woohoo! the best friend is back! and we met ytd tho for a short time. adored the company. too bad she had to leave early. then this morn she was supp to acc for an intv, and go chop our hair. but rec the devastating news that her grandpa passed away. sigh. life is fragile aint it. dear if u see this, cheerie up ok, he is in a much better place now. (: and so... i had to go for intv alone! contemplated nt gg but i went anw. and thank God it was ok, tho she did asked me qns which i hadnt thot of. but anw, she say i might get the job, hehs, gonna wait for her call on sunday, and which she says i wil hv to go down for anth chitchat with her. mann i really do hope to get the job, if its according to God's plans! customer relations officer for ducktours! sounds fun already. wheee. job scope seems pretty fun too, according to her that is. just that smtimes we do get sucky customers. whatever it is, im gonna pray for His plans to reveal to me! and then took bus back, passed by substance and it was closed! got a bad feeling the shop's GONE. cos i called the plc, and the number was nt in use. sure hope i can get Chris, else i will be quite sad, no one to handle my locks. boo.

meeting jess n liz tmr. sigh. dunno what to expect also. smtimes the convo can get pretty DUH. cos they seemed to enjoy talking abt bfs and all. i mean HELLO there is much more to life right? haha perhaps i am eating sour grapes, i dunno. but like what twin says, ppl who need a bf/gf are selfish, which to a certain extent i think its true. no offence yeah.

anw, gtget outta here. blessed wkend babes.

hi. im back! with a bang. carnival on satty was a-okay. it could have been much better if fatty was around. but nvm, cos the best friend is coming back today! wheee. thats the only thing keeping me happy.boy do i miss her! sweet girl always sneaking calls every night w/o fail when her dad is in the shower. just like what twinnie said in the mail, >> in sg when we cld talk to each other at ease, we simply take advantage and perhaps reluctant to raise a topic or talk much. but i figured just nw, when we know we hav such short time, we shoot. fr this i know we do treasure each other<< man. so true.

back to carnival, reached at 12, left at 3.. dominated by whole of eng congre, feel like an aboriginal there, wakaka! bought smthg for bestie, a bag for myself, dont even know why i buy it, and mei gt a bag too. all at the bazaar. thank God managed to borrow a cam fr shazzie so can snap piccas for the bestie to see! reached there and saw HAY getting dunked.. there were the game stalls, food stalls, a mini e-zone rented playarea with a tunnel slide and lotsa colorful balls. smwhat like playarea at ikea, and also this airblown thing where kids get to jump and tumble around in. then little thaddeus gt glitter tattoos on, he was elated! didnt want to leave his chair, wanted another one done on his hand. haha CUTE. walked ard with gracie, then mag.. mama's stall was selling donuts. was selling like hot cakes. ppl buy them by the boxes! but i thot it wasnt anythg compared to krispy kreme. haha. fad i presume.

still on the lookout for jobs. today i sent 3. hopefully i get the ducktours one. seems pretty interesting. but quite disheartening nt to hear fr any so far. ugh.

bestie surprised me yet AGAIN! that sweet pea dropped me a huge ass letter in my mailbox on the night before she left. the silly girl scribbled pages of notes using the sweet dot paper from daiso in the car, put it in a huge brown envelop and pop it into my mailbox! heehee. i was grinning from ear to ear when i saw it on the table ytd. love her!

she called from PRC last night using her papas phone when he was in the shower! i was so happy to hear her voice. man. i really miss her. tho it has been just 1 day. and then she started to fill me in on details of the plc, what her dad n the uncle n auntie wants her to do there. stay in the fact, manage it, fly bk on weekends, blah blah... and i started sobbing. and even aft she hung up i was stil sobbing. sigh. i dont want her to go over there to work! its so unfair!!! sigh. and knowing this girl, this very nice girl, i know she will now turn it down, cos of fear of them nt able to find a trustworthy/known person to do the job. sigh. i wish God wil come and turn the situation around. i really hate the fact that they are deciding everythg for her!its nt fair. sigh. sobs. wish they will put their selves in her shoes and nt be so selfish! argghhh. hate them. right nw i just want her to come back to singapore. grrrr.

after weeks of living life in a frenzied state, im thankful to say it has finally come to a halt. and God has been faithful all these while, showing me how much people around me care n love, im truly touched and i can never thank God enough. esp my pops and the best friend who stood by me, and helped me so so much. (:

enrolment on tues, boringg. yawns. many seemed to be in cliques already. kinda worried abt first day of sch nw. mayb i'll bring bestie along if shes free, haha. read thru sm lecture notes, gonna do PR Practice and Writing. know i'm gg to love it, thought i aint gonna excel or anythg. right nw i just wanna put in my 100% and get a degree with distinction to make my pops proud! but eh i think kinda far-fetched. haha. it also meaans time for a job. no calls from the resumes i send, kinda disheartening, but then again, i sent so few, whats there to complain!

went to sentosa the past sunday with bestie! we had so much fun tog. was so spontaneous. caught songs of the sea, smwhat like musical fountain, cept this time we had to pay! but there were sm firewks too, lovely. caught 3 movies since beginning of aug til nw, 881, Hairspray and Ratatouille! all are nice, esp the latter! man, i really enjoyed every bit of it, the animation was fantastic, and it brought in the romantic scent of Paris, whoa, i felt as tho i was a part of the show! haha. dont mind catching a second time shd smone sponsor me. hehs. so girls, go catch it!!! great storyline too, teaches us never to give up! (((((:

bestie left for PRC this noon. boo. the moment she left, my dad scolded me.sigh. all cause of my mama's quarrel with brother ytd, then my mama complained to my dad, then my dad see my room so messy and all, so he attacked me. boo. but luckily he stopped after fixing my bed. btw i got a spanking new bed! wheee. queen size.nt brand new, from my mama's fren. she shifted, so i got a new bed! wheeee. now i can roll around like a spring roll! haha. happieeeeee.

church fundraising carnival on sat. i aint the least bit excited. perhaps like what bestie said, cos i can go, and it doesnt seem like such a big deal. if i were the one who couldnt go, i might feel the pinch of sadness too! ohwells. promise i'll get u smthg k twinnie! cheerie up, u'll be back soon and we'll go chop off our hair tog! am missing u as im typing this. awwww. anw, theres gonna be a dunking machine too, guess Nick will surely get dunked, since he's a humongous roly-poly!

i need to go pack my room, make it neat, so that the folks wil be pleased with me! cha~!

spent over a week at the besties place. mostly out in the evenings. to the movies, to church for mtgs, to mustafa etc. this week was bullcraps for us. but thank God we managed to pull thru in a way or another. must really thank babes for helping me make endless calls to the bank (cos useless me am scared), to the sch, for acc me all the time, and for the super sweet and giving gesture of wanting to make payment for 1st term of sch. a whopping 3343. yup. she is that nice. willing to let go of it and let me have it. and i say God will bless her abundantly for her love. if u happen to see this, thanks twin, for the endless treats - meals, movies, and always helping me pay for things! what'd i do w/o u man. can nv thank u enough dorothy sooooo!

right nw, pls pray that the bank will help me and get me the cheque by monday!!! ugh. else orientations on tues, and i will be like a retarded lost sheep, or even miss the opportunity of sch. so there, pls say a short prayer if u happen to see this,thanks a million! (:

wept buckets endless times this week, and i really hope it will come to and end, cos its worryin the shit outta me with 2 sides pressing. but my pops were really nice. help me make calls and even went down to bank to screw the guy. poor guy. none of his biz but yet had to clear the shit of the fatty ng.jerk. useless, irresponsible. hate him. grrrr.

today i sent 5 resumes - marketing comm assistant, event coordinator, drama instructor, program instructor and casting coordinator. hope i will get calls or smthg. if thats what God has in mind for me. hehs.

gg for rebounder at trinity tmr! wheee. excited.

do you love me because i am beautiful? or am i beautiful because you love me?

happened to chance on this tag smwhere, and i thought it made perfect sense.
- NEVER LIE TO A LIAR.

smtimes i really dont know what i am doing at all.

sch matters cannot get anymore complicated.

wat a poor fuck. u u uuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

i wanna let go and let live. free me.

the best friend is right beside me reading her book. dont know what is so enchanting/captivating abt that book that just so draw her away to another planet altogether. haha. funny chap.

trinity on sat for power weekend, was a miracle/healing svc. hmmm, smwhat nt quite what we expect it to be, but nevertheless it was cool. hehs. i just like the atmosphere there, its so God-filled. smhw i jus can never have the same experience in stjames. sigh. i ponder upon a sign of escapism from the harsh facts of reality. but i have no one to blame, cos i know i play a part in it too. SIGH. wish God'd do smthg. then again, i think He has been wking, but His children havent beeen. so there. takes 2 to clap right. hais.

twinnie's in sm deep shit(in a way or so). wish i can help her but what i can offer is mere company. where are u God? why does it seem to me that u are so distant? ...

know im very much in need of a job, but once again, im running away. and im using sch as a facade. i need to help myself. damn.

managed to get a letter fr bank to sch to stall time. im so thankful. to God. to twinnie, to my parents. twinnie was so nice to help me call the chua guy. and even gt all flustered up cos of their inefficiency. ohwells, im am truly grateful to her, cos if i were to call, nothing will ever be done. sigh.im useless. much contrary to my size, i am but sheep in pig's clothings.poof. nw i just cross fingers and pray that the loan will be processed and that they wil get bk to me!

gt news that my atm lect passed away on tues.. sigh. so sad can. heart attack in the staffrm. and he was only 51. ohwells, nt too young or old.but the fact that he left so sudden surely made me stop to ponder about this life. so fragile as it may seem. sigh. smtimes i really qns the reason for existence. of cos we all know that gg to heaven is a wonderful thing but death itself it frightening enough. cant stand the thought of my loved ones departing, tho i know smday it will happen, or perhaps i will be on my way much sooner. sigh.

bestie did this for the natday straits time bestfrens contest! didnt win, but the gesture is heartwarming enough. (:

as the song goes... sad movies, always make me cry.

cept that it aint sad movies, its the sickening thing abt sch. sigh. supp to submit sm doc bk to sch to secure my placemt, but due to sm uncertainties, i have to give them a letter to assure abt the loan shit, and all by tmr! so last min. screwed.and i just called the bank and apparently they havent got my bros name in the system at all. and the guy who attended to us is on leave til like fri or smthg. fuck. i knew it was nv gg to be easy. but i never knew it was gonna be so diff either. ugh. and asking my bro to do things can be bloodcurdling cos dad jus called him and i guess he shook him off the phone in a pekchek tone again.sigh. if only i need not depend on him. sigh. nw everybodys nt feeling too happy. sigh. fuck. why do i always bring unhappiness everywhr i go God? why cant u just make it easier for me..? is that too much to ask of?

it hasnt been an easy week. tho on the surface i appear to be happy and all. underlying it, you'll never know. cos u are not me. still rem vividly the day i wept buckets at tpy. no idea what had gotten over me, but the tears kept streaming down my face. ugly sight i know but i couldnt help it. lasted for an hr or so. sigh. smtimes i wish i wasnt so emo. i wish u would stop, and comforted me. cos at that pt of time it was impossible for me to take in any word u said. so any little thought would have triggered the spilling tears.

if i knew things were ever gonna get so complicated with sch, i'd have aborted the idea. but yet they were the ones who enc me to pursue my studies further. yes i know with a degree, i would definitely be put in a better stead, but what does it guarantee me? a life of happiness? a man who loves me by my side everynow and then? hmmm. everything seems so vague and bleak. in life we need to pause momentarily before proceeding elsewhere yeah? it is never easy to take the step of faith. to walk into a path where you dont even know if there's a way out? sigh.

i know jolly well its my fault for not wking all these while, nt helping to provide for myself. then again, how big a sum have i asked from u all these while? am i like those girls who indulge in brands, always wanting to outdo others? or have i even cavort with boys? or have i ever asked for smthg which i know i will never be given? i havent. all these while i can only see and be filled with envy upon what others have and i didnt. grass is always greener at the other side. yes, that i know very well. and of cos i have so many things to be thankful about. but i just wish u'll learn the fact that afterall, i am but a human being. i have my wants, and also my weaknesses. sigh.

anw, i wonder about the existence of this post. meaningless as it may seem. but at least i feel much better.

albeit still upset.

6th august marks the saddest day of my life in 07. (til now that is) period.

i really feel like eating this now. how ah?

ndp preview was awesome! had sucha great time watching all the perf. tho i must say smhw the place hinders spontaneity and interaction, but the firewks, drills etc sure escalate to a higher level. fireworks were so near, feel as tho we can reach out our hands and touch them! haha. was really busy snapping pictures away. anw, was glad that i had the chance to go! hehs. goody bag's getting better each yr, more n more stuff. was amazed by this mini fan which spin out the words - happy bday singapore when it was switched on. haha.suaku.

sunday svc was horrible for me. screwed up during the last song, so hot tears keep spilling out once i sat down. thanks twin who saw it and comfort me and all. just feel so rotten that i told myself i will nv play again. sigh. wonder why such things have to happen. ugh. just wanna get over it and move on.

they went to KL with the elf n pigsy,even took the train. cant help but having this tinge of jealousy. it used to be us, but things turn out so ugly and different now. guess friends will never belong to us anw. saddening as it is, we have to MOVE ON! and get over it. HAHA.

1 mini escapade on wednite. picked the chair fr church and went all the way to serangoon to return it to the Lees.. then we went over to chompchomp for a late dinna but the place was kinda dirty n fattimah said she saw her fren, so we thot we had better nt settle down there.. ended up at this yums dimsum place at little india. good grub they have there! haha. salivating. another supper hang-out place. then over to my fav plc mustafa! haha got a couple of balloons and sm farting bomb. looks cute. i love mustafa! there are always so many great finds and cheap thrills there, albeit the nehnehs.

another mini escapade ytd nite. went over to ikea tampines, and the plc was humongous! but prior to that i had to squirm a lil in the car cos there was a mr minicock and i had to kill it before the woman beside me go ballistic! so i prayed to God that i'll be able to rid it with one swipe, and i did it! wheee. was so happy. but had to wait til she park the car and get out before i can tell her. haha. anws, ikea was so huge. the cafe was huge too, and i like the tall tables and chairs we sat on! and we can self scoop the mushroom soup. yums. had our usual fare of meatballs and wings. we were the last customer, and it was darn funny seeing my dear friend chew off her drumstick. cos she usually takes a much longer time to eat than me! haha. the cleaner even ask us to clear our own trays cos she says everybody gg home already. wth.turn out then when we were at the check-out area, there were still many ppl browsing for products. kena cheated! alamak, if we knew it we wouldnt have congcongmangmang. then went over to changi village to check bapoks out but to our despair, there werent any! so we decided to go home where we stop by changi beach park. sat on the swings, played on the see-saw, gazing at the planes hovering above us. mann i wish i could jus go travel to sm angmoh countries. yes, im really deprived of it. sigh. nvm. anw, i would like to relish those moments again soon pls! hehhehs. anw,the sight of the plane taking off is really mesmerizing, like what she said - a new hope arising? haha.. anw, those beautiful sights are so captured in my heart! oh yeah, we saw couples hanky pank too! my fren said the woman was near naked! hahaa wth, but the couple actually brought blanket to cover them as they lie on the platform. gross! wonder what they were doing. then our last stop was at the infamous ecp carpark where all the couples will hankpank in the car! haha. but there was condensation on the car windows so we couldnt see a thing! haha. smtimes i think we are really too free eh?lol. anw, there seems to be this silent rule we all have to abide, is unspoken, everybody there had the same ethic, that is nt to on any headlights or buttlights of the car when entering and leaving the carpark! CONSPICUOUS! wahaha..

then it was home sweet home~!

been gloomy these days, really nice to be sleeping in. but i woke early! and the stupid electricity keeps tripping and i had to switch it on a million times. GRRRR. anw, its the ndp preview tmr and i am soooooooooooo juiced up/thrilled/zingy/zippy/elated/gay/ stirred/charged about it! WOOHOO~!!! haha. ok im nuts. smtimes its gd to be able to feel happy. cos things always seem bleak for me. then again, im nt gonna let anyone/anytg get me down. not for this weekend!

cha~!

pics we took the other day over at imm.

just sent another 2 resume, one for the fashion intern, the other assistant producer. but then again, im rather skeptical abt it. saw advert for sandwich artist, thot it might be fun to wk at subway, but it requires me to clean up! eeks. anw, the dateline's a long way to go, so i'd better attend to other stuff first. sch's stuff drivingme up the wall. guess i will never ever know what i want. sigh. hw i wish everythg is decided for.

on another note, i am so tired by the entire affair, and i told myself that i would get angry no longer, for there seems to be no end to it. so there, will pick ourselves up and cont to be angels! wheee. and im sure GOD has it all mapped out in His time.

ndp preview this sat is making me so bloody excited! really looking forward to it, but im still sending in smses, in hope to win the tics for the real stuff. haha GREED i know. but if i really do get it, i'll sure give the preview tics to others! hehs.

the taliban issue sure is depressing. i really pray that those in captives will be set free for all were doing work for God. sigh. have no idea how to pray for such issues too. ohwells.

have a good day my frens~!

2 weeks of church hopping makes me open my eyes, brought me to a whole new world. so much out there i havent seen and touch. and i can only thank God for the opportunities. 1 sunday at st johns chapel, the other at trinity. i can say i really do enjoy it at trinity. seeing the huge masses worshipping God, being so filled with love, filled with God's spirit. sigh. i just nv once see that at st james. and people are so scheming. the thought of it just makes me shudder. sigh. to think they even give us names behind our backs for so long. and we were so nice, always around to help whenever they asked. well, theres a limit to one's tolerance, and once u've pass the line, thats it! im plotting a sweet revenge. hee. but perhaps i might not do it ultimately, cos im still nice, unlike u.

you two are simply gross, disgusting, ugly, foul, have evil hearts, and all u want to do is to get more power and to pull others to yr side. so much of yr smartness have gone to waste, cos all u do all day is to email others to get back at them. but u are so stupid. u forget that God is watching. sigh. what can i say. im hating u guys so much so much. but im glad at least ppl knows abt all u guys have been doing. and im so glad we are still thorns in yr flesh. at least we still pose as a threat to u. so there, as long as we're around, you can forget about getting yr asses to the top. fuck u my dears, and i really hope u get yr just desserts soon. ugly pigsy and stupid eff. ROARS.who the FUCK are u to label us?
bugger off u nehnehs. __

visited wj the other day at the hosp, her face was kinda swollen. quite scary. she was in pain i guess, super tired too. apparently she cant fall asleep in the hosp. anw, wil pray for speedy recovery!

had been out pretty often lately, enjoying co of my fattytwin, june, pea n wj too. its good to meet up with the girls aft sucha long time. and thnk God for fatty, at least we can curse and swear at them tog. else i think i'd have died of angst, depression or gone into pig spasms. no worries k twin, im pretty sure God has His plans for all that happened. as long as we do what we are supp to do and remain as the pretty angels, all will be fine! cos we are angels, in and out~! (:

twinnie im so sorry abt all that happened! nv meant to make u so sad. heres a really heartfelt apology from me. cant wait to see u tmr! hugs.

S - O - R - R - Y - !

finally the musical's over and i can only heave a sigh of relief. cannot be any happier! thru this few weeks, i've seen really ugly sides of the human race, thus stirring up a strong hatred towards them. i was really taken aback by how selfish people can be. not lifting a finger to help and yet have the cheek to go have lunch when the rest of the youths are all busy clearing up the place. what can i say, birds of a feather flock together. man, how true. but at least my conscience is clear, and i have no fear in my heart. it just portray how low, gross, repulsive and wicked u can get.sigh. so disappointing. how can the church ever ever grow under such terrible leaders? anw, am glad our mamas are singing in the same tune as us. guess God will see our heart and reward us accordingly. so i'm going to get too mad over the biasness or unfairness no longer. cos i dont want to be like them. PUIIIII...

twin, cindy n i acc my mentee to retrieve his wallet at clementi interchange on sunday. and boy am i glad and happy we went, cos i feel that we are very NICE PEOPLE!! haha. and i really thank God that it was there. cos we were all kinda tensed n kanchiong. lol. then had late lunch at mcs tog, great time of bonding and fellowshipping! had so much fun discussing all the funny school stuff. it proves that age shdnt be a issue or barrier to anythg. cos theres a 15, a 17, a 21, and a 27! hahaha~! another cosmopolitant group! another break through! wheeee i lurveeee it! happy ending to a infuriated beginning!

blogsurfing aint doing much good to me cos others always seem to lead much more colorful lives than me! and it saddens me. sigh. but guess twin's right, colorful or not is not to be determined by others but by oneself. shall not allow myself to wallow in self pity! hehhehs. ohwells. i do like my life. just that its really aimless now and i am not doing anythg about it. ugh.. smtimes i feel so guilty but yet i refuse to face reality. sigh. hope i'll wake up soon and that it wont be too late.

am looking forward to ndp preview now! the only thing thats keeping me sane. haha. i know im impossible, but hell to that!

and i finally made the choice, went down to sim to register for mc. am just waiting for the results. and if i dont get it this time, i honestly have no idea what to do next. feeling alittle detach from my parents nowadays. perhaps im just guilty each time i see them, for not wking since a long time ago, and always asking money from em. sigh. wish i wasnt such a lazybone.

voice is almost back, but still coughing. do hope i will recover soon. being ill sure make a person feel lousy. on top of that, there had to be much frustration and anger over certain issues. smtimes i wish i could take a hold on myself, and stop letting my emotions ride over me. ugh. i need to calm down. just hope 777 wil quickly come and go. had enough of it.

the tooth issue is coming back to me once again. sigh. everytime i look at it,i get this worried pang in my heart. what if it suddenly drop off? what am i to do? but i cant bear with the idea of going thru the whole process again, the numerous trips to the dentist, the amount of money to be paid.sigh. i know i cant avoid the problem for long. and all i do is to pray for a miracle to happen. wish i didnt had such issues plaguing me. sobs. and my gums are extremely week. just a harder brush and it'll bleed. not a lot tho but still am bothered.

sometimes i really wonder whats the reason for our existence? what does it bring?

birthday surp at during missions// uber cute chloe~!

my sweet peas & all the tea-light candles surp for me & me only!

3 weeks overdue from church camp haha

had been busying ourselves with the making of props for 777. lots of fun, not to forget tire! hmmm. now that most of it are done, i feel much happier. doing all the props sure drain energy off one.. then there were the rehearsals, which was rather badly done. they didnt prep well, and the date is drawing near. what can i say? ohwells. and sm parts of the story are such a contradictory. guess the ppl who wrote them had the liberty to plot it in sucha manner. just found it strange. but to em, it might be a chance to proclaim to all that they are dating and might tie the knot soon? who knows? haha.

was over at the zoo with twinnie last thurs since she had the car. and we had so much fun. the elephants were extremely cute can! and we saw them poop like 2 times! right before our eyes. hehs. and thank God the weather was gd the whole time, tho there was a lil drizzle, but all was ok. the constrictors were scary. yucks. i hate snakes!! the animals shows were superb, all really entertaining esp the elephants of asia show! ahha...too bad we had too little time there, else we could have seen more.but nevertheless i definitely enjoyed the trip. company was awesome. hehs.

then sunday night the devastating news came, mama's eldest brother passed away in KL, so we took a coach on monday morn and got back yesterday. it wasnt a too sad affair la. did lotsa catching up, lotsa laughing too. am glad i went. cos managed to say hi to many many peeps.and i really do appreciate their hospitality. people there are so much warmer than over here in sgp. i could see so much love. makes me feel guilty for the way i treat my brother. but then i bot gum back for him. haha. feast alot over there too. food was really yummy, i ate so much so fast that i burnt my throat, thus making the journey back to sgp hell for me. was convulsing in the bus, feeling super cold, goosebumps coming out etc. had indigestion, felt super bloated and head was throbbing and i felt so rotten. anw, im just glad to be home. tho i wont mind gg there smtime soon. 1 day was too short to do anythg.

now im deliberating if i shd sign up for mass comm at sim. sigh. wonder when i can ever get down to deciding what i want. all ppl tell me is to seek God and all. but i nv seem to be getting any answer. sigh.

thot i shd upload some pictures to make my blog more interesting. ohwells, perhaps just a visual feast for myself each time i log in instead of the melancholic grey. not that im nt sad enough. haha. send in resume for wardrobe officer at MediaCorp Studios. but doubt i will get any calls. boo.

my 21st photos still in others' hands. i wish they will send it to me soon. GRRRR. anw. i got a package from australia from eve n celest! so schweet can. was a pair of roxy flipflops and a balenciaga lookalike. hahhaaaa. am using it today! so sweet. not the the other 2. totally heartlessss. bleah.

hehs us with all her pressies! (the attic bk home)

nice stickers cum mini banner for twin with love fr mei

naomians with the bday girl n her pressie!

twins bday celeb at mei's hse!

and i made this girlfrens storybook for her! know im a sucha sweetpea

and the not so cheap but super happy helium balloon

and the 1buck rose! cheap n pretty haha

strawberry cognac cake from the patesserie for twin!

twin's bday celeb with the Soos at Bosses!

its official, and i've finally reached an important milestone of my life. 21 years flew past me, and at once. am thankful and appreciative for all the pleasant surprises i had, the presence of my loved ones were just so awesome. i truly thank God for them and may they be abundantly blessed for their love for me. hee.

2 celebs so far, 1 was at mission trip. the cake, the tea-light candles forming a happy 21st, the sparkles, the balloons. mann. all my sweet peas. then when i came back to sgp, the 3 lovely girls with pieces of birthday greetings right smack on the grass patch opposite my room. and twinnie had to coax me to go over so that i can see the 3 girls sharing an umbrella, shouting happy birthday at me. i am touched. i am. and they brought food over n we had a mini indoor bbq with mei's portable grill. had prawns, sukiyaki, squid balls, pizza, chicken wings, mango pudding, choc fondue and a banana choc cake from awfully choc. hehs. slurps.

so there was twinnie, nick, aud, suaty, eu, mei and eug.

and they got me the gold watch i had always wanted! hee. all ideas contributed by bestie. and the mphosis bag. but i was kinda sad cos it wasnt the design i wanted, and i cant exchange it cos its out of stock. nvm, i'll still use it.hehs. really apprec the girls n guys for always giving me such nice surprises. simply cos i believe im like the baby of the cell, the apple of their eyes. haha thick skin but yeah i think its cos im the youngest. thats why i enjoy being dote by others. wahah and i prefer hanging out with older ppl. anw, i love them all. for being there for me always. for making me feel so special and worthy of their love. the rest of the elijahs got me a huge piggy toy over at msia. hee. and i loveeeeeeeeed all the cards and greetings. then mei, eug and twinnie stayed over at my place and had breakie tog before svc with daddy too.

tho i must say i was actually feeling quite sad deep down. couldnt quite say why, but perhaps bcos i expected smthg more. greedy i know. i dont deny it. but perhaps it was the period, or him telling me abt his yet so stupid story on my bday, and NOT even knowing its my bday, and ppl whom i've spent so much effort on actually forget abt it and didnt text me till now, or even not having my mama ard on my bday(she was at my aunts church camp. man. that was really sad. it sucked. it really did. but at least now i know who are my true friends, and i know who i have chose to leave footprints in my heart. and i know God have planted them in my life for great reasons. i was hoping more ppl would remember, was hoping for more presents, but this yr was kind of disappointing. sigh i know i shouldnt be greedy but i just wanted more. but God also thought me to be contented with what i have. such a paradox.

am also thankful for a churchmate, aunty yuhua, who never fail to remember my birthday. its such things and such people who makes me feel loved. and i thank God for her love for others.

shoutout to those who wished me happy birthday, who celeb my bday with me : thanks so much for loving me and may our God bless u doubly for your love for me.

--> Daddy, Mummy, Naomians: Twinnie, Xueying, Grace, Eugene, Eunice, Nick, Audrey, Elijahs: Maggie, Sharon, Anthony, Jacqueline, Cindy, Esther, Joshuas: Ruth, Vincent, James, Auntie Yuhua, Grace's mama, Pastor Phoebe, Evelyn, Sijie, Glen, Charmaine, Mooncher, Rasheel, Kaikit, Pearlie, Johua, Mission trip friends: Pastor Kelvin & wife, Andrew Pastor Davidson, and lots more.

mission trip was great but shall update say tomorrow or smthg.
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today i prayed with twinnie for a really long time aft svc ended, we just sat there, tears keep flowing, wept buckets, and keep interceding for each other. now that i've said it, i realised today's sermon was preached on intercession for others. oh mann. see how amazing God is. but i really do hope He'll give twinnie a clear sign as to what He has in store for her, cos im afraid she can hang in there no longer. but anw, twin's the by far the most impt person in my life. God on the throne first, then twinnie as my psychic. we've come so close tog, share our deepest darkest secret, know each other like we know ourselves, do crazy things together, all but i can only give thanks and give thanks. and regardless of others saying we're like lesb, etc, we're just gonna turn a deaf ear cos what impt is what God thinks and not others who arent even worthy to judge us. im just thankful for this wonderful sister, so great that i just need 1 in my entire life and that will suffice. gamut of emotions for the past week, have been thinking alot. i guess gg into adulthood is really not an easy thing. sigh.

did a great deal of retail therapy to make myself feel happy.

damn. shouldnt have read the blog. now i feel even more melancholic. sigh.

i am back from camp! haha. like finally. it have been a long 4d3n. was like a emotional rollercoaster ride. almost wanted to murder C. thank God i didnt. just had enough of her. and sm ppl had to get so uptight abt not alot of money, and come bunk in with us, making things super inconvenient and all. sigh. that really sucks. but heng its just 1 night.

anw, all complaints a side, there were some high pts. firstly we had a pretty good speaker, tho i didnt exactly understand the conclusion. haha. loved the lobster feast with 9 other peeps at sm seafood restaurant. lobsters were fresh sweet and succulent. cooked in 3 different manners, buttered, steamed and black pepper. we ordered abt 9 lobsters, so so each of one had approximately 1! isint it shiok. man, salivating at the thought of it now! haha. meals at resort werent too bad la. rooms were great too, except for the fact that i had to squeeze with other irritating ppl, nt my twinnie for sure. wahaha.

we went to swim at the beach, and at the pool. almost caught a hermit crab but its legs were too fast! wanted to go snorkelling but got bad feedback fr others who went, so we didnt go in the end, and that explains for the lobster feast! activities were alright, cept that we played it too little times. had yummy ramly burger too! fat patty of beef sandwiched with 2 nicely toasted bread and a dollop of coleslaw enclosed inside. yumms!!! wish i had more. ahaha.s had to share 1 with twin cos they forgot my share. BOO.

anw, im one lucky girl! i got 2 ndp tics! mann i was over the moon when the guy called me. smore its under my name, nt my pops whom i've had used to apply too! lucky me!! God really loves me. wahaha.. so ndp 07 here i comeeeeeeee~!

leaving for mission trip tmr, just checked the itinerary and its like super empty. hehs. good also. nt as intensive so that i can have a good rest.

that aside, i really need to go find a job already. since im bent on gg unisim nxt july. so God, pls grant me smthg which u have in mind for me. thanks!

wheee got lotsa really nice compliments abt my hair and boy am i loving it!

twinnie is back from china since last mon. woohoo. no more loneliness. and its here birthday, so HAPPIEEEEEEEEE BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY LOVEEEEEEEE! hope we'll have a blast together today eh! heehee. got a helium balloon, a fat red rose, a cake from the patisserie,sadly no passionfruit meringe, and a girlfrens book i made for her. haha i love all i did. ROFL.

got acceptance from sim biz mtkg, but the other, unisim, only offered me a place for their nxt intake in july 08. am at a lost now. really have no idea what i shd do. sigh. smtimes i wish i need nt make so many major decisions in life. seems like the future is really obscure. hais. hate that feeling. eeks. if only God will give me a really clear sign. time's running out too. church camp's like 1 wk later, and sadly, i am not at all excited about it. weird as it may seems but yup, no special feelings. infact i aint even sure if i wanna go. and the farnie thing is i have yet to pay up yet! ahhaha.

wondering if i shd take up mktg, or go wk and wait for unisim. sigh.

got another 2 surprises from bestie! haha. first it was the letter which she mailed me from changi airport! wheee. so touched i started tearing haha emo me. cos she remembered that im envious of the fact that she always has letters but not me! wahaha, so surprise surprise again! keke. what more can i ask from a friend like her. and secondly she sent me a ecard! another surprise! haaha cos i didnt expect her to be able to go online, perhaps biz ctr at hotel or smthg. anyways, am looking forward to have her back with me. her company sure beats everything.

and asking certain ppl for help is like - blood inducing. bleah. smtimes i wish u were less intimidating and more helpful! sigh. no one is perfect i guess. and the jerk! i nv once assumed we were anything, just what makes u think that others will wanna go out with u? stupid mcp. puiiii.

had insomnia the night before, prolly cos of the cup of green tea i had 1.5 hrs prior to sleep. so in the end i slept at 2, woke at 5.45am and slept again at 12.30pm and up at 2plus to have lunch. def feel groggy now, bleah. gonna cut hair tmr! excited! woots. just hope and pray that it doesnt turn out too disastrous or smthg. *fingers crossed pls*

d®t to me

yo twinnieee babe..! i know im gonna miss ya soooo soooooo muchhhie... and u gonna miss me toooo hehs sooo tot i'd drop u an email as a little SURPRISE !!!! keke. u know i always hav a penchant for surprises yae. wheeeeeeeeee...!!!

always had fun with u love. all the time can. every single moment, despite occasional ups and downs. all the silly antics we hav, laughing hysterically at each other kukus stunts, my "intentionally awful" singing+harmonising (im for real its intentionally awful, i sing much betta than i put across can), always wanna go tanning but rain/cloudy, and when we finally did so we suntan till we get back redness+sore+ache+itch, going new and almost never intended places tog, being there for each other thru tears and pain. i vividly rem tt day where we weeped so heartwrenchingly in my room, my attic. just pains me can, whenever i think of it. but we know yah tt ultimately nothing's gonna get both of us down, or tear us apart, break us up, nope NOTHING !!! we shall stick stick STICK with each other thru thick and thin k. i know sometimes its difficult to tolerate with my incessant ramblings and yet not appear irritated or pek chek else i grumble and make noise again. wahhhaha. thanks for understanding, thanks so much for trying dearie. i know and i can definitely sense tt u are trying alot. MUACKKSSS!!!

totally appreciate u for all u have done for me. all in all, i just wanna say u play a mega huge part in my life! without u, i dun know how i cld hav survived especially the past year. sigh tears are welling up in my eyes. so much intense feelings yet i cant put it down exactly into words, but u know how i feel and what i mean yes darling twin? our psychic powers! tho i always say things to hurt u intentionally or unintentionally, pls forgive me wont u love. sometimes in the fit of anger i just dun know wat im doing anymore. and i may claim tt we were only close since yest, but in my heart it has been forever can, i dun even know since when i regarded u as best fren, but it sure has been a long loooong time. yes i may not appear to really cherish this friendship more than u do, but trust me i do cherish it every single bit of it, every moment spent tog.

babe, lets treat this one week break as "absence makes the heart grow fonder" (and literally distance too). and we'll look forward to MORE fun times tog coming up in june !!!! hee. im EXCITED, cant wait, having ur company and experiencing more new things tog. thrills my heart already. take care darling benben, be wise and take good care of urself k. im gonna be soooo missing u for sure. will be praying for ur safety and ur parent's trip to china too. stay healthy. be happpy too. eat proper meals promptly. wait for my phone callss.....!!!!!!! LOVELOVE, HUGS and french KISSESSSSsss

received the above email from bestie before she departed for bj on sun! such a lovely email just make my day! wheee. hee am so thankful that i have such a great friend/sister in my life.

kukus sim have yet to get back to me regarding my posting. it had better come soon grrrr.! twin's bday cmg up and i have no idea what to get for her! worstill, im a pauper now. ugh. and 1 more mth to my bday, boy am i excited! wheeee. hahahaha.

am getting busy with perf on 27th, hope the elijahs will just come have fun and make it a blast, and i'd be really happy! hehs.

spent almost half the week at bestie's place, since shes gg off to beijing soon. went swimming, movies, fixed our perf stuff which is pretty much driving me insane. come sunday morn she'll be off to beijing boo. anyways, am scared w/o her ard. sians. latr stupid ppl will bombard me with stupid qns and im left to fend for myself. ugh. nvm i shall look on the brighter side of life.

period is finally here, boy am i happy. just hope it the nxt cycle wouldnt fall in church camp/missions. wheee pms will be gonee soon and i wont do any more silly stunts to upset u and me! was scary that night. bawling our eyes out. eeks. i hope it doesnt happen again. sigh. feel so wretched for making things turn out like this all the time.

right now im worried abt nxt sat n sun night. dont like to be home alone! sobs. i need company. badly.

and we're like 2 lobsters now. burnt.bleah.

the dislike for certain ppl in church have been growing stronger, and i can never seem to put a halt to that. and the way certain ppl do things too. making my blood boil and my blood pressure rocket. damnit. know i aint perfect, but i just wish that others will try harder to be nicer and less fake or act less superior and all. afterall, we're all created equal right, so why wanna distinguish yrself so that the attention falls on u?? bleah.

anw, bestie's gg beijing on 13-20th with her pops. and yes i am jealous!! and she knows it. sigh. know i havent been a good pal, since im always envious bout what she gets but i guess the grass is always greener at the other side. but anw if u do happen to see this, im sorrieee babe. i'll learn to get over it k, no worries. (: that aside, my parents are gg china too! hais. from 19-25, so yes i'll be stuck in sgp alone btw 19-20th, sleeping in a lonely home. hais. if only smone will take me in. mayb i'll go bunk at smone's place or smthg. boo.

guess im kinda disappointed that she didnt ask us along for her mini 21st celeb with her other pals. but i presume that we wouldnt go anyway. nevertheless still the tinge of sadness which can be rather overwhelming. haha guess we aint that important to her afterall.

im desperate to go for a holiday. hais. but all i get is malaysia. *roll eyes. how interesting eh. if only i'd win in some lunky draw or smthg. i wish i wish i wish... mayb i shd tell the whole world that i would like to have a trip to italy for my 21st or smthg? then they may try fulfill it for me...! wheee. hahaha ok thats impossibly impossible. ohwells, if only dreams will come true.

been 2 weeks since i last updated, equating to a fortnight, amounting to half a mth.

finding myself caught up in the bk the family way by tony parson. totally lost and trapped in it. in a way that book's really inspiring and takes me to another world altogether.

bcos i have nothing much that i have to update on, i shall do a thanksgiving list.

1. i thank God for a loving set of parents. that is smthg which i think God has truly blessed me with, cos i believe my parents are very much in love with one another.

2. i thank God for the people He had planted in my life. whether they had stay or chose to move on, the difference they made to my life will forever be cherished.

3. i thank God for not making me a very rich girl, so that i learn the value of being thrifty, and finding joy in cheap thrills.

4. i thank God for creating me to be plump so that i dont dress skimpily or bitchily haha

5. i thank God that i can sing in tune and that im nt tone deaf (contribution by twin)

6. i thank God that i can serve him in the music ministry and the piano skills He had bestowed on me. (learning to play via chords, and no longer looking at the scores.)

7. i thank God for my room which i absolutely love

8. i thank God for twinnieeeee for being there for me all the time, be it happy or sad times

9. i thank God that im a girl so i can escape NS! haha. but the menses part suck big time.

10. i thank God for choosing me to be His child! tho i aint exactly a good girl, i'll try hard to behave to be more pleasing in His eyes. (:

on another note, my 21st is coming! haha im bloody excited!!! but nah, im nt expecting anythg. just wanna spend a day with myself and do happy things. wheee~!

period came and gone. well, almost. i am one happy girl now.

it has been a wk of scouting for beads with dino. nt an easy task, in fact its driving both of us up the wall. ugh. combed the whole of chinatown, bras basah, and jalan sultan, with many surprises and cheap thrills coming alongside with us..! just want to get it done soon. really hope u will just tell us how to get it done instead of being so vague and all. fyi, nt wking doesnt exactly mean that we're so darn free to get these stuff done alright. grrrr.

im so looking forward to my 21st. i must be mad. yet i know there wont be any major celebrations or such. i guess its just a day when i feel that the whole world shd just revolve ard me! a day whereby i get special treatment from loveeed ones. HAHA. ohwells. wake up.

tt aside, i feeel really useless for bumming ard for sucha long time, close to 4mths.. mama have been nice enough to give me a cheque. i didnt see it coming at all, but yes she is generous, tho its nt a hefty sum. but enough to last me a wk or 2. haha.. papa has been pretty nice too la, as usual. but im really beginning to feel bad. yet i cant be bothered to look for a job. grrr.

and the outcome of sch will only be made known to me nxt mth. sians. wondering what i'll get. sigh. i really hope my decisions and everythg will be what God wants me to do and not otherwise.

whoa. so much had happened since i last updated... was the holy week, so theres maundy thurs, good fri, and easter.. didnt expect myself to weep buckets cos dino and i were still sayiing that others were getting emo. well at least not until she came over and gave us both a hug. so sad. but i really do apprec the fact that shes taking initiative and all, plus it shows she still very much treasures this friendship. seems like there this invisible wall ever since the cell gt dismissed. dont exactly know how to go about saying it, but just kinda sad.

new cell aint too bad. at least we feel more involved nowadays, with the mentors and mentees. ohwells. kinda mixed feelings. but i still dislike certain ppl, doubt it will ever go away. sigh. wondering how i can ever break out of it. hate the fact that he's showing scant respect for others. gross.

attended ethan n bryans bday party over at the madeira on fri. nthg much i would say, just swimming in the pool, eating and cutting. if there aint the swimming pool, the partys gonna much be a boring one. brought along charmaine n mooncher.. and the two imps came over to stay over at my place with dinosaur. had a blast! the laughters were insane. kept laughing and laughing at the nippies. those u get at topshop to put on when putting on a bik so u wouldnt see the nip. haaa and the girls thot is was some jelly. was a riot! hilarioussss.

its scouting for beads later at chinatown with twinnieeee. hope i'll get smthg frutiful done. really dont wanna bum ard anymore!

contemplating whether to go for mini mission in jb with the youths. cos we'll cm back only on the 16th - my big day! haha.

we won all 3 games at paintball today, emerged as champion but apparently nobody cared. HAHA. just wondering how much bragging and boasting there would be if it was somebody else. anw, kudos to my teammates, tho none wil see this --> uncle henry, xiao wei, james, dorothy! u guys rock! beginning of the game was like yucky. hated it cos of the smelly mask, heavy vest and the extremely heavy rifle! and the fact that i had to dodge and duck! scary too. i shudder each time smbody fire. but by the 2nd and 3rd game i pretty much got used to it. was proud of myself for bringing back the 2 flags for my team! hahaha... ok shall eat a slice of humble pie. but anw, im glad i was in that team. at least we were pretty much humble and all had integrity. not like losers who had already lost yet cont shooting ppl. i mean cmon its just a game right? haha.. and sm kept telling others who he shot blah blah blah. yawns. how did things get so ugly and all? it was all so innocent when i was serving during sec days. now the mere sight of ppl just turn me off.

wept buckets like SIAO jus now la. haiyooooooooooooo. get a grip mizz whaaaannggggg~! so NOT looking forward to combine cell tmr. infact im dreading it. boo.

march is coming to an end and i have yet to find a temp job. sigh. am i useless or what. simply lazy n not taking initiative and expecting my pops to feed me at 21. i feel bad. honestly i do. and i so wanna earn my money so that i can spend it like nobodys biz and make myself happy. but it seems far-fetched now. sians.

submitted application for RMIT mktg.. needed smthg to fall back on in case i dont get the unisim application. sigh. smtimes i really wonder what the heck im doing. and of course i always regret not studying hard enough during o's and even in poly days. but one cant turn back time, and so i shall no longer waste time pouring out all my regrets. am determine to do well if i go back to sch. infact i already miss the good old days of schooling. even tho it aint rosy all the time, i sure had my fair share of fun too. at least things werent so complicated back then. or at least i didnt have to make any major decisions. all i had to do was to attend lectures, do my tutorials, study for exams. nt like nw where i have to decide whether to study, and if so to study what, or to work...

i really hate growing up. and seeing hw low human beings stoop just to get recognized/popular/power - the thought of it just gross me out. i believe no one is perfect, but the fact that ive seen ppl descend to such depths to manipulate others ----> way too ugly. but despite all these, i have to try and love. almost impossible. dont know how im gonna get it done. its okay if u aint a christian, sad thing is, you are. im disappointed.

looking back, i realised certain issues have arised time and again and i certainly chose to ignore it. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. how apt eh. everyones getting tired. physically/mentally/emotionally. but yet we can't give up, else the game's over. much as i hate making empty promises, i keep doing it. so i blame no one for the predicament im in.

what a night! was watching tv in the evening and my brother came running outta his room and told me bout it. sort of witness a suicide. oh wells. saw the dead body covered up with a white plastic. then the police flip over the plastic and took pictures of the dead corpse, then they actually flip the body over to take more pics! omg. thot i was gonna pengsan. kinda sad actually. saw the kins crying hysterically. what a way to die. imagine jumping off a building. and theres the poor nehneh who had to clean up the bloody mess. DAMN SAD CAN!!! sigh. my heart goes out to the family mann. anyway, this area is like warped la. one day funeral, one day ppl getting married, and another day smone jumping off the building. seriously freaking me out. shudder*

been rotting at home for 4 wholesome days! boo. super sians! need to get outta house soon!

went to the clinic on thurs with twinnie! oh my and what a disappointment. there was no proper dance floor and the crowd was really old and all. more like a bar than anything else. and the interior doesnt make it a clinic. guess we'll nv head back there anymore. got outta tt place pretty soon and walked ard the cannery to take peektures! and to our surprise we saw a bapok, all the boobs spilling out. eeks.

ecp with cellies ytd. thanks to bestie who offered to ride a double bike with me since i cant cycle. ohwells actually i can just that theres this phobia which actually exists. and makes me HATE cycling. but i really do apprec all that she've done la. tho i appear super pissed. sigh. cannot control my emotions. arghhh. hate it. but the miniature viking we took it to a high. at least it ended on a fun note! cosmo grp again, but guess it wasnt too bad afterall. we kept on and on laughing like forever. was damn farnie to see their faces and hear the incessant screams! wahhaa... nt too bad..

and today we were totally shagged, head bk home to nap before watching virgin suicides which was well, a bit warped. the stoic and astute cecillia.. scaryyyy!! living life as a dreamer. gdness. and the promiscuous sexual encounters on the roof. mystical...!anyway it tells of the suicides of the Lisbon girls, 5 sisters, and that there was nv a truly satisfying answer as to why they attempted suicide. pretty interestin i guess.. hehs.

anyway, hate the politics in church and all.. so much so much. totally grossed out by all these ppl. all wanting to vie for power and all. like wtf. its so disgusting. like hello wheres the democracy? and in case u dont know, i am not, and will never be on the same league as u. sorry if i led u on! and to hell with the stupid ppl with have gt no guts, no balls too. nt sure even if u have a willy. if only u wil steer clear of the ppl i love, the ppl i hang out with, the ppl i like, i would get down on my knees and thnk u. for nw, BUGGER OFF.

talking to certain ppl can just make me vomit blood. worstill when they are yr church friends. thot we were supposed to be encouraging and say things to build each other up and not tear them down, but why do i often get the other? im so grossed out by my churchmates. shameful thing to say. i jolly well know that no one is perfect but im just beginning to see more and more of the ugly sides of them. sigh. its really saddening la. i mean if u cannot be happy for me, then just leave it, dont cont to shower me with yr cynical responses. honestly i dont need them at all. why cant u ever ever be happy for me? u selfish little bitch. suddenly it all seems so bleak to me.

that aside, went to jb with dot n her pops ytd morn, got cheap thrills again! lurveee the good bargains i got.hehs. a pity we were there for just a few hours! then bk to twinnie's hm and napped before discipleship, which wasnt too bad ytd. usually i would have dreaded it but ytd's one turn out to be pretty okay. had supps at macs then gt a lift hm..

stay home thurs but not sure if shd go clinic tonight with twinnie to check it out since she gt the invite. hehs. seems pretty happening! 2nd thots im scared to go clubbing haha sounds sillyy i know. will prolly jus cower behind twinnie again... wahahaa... til then~!

escapade to tras street, haji lane with twinnie ytd! all the vintage shops there were uber cool but prices there were rocket high la. and the shops were really intimidating, was practically hiding behind twinnie each time we enter a shop. anyway, nthing much, unless u r a celebrity, have tons of money, cant be seen elsewhere, then shop at that narrow little alley! HAHA. anw, twinnie have been absolutely sweet with all the favors and treats knowing her fren's a pauper now, with zero net worth. just wondering when i wil ever get a job and return her all the favors. dont feel very good, dont want her to have idea that im sponging off her. ugh. but anw, its really nice to have a fren whos there 24/7 in times of need!

anw, was talking to crystal earlier on and talked abt the wrong reasons of gg church. seems like a fashion parade to her.in fact having so much pressure to dress to impress, and simply to kill. and how i agree on the stupid haughty looks of girls who frequent topshop and all. gross. sigh. hope im nt falling into it too. hate the rat race! but seems to me that im finding myself trapped too. gonna go repent soon. sigh.

its a stay home tues so means piano, tv,disciple and packing of room (YES, AGAIN). really hope i'll get admitted to sch. ugh.cross fingers and toes. if only i can contort, i'll gladly do that. haa. ciao.

its like a BRAND NEW KIND OF FEAR. and the weird thing is its STRANGE. and kinda like "edscipleba" im scared. cos it doesnt make too much sense to me. ugh.

just when i thought it was all over, i was wrong. )=

over for a swim n tan at the madeira. but of cos things didnt pretty much turn out the way i wanted it to be. i wonder how many times we have to go thru all the misunderstandings/miscommunications. im really exhausted this time. perhaps it was my fault, but nv did i want things to end up this way. sigh. arghhh. dont know to feel sad or to fume with anger. this is so confusing. ahhhhhhhhhhh. GRRRR.

i need a job d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. if only smone would drop a blank cheque from above. i'd be over the moon. and of course big fat hope.

honestly, does it pay to be nice? seems to me that its always better to mind your own business. ohwells. whats life without its incessant troubles? pffft.

im glad we kissed and made up, and things can never get any better! had a wild time yesterday, combing the whole of clarke quay! thanks to my lovely fren who did a pretty good job as a tour guide, prior to years of wking at the area and having so many wonderful ideas!! such as the pretty canopies! hee. checked out the clinic, and went walking ard in Central. kinda sucky in there, all the bad infrastructure, and the excessive escalators. haha. conclusion: we'll nt go back there anymore! hee.. walked along the stretch, realised the hooters' girls havent got much of a butt nwadays. (titst too)! HAHA. oops. trigger happy many times too. hehs. then over to chinatown for dinnerrr and then we walk bk to MICA to take a bus home. it was a happy day coated with boisterous laughters, silly antics, and the best company one can ever have. hehs. thank God for my sillygoosefren. am just glad we got over the stupid incident. hope that such will never happen again, cos im gonna try my best to be a good girl.

that aside, am having sm problems deciphering where i shd go study. sm options are so exp, so basically they are out of the list. what fancies me most now shd be a deg in communication studies and english lang. seems pretty fun but my only concern is that its gonna be night classes and also on sat..boo.. cos its mainly catered for wking professionals. sians. plus they require a 2 yr wking exp in order to apply.. so i just sent an email enquiring abt it. sigh. night classes are nonsense! having classes from 7.30-10.30? like duh. and 2.30-5.30 on sat? just WRONG. and gross altogether. sigh. pray that God will lead me thru all of it. and im supp to like register by the end of this mth which is like really soon. mass comm sounds gd too, but its a part time course. yikes. another one which i actually considered was translation and interpretation! hee. eng n chi of course. hehs. sounds pretty cool but both my eng n chi are neither here nor there, so im unsure again. ahhh/ just hope that God will make known to me what He has in store for me...!

ciaooooooooooo

wondering if its time to take a hiatus fr blogging, or simply change blog add. smhw feel it aint so safe anymore. then again, this is for me to rant my frustrations, nt up to u to judge me whatsoever.

and if history ever repeats again, i sure dont know what to do anymore. i knew it was never going to be easy, but once again i fell. im so tired of it all, wanna take a break and go smwhere where i can be left alone to ponder all my wrongdoings. (or perhaps u shd bear part of it) i did try. i tried very hard, yet u saw through it all. no matter how hard i hide, it was just futile. the grass is greener on the other side. how many times have i heard it, i lost count. but i will keep trying and not let the devil get a foothold of me. its going to get really tough, and the path to come seems difficult. im nt sure how i can ever live up to it all. sigh.

but in retrospect, for all that happened, i played a big part. it all sparked off bcos of me, and it ended up that way bcos of me. was wandering if i shd shun it or just let it remain like this. bawled my eyes out and had a hard time falling asleep but who knows? haha... wallowing in self-pity TIME AND AGAIN. if only i dont take things so hard, stop making comparisons, be thankful for everything, i wouldnt have to make myself suffer like this.

maybe i'll just wake up and it would all just fade off and never haunt me again. let's just h.o.p.e.

and maybe it would do us good if u would keep your promises. cos i promise i'll try to be good.

30th anniv celebration came and gone, with nothing very much interesting for me to look forward to. boo. wasnt too bad of a celeb, but i wouldnt say it was fantastic whatsoever, just happy to meet up with old friends. time flies at warped speed, and changes are inevitable! scary. cny will be 0ver pretty soon, time to look for a job!! def have to decide if am gonna study or not. hais.. hate it. hate having to make major decisions. how i wish everything was planned for. ohwells in a way it is by God, but i just wish certain things would be made transparent to me then i wouldnt have to bother. what i fear is probably making the wrong choices.

caught norbit with chak over at great world ytd. many cheap thrills! anw, silly showww! hahaaa but had a good laugh anw. didnt want anythg too heavy.. stay home tues since chak went hm ytd.. gotta pack the room again and do some piano... zzz...zzz...zzz...

3 nights of insane frenzy rushing out the clergys' gifts almost drove us bonkers and edgy, snapping at each other and almost biting each others' head off! eeks. but im so glad we're finally (oh wells, almost) done with them all. just hope that we wont get any cynical comments upon seeing it la. definitely need to catch up with our sleep, esp my insane fren who slept at 7am last morn. me being the PIG as usual, succumbed to the sheets at a mere 3am. hahaaa what a traitor!!

blog-surfing and ended up reading some old sec-sch frens' blogs.. smhw its nice knowing that they still keep in contact with ppl in their cliques. kinda envious at the frequency which they meet one another. just wish mine was like that too, seems impossible tho. but, like what i always say, ppl grow up and move on. just want to keep certain r/s close to my heart and not let it go!

am super perplexed, wondering why on earth is that person having all the things that i have?! isit really such a coincidence??? definitely is strange. and i dont like it. sigh. wonder if it will ever ever end, or will it just continue forever to annoy me to no end? ugh.

i need to get a job real soon. sigh. but i loatheeeeeeeeee the process of getting a job, gg for intvs and all. gross. and i need to like sign up for sch soon too. time is running out! and im nt even sure what i wanna study or do. its time i stop avoiding the issue altogether.

and theres patrina's 21st bday party at secret garden 2 wks ltr. looking forward, wheee~!

.: imitation is the highest form of flattery :.

how true can that statement get. but fk u! for trying to imitate me cos its simply sucks on u. scrawny ugly thing. gross. oops. im a big meanie. shall repent. but i really hate it when ppl have the same things as me, esp aft when i've jus got it. what looks 'nice' on me might nt necessarily be nice on you, so wake up! anyway. notice the inversions, dont really mean the NICE nice. anyway. its jus smthg i loathe, wish u wil get a grip and get a life! bleah.

cny can not get any badder. with the asshole constantly screwing up my life, and driving me up the wall. cant even have a gd night's rest. wish u will just die n disappear. eekssssssssssss. puiiiiiii. bawled my eyes out for the slightest reason. dunno why im forever sucha emo wreck. gross. i want to grow out of it!

anw, cny is totally boring. definitely NOTHING for me to look forward to. except for maybe the moolah. u call it mercenary whatever, i dont care. HAHA. its just the cynical and skeptical me. so there, its a total waste of my time. poof.

other than tt, alls pretty fine except that i have to like spend 30 mins to blowdry my hair each time i wash it. high maintenance! price u have to pay for vanity.

over to graces hse w a cosmopolitant grp ytd. just bitching n more bitching. hehs. so much for confidentiality. haaaa. and theres this super cute toddler, who kept laughing and muttering, much like a funny ahjek! cuteeee!

as for nw gotta start preparing the clergys gift for the anniversary. bit of a bummer. cos it aint turning out the way we want it to be! ahhhhhhhhhh.

til then, enjoy yr cny!

cut my hair wheee like finally. look like bobbit! hehs. thanks junie for bringing me thereee, apprec it. met up with eve n sj! like happy. was a wk belated bday celeb for sj, yes, zhichar at coffeeshop near my place. hw hip eh. anw, was a nice ketchup with em before they fly off to perth. jealous.

chinatown with twinnie, suaty and my pops ytd! cosmopolitant grp but was fun! hee. am glad they all went afterall. can really feel the festive mood there except for a few stupid ahjeks. bleah. cny is cmg and im gonna be so bored at home... boo.

stil having tons of fun rotting around, nt having to do anything. but sigh i am so broke nw that i can only stay at home. boo. i need a job desperately. but im lazieeeeeeeee. ugh. starting to get the jitterbugs of playing nxt sunday. so many ppl . bet i wil sure screw up. sigh. was thinking abt it in the bus earlier on and the thot of it is scaring me. and i have to nice clothes or new shoes to wear........

its valentines day tmr!!!!!!!!!!! and i have a date! wheee. with 12 other people in discipleship class. wahahaaa.. too bad cant go for grace's invite to her place. nvm. i just hope nthing stupid will happen during discipleship tmr.

2 weeeeks since the last update. peaches and creme, rather rosy i would say. but of cos there were the turbulence, eject me fr the seat and send me crashing down again.

met up with juneeee! it was a good one. and yes meet up soon k babe!! know u'll see this, so here it goes... thanks so much for everything! the flower, the fab company and all the girls talk. really apprec n thank God for YOU girl!

and adels party on sat night..a tad boring, but glad i went in a way or so. at least i got to catch up with eve n sijie n chers.. etc etc. but sm things stil remain the same. the cynism, the skepticalism, whatever my own words la. and im quite sad it doesnt change. but guess its the character.

the more i think abt certain things, the more i gathered that life is unfair!! humph. dunno why i keep allowing such issues to rule my life. hate it.bleah. and things that permeate so easily that it will eventually spark off to a new dimension. yikes! cringe at the thought of it.

and its really ok to nt get me involved, cos thats forever the case. then again, no regrets cos i let it happen. right under my nose.poof. wicked, evil ppl. but it might be a good thing. sigh. dunno why im so angsty nowadays. 1 word, im wretched.

hell lot of things happening each day, dont even know where to begin. relived the good ole days of slacking and bumming ard.

stjames power station last fri! ha. clubbing with twinnie and her friends. some hen's party but it aint wild at all. lol. nice peeps tho. wonder whats the big hooha abt it cos its jus mediocre! jus like any other clubs. and the most spastic of it all - ACROBATIC PERF right when everyone was getting high. lol. imagine all the attention shift to the acrobats. all stood and stare and stop dead in their dancing tracks. isnt that rubbs. lameeee~!

and of cos, some things never change. forever will be present ppl who do things that hurt others unintentionally.haha yes unintentionally. but ive learnt nt to bother so that i wouldnt fall into the devils trap. like what ive said, some choose to stay, some wil eventually leave. and it all doesnt seem so important anymore. cos i keep all the worthy ones. hehs. so there.

and then theres the brother with the filipino gf. driving me up the wall. 4 races for him to choose fr ---> chinese, malay, indian, eurasian.but instead ive got a new maid. wtf. insane. this is definitely insane. hahaaa. ahhhhh.

then i had to fall out with mama cos of a stupid lift to church. like fuckkkk. hw can i allow an asshole to come in btw us? duh. anyway, to hell with it. bleahhhh.

starting to have the fear of friends leaving me one by one cos i dont take initiative to hang out with them. like left out or smthg. sigh. dont want that to happen. but then again, some things are jus inevitable. u win some, u lose some.

and this rat race is driving me to the edge. seems like i jus cant see eye to eye with many and their doings.perhaps i shd be taken up (i hope) and i might be happier.

im at twinnies place! yes again. just hope and pray that madam chua will nt be mad. and my bloody phone bills have nt been paid and im so fucking screwed cos i cant use the blardy phone! how sad is that. damnit. sians.

and im jobless. i feel so damnnnnnnnnnn insecured!! hate the feeling. just wondering hw soon it will be before i declare bankrupt. yet again.boo.

i feel like im morphing into queen bitch soon. if certain things continue to develop in a certain way. ahhhhh.

suck it suck it suck it.

watched scary movie 1 n 2 with twin. is damn damn damn effing hilarious!!! laugh til i peng ah. go watch it...goooooooooooooooooo~!!!

out of job out of job out of job! and boy am i enjoying rotting the days off, simply slumbering til theres no tmr! wheee. thanks twinnie for the stay at her hse for the past few days. watched all the dvds we borrowed fr esplanade lib - it takes 2, curly top, welcome to the dollhouse (Stupid show) and of cos the wizard of oz! only enjoyed curly top n wizard, the rest were borrringgg.

sigh. nw that im jobless, i feel a little lost actually. hate the feeling of having no income! gotta call sph soon n let her know im available. dont wanna bum ard too much also. in the meanwhile, gonna pack my room, go get a decent tan, make a trip to the zoo! haaaa. and await my 3rd pair of birks. wahaha.. which i presume i wont like. dunno why i buy also. anw, disciple's back again tonite. stress * boo.

theres sale everywhr! mango, zara, topshop, fox! wheee. but i am so very broke now. sigh. so means i have to watch the sale sail by me. bleah.

twinnie and i have decided to stay in elijahs. wondering if its a gd or bad choice. then again, we dont really have other choices do we?lol... just hope 2007 will be a pleasant one. its the 3rd day arleady. scary isnt it. and i forgot to wish 2 person happy birthday. ugh. why am i sooooo forgetful?! ughughugh.

off to bathe and then botak jones with twinieeee.

today mark my last day at cnc! mixed feelings. bittersweet i would say. and best of all we'll be released at 3pm! cos theres nt much to do. woohoo. shiok! and ive got a new friend, phyllis! wen's fren.. haaa take over me.. too bad i wont be wking with her cos i gtta be outta here! anyways, all the best babes, both wj n phy! haaa may u gals have a fruitful and fulfilling stay here and may 2007 be filled of caramels of sunshine n happiness for u! hugs & misses.

on the other note, christmas came and gone, all in a flash! much like lightning. u either catch it or u dont. christmas was nt too bad i guess. gt all busy with the perf n carolling.. nt too bad. but guess it doesnt really feel like xmas this yr. kinda like dead. but anyway, am glad there aint anymore chionging to get pressies, cos it sure sucks when u are rushing. all have come to an end. and smhw i'm glad christmas is just once a year. thanks to all for the pressies, for i simply believe its a season of giving...!

gonna take a hiatus fr work and pack my room, spent sm time by myself and hopefully catch up with loved ones and do sm meaningful stuff. like perhaps volunteering at sm orphanage (no empty talk) i hope.

grace's hse is like nice can! i lurveee it. tho there are sm parts which i dont exactly know hw to appreciate. haaa. cant wait for her to move it so that turbs and i can have slumberthon theree. wheee. til then'blessed 2007! (:

super groggy today. sians.

and everyone is getting on my nerves. hibernated at home for 2 days, wishing i could continue the hiatus. its like wednesday blues. bleah. and i see stupid ppl around me! fancy having me to tell u what to do aft sucha long time. sucks eh. wish u could open yr eyes and nt be oblivious to happenings ard u. sickening. pui.

and i havent finished my christmas shopping. that is definitely a headache. boo. need to go down to mustafa soon. thot i had better get smthg small for ppl at cnc.

and i gt 2 pressies already! 1 fr charlize and the other fr jovis, kia's top salesman. wahaha. hope it doesnt stop coming. haha. greedy pig. didnt have proper lunch. im hungry. grrrr. hungry woman is a angry woman. and its freaking cold in here. but at least it hasnt rain yet. hope it goes like this tmr. else our efforts will all go down the drain.

hope i'll recover by tmr. but quite unlikely. boo. i need moolah. i want moolah.

have been out doing all the christmas shopping every other night, but nt to much avail. perhaps im picky, or simply nthing is gd enough to catch my fancy. ohwells.

cant help but have weird mixed feelings abt friends ard me. aft what ive heard. but of cos theres only 1 side of the story, but fr my own judgement, i can conclude n very much believe what ive heard. ive jus seen the ugly side of u. yet again. sigh. u snap, u bite, and u morph into a queen bitch. wtf.

and... my period is finally here! ive been waiting forever for it to come. hehs. no more crankiness for the nxt 2 wks or so i hope. lol.

church contacts in msn all gone! all went for camp. and inside me there's this wish, wishing i was there with them right now. smhw feel a lil sad tt we're unable to join em. afterall, we were there every other year. ohwells. i'll learn to get over it and perhaps grow up too.

shopping time!!

time for a quick peek...

its fri. and as usual i cannot get any happier. but of cos theres this tinge in me wishing that such wouldnt have happened at all. i mean its like fark can. hw can 1 be so selfish. sigh. shd i know, i wouldnt have rope u in. oh wells. too late for regrets. and i guess whatever ive learnt in HR have finally been put to gd use. the pros and cons.. enlightened finally!

fucking period nt here yet. and its definitely driving me insane. just wanna shout at everyone to fuck off!!! big pieces of shit all around. damn. gonna be a long n crazy day tmr with all the stupid cooking etc at the carnival. while the other 2 shits get to do nothing. effing gross.

2 weeks more to christmas. nt even sure now if i shd look forward to it. and theres prac in church tonight. tiring tiring tiring. boo.* if only all of u would give me a break and cut me some slack.

popeye's last nite! am a happy kid now. wahaha.. and my sweets gt me cheese muffin!! warmed up smore. uber sweet. and daddy drove me to work this morn! so nice of him! i totally appreciate it. hehs.

monday flash past in a whiz! and nw im suffering from tues blues. LOL. then again, no la. just stoning away again. and whats with all the stupid ppl jumping off tracks? guess the most 'IN' way to commit suicide is to jump into railway tracks. hw dumb can that be. imagine dying in such a ugly manner, with all yr brain bits flying everywhere..!! and the worse thing is u are wasting other ppl's time n money! time cos they have to wait so long for the train to start operation! and time equates to money! dumbdumb. wanna die, rem to think abt the kind of disruption u wil cause to them first ya? stupid.

these few mornings have been super chilly! *tsk.. n cant wear the black wool since my bestie used it to kiap her armpit. hw nice. so imagine all the overpowering BO!!! omgosh. gonna be a busy morning i presume!! boo. nvm. at least time past faster that way.

chaaaaaaa~!

ok. its clear that the weekend have yet to be eradicated fr my mind. practically lost as i sit in front of the pc this morning. just dont want to do anythg! boo*

bumped into lizzie the other nite, felt so gd to see old faces again, after like half a yr or so. and there she told me abt her blog add.. seems like shes living life on the edge, all the partying! but smhw theres a tinge of melancholic feel in all of her post. infact its quite saddening la, felt as tho she doesnt have much of a clue whats happening in her life, and that everythg is like a whirlwind ard her. ohwells, nt that i know what i want to get out of life, but anyway, im glad we're mtg up real soon. its time for an update. from both of them. for they were inevitable in my life during poly days. thats why i chose to hold on despite times of weariness or simply when i cannot be bothered.

hate all the scandals in church!! yikes. making my goosebumps surface time n again. eeky. what everybody's doing jus make me cringe. and i really dislike it. mayb. mayb its time for a change. mayb i wil be doing better in sm other church? i dont know. am nt really growing in sjc anyway. then again, its my own fault la, no one to blame. sigh.

fashion nowadays is getting ridiculous. all the plunging necklines.. omg.. everywhr i see on pictorials all models revealing more and more cleavage. why is sexiness always defined with skimpicity? (my own creation, haha) dont really get it.. but sure the world has fallen, and is getting from bad to worse each day. and i can only sigh and pray that i dont fall into the trap of it. so many desires, temptations each day. guess it takes a strong will to turn from it all.

its monday. and i sure dont like it.

its FRRRRRRRRRIDAYYYYYYYYY!!! can i get any happier? nahnah. hahaaa..

have been a train of events thus far, out almost every other day, and my nest is smwhat turning into a hotel! only spent like 7 hrs there for slumber, and use the loo. HAHA. didnt even get any chance to pack my room, or talk to my mama! boo*

dinner with j, dessert with turbs, schweeet, came to pick me up fr town! haaaa. know i can always depend on her. the supper escapades, and shopping! the bday celebs!

so its rest time tmr, since ive gt no music prac! woohoo! gonna catch up on my sleep, tidy up my sty, do my christmas list.. wheee...! but am broke. if only i'd get my paycheque soon.bleah.

and i wanna get madrid bronze before they upp the price! need to hunt for ppl to buy birks again.boo.

and dec is gonna be so exciting cos its CHRISTMAS soon! wheeee~! and im gonna go straighten my hairrrrr!

singapore discovery centre was a tad boring.boo. so much for anticipating the simulator ride. and the iwerks movie was super sianing.bleah.

anyway whatever P said that night was bothering me. why is it that if i dont have a boyfriend, and im really close to a girlfren, and that equates that we're lesbians? wtf. am so pissed. AND in the first place, from where did u get the conclusion that we're even close?? i didnt even fking talk to u since like dinosaurs were still ard? sigh. u're making me disgusted can. pui. dont u dare cast a judgement on me when u aint even PERFECT.

it was gd to see charm n moon! lunch tog with turbs n the 2 girls.. and boy did they gang up to make fun of me!! bleah. haaa..jus laugh my head off. then choir prac was eeks la. o'holy nite is driving us up the wall. and seeing the disgusting ppl's face jus make me wanna puke all over them. just hate ppl who try to hard to be different. and hate those who try so hard just to hope others will notice them and like them. to hell with it.

what a post filled with vengeance and hatred. LOL.

and worstill the stupid job!! asking me to make the decision, and prolly backstabbing in the back? hell. cant wait to get outta here already. want to have a break!! want to go shop for christmas pressies. boo.

anw, eventful wkend to boot. caught happy feet. courtesy of nick.. anw, nought much, perhaps more of a musical.haaaa. back to work. yawns.

its tuesday. boo. had a hard time getting up from bed. hate early mornings. unless its for fun. otherwise, we shd start the day from noon. bleah.

and xxx have nt get what i taught her into her head yet! its the 3rd day already, and she still doesnt know the ropes well.. ugh. sure hope she wil pick up speed. else she will be eliminated!! then again, i took a rather long time to get things gg. so there, i oughta be more patient. God gimme strength pls!

guess nt heading sim for the time being. til i can sort out my thoughts and get a clearer picture of where i shd head. at least i can slowly sit thru and think. and i thank God for understanding parents who nv fail to support me. tho when my mama ask me to think abt my future, she prolly implied that i shd do smthg that makes money, and nt what i like. i dunno. anw, its nice to know that there are those who care. appreciate it. (:

im boredddddd. cant wait to get outta here.

twin whipped up a nt-too-bad dinner for her family on fri cos of her mamas bday! so schweet. hehs. and im invited too! quite a cosy affair la, having dinna with the ones u loved. tho as usual i felt extra. hehs. cant help it la!

cruise ard town area on saturday with twin behind the wheel. gt the supplies fr art fren to paint mei's mirror. gt basil green pretty pretty! but gt the car scratched cos of bloody chaonehnehs. super zonked out aft the waiting btw each coats n all the varnishing. boo. left the putting up of flowers on the mirror. wonder when we'll have the time to get it done! hmmm.

the to study/nt to study issue is tormenting me like theres nt tmr. sigh. and the deadline to reply sim is like tmr, else i gotta wait for like another 1/2 a year. but guess im nt gonna rush into it, since a whopping 20k is involve. ugh. dont want to be bothered abt it until aft christmas. i want a carefree christmas!!! haa.

town ytd alone in the early noon cos of the stupid bastard. if he werent there, i would have had a gd lunch with my pops. screw u idiot. so i went shopping alone in orchard but lucky dajia came to my rescue! else i'd have died of boredom. but she took solong to come. sobs. but at least she came!! hehs. love her to bits. but i just made her upset again with my stupid words emitting fr my smelly mouth. boo.

its so bored it here. another 3 hours to kill before home sweet home. sians.