and then keeping it as a favourite dried flower. sweet! hehs. and the growing old. cant wait. having that special connection and all.

on the other note, talked to mei online today. and i realised its all abt eug. its starting to make me feel so sick. and talking to suat, its her telling me where she gg today blah with her frens dinner where blah. i mean cmmon, im not even the least bit interested. it bores me to death. yawns.

i realised 11 more days and i wil have my first paper. so scary!!! ahhhh.

sun 12thfeb

lunch at crystal jade with the cellies. jus wonder how long more can we stil do that tog. had cell aft that. which was terrible i guess. poor girl kept talking while the other 3 jus shut their mouths, getting busy with folding craps. that always happen. w/o fail. chatty and all over lunch and once we're in that rm, it all happen again. horrendous la.

turbs acc me to jp aft that. been eons since we last went there. cleared sm stuff along the way. talk abt having best friends and all. jus occured to me how on earth wil a 7 yr old boy knows that mr abia is her bestie? must be the dad and that uncle nick. thot that was a little nice.

i opened the phone and saw the girl. hehs. she looked a bit alarmed, like how i feel when the same happens. then again. it wil be duh if is us. haha.

im under the weather. damnit. flubug bugging me. damn. hate the damn throat.

we havent gone out tog the whole of this week. weird it may seem. but i already gather the fact that she is too busy dating christopher to go out with me. so there, its ok, i wil get sad and wallow in self-pity. thats what i always do. and there nv is any solution for that. didnt exchange sms also except on sunday. guess i need to get over it! once ppl have bf, off u go, no matter how close u used to be. i will be fine. thats the least i can enc myself. hehs. tmr wil go over to help her. cant help wondering if she wil be gg out with ct aft that. hahaha. smhow i wish she wil tell me. but i think she is prolly keeping mum abt this. cos for fear i may laugh at her? then again i dnt think theres anythg which i dunno yet. sigh. i will get thru this! if only i had a bf. hahaha. juneee chin stop laughing.

went over to sy' anuties hse. sigh. so HUGE can. somemore got pond with fishes inside the house. so damn nice la. isnt it good to be rich. why are there ppl who are so poor and ppl who are so rich? its so unfair. very very unfair. but ive learn to take it in my stride already la. haii. depressing nite.

today was classes til 3, then head to town with sijie and eve, got clothes fr fox. hehs. retail therapy yet again! really like my nick- when the going gets tough, the tough goes shopping. haha. so lame can! then watched casanova with them and keith, nice chap, changed my impression of him. haha. if only i had a bf like him. hehs. anyway, nice show. home sweet home. lets hope for a good sat.

first time in poly life that i submitted a proj 2 days before the deadline! i mean cmon, its 2 whopping days! screw the fact that we didnt know abt the extension. but anyway, that was the last project in my life. and it felt good. first time that we are able to get it done w/o much conflicts. tho i was pissed in the noon when they were playing mahjong. anyway, i feel that ive done a whole lot, so im pretty pleased abt that, except that i dont know much abt the figures. glad its all cleared. which also means that its time to start studying, cos exams is 2 wks later! madness.

had them over since monday, and i jus realised how much i hate the twins. its like they are always so full of sarcarsm for me. they need to really study and learn how to communicate with others. being in my house yet taking me and my things for granted. bitches. to hell with it. eeks. they turn me off totally. puiii.

mini celeb for sj's bday at nydc. havent got the girl anythg, except for the cake which cost a whopping 3.80. for sucha small slice! what a ripoff. hehs. got nail polish at sasa. afttt over at west mall to top up buscard and then went walk ard. op gt sale! almost wanted to get the skirt except that it was a tad too long. good thing. else i would spend again. was abt to leave the place when i saw the popular sale. hehs. and i got a book called be beautiful. lalala. teaches abt hair, face, body etc. then even at ntuc i can get wrapping papers. i am a sucker for giftwraps! haha. i am a true blue shoppaholic who buys everything!

thnk its time to start saving and curb my spending. but i simply love retail therapy! which girl doesnt???

anyway. V day is coming! which means................... im gonna be dateless! for the 20th time in my life! haha.. quite sad. but nvm. think i shall stay at home and watch tv! what a loser. sobs.

truly well spent wkend with all my loves. its been a long time since i really enjoyed myself with them. i guess acceptance is really impt. and like what ruth said, sounds corny but we really lived like one big family. enjoy all the visitings, all the fellowshipings, all the travelling around in one whole big gang. its sooo heartwarming. but all good things have to come to an end. thats what i hate the most.

overnight at dots place on fri, with suat this time, cos she so wouldnt believe that she will wanna go. and of course i won. and i peeped at it again, and i found out that she have been mtg him!! ok im being a real kaypoh bitch, i admit. infact im knocking into her privacy. ugh. and when i saw it, i was like ok, she got a bf, and shes so gonna chuck me aside soon like what ah mei did to me. cant help feeling upset. ok fine. i guess im thinking too much. cos they have jus met for like prolly 3 times, and i already decided that they will get married. on 1 hand, im happy cos hes a catholic, at least i hope hes not some rotten apple. and he sounds quite decent. ha. then again. im jus sad la. cos i know the same will happen. and history wil repeat itself and no one wil have time for me.

but i guess thats life. frens dont belong to me. yes that fact hurts. but ultimately, we'll be gg separate ways. perhaps i shdnt even be thinking till that far. cos who knows i may be fetched upstairs i hope. tmr. or later. sigh.

and i was getting all so emo cos the fun's over, and its back to reality, school tmr, and shes gonna chuck me aside. but then the sms came, haha right smack all the timing and hot tears started rolling down the cheeks. feels so good to cry. im loving it.

and i realised how i have to learn to put myself in other people's shoes. like in the bus, suat wil always sit alone cos dot wil def sit nxt to me. and its sad. real saddening. but yet i aint the slightest bit empathetic/sympathetic/sensitive. smtimes i think i deserve tons of slaps across the face. im guilty yet not ashamed.

ok so its weddy! which means i have my intv and role play tmr. fuck! sianings. dreading it like theres no tmr. jus want it done and over with. and i'll be a happy soul. hehs. wanna do some retail therapy. i need to get shoes! but not like i will wear them. damn. always buying but nv wearing. haii. and i need to ask turbs to quickly get the air tics if we are confirm gg. cos i am so afraid i will spend all my savings. that will be real badd.

other than that, life has been pretty much peaches and cream. went to the pool to tan these 2 days. shall cont to do it tmr shd the weather do me justice. hehs. wanna get back my tan! then turbs wont laugh at meee. sobs. i need to work on a nice one. but gg down alone can be so boring and scary. sigh. still, im gonna muster my courage for the sake of my skin. jus a couple of times more and i shall stop. stil havent get the cloth for my mama to make the oriental top. wondering if i shd get it done or jus forget abt it. ahhhh. so mafans. puiii.

cant wait for the weekend to come so that i can hang out with my loves!

chinese new yr's like so overrated can! one word to describe it all - boring. yawns. svc was a short one. was decked in my old clothes la, couldnt bother much, stil, i think i look nicee.lol.egoego. had breakfast with papamama and aunty yuhua at delifrance! i gave them a treat! hehs. felt kinda good, wheee.then back home, and rotted the whole day off with my 2 male cuzzies. 12 & 9. oh wells. then at night some uncle and aunty came, with their daughter. it was an yearly affair kinda thing, so they are like always ard on the first day. stil, it was a tad quiet, cos huihui and auntie all have gone for a holiday overseas. so there. but we played mahjong jus now! cos they were short of 1 kaki, and bobian have to rope me in. my mama was like really reluctant. haha. but anyway they played with money but not me, so i have no winnings/losses.

mag was in this pair of boots which were really nice but it doesnt suit her la. cos her thighs are thunderous, not that mine are not, but hers are really pear shape. so it doesnt flatter her alot. i was thinking of getting it, but think it wil look the same on me. haha or even worse! but i want to get onee and tuck my jeans in. hehs. but its so bloody exp. she got hers for 80. that i wil rather buy birks!

i want a pair of birks!!! *slurps*

supp to go catch i nt stupid today but certain circumstances does not allow me to do so. anyway, hopefully tmr or smthg la. i want to go shopping too!! ahhhh. collected 178 so far.hehs. but i am a good girl. i return what ought to be returned to my mama. i dont take advantage k. im GOOD.

i screwed abacus! sobs. didnt do lotsa theory, jolly well 30 marks plus gone, but jus hope to get a pass. anyway its only 10%, so heck!

checked my a/c and i got my pay! was so freaking happy! lol. like finally, after 2.5 mths. so i went retail therapy with eve and sijie. they always make me feel comfy and welcome, which is good. dunno why but smhow i prefer them to the other 2. oops. got a cheap topshop top. hehs. im always looking for cheap thrills. smhow i dont thhink that one needs to pay a big price for ncie stuff. ha. call me cheapskate, whatever, i dont care. and got a white eyeliner! from missha and a nail polish fr face shop! woohoo. and that cute kodomo powder which i can bring to camp. hehs.

issue with turbs stil gg on. but its over already i guesss. silly gunai kept weeping buckets. like whatever for. whats happen happened, and cannt be undone, so there. she had better be nicer to me from now after all the hurt which she have inflicted onto me. haaa.

anyway snow white came my house. haha. like finally i see her la. and she was so uber sweet to buy food for my mama. im touched.boo. haha. thanks babe! appreciate it lots!

cny is cmg but i aint exactly looking forward to it. so im glad i have 2 dvds with me, gonna watch them during my free time. no vistings etc. boring. yawns.

gotta start saving fr bkk trip. gt a feeling i might jus spend them all on impulse. ahhhh.

it has been a rude awakening i must say. and i dun deny tt ive been a lil hurt by certain things tt u mentioned. i didnt think it was that serious and bad. sigh. n yes sometimes i wonder to myself, why is it that i always know so much about u n yet u can never know me well enough. it saddens me tt theres stil so much u havent discovered. but hey gal, don't take the blame yourself k. it takes 2 hands to clap. and im glad u said all those stuff instead of keeping them to yrself and not making known to me. i believe theres so much more to this frenship and i'll never wanna jeopardise it in any way. so im gonna learn to give myself more, not for you, but because i want to. really, and theres a whole lot for us to learn abt one another. n of cos the tears wont go wasted. hee. n over dinner ytd, there was this one thing that u said, abt hw u dont care if my existence matters to others but it sure it impt to u. That, is enough to justify yr piece yesterday. U have no ideahow much it touched me tho we were still very much mad at one anohter. and i never intended to portray myself in tt wway. my attitude prob is getting fr bad to worse, tt i have to make an effort to change. Ans no worries k, im ok. am looking forward to so much more of this awesome sisterhood. may it not be words tt im saying, but actions that speaks louder. i love u twinnie, jus rem tt k and u have such a impt place in my heart tt no one can replace. And of cos im gonna claim the HUMONGOUS hug fr u! that is if u still wanna give it to me. (:

Dearie, i ask for ur magnanimous forgiveness about yest's issue. Im so depressed when i returned. I'll doubt even when d whole screen is filled wif tt sobbin emoticon its hardly enuf to express d way i feel. Im so ashamed for causing u misery time n again. U're barely 20! its really bcos of me. fuck! read d online daily bread n it said some psychologist determined jan 24 as d most depressing day of yr. wth la. sigh. can we cast yest's happenings aside? i really dun wa n hope it will not affect our r/s in any way. cos i really do treasure the times wif u n havin tt special connection wif u even when we're apart. its esp in times like this that all d things u did for me, all yr gdness suddenly i think supersedes all else. N its really all those tt matters. Appreciate u lots. I know i cant turn back time. My selfishness n unreasonable self has inflicted hurt and pain on u. Wounds could have been very deep but u try ur best to conceal wif smiles and laughters so i wont feel as bad. Fr nw i hope to shower u wif my love and patience we'll ease the pain recovery tog k. even tho tt psychologist determined the worst day, we still rejoice eh, cos everyday, yest today tmr r days tt Lord made for us n we b iglad in it. can? IM SORRY my twinnn!!! i really do mean it. Can i stil gif u a big hug???! dun cryyy my darling.

history jus repeat itself today, this very faithful day, 24th of january. things always happen when i least expect it to. damnit. or rather thisi night. it was all well, went to watch geisha, and it was when the show ended where it all began again. jus like 29th dec, excecpt that it was much worse this time.

she just refused to tell me where she wanted to go. and we stood there right in the middle of orchard road, jus spacing out. i hated that feeling. yes, i know u want me to make the decision, but doing that right there wasnt jus the wisest thing to do. it seemed like forever, and then we started walking and she jus followed me, not mentioning a single word whatsoever. was almost at my brink of tears but jus hold it back. i didnt know what she wanted. she could have told me. but certainly she didnt. so we jus walk into shops, she looking at her stuff, and me looking at mine. felt totally horrible, the feeling was jus indescribable. i hated it.

but it didnt stop right there. it was carried over to dinner. standing right outside taka food hall, not knowing where to go. and it suck. the feeling realy suck. in the end settled for ajisen. and once again there was that deafening silence creeping in. we jus keep on eating, and she started to speak. telling me so many many things that really brought tears to my eyes. endless times.

saying that she dont like one-sided stuff. and like the 2 way thingy. abt how she always share so much with me but yet im unwilling to open up. and always becoming so quiet. and how i can always say" thats so you" but she can never say the same to me cos she will never know me enough to do that. it is sad i tell you. very saddening. i jus sat there speechless and dumbfounded once again. i knew she was hoping for some kind of reaction fr me. be it rebuking her, scolding her, slapping her, anything but keeping quiet. but i chose to do the latter. cos thats me. everything she said is so true and right.

and of cos she doesnt expect me to change/ give her answers that she wanna hear. and that she was wondering if things wil turn sour btwn us. so i answered. i told her some stuff. and then i mentioned abt my existence. saying that it doesnt matter like when last sunday at the dialogue session. and the sweetest thing that touched me most is what she said. cant exactly remembered it word by word, but it goes like this "your existence may nt be important to other people, but it sure is important to me. i dont care if other ppl notice it or not, but always remember it does matter to me " i almost felt the tears welling up in my eyes haha. cos i didnt expect smthg that sweet to turn up. but i was really touched . words can never express how i feel.

aft which she tried to brighten the atmosphere a little, saying that its her fault cos she tends to think too much and stuff like that. she jus need to let it out and then she will be fine. or that she is expecting way too much fr this frenship. but she mention a lil stuff abt how she can do away superficial and surface frens which made me go a bit eh uh.

i didnt want it to end like tt and gg home, so we went to have a talk and things were pretty much norman. took 171 back to her hse and asked her to send me home. haa. but i didnt want to go home, so in the end we drove to mustafa and hang ard til 1 plus. yes jus me and her w/o the chungs. gues we got some things cleared. at least, i hope.

i believe she really treasures this frenship/sisterhood and thats why all the talks every now and then. it takes heart to hear such things. tho it may not be presented well, but i know that underlying it is a piece of love for this beautiful relationship which God had blessed us with. it aint easy, but one thing for sure, im gonna try to open up my real self, cos i believe thats hw a real frenship can grow and blossom. and im gonna speak my heart and mind in the right way. God pls give me the wisdom on how to get abt doing it and i jus want to commit this awesome sister into yr hands, and may the things we do/say cont to glorify yr name. amen.

usually i would have thisn depression! y cos its sunday nite. but nt today, cos theres only ib tut tmr! haha and elearning on wed and fri, but got abacus test. sucky!

job was damn fun, tho i was aching all over esp my shoulders. could really feel the ache! madness. signs of aging.lol. but it was fun man. saw jack neo and the cast, and 933 deejays. too bad i wasnt captured on tv!haha.. tiring but fun nevertheless. after which went down town with a cosmopolitan group again! me eve taojing and karen. wahaha. really get to know them so much better. but shucks i think i portray a mad woman on the loose woman image. again. damnn. ahaha. tao is so much fun, tho im pretty unsure of her gender identity. hehs. farniee woman. i likeee.

today was svc and then lunch recep at quadrangle. george's baby's first mth! baby's cute but looks kinda scary to me. ha cos of the humongous eyes. then had celeb for jan babies, then the dialogue session. back home cos turbs had to rush her proj.

came back and sleep for 2 hrs. nt enough man.

anyway, that guy left me a msg on frenster again. i guess when someones really serious abt smthg they wil do that yea? but too disgusting for my liking. and i dont like that kind of idea. sigh. if only its someone i know or i like. but fat hope la.

yay. its fridayyy. my fav day of the week! hehs.

anyway, was blogsurfing cos sj was talking abt glen gg bkpacking with his frens. so i jus went to read it. was like wow, he gets to go to japan with his classmates, airfares all paid for by his parents. thinking why are some ppl so rich, and they can have what they want. and saying things like he got his levi's jeans blah. know hes not bragging but smtimes i cannot comprehend why ppl like to go for such branded stuff? does it really make u very cool by wearing all those? and what sort of happiness does it bring you? is it all that matters? perhaps i aint brought up this way, where i can have all thse things, mayb im eating sour grapes? i dont know.

and we went shopping in town, and sj got this belt for her bf. its like 40 bucks aft discount. and she got this portrait of them drawn by some china guy. was also wondering why do couples like to get expensive stuff for one another? i really dont understand. they like to get things like perfume, clothes, belts, all the expensive stuff. i seriously cannot comprehend at all. money isnt everything u know. whats the pt of getting all these things? i deem them to be boring, conventional, and really thoughtless. // should one day, one day when i have a bf, i sure wouldnt get him such stuff. u may say that its cos i dont have money/cant bear to spend on him etc. but no i guarantee that i will nv ever do that. the idea's so saturated and super eeks la.

was glad tt abt the change of plan. well hope that shes happy despite nt receving any pressies. so there. she was cranky today, and i hated it. i pop by pretty fit to kaypoh and realised that her pair of bloody shoes cost a whopping 69.90. whoa. rich woman. im gonna rip her off. haha. isnt it crazy to spend so much money on a pair of shoes??? sigh. but well thats nt my moolah, and not my life. so whatever makes her happy. smtimes i wish i can not be so kaypoh. haha. anyway simple fare at nydc, kept harping on james. its kinda irritating i must say. cmon i dont like him ok, tho i may be a little despo. so stop harping. anyway hes a dumb ass. booksmart. too square a brain la! realised all brothers cannot help to keep surprises. sigh. useless bums.

and elaine cheng is lke so screewed today. man i dont give a flying fuck about u man. biatch.

anyway, will be wking tmr morn, which im actually looking forward to, cos its some events for the sneak peek of i nt stupid 2! gonna give out goodie bags etc, mayb can see cute celebs also! hehs and good pay of 60 buckeroos for 6 hrs. but doubt they gonna pay on the spot. am so broke now. only 6 bucks on me. haha. and i havent paid for the cake! ahhhhh.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR, WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU LOOK AT?
my pretty face!

HOW MUCH CASH DO YOU HAVE ON YOU?
25 buckeroos

WHAT'S A WORD THAT RHYMES WITH "TEST"?
pest

FAVORITE PLANT?
gerberas

WHO IS THE 4TH PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST ON YOUR CELL PHONE?
evelyn

WHAT IS YOUR MAIN RING TONE ON YOUR PHONE?
speakers down. Boo.

WHAT SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
OP lol

DO YOU "LABEL" YOURSELF?
no.

NAME THE BRAND OF YOUR SHOES YOU"RE CURRENTLY WEARING?
barefoot

BRIGHT OR DARK ROOM?
Dark

WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT?
proj/msning

WHAT WAS YOUR LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED ON YOUR CELL?
thanks for helping me ask!

DO YOU EVER CLICK ON "POP UPS" OR BANNERS?
nah..

WHAT'S A SAYING THAT YOU SAY A LOT?
shit!

WHO TOLD YOU THEY LOVED YOU LAST?
my twinnie!

LAST FURRY THING YOU TOUCHED?
cannot remember

HOW MANY DRUGS HAVE YOU DONE IN THE PAST THREE DAYS?
zilch.

HOW MANY ROLLS OF FILM DO YOU NEED TO GET DEVELOPED?
zilch. It’s the pc la darling.

FAVORITE AGE YOU HAVE BEEN SO FAR?
18?

YOUR WORST ENEMY?
nah.

WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT DESKTOP PICTURE?
collage of twinnie and me

WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU SAID TO SOMEONE?
what are you doing? To my mama haha

IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN A MILLION BUCKS OR TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE A MAJOR REGRET?
a million bucks la!

THE LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO?
my hump, black eyed peas

i tag no one.
june perhaps? haha

its weddy!!! woohoo. this week have been great thus far, giving me lotsa time to rest, rot and slack at home! hehs. coool.

seriously dunno why we like to talk abt the humps. i mean its like yeah i have it but so? does it mean that it have to be flaunt? im nt like u alright, always in that. thats jus now me. so even if it looks in proportion, good, yummy, whatsoever i dont give a damn. smtimes i hate u. hate u for what u have, hate u for always harping on the same stuff. it gets on my nerves at times. realy it does. and your forgetfulness. always. guess its a love and hate kinda thing.cranky. thats what u always say i am. and yes i admit im cranky. but thats me. jus me. either love me or hate me. i wont stop u.

lol i mus be mad to write all of the above. anyway. cranky again i guess.

today a even bigger and better surprise! i got back my dt test paper! i got 75%. my peers were a few mks lower than me and i felt a little teeny smart cos i didnt study much, and i even asked them for answers. but turned out i did well for the first part, which was w./o their help. and that was good, cos according to the tutor, thats what will come out for the exams. cant help grinning fr ear to ear. but all these can happen only bcos of Him, so i will learn to eat humble pie.

she got herpes zoster, and she stil wants to come to sch tmr. damn it. and its the same stuff that causes chicken pox. damnit. contagious. i dont want to have chicken pox for CNY. damn. how ahhhhh. shit.

her bdays cmg and nobody can be bothered. oh mannn. how how how. and theres no pressies. sigh. everyone's too busy to bother. damnit. selfish creatures.

finally i can have a break today! ip's down, ib presentation's down, so left human comm, wisp assgmt 3, cem, hpm, atm test blah to come. so glad for the breather today! stomach cramps left me in convulsions! hate it. and the leakage's like damn lot la! already 3/4th day but stil coming a whole lot. eeks!

atm tutorial was cancelled, so only 2 hrs in sch. was in pain the whole time, yet i was like obligated to have lunch with her whatsoever. was like wtf la, dont take me for granted. i mean its like cmon u got yr proj stuff to do, and u expect me to wait for u to have lunch with u? dream on man. i wouldve done it if i wasnt in such great pain u know. and anyay, who are u that i shd wait and lunch with. damnit. why cant some ppl jus be more considerate? it irks me a whole lot. anyway, took cab to and fro fr sch today. felt so terrible that i jus couldnt bear the thot of taking a bus.

yesterday was spent with turbs n suats watching in her shoes. oh wells. some yaya sisterhood kinda show, a little dry, but still, a movie always work wonders for me. the cny mood seems to be setting in, with all the cheesy cny songs, tv comms. thot i was perhaps a lil excited bout it. at least thats the only thing i look forward to now. sigh. i constantly need things to excite me so that life can get going. its bad isnt it.

and turbs told me abt the msn thing ytd. lol. i suck in that picture tt guy stil complimented??? hahaha. my heart was actually smiling, and head a lil swelling. tho i acted as if i couldnt be bother. anyway, she doesnt even know who the hell he is. craps.

suats bday is coming.and nobody seems to be bothered. oh wells. like what to do. sigh. supp to have a big celeb, since hers is always neglected. moreover, shes gonna go up to adult zone. hais. the talk ytd is making us alil worry. jus wonder how shes gonna take it.

shit. now i have craving for tau huay. wth.

caught the heirloom. which was super NOT NICE btw. yucks man. nt scary plus i dont get the ending. off ta crystal jade for dinna, and as usual ordered truckloads of food. thats what happen when u have jus ONE fren who eat like pigS.hehs. off ta huagus house hse to thon. watched the kingkong, haa but we both fell alseep at different times, lol. then girls talk again til the wee hours. 5:05am. that is madness redefined. anyway, it was fun altogether. ((((((((:

got my period. which means fuck. i really hate it man. sucks! having all those cramps, worrying if u wil stain yrself. blah blah blah. eeksss! had a sudden craving for jelly, so i went to get it plus my sanitary napkins and my cup noodles. ha ha ha! but its nt satisfied yet, cos i cant find my gimme one gimme one gimme one more! shall attempt to cont searching for the purrfect jelly tml! hehs. *snort.

anyway, went down with mama to get those stuff before she went to wash her hair. and while we were getting a dustpan for my auntie, she gave me a hug and told me she love me. awwww. and i told her the same too. im glad that me and my mama are so cool with all this verbal and non-verbal lang, showing our affections for one another. i know it doesnt happen much in asian families, so i make sure it doesnt extinct btw us. hee. i lovee her u know, tho she drive me crazy at times, but its all for my own good. (((((((:

its late, and i had better go get some sleep. out*

while waiting for jess to send me the ip, thot i could like blog or smthg.

am so glad that time flies at warped speed smtimes. tho dreading it, this time im gladdd. ((((: and tomorrow is friday, am gg out with turbs to catch either in her shoes or the heirloom. prollly go stay at her place too if we are watching heirloon. cos we wil be too freaked out. but sigh, her hse's like so proper and scary la. then gotta see eu, then later she wil think why is this girl always cmg to stay at my hse. then again, i may think too much. its like so weird la. know both of them yet im close to turbs, and not really to her sis. and when i go over, we wil sleep at the attic, and eu alone. sigh. mixed feelings!

jus talked to sijie online!tho it was a short while. still, i was excited. wish she was back here with me. then i wouldnt have felt to lonely. sigh. gues i use to take things for granted, but gonna learn nt to do so anymore.

turbs told me the time capsule thingy! sounds exciting. imagine keeping all our good/bad thoughts abt one another/writing abt our wishes/ and seeing them only after 1 year! and we'll laugh at it together. simply heartwarming and fun isnt it? am so looking forward to it already. trust turbs to come up with smthg like that!

on another note, ruth's mama was hospitalised again. sigh. shes always falling sick, really weak i guess. gonna uphold her in my prayers.

from the beginning i already knew that it was a bad week.

he asked to see me and proceeded to asking me abt the sch fees. i was for a moment quite touched actually, to think someone bothers. haha but then i realised he's my advisor, and he is obliged to do that.lol. anyway i told her abt it. and then during lunch... ... ... sighh. smtimes i wish i can jus die. wonder whether if God is there. wonder why i cant live like some normal kid. why are some people born rich, have looks, money, brains, everything. live in big house, party all day long, get ferry around, handsome bfs, go to prestigious schs, have everythg they want, gg for hols etc etc. life is sure is unfair, but i guess ive learnt not to complaint anymore.

i jus realise i really love to wallow in self-pity, which is not a good sign.

dont ask me why. i know 5 is a small number. but at this point of time i only need 2. or even 1. or mayb 0. i don't know.

it has been bad. and i guess u are right. i am really cranky. prolly due to the fact that my period havent come since like 2 mths ago.

schs starting tmr,sj have gone to the states. i have absolutely no mood to go to sch at all. atm make up tut from 3-6, which means i have to go get the laptop from wj. which means 8.15 and i have to leave house to go get it from wj. this is madness. im sinking into depression again. really hate sunday nights, always feel so down, so emo, esp in the night. and its gonna be a damn busy wk for me. human comm presentation, wisp presentation, IP proj submission. all in 1 week. seriously have no idea how im gonna survive it. jus cant wait to graduate fr np.

on the good note, ive been spending quality time with ppl whom i hold close to my heart. guess at the same time i'd need to restore some broken relationships. its gonna be hard, but at least im gonna try. the future seems so obscure. and nothing is forever. now, isnt that sad.

and there are gonna be endless changes in 2006. transitions. new environments. new faces. sigh.perhaps i shouldnt even let my mind wander to that stage, since i dont even know if i'll still be around by then.

wallowing in self-pity. again. damn. i am so hating it.

God had jus sent me an angel to pass me the moolah. and indeed im real thankful.

on the other note, i almost couldnt believe what i heard. i thought the old man had died, but turned out that he waved to her, and hahaha tigeress saw it. how dumb can she get. and into the box she will hide for 1 week. was ordered not to step out of the house. henpecked& useless creature. what jolt me was finally, after 5 years, the dream is almost vivid. and when it happens, all nations will celebrate. and my panties will be raised onto the pole, declaring that that is mine. now and forever. and i will no longer live in darkness. no longer lying in a bed of lies.

oh ya, by the way, i hate ppl who despise me. and if u think u've got me down, u are so fucking wrong. hahaha. the mere sight of you makes me so sick i wanna throw uppppp. puiiii. lalala..

had dot paper today and it was bullcrapps. ugh. stunned by the qns, and there goes my integrity.bah. off ta westmall for lunch with chers eve adel sijie then bk to sch for the discover orchard briefing. will be station master at the duck and hippo tours.yawns. then back to wm again for kingkong! niceee movie but had my ass freeze for 3 bloody hours. i am so broke. no more angels to send me moolah. wanna cut hair but no moolah. wanna buy bag but no moolah. stooooopid sph.grrrr. _|_

and people say moolah cant buy happiness? oh puh-leasee.

.: byebye 2005, hello 2thousand6 :.

whee~! its been a year! one which flew past without leaving much time for me to be fully aware of the happenings around me. Tho wishing i could make time standstill, i still had to give myself a rude awakening so that i'd face reality. looking back, i must say that it have been a eventful year, remembering the horrendous itp, the secret admirer... mid year came and it was time to enter to another new class with new faces. i could almost recall the unhappiness and sadness which was so overwhelming that i wept buckets during the first week. but the Lord provided me with good friends who saw me thru each class. and smhow im really grateful for them.

ups and downs were inevitable thruout the year, but God had always sent angels to boost my spirits, and inject cheer into my daily grind. esp the naomians. i wish that this sisterhood would be brought to a higher level but smthg had to thwart my plans. the changes that are gonna happen. i dont even let my mind wander to that state, cos i am so unsure of what it will bring and i simply dislike uncertainties.

some new year resolutions:
>> to be more selfless
>> procrastinate less
>> have my own stand
>> be more independent
>> curb my swearings
>> save money
>> tidy up my stuff at least once fortnightly
>> restore broken relationships

lets all learn to embrace 2006 with love and joy in abundance
_________________________________

have been playing alot these days, jus feel like im in the holiday spirits already! wed was narnia with the zone, thurs was dimsum buffet, fri was aqua park at ecp, which was a whole lot of fun except the fact that i screwed it up. thon at twinnies hse which was funs cos i simply lovee our girl talkss! hee..

and i mus say thurs night was a little hanabaloo! cos of the confrontations, haha.. i didnt know it was bottled up for sucha long time, and boy was i glad tt she decided to tell me whats wrong. it jus warms my heart so much that smone would actually bother, so that this sistahood can be elevated to a higher level. (:

was cracking our brains on sat night, thinking of the endless possibilities of places we could go for countdown but not to much avail. and we finally decide to get our butts moving and gg bk to dots hse so that she could get the car and we could go smwhr. hee but the car wasnt home. and we thot it was eu but the actual fact was that her parents werent back yet. so we spent it at her house, doing a silent countdown with the hollow man & blair witch proj 2 as our companions! it sure was a different and memorable one. (: not the things that we did, but always the company that i love!

papers on tues, and i havent started studying much. sigh. and im so depressed right now, cos everyones starting sch, and theres not much time for play. boo.

.: Christmas :.

23rd dec 2005
it started off with a bang at the party in Jess's house.

24th dec 2005

it was a good one i guess. was at church since 1130 in the morn, cos of the music practices. got changed and prepared for the rally. skit went well, msg was short and sweet, and there was the altar call. i thot i could almost felt his disappointment, but owell, thats always the case.sigh.

anyway the real party began in the night when we thon in church. watched dvds but soo many distractions ard, and unless its horror movies, otherwise it wil be hard for me to be glued to the tv set. was nice having eu staying over with us too, since shes always busy. turbs too, but the poor huagu was sick. hais. but nonetheless, had fun tog. and the 3 of us slept on the sofa. it was madness. couldnt really sleep well, kept tossing and turning. seriously nv imagined that to be possible, cos it was really uncomfy, but i guess its the company that really really matters, and im glad my company's always fantastic.

25th dec 2005
yes its christmas. service as usual, exchanged pressies and went over to george+adel's place to visit their newborn! and the babe was uber cute can!humongous eyes, hehs. guess they are over the moon, they have been waiting for 5 yrs for this little precious to come along. and thank God for this best Christmas pressie ever! hehs. then over to SH's place for mini potluck party. 3 of us tagged along too, uninvited, thats always the case. haaa. and we had lotsa liquor. had that rose liquer thingy, then kahlua with eggnog, red wine - merlot, which is rather smooth when it finishes yr throat! niceee~! hehs. i wanttt more.. and that marks the end of Christmas!

remember how i was dreading it, but it all ended on a good note, and boy was i glad. except that i wish they would stop harping on that issue, cos it is really irritating the shit outta me. once or twice is ok, but too many times jus make me feel like puking in yr face, and making me hate u even more. bitch. no one will call u a mute even when u shut up. ok fine i should stop harping on it too. bleah.

jus to thank the peeps who have gotten me pressies this Christmas. truly appreciate each and every gift for it all comes from the heart of giving.

Naomians
- Twinnie darling & eunie for the magnetic board, musical box, mirror and rock candy fr melbs. thanks so much for remembering abt the things i mention. its uber sweet of u! lovelove.
- Mei for the personalised spag
- Rose for the humongous doh-dough set, sweetie who knows that i like playdough
- Nick and Aud for the earrings

Elijahs
- Maggie and Sharon for the sling bag
- Cindy for the necklace
- Fish for the milkshake bath

StJames peeps
- Pastor Phoebe for the chocolate mint sticks
- Wynne and WQ for the earrings
- Suemay for the cute dog soft toy
- Ruth for the hp strap
- Hawk and Brigitte for the plushy dog cushion hp holder
- Aunty Yuhua for the facial foam haha cute
- Hariette and John for the angel ornament
- Dennis for the lolli and biscuits

NP peeps
- Jess for the scrapbook, absolutely touched by that sweet gesture, as well as the necklace
- Lizzie for the zed and zee cup with the nail polish, buffer and shower confettis
- Eve for the earrings

TSS peeps
- Wenjun for the cute chicks boxers! almost wanted to get it for myself but the good Lord provided me with it haha
- Pearlie for the christmas card
- Kaikit for the christmas card

and to many others for their lovely Christmas greetings! thks for making my Christmas a happy affair. and thank God for the greatest and most precious gift that He have bestowed to us. His son - Jesus Christ.

.: so little time, so many things to do :.

isnt't it scary. its already the wee hours of a thursday. and christmas wil be here in jus 2 days time. and i havent got so many pressies. and im sooo broke. 50 odd dollars is not enough u know that?! this is very bad. how i wish for santa to drop me some money fr the sky. ive been good this year k. so i deserve some spare cash. and ive jus heard fr bh that fucking sph aint gonna pay us yet cos she jus got p/t to do data entry. like wth. so what am i gonna depend on for a living? ive absolutely no idea. damnit.

and i need to bake. and i need to do my forbidden fruit thingy, and my banana fondues. damnit. and i will be out shopping tmr. party's on fri. so many things to do. presents not wrapped. so screwed. feel totally wretched. to top it off, my mama had to target that pathetic packet of pistachio nuts which tasted like shit cos it was meant for baking. ahhhhhh. and it wasnt available in shop n save. i had to go giant and buy! damnit. sooo darn screwddd. which leave me nutless, and there aint enough time to do the biscotti. arghhh.

perhaps i should really really jus hide at home this Christmas. that would really save me alot of trouble. i could go missing and have everyone looking for me. haha but prolly not, cos its the festive season to be jolly and everyone else will be having so much fun and last thing on their mind will be the absence of meee.

silly thought. very silly one. sometimes im simply awed by the daft thoughts that keeps popping up in me. cant help it.

and nicks in msn have been getting cheesy and cheesier. turns me off totally. and the real meaning of christmas is so commercialised and diluted. have u realised? proclaimation of the virgin birth of our Saviour Jesus Christ to come and redeem men's sins has been replaced by secular festivity. it shd have been a day to sing "joy to the world, the lord is come", but this world has been encouraged to jus eat and drink and indulge in merry-making. the thought of it jus make me sick. and i dont deny that sm how or rather i've fallen into that pit w/o even realising it. goodness gracious!

lets jus take some time off, and once again be reminded of His birth that makes salvation possible, and let this simple fact jus awe us for a moment.

the flu bug had hit me and i succumbed to it! :'( it has been raining mucus for the past 2 days, and the feeling sure sucks, especially when Christmas is just around the corner. there are endless presents to buy, and what is left of me is 38cents in my bank a/c. and a total of 4 buckeroos in cash. and there are at least 15 pressies which i havent buy, and i simply have no idea how to get it done. cos no money no talk. and dumb sph is gonna pay me only at the end of this mth, which will jolly well be after Christmas. damnit. grrrr.

but the Lord jus provided me. Amen.

so many things running through the back of my mind, and smtimes there leaves behind no time for me to handle them all. human beings are so complex. i wish i could quit playing the guessing game.

i guess friends dont belong to us. i use to take it for granted, thinking that they will be there forever, 24/7, but smhow i guess we need some breathing space. there are jus certain things which are beyond our control. infact there is nothing which lies in our control, for it all belong to Him. and since there is nothing i can do, im jus gonna pray that the Lord watches over each and everyone of His children.

and i believe all things happen for a reason. instead of getting all green cos i dont have a chance to shine, im jus gonna be thankful, and to learn to appreciate the kind of gifts God have planted in sm ppl. and i need to stop laughing/bitching whenever there is a chance/mocking/bringing them down cos it aint gonna help. tho i cant help wondering why i wasnt rope it.

hate it when i feel vulnerable. and emo.

my latest earworm...

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS YOU
Written by Mariah Carey and Walter Afanasieff

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas
Is you...

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you...
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeer click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
You...

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need -
won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is
You...

sigh. when u are happy, time seems to not wait for u.

12th dezec
it was a visit to the oriental in the noon, and was indeed an eye-opener for suakus like me. and then over ta camp at changi. thanks turbs for picking me up. was like whining to myself when im there, cos is dirty blah. was glad i was able to sleep tho was tossing and turning at times. and im glad we had a bed to sleep on! shared the single one with turbs.

sort of missing camp already. cos the fellowship was good. was looking back and thinking how childish i was few years ago. all e politics. haha. but this year was really fulfilling. tho it was a tad drama with the 'plagues'. proved a lil too much for me to bear, so i teared a lil. haha.

cooking competition was fun too! totally enjoyed it, tho there were some hiccups. last day was a bonus cos we thot the chalet was booked til thurs, but in the end there was this one day extra. so we spent it swimming, and maiding..

realised anthonys super cutee can. haha. getting to love him!!! lol.

and we sneaked out to have chilli crab. smtimes i hate doing it, cos its like unfair. cos usually turbs and me wil get to go cos we are like the elites. well ok sound bitchy. but is we wil get to go but rose gets left behind. and vincent and ruth came also. so 5 of us with pastor nick. chilli crab dinner. 80 plus buckeroos. didnt know the crabs cost like 50 bucks! madness. but was yummy nv the less. hehs. thanks for the treat tho i know u are nt gonna see this.

and he kept talking abt the reshuffling of cell stuff. i hate to hear it. i know hes prompting us to ask, but smart turbs and me jus shut up. but ruth was askign and asking. haa she was afraid it was gonna affect her cell. but if my speculation's nt wrong, its my cell that needs reshuffling.

and he dropped hint in the car to turbs, on how she can get her revenge on anthony in june. so i guess she wil go to elijah's cell. as for me. =X . is like theyve nv seek us for opinions. so there.

thurs --> an eventful night i think! or rather a series of unfortunate events! haha.. but overall im glad i went. cos i know God has HIS plans for everythig.

have been doing the dishes a whole lot.. fun tho. would have dread it at home, but when everyone's doing it tog, i felt like so happy even when im mopping the floor. hehs.

and bunking with turbs was fun. but i think its fun cos of me. haaaa. cos i always make ppl laugh. heh thick skin eh, but is ok if u dont agree. and it was tickles all night, and the careful analysis of each and every single person before we slept. and how we talk abt the church. i always enjoy such girl talks. luv it. im missing it all already. but the fond memories will last me for some time.

dunno what to get them for christmas. and im so broke. darn it.

1 busy week came and go. jus like that.

i hate free-riders. ugh.damnit. 1 got dinner,and ask when need to submit when the dateline's tomorrow. the other one jus simply dont care/bother, cos she doesnt know a shit as to whats gg on. so there. drove me nuts. and here i am trying so hard to figure out how to get things done but sadly, to no avail.

on a good note, well spent weekend with turbs! now that shes bk, hiak hiak..have been playing mahjong on fri, towning on sat, and harry on sun. woots. loveee yr company turbs~!

and yea i have to agree that some peeps are dominating shit. all they can see is jus a world that revolves around them, and nobody else. smtimes it gets kind of sucky to the extent that i feel like slapping her. LOL. like why shd i even bother when her spouse is trying so hard to appease her?

off ta camp, will be back on thurs~!

this wk flew past exceptionally fast. warped speed! and im so confused. cos smtimes i want it that way, but other times i beg to differ.

was in town today, wanting to get my shoes fr mitju, and when i was there, it wasnt within my sight. =/ no more. sobs. made me learnt a lesson. is like in life, if u want smthg, u gotta just go and get it. any more procrastination and it will all be gone. in a flash that is. oh well. but smthg good came along. (:

sch is cmg to an end soon! yeeps. and turbs is bk.

shitttttttt my hairs so itchy now when ive just washed it like 6 hrs ago. damnit.

christmas celebs
23rd - jess's party 6.30 - 9.00pm
jacq's pajamas party
24th - christmas rally
25th - christmas celebration

hohoho~!

shoot man. that time i asked nick to send me to airport to pick turbs. but turn out he got bbq at diocese cannot goooo. argghhh. so maddening. hahhaa. but then i sort of prayed. a mini one.and then turn out that eu's gonna pick her cos her dada aint free. yay! which means i can tag along. but shucks she havent reply. ahhhhh. ooh she jus replied and said why not! hehs.YAYYYY. hope i can go cos ive already promised her and i dont wanna break it. owellsss.

thanks wenjun babe for lending me yr lappie. yr such a sweetling! hehs. shall treat it with lotsa care & love, i promise! and i sure owe u one! lovelove*

cant wait for next week! where i'll be off ta camp with my lovelies.. and no more sch for like a mth or so. *grins ( :

praise God!

and christmas is cmg....! gonna play first kybrd for christmas service, time to start practicing!

happy happy soul>> (:

whoa. time flies. really it does. and i can already feel the festive mood all ard already. *gushes* woohooooo~! and ive got my pay! and abt half of it is already gone. got jeans,skirt,flipflops,sm christmas pressies. hehs.. its all gonna be so fun!

im feeling a bit sore/blue abt not asked to participate in the skit etc for christmas rally, as well as ccis.. perhaps im someone who likes attention as well. kept forcing myself to laugh it off when i hear them practice the carol, blah. owell.owell. nvm. i guess theres a reason for all that happen.

anyway i just realised how much i love my churchmates. young/old. i loveeee them. not all la, but wil try mega hard.

man the redemption booth at the childrens camp ytd, and it was hell lot of fun. hehs. so many cuties..

its gonna be a busy week in sch, and im already dreading tues. sigh. lets get it over and done with.

mahjong and star awards laters yeeps.