Danny DeVito’s Matilda

looking at polka dots in a different light

i almost couldnt believe that i got chickenpox. what luck. and Christmas was approaching. but thankfully i managed to recov fast enough and by the 10th day, i was out. the first day was alright. on the second day i almost went berserk with all the poxxies popping all over my face and body. and boy am i glad the whole ordeal is over. but actually it was manageable, thank God for His grace and healing!

wasn't too good a Christmas. may God forgive me for all the blunders i've made.

2010 is fast approaching. so fast i wondered where did all the time in 2009 went. and to think i've done and accomplished nothing is saddening enough.





-I need to know that I am a person in need of forgiving if I am to be forgiving.

i am feeling so sleepy now. there's nothing much to do here. people are angry with me. i am angry with them. i am angry with myself.

i have no idea why or how i am always making people around me upset. is it really my fault? i am so sick and tired of the endless confrontations. i just wish i can disappear into the thin air. all these miseries are taking its toll on me. not like i have all the energy to to fight the battle.

give me a break! i am so tired! wish i can just take a backseat.

Goodwood Park Deli had a roadshow at Fusionopolis today. And so... We end up buying mooncakes! Slaps forehead. Supposed to start saving but end up spending. Bought snowskin assortment - yums! There's soursop, mango, durian & cempedak! slurps. the usual me will not buy cos its like 48/box. SIAO. but there's 20% off. plus i thought since i have income, so it's not so bad la. i shall attempt so save 500bucks mthly. so till the end of this mth i have 230 left to use. hmmm ok, not very realistic. but an attempt is an attempt.

work is a-okay as long as the stupid panels doesnt break down and give up on us. and as long as there are no scary tours with CE and the directors. Everyday passes by relatively fast, which i don't know if it's a good or bad thing.

anyhows, looking fwd to the long weekend filled with tons of parties! (:

i am feeling upset. does anybody know? or rather, does anybody care? but i guess it doesn't really matter. its probably alot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you are hurt.

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.

what a chilly wed noon.

the crown prince of abu dhabi visited ytd! omgoodness. was anticipating it. all the photographers snapping away, the journalists, the super fierce-looking bodyguards. nonetheless, everythg went well in my opinion despite the dumb comments made by XX. anyhows, its a quiet wed noon, nothing much to do except surf the net n perhaps start on research for upcoming proj. thankfully im having a fab company beside me now. haha. there's so much drama and politics gg ard but no way am i gonna land myself in this mess!

am over the phase of memorising the never-ending script, perhaps will need to work on hw to do a better presentation more effortlessly! on the other side, sch is alright, cept that hv to work with some ppl for the project. boo. but at least we're all in an alliance. hopefully she doesnt over-step her boundaries, or else i will 123"$%^@!&!

life can be so mundane at times. but mundanity can be a good thing.

happy mid*week.

I'm finally employed! Like FINALLY. and I'm so thankful. Started work on Wed as Exhibition Show Host at MDA! basically bringign industry players and VIP around the exhibition centre, which is very much like the science centre in a much smaller scale. and if i dont have tour in the day, im pretty free! yay. i love my wking environmt, cept that its all jitters as there's so much for me to absorb, so im pretty much like a sponge now, squeezing and cramming everything into my brain before my colleagues are leaving.

didnt pulled thru the first intv as Assistant Exec @ MDA, so i couldnt believe my luck when i had another intv at the same plc! i was like, hmmm, God is so cute n funny! So the intv came for the position of show host, and i got the job! sadly, the other 2 girls who intved with me didnt get selected. so yes, i am the CHOSEN ONE! haha. but i really pray tt the other 2 girls will come in soon so that i dont feel all the pressure and stress of hvg to cope alone.

the travelling is a chore tho. gotta catch a feeder from my plc to bt batok mrt, then take the train to buona vista, then the free shuttle to Fusionopolis, which i really adore. (: praise God for granting me sucha nice wk plc, nice people and so much more! wking time starts at 9.30 - 6, so i dont have to squeeze with all the ppl in the early morning. and its so close to sch, wont hv any issues of being late for class. and this will really look good on my resume nxt time, cos MDA is ultimately the place for media exchange.

All in all, God has been really nice and i am really thankful. the best friend might wanna try her luck to see if she can wk here too for the time-being, and im keeping my fingers crossed that she gets it too! that will be so awesome.

past few months were kept busy by classes, projects, job-hunting and bumming ard. I'm really glad i finally got a job. it feels really good. and the fact that i do not have to shun any more questions of what are u doing? where are u wking etc. i can proudly exclaim I AM WORKING AT MEDIA DEVELOPMENT AUTHORITY! woohoo! no more hvg to face the dreaded question. (:

took part in the flea market at HV last wkend, and boy was it fruitful, earth-saving, and absolute haggling! we sold so many things! happy. really enjoyed the entire process of being your own boss. but it is sure tiring! sweated like SIAO. and the haggling with the aunties and filipinas, everything also want 50cents! faints.

anw do keep me in prayers that i will be able to get used to work here soon and that i can quickly settle in! thanks babes. til then, t.g.i.f and cheers to the wkend! xx.

it came as a surprise when someone chat with me on fb. someone whom i kinda have a deep-seated animosity with. hmmm. was just telling the bestie that i wanna make peace with this person. and probably God saw this in my heart and gave me a chance to mend this "broken friendship." well it wasn't exactly fixed, but it gave an entry to something better to come.

and i believe and thank Him for this window He opened for me.

was over at suntec yesterday for a filming session for our proj. and it sure sucks to have 3projmates puffing their ciggies away in your direction. i am so gg to get lung cancer with all the second-hand smoke! but no doubt the company was much fun, and the exchanges were a riot. will continue our secret filming in class laters and hope it will turn out to be gd.

on another note, everyone's like pushing me to get a job, ): its not like i'm not trying you know. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. but pls jus gimme some time. ugh. who are you to press me when my pops never even once said anythg. boo. i just don't wanna get a 9-5 job where i just wk and wk to no end, just to put dough on the table. i want to do smthg that i enjoy, that i will look forward to, that i will take pride in. is that too much to ask for?

been getting ribbons, paperstock, buttons etc. im really quite serious to go into some online biz. just don't know how to get it started proper. like what the bestie say, we shouldnt just jump into it without proper planning and all. i do hope that we can get it started and running soon, at least ppl won't say we're doodling our time away. bleah.

ok. i'm back! had a 2wk stint at WK again. and it was one super stressed week. it ended, and im glad. though im sure staying on will be gd to my pocket. still, i believe He has greater plans for me. so its back to job-hunting again. sigh. which can be really exhausting. am thinking of selling some arty-fart stuff online, but just can't get down to getting it done.

im so desperate to go bintan with gracie & company. but my skin ain't thick enough, plus need to take over this wk for keyboard. so there. i guess it's just impossible now. ): but i know it is gonna be really fun with all the cute tots that i love gg as well. boo! sobs.

church is gonna move out soon. stipulated date on 3rd May. and we'll be under the roof of Queenstown Lutheran Church for at least a good 2 years. mann, im gonna miss the old building so much, for it keeps so many memories of mine thru all the seasons. - of tears, joy and love. i pray that all these beautiful memories will be deeply etched in my heart til eternity.

the soo sisters and myself are supposed to give phoebe an answer with regards to which cell we've decided to join. pls keep us in prayers with regards to this issue cos we're really unsure, and still feel hurt and disillusioned at how we're being chuck away. felt like we have no worth at all. saddening that such things are happening in the church. but i've learnt to let it go altogether. moving on and letting God.

i really miss those times where we were all so innocent and loving each other so much. now, i find it so tough to look you in the eye. perhaps growing up ain't such a good thing after all.

Wah! i can't believe i last updated this blog like close to 3months ago. that's like a quarter of the year. and to think i'm so busy with whoknowswhat when i haven't even been working. creepy. where did all the time in the world got swallowed to?

nevertheless, the past 3mths have been good. trip to hainan was an eye-opener! and the company was fab fab fab! the aunties and uncles were really nice, friendly, and coupled with my dad's lameness, i had a swell swell time! despite the fact that we had an unpleasant encounter with the tour guide cos he is so very money-face! bleah. conniving fella. that aside, it was a really awesome cultural exchange. and i got to see where my dad lived when he was 10years old! imagine that. super uber cool. but also learnt to be thankful for God's blessings on us. and to be content with one's lot! I can't fathom what'll happen if i were to stay there for 1 night. just 1 night and i think i wouldnt get to see tomorrow. its really like those old n tattered village you see on tv. tho poor, the people were hospitable, and gave us their best treat. we spent day 1 there, and for the rest of the week, we followed the tour while popo stayed on in the village till day of departure.

school is good as usual, got to work with new peeps. real fun people but sadly, they all smoke. ogay i know i ought to like discourage them from doing so but its like 3 against 1. i shall keep them in my prayers. turn out one of them is my neighbor who stays at the 7th floor. what a coincidence. so from then on, we always take cab back together from sch with 2 other kakis. but then for the just past module, things went the other way. new group. ): didn't really see eye to eye with them and clearly there was bad communication. but anyway, am glad its all over, and finally submitted the report today. probably gonna do quite badly for this module. cause i screwed up my part. sigh. hopefully can still command a credit. regretting now.always hate the fact that i am so last minute. boo. bad idea to initiate compiling. but yet i'd prefer to do it.ok. slaps myself for talking rubbish.

Christmas was gd too. but perhaps once again i got too flustered with all the presents stuff and missed the real meaning of it. i know i shdnt be so caught up with all the giftings but yet i can't help but just want to some nice to ppl i love. sigh. and after all of it i came to realise that it definitely wasn't worth it. cos some people whom i thought i want to share my life with happened to be so cold to you when they realise there's not much worth left in you. such is depressing.

CNY was even better. get to meet up with ppl i love. and i saw the love and concern showered on my aunt cos she was in a state of depression due to certain matter. it was really heartwarming and inspiring to know how much we all love each other, and that this love is so real, with no strings attach. i am really thinkful for my maternal side of family. dad's side is of course, cold like always, esp my uncle's family. sad then we failed to tread deeper into each other's lives. but i shall rem them in my prayers too, that salvation will come to them. Aunt's family is good, tho we hardly hardly get to meet up. but i feel they care much more, and i can relate to em better.

and im no longer in the youth zone. saddening. yes. definitely. and the way it was disseminated was so bad, i couldn't believe i would received the news just like that. and then the whole responsibility is just dumped to another person! i cannot believe such a hurtful thing would have happened. ): and they went cny visiting w/o even informing us about it. i understand that it would take effect in feb, but hello, there is yet any proper adios! grrr. talking about it makes me fume. no point dwelling about it la i know. but there's just this feeling of dejection, rejection, resentment and anger residing in me. pls pray that God will heal all hurts and take away all my tempers. but oh wells, penning or rather blogging it down already makes me feel a million times better. at least i have an avenue to vent my frustration.

have been dropping lots of hair of late. aunt says it might be bcos of my dieting. sigh.

no doubt i lost quite abit weight, and it sure feel damn gd to receive all the compliments. but throughout this entire time, i learnt many things too.
1) people are shallow and superficial. cos those who have nv spoken to me started speaking to me.
2) looking good does make lots of difference to a person's life.
yes, definitely i feel much happier, and it really did boost my self-confidence. by ALOT. and i really appreciate it. and i can only thank God. but i pray that this doesn't get to my head and that i will learn to be contented. and that He can sustain me like He had always! and lastly, that we will all be truthful to one another, and love because He first loved us.

ok, gotta run. happy lunar new year. (:

and i appeared. such accuracy! freq has been tuned to 1post/mth. wahaha.

time FLIES so fast. it really wait for no one. and the fact itself is so scary. the proj is almost over, cept the report which still requires fine-tuning. it wasn't as horrid like what i mention earlier, and thank God for sustaining me. i'd probably be bawling my eyes out/gone frenzy if nt for Him. presentation went rather ok, though there were quite sm hiccups along the way, still at least its over for now.

a couple of things that still baffles me: i don't understand why im busier than before, and 24hours/day is just not sufficient! Ahhhh. its crazy. life in this era is really really throws me into a tizzy: upsetting, exciting, confusing, all happening concurrently. there are so many things undone, and a million things to be done. my room's in a mess, and i hv no time to pack! exam's nxt friday, and i've yet to really start revision! plans for online biz but we don't even have an inkling on hw viable it is..! mei's bday celeb planning, volunteering at NUH, etc et...! Bah.

lookg at the brighter side, sm good things hv been happeng, but perhaps God won't be too happy by the mere mention of it. it isnt exactly gd, but smwhat like a person getting punishmt for all that she'd done. im nt like gloating over it or what, but can't help feeling (at times) that she somewhat deserves it. its like God is like telling me that it doesnt matter hw much hurt/wei3qu1 experienced in the past, because He knows what is going on, and He will do smthg abt it. its like a paradox la. God forgive me if this ain't exactly smthg nice to post abt. that aside, am thankful to be able to serve in the worship min, albeit the fact that it can be really tiring/dead at times. esp as a keyboardist, i'm experiencing different aspects of worship. in the past, i'd have nv dared dream that i could play like now, but God has made it all possible, much more and better than i ever imagine. (:

on the other note, am feelg pretty disilusioned these days. perhaps such is the paradox of life. its like you have to take the good with the bad. it can be so puzzling at times. my existence. the significance. oh wells. i shall leave it as now.

till then,
LOVES.

okay. the hiatus was unplanned for. anyhow, within a short span of 1 month, a million things happened, too fast, too furious for me to even take a whiff of fresh air.

bumming ard have nv felt so gd. it was a nice clean break from work! strangely, i feel like i havent really started resting. i was busier than ever, and each day was crammed with activities. or perhaps 24hrs a day really is insufficient.

and yes, im gg to oriental hawaii! hainan island! gonna visit my roots. hehs. with pops, popo and pops' frens! wheee. it came like a dream. i nv dared believe that we had a chance to go travel tog, ever since we got into the rut residing at bt view. bad choice, but smthg GREAT came out of it, chance of knowing Him. (: and JC i so happen to read yr blog! similar scenario, almost the same as mine. hee. and it is so very heartwarming. im so happie for u dear, such a simple and sweet gesture, yet it brings such joy to you and family. indeed it is nv the things we do, but always the company that matters. i pray that you guys will have so much more of such times to come. and even most imptly that they will all receive Christ! (:

classes resumed after a 1mth break. and its wasnt too great to begin with. thanks to the addition of a new proj mate whom kinda make sm of us feel really small before. my chirpiness just evaporated at the very sight of her. and i can no longer contribute freely/state my opinions for fear of what she has to say. sigh. but no choice, guess i have to hang in there for another 1mth of so. God pls grant me the extra strength needed pls! thank u. results have been awesome thus far, and all glory to God.

have a blessed wk ahead loves.

and today marks the last day at World Kitchen.(like finally) i hope there aint any screw-ups. cos by hook or by crook im getting my butt outta here! i needa break! wheee. the tot of being able to sleep til shiok, and nt 7.30 every morn keeps me gg! i can almost smell it now. 1.5more hrs to my long awaited freeeeedommm!

i desperately wanna get outta town. and bkk is nt makg me very happy with all the uproar and protests. eeks. and hkg is alittle outta budget. well, i hope to wk smtg out cos im only left with 2 wks of holi! boo.

the bestie is at camp. i sure hope she survives and that those stupid ppl will not agitate and frustrate her with their stupidity and retarded antics.

pops might be gg Hainan Island. i want to follow! GRRRR. just pray that it doesnt clashes classes. cos i really really wanna trot the world. real badly. ):

it was an eventful week, lotsa upheavals, lotsa exhilarating moments.

was rejoicing when my ma told me that my aunt had ndp tics, and i could have all 6 of them. cos i tried endless attempts balloting/contesting for the tics but to no avail. so i thank God for being so sweet and so nice for giving me the tics. and cos i couldnt contain the excitemt, i spilled the news to ppl whom i didnt exactly want to share the tics with but in the end i had to. and it was a real dilemna which caused me to be so upset that i wanted to forgo it altogether. then i thot, heck, since i was the one who got the tics first, i shd have the privilege of getting at least 2 tics. so i fought my way through, only to get disappointed at the very last minute ytd when i was told that the tics wasnt cmg my way cos aunt's grandchildren heard abt it and all wanted to go. so there goes my ndp tics.

i was really really upset. its like one moment you are up there in the sky, and no one can reach and upset you, the nxt moment you've fallen and land with a pain which doesnt seem to cease. saddening. life sure is full of unpleasant moments.

and to top it off, am gg thru sm difficult moments with ppl i love. and i have absolutely no idea what to do. for a moment i wish i could sleep and sleep and never wake up, so that i don't need to face the pressing issues which are pounding me for an answer.

last day of wk for A/Cs dpt at WK. feeling funny. bittersweet. its like i wish i didnt have to go, yet im relieved to be leaving. gonna be income-less for quite sm time i can foresee. so its really time to be thrifty, time to stop buying and start saving.

digressing a little, tho i ain't sure if my national day will be spent happy, stil wanna wish us all a happy national day.

i pray God comes and mend all broken relationships and restore the love we have for our loved ones.

you know, I would really love to trot the world. go to places where each day is brimming with activities, bustling with life. rich cultures, towering landscapes, mother nature. it is my dream to travel to all parts of the world! i shall dream big. i shall buy a map and pin down the places where i've been. each time i hear smone gg smwhere, i get so green with envy that it begins to cause a dull ache in my heart. i only wish i could go.

the states. uk. australia. japan. europe. africa. greece. dubai. all sounds so yummy.

sometimes i wonder if that day will ever come. or is it just wishful thinking on my part. smtimes i wanna just take whatever i have in the bank, buy a ticket and just fly off to some exotic country. but yet i know i can't just leave and go. cos of the pops, the friends, school, work. nt to forget fear of being alone, fear of hvg to be independent, fear of mtg new ppl.

sometimes i wish that i could turn back time.

its funny how fast each event untwine itself within the short span of 4 wks.

gt the depressing mod over and done with, and i can only cross my fingers that i need nt do a repeat. and then adjusting myself and ushering into yet another new module, which has been alright so far, thanks to the indiv assignmt and exam. no more nightmares of scary grpmates.

twinkling of an eye, 10 mths at World Kitchen, and its time to say goodbye soon. and i'm feelg happy. cos it means time for break! and coz i feel i so deserve a break/holi for myself.

im beinning to feel a little disgruntled. funny tots are always swimming in my head, leaving no room for logic. however much stuff i try to enter into my brain data, it seems futile. and pure rejection. heart aches at times, but i try to let it go, and let love overcome me.

and if it's time to leave, i will go. if that is what GOD says is best for me.

after what seemed like a hiatus, im back. nt feeling on top of the world, but right at the pit of the valley. project is stressing me out like shit, and once again, i had bad dreams, and this time, the grp members were in it, exactly same scenario as what was happening. which is that no one can be bothered abt the proj and keep wanting to change topic.

i am seriously so so freaking scared. i had never felt like this for a long long time. perhaps God is trying to teach me something. i dont know what it is tho. but i really pray for perserverance and peace to last me this entire saga ends. i feel so alone and afraid, sigh. wonder why such has to happen to me. everyone else seems to be doing good in their new grp, except for me. but guess theres no pt wallowing in self-pity. am gonna try pick myself up. ):

trip to KL was fab, and i had the bestie for company! it was a awesome time of reunion with relatives at the wedding, and the customary traditions were really an eye-opener! *gasps! and i totally enjoyed the shopping with bestie, our strategic plan of combing every single shop. and the meals were really a gastronomical affair. and the cousins let out their rm so that we cld sleep in there, so me and twinnie dominated one room, all by ourselves, except when my 2aunties came crashing in. haha. but still, i had tremendous fun. i want M.O.R.E!!!

nw i seriously need a break. some kind of holiday pls! BKK/HKG/AUST! please.

the bread has gone stale. turned sour, and no longer edible.

and pronto! i am back.

and i had one of the best birthdays ever.

the classmates celeb for me at popeyes on friday after exam. had a mango cake from chocz, sweet girls who rem what i like. (:

then spent a lazy sat with the best friend, roamed around the heartlands. went ikea for lunch then back to IMM for sm stationeries shopping.

received this sms from grace:
Dearest Abia, you've been invited to a 2D1N celebration of Your Highness royal birthday. Pls pack ur bags tonight wif all u think u might need to go from glam to sporty n be ready to be whisked away right aft church tmr. Attendance is compulsory so is spontaneity!

sunday.
service, then afterwards head to bestie's hse with her mama and grandmama. had yummy fish and chips & calamari from the fish market at greenwood. then Grace came and then we drop her at her hse so that she could pack her stuff. after she came down, they blindfolded me with sm headband. and so i couldnt see where we were gg til we reached the destination.

which to my splendid surprise, it was hangout hotel at mt emily! so schweeet! i was only telling the bestie that i would like to stay there, and my dream came true! haha jus that it wasnt a themed room. was like a budget hotel, no frills kinda plc. but it was uber cool. all the walls were like cutely painted. and then the veg out room was like nice too, super cosy! so we unload our things then zipped ard town, went IT fair, the babes gt their hard disk, then we settled for dinna at Popeye's (again) haha. and eug came to join us, then went bk to hotel and take lotsa silly pix and count down to my bday! heehee.

then monday morn we checkout, then eug went bk to wk. we went PS for shopping before yet another surprise! over to swensens for sm free ice cream then to chinatown. *gasps* they brought me for a massage! madness. i was freaking scared can. cos we had to like strip. was damn scary. and i was so reluctant. but guess i didnt have a choice. still, it was really nice of them for all the planning. and all the money spent. i feel so loved, and bad at the same time, cos they spent so much so much on me! then dinner at waraku, suaty eug and eu was there too. was super yumms!

anyhw, i had tremendous fun, and i really thank GOD for each and everyone of them. they made me feel like a princess! heehee. and nt to mention all the sweet tots, presents, gestures, everything! despite occasional hiccups, still, im truly touched by the genuine love. all these sweet memories will always be deeply etched in my mind. (:

<3