spent almost half the week at bestie's place, since shes gg off to beijing soon. went swimming, movies, fixed our perf stuff which is pretty much driving me insane. come sunday morn she'll be off to beijing boo. anyways, am scared w/o her ard. sians. latr stupid ppl will bombard me with stupid qns and im left to fend for myself. ugh. nvm i shall look on the brighter side of life.

period is finally here, boy am i happy. just hope it the nxt cycle wouldnt fall in church camp/missions. wheee pms will be gonee soon and i wont do any more silly stunts to upset u and me! was scary that night. bawling our eyes out. eeks. i hope it doesnt happen again. sigh. feel so wretched for making things turn out like this all the time.

right now im worried abt nxt sat n sun night. dont like to be home alone! sobs. i need company. badly.

and we're like 2 lobsters now. burnt.bleah.

the dislike for certain ppl in church have been growing stronger, and i can never seem to put a halt to that. and the way certain ppl do things too. making my blood boil and my blood pressure rocket. damnit. know i aint perfect, but i just wish that others will try harder to be nicer and less fake or act less superior and all. afterall, we're all created equal right, so why wanna distinguish yrself so that the attention falls on u?? bleah.

anw, bestie's gg beijing on 13-20th with her pops. and yes i am jealous!! and she knows it. sigh. know i havent been a good pal, since im always envious bout what she gets but i guess the grass is always greener at the other side. but anw if u do happen to see this, im sorrieee babe. i'll learn to get over it k, no worries. (: that aside, my parents are gg china too! hais. from 19-25, so yes i'll be stuck in sgp alone btw 19-20th, sleeping in a lonely home. hais. if only smone will take me in. mayb i'll go bunk at smone's place or smthg. boo.

guess im kinda disappointed that she didnt ask us along for her mini 21st celeb with her other pals. but i presume that we wouldnt go anyway. nevertheless still the tinge of sadness which can be rather overwhelming. haha guess we aint that important to her afterall.

im desperate to go for a holiday. hais. but all i get is malaysia. *roll eyes. how interesting eh. if only i'd win in some lunky draw or smthg. i wish i wish i wish... mayb i shd tell the whole world that i would like to have a trip to italy for my 21st or smthg? then they may try fulfill it for me...! wheee. hahaha ok thats impossibly impossible. ohwells, if only dreams will come true.

been 2 weeks since i last updated, equating to a fortnight, amounting to half a mth.

finding myself caught up in the bk the family way by tony parson. totally lost and trapped in it. in a way that book's really inspiring and takes me to another world altogether.

bcos i have nothing much that i have to update on, i shall do a thanksgiving list.

1. i thank God for a loving set of parents. that is smthg which i think God has truly blessed me with, cos i believe my parents are very much in love with one another.

2. i thank God for the people He had planted in my life. whether they had stay or chose to move on, the difference they made to my life will forever be cherished.

3. i thank God for not making me a very rich girl, so that i learn the value of being thrifty, and finding joy in cheap thrills.

4. i thank God for creating me to be plump so that i dont dress skimpily or bitchily haha

5. i thank God that i can sing in tune and that im nt tone deaf (contribution by twin)

6. i thank God that i can serve him in the music ministry and the piano skills He had bestowed on me. (learning to play via chords, and no longer looking at the scores.)

7. i thank God for my room which i absolutely love

8. i thank God for twinnieeeee for being there for me all the time, be it happy or sad times

9. i thank God that im a girl so i can escape NS! haha. but the menses part suck big time.

10. i thank God for choosing me to be His child! tho i aint exactly a good girl, i'll try hard to behave to be more pleasing in His eyes. (:

on another note, my 21st is coming! haha im bloody excited!!! but nah, im nt expecting anythg. just wanna spend a day with myself and do happy things. wheee~!

period came and gone. well, almost. i am one happy girl now.

it has been a wk of scouting for beads with dino. nt an easy task, in fact its driving both of us up the wall. ugh. combed the whole of chinatown, bras basah, and jalan sultan, with many surprises and cheap thrills coming alongside with us..! just want to get it done soon. really hope u will just tell us how to get it done instead of being so vague and all. fyi, nt wking doesnt exactly mean that we're so darn free to get these stuff done alright. grrrr.

im so looking forward to my 21st. i must be mad. yet i know there wont be any major celebrations or such. i guess its just a day when i feel that the whole world shd just revolve ard me! a day whereby i get special treatment from loveeed ones. HAHA. ohwells. wake up.

tt aside, i feeel really useless for bumming ard for sucha long time, close to 4mths.. mama have been nice enough to give me a cheque. i didnt see it coming at all, but yes she is generous, tho its nt a hefty sum. but enough to last me a wk or 2. haha.. papa has been pretty nice too la, as usual. but im really beginning to feel bad. yet i cant be bothered to look for a job. grrr.

and the outcome of sch will only be made known to me nxt mth. sians. wondering what i'll get. sigh. i really hope my decisions and everythg will be what God wants me to do and not otherwise.

whoa. so much had happened since i last updated... was the holy week, so theres maundy thurs, good fri, and easter.. didnt expect myself to weep buckets cos dino and i were still sayiing that others were getting emo. well at least not until she came over and gave us both a hug. so sad. but i really do apprec the fact that shes taking initiative and all, plus it shows she still very much treasures this friendship. seems like there this invisible wall ever since the cell gt dismissed. dont exactly know how to go about saying it, but just kinda sad.

new cell aint too bad. at least we feel more involved nowadays, with the mentors and mentees. ohwells. kinda mixed feelings. but i still dislike certain ppl, doubt it will ever go away. sigh. wondering how i can ever break out of it. hate the fact that he's showing scant respect for others. gross.

attended ethan n bryans bday party over at the madeira on fri. nthg much i would say, just swimming in the pool, eating and cutting. if there aint the swimming pool, the partys gonna much be a boring one. brought along charmaine n mooncher.. and the two imps came over to stay over at my place with dinosaur. had a blast! the laughters were insane. kept laughing and laughing at the nippies. those u get at topshop to put on when putting on a bik so u wouldnt see the nip. haaa and the girls thot is was some jelly. was a riot! hilarioussss.

its scouting for beads later at chinatown with twinnieeee. hope i'll get smthg frutiful done. really dont wanna bum ard anymore!

contemplating whether to go for mini mission in jb with the youths. cos we'll cm back only on the 16th - my big day! haha.

we won all 3 games at paintball today, emerged as champion but apparently nobody cared. HAHA. just wondering how much bragging and boasting there would be if it was somebody else. anw, kudos to my teammates, tho none wil see this --> uncle henry, xiao wei, james, dorothy! u guys rock! beginning of the game was like yucky. hated it cos of the smelly mask, heavy vest and the extremely heavy rifle! and the fact that i had to dodge and duck! scary too. i shudder each time smbody fire. but by the 2nd and 3rd game i pretty much got used to it. was proud of myself for bringing back the 2 flags for my team! hahaha... ok shall eat a slice of humble pie. but anw, im glad i was in that team. at least we were pretty much humble and all had integrity. not like losers who had already lost yet cont shooting ppl. i mean cmon its just a game right? haha.. and sm kept telling others who he shot blah blah blah. yawns. how did things get so ugly and all? it was all so innocent when i was serving during sec days. now the mere sight of ppl just turn me off.

wept buckets like SIAO jus now la. haiyooooooooooooo. get a grip mizz whaaaannggggg~! so NOT looking forward to combine cell tmr. infact im dreading it. boo.

march is coming to an end and i have yet to find a temp job. sigh. am i useless or what. simply lazy n not taking initiative and expecting my pops to feed me at 21. i feel bad. honestly i do. and i so wanna earn my money so that i can spend it like nobodys biz and make myself happy. but it seems far-fetched now. sians.

submitted application for RMIT mktg.. needed smthg to fall back on in case i dont get the unisim application. sigh. smtimes i really wonder what the heck im doing. and of course i always regret not studying hard enough during o's and even in poly days. but one cant turn back time, and so i shall no longer waste time pouring out all my regrets. am determine to do well if i go back to sch. infact i already miss the good old days of schooling. even tho it aint rosy all the time, i sure had my fair share of fun too. at least things werent so complicated back then. or at least i didnt have to make any major decisions. all i had to do was to attend lectures, do my tutorials, study for exams. nt like nw where i have to decide whether to study, and if so to study what, or to work...

i really hate growing up. and seeing hw low human beings stoop just to get recognized/popular/power - the thought of it just gross me out. i believe no one is perfect, but the fact that ive seen ppl descend to such depths to manipulate others ----> way too ugly. but despite all these, i have to try and love. almost impossible. dont know how im gonna get it done. its okay if u aint a christian, sad thing is, you are. im disappointed.

looking back, i realised certain issues have arised time and again and i certainly chose to ignore it. IGNORANCE IS BLISS. how apt eh. everyones getting tired. physically/mentally/emotionally. but yet we can't give up, else the game's over. much as i hate making empty promises, i keep doing it. so i blame no one for the predicament im in.

what a night! was watching tv in the evening and my brother came running outta his room and told me bout it. sort of witness a suicide. oh wells. saw the dead body covered up with a white plastic. then the police flip over the plastic and took pictures of the dead corpse, then they actually flip the body over to take more pics! omg. thot i was gonna pengsan. kinda sad actually. saw the kins crying hysterically. what a way to die. imagine jumping off a building. and theres the poor nehneh who had to clean up the bloody mess. DAMN SAD CAN!!! sigh. my heart goes out to the family mann. anyway, this area is like warped la. one day funeral, one day ppl getting married, and another day smone jumping off the building. seriously freaking me out. shudder*

been rotting at home for 4 wholesome days! boo. super sians! need to get outta house soon!

went to the clinic on thurs with twinnie! oh my and what a disappointment. there was no proper dance floor and the crowd was really old and all. more like a bar than anything else. and the interior doesnt make it a clinic. guess we'll nv head back there anymore. got outta tt place pretty soon and walked ard the cannery to take peektures! and to our surprise we saw a bapok, all the boobs spilling out. eeks.

ecp with cellies ytd. thanks to bestie who offered to ride a double bike with me since i cant cycle. ohwells actually i can just that theres this phobia which actually exists. and makes me HATE cycling. but i really do apprec all that she've done la. tho i appear super pissed. sigh. cannot control my emotions. arghhh. hate it. but the miniature viking we took it to a high. at least it ended on a fun note! cosmo grp again, but guess it wasnt too bad afterall. we kept on and on laughing like forever. was damn farnie to see their faces and hear the incessant screams! wahhaa... nt too bad..

and today we were totally shagged, head bk home to nap before watching virgin suicides which was well, a bit warped. the stoic and astute cecillia.. scaryyyy!! living life as a dreamer. gdness. and the promiscuous sexual encounters on the roof. mystical...!anyway it tells of the suicides of the Lisbon girls, 5 sisters, and that there was nv a truly satisfying answer as to why they attempted suicide. pretty interestin i guess.. hehs.

anyway, hate the politics in church and all.. so much so much. totally grossed out by all these ppl. all wanting to vie for power and all. like wtf. its so disgusting. like hello wheres the democracy? and in case u dont know, i am not, and will never be on the same league as u. sorry if i led u on! and to hell with the stupid ppl with have gt no guts, no balls too. nt sure even if u have a willy. if only u wil steer clear of the ppl i love, the ppl i hang out with, the ppl i like, i would get down on my knees and thnk u. for nw, BUGGER OFF.

talking to certain ppl can just make me vomit blood. worstill when they are yr church friends. thot we were supposed to be encouraging and say things to build each other up and not tear them down, but why do i often get the other? im so grossed out by my churchmates. shameful thing to say. i jolly well know that no one is perfect but im just beginning to see more and more of the ugly sides of them. sigh. its really saddening la. i mean if u cannot be happy for me, then just leave it, dont cont to shower me with yr cynical responses. honestly i dont need them at all. why cant u ever ever be happy for me? u selfish little bitch. suddenly it all seems so bleak to me.

that aside, went to jb with dot n her pops ytd morn, got cheap thrills again! lurveee the good bargains i got.hehs. a pity we were there for just a few hours! then bk to twinnie's hm and napped before discipleship, which wasnt too bad ytd. usually i would have dreaded it but ytd's one turn out to be pretty okay. had supps at macs then gt a lift hm..

stay home thurs but not sure if shd go clinic tonight with twinnie to check it out since she gt the invite. hehs. seems pretty happening! 2nd thots im scared to go clubbing haha sounds sillyy i know. will prolly jus cower behind twinnie again... wahahaa... til then~!

escapade to tras street, haji lane with twinnie ytd! all the vintage shops there were uber cool but prices there were rocket high la. and the shops were really intimidating, was practically hiding behind twinnie each time we enter a shop. anyway, nthing much, unless u r a celebrity, have tons of money, cant be seen elsewhere, then shop at that narrow little alley! HAHA. anw, twinnie have been absolutely sweet with all the favors and treats knowing her fren's a pauper now, with zero net worth. just wondering when i wil ever get a job and return her all the favors. dont feel very good, dont want her to have idea that im sponging off her. ugh. but anw, its really nice to have a fren whos there 24/7 in times of need!

anw, was talking to crystal earlier on and talked abt the wrong reasons of gg church. seems like a fashion parade to her.in fact having so much pressure to dress to impress, and simply to kill. and how i agree on the stupid haughty looks of girls who frequent topshop and all. gross. sigh. hope im nt falling into it too. hate the rat race! but seems to me that im finding myself trapped too. gonna go repent soon. sigh.

its a stay home tues so means piano, tv,disciple and packing of room (YES, AGAIN). really hope i'll get admitted to sch. ugh.cross fingers and toes. if only i can contort, i'll gladly do that. haa. ciao.

its like a BRAND NEW KIND OF FEAR. and the weird thing is its STRANGE. and kinda like "edscipleba" im scared. cos it doesnt make too much sense to me. ugh.

just when i thought it was all over, i was wrong. )=

over for a swim n tan at the madeira. but of cos things didnt pretty much turn out the way i wanted it to be. i wonder how many times we have to go thru all the misunderstandings/miscommunications. im really exhausted this time. perhaps it was my fault, but nv did i want things to end up this way. sigh. arghhh. dont know to feel sad or to fume with anger. this is so confusing. ahhhhhhhhhhh. GRRRR.

i need a job d.e.s.p.e.r.a.t.e.l.y. if only smone would drop a blank cheque from above. i'd be over the moon. and of course big fat hope.

honestly, does it pay to be nice? seems to me that its always better to mind your own business. ohwells. whats life without its incessant troubles? pffft.

im glad we kissed and made up, and things can never get any better! had a wild time yesterday, combing the whole of clarke quay! thanks to my lovely fren who did a pretty good job as a tour guide, prior to years of wking at the area and having so many wonderful ideas!! such as the pretty canopies! hee. checked out the clinic, and went walking ard in Central. kinda sucky in there, all the bad infrastructure, and the excessive escalators. haha. conclusion: we'll nt go back there anymore! hee.. walked along the stretch, realised the hooters' girls havent got much of a butt nwadays. (titst too)! HAHA. oops. trigger happy many times too. hehs. then over to chinatown for dinnerrr and then we walk bk to MICA to take a bus home. it was a happy day coated with boisterous laughters, silly antics, and the best company one can ever have. hehs. thank God for my sillygoosefren. am just glad we got over the stupid incident. hope that such will never happen again, cos im gonna try my best to be a good girl.

that aside, am having sm problems deciphering where i shd go study. sm options are so exp, so basically they are out of the list. what fancies me most now shd be a deg in communication studies and english lang. seems pretty fun but my only concern is that its gonna be night classes and also on sat..boo.. cos its mainly catered for wking professionals. sians. plus they require a 2 yr wking exp in order to apply.. so i just sent an email enquiring abt it. sigh. night classes are nonsense! having classes from 7.30-10.30? like duh. and 2.30-5.30 on sat? just WRONG. and gross altogether. sigh. pray that God will lead me thru all of it. and im supp to like register by the end of this mth which is like really soon. mass comm sounds gd too, but its a part time course. yikes. another one which i actually considered was translation and interpretation! hee. eng n chi of course. hehs. sounds pretty cool but both my eng n chi are neither here nor there, so im unsure again. ahhh/ just hope that God will make known to me what He has in store for me...!

ciaooooooooooo

wondering if its time to take a hiatus fr blogging, or simply change blog add. smhw feel it aint so safe anymore. then again, this is for me to rant my frustrations, nt up to u to judge me whatsoever.

and if history ever repeats again, i sure dont know what to do anymore. i knew it was never going to be easy, but once again i fell. im so tired of it all, wanna take a break and go smwhere where i can be left alone to ponder all my wrongdoings. (or perhaps u shd bear part of it) i did try. i tried very hard, yet u saw through it all. no matter how hard i hide, it was just futile. the grass is greener on the other side. how many times have i heard it, i lost count. but i will keep trying and not let the devil get a foothold of me. its going to get really tough, and the path to come seems difficult. im nt sure how i can ever live up to it all. sigh.

but in retrospect, for all that happened, i played a big part. it all sparked off bcos of me, and it ended up that way bcos of me. was wandering if i shd shun it or just let it remain like this. bawled my eyes out and had a hard time falling asleep but who knows? haha... wallowing in self-pity TIME AND AGAIN. if only i dont take things so hard, stop making comparisons, be thankful for everything, i wouldnt have to make myself suffer like this.

maybe i'll just wake up and it would all just fade off and never haunt me again. let's just h.o.p.e.

and maybe it would do us good if u would keep your promises. cos i promise i'll try to be good.

30th anniv celebration came and gone, with nothing very much interesting for me to look forward to. boo. wasnt too bad of a celeb, but i wouldnt say it was fantastic whatsoever, just happy to meet up with old friends. time flies at warped speed, and changes are inevitable! scary. cny will be 0ver pretty soon, time to look for a job!! def have to decide if am gonna study or not. hais.. hate it. hate having to make major decisions. how i wish everything was planned for. ohwells in a way it is by God, but i just wish certain things would be made transparent to me then i wouldnt have to bother. what i fear is probably making the wrong choices.

caught norbit with chak over at great world ytd. many cheap thrills! anw, silly showww! hahaaa but had a good laugh anw. didnt want anythg too heavy.. stay home tues since chak went hm ytd.. gotta pack the room again and do some piano... zzz...zzz...zzz...

3 nights of insane frenzy rushing out the clergys' gifts almost drove us bonkers and edgy, snapping at each other and almost biting each others' head off! eeks. but im so glad we're finally (oh wells, almost) done with them all. just hope that we wont get any cynical comments upon seeing it la. definitely need to catch up with our sleep, esp my insane fren who slept at 7am last morn. me being the PIG as usual, succumbed to the sheets at a mere 3am. hahaaa what a traitor!!

blog-surfing and ended up reading some old sec-sch frens' blogs.. smhw its nice knowing that they still keep in contact with ppl in their cliques. kinda envious at the frequency which they meet one another. just wish mine was like that too, seems impossible tho. but, like what i always say, ppl grow up and move on. just want to keep certain r/s close to my heart and not let it go!

am super perplexed, wondering why on earth is that person having all the things that i have?! isit really such a coincidence??? definitely is strange. and i dont like it. sigh. wonder if it will ever ever end, or will it just continue forever to annoy me to no end? ugh.

i need to get a job real soon. sigh. but i loatheeeeeeeeee the process of getting a job, gg for intvs and all. gross. and i need to like sign up for sch soon too. time is running out! and im nt even sure what i wanna study or do. its time i stop avoiding the issue altogether.

and theres patrina's 21st bday party at secret garden 2 wks ltr. looking forward, wheee~!

.: imitation is the highest form of flattery :.

how true can that statement get. but fk u! for trying to imitate me cos its simply sucks on u. scrawny ugly thing. gross. oops. im a big meanie. shall repent. but i really hate it when ppl have the same things as me, esp aft when i've jus got it. what looks 'nice' on me might nt necessarily be nice on you, so wake up! anyway. notice the inversions, dont really mean the NICE nice. anyway. its jus smthg i loathe, wish u wil get a grip and get a life! bleah.

cny can not get any badder. with the asshole constantly screwing up my life, and driving me up the wall. cant even have a gd night's rest. wish u will just die n disappear. eekssssssssssss. puiiiiiii. bawled my eyes out for the slightest reason. dunno why im forever sucha emo wreck. gross. i want to grow out of it!

anw, cny is totally boring. definitely NOTHING for me to look forward to. except for maybe the moolah. u call it mercenary whatever, i dont care. HAHA. its just the cynical and skeptical me. so there, its a total waste of my time. poof.

other than tt, alls pretty fine except that i have to like spend 30 mins to blowdry my hair each time i wash it. high maintenance! price u have to pay for vanity.

over to graces hse w a cosmopolitant grp ytd. just bitching n more bitching. hehs. so much for confidentiality. haaaa. and theres this super cute toddler, who kept laughing and muttering, much like a funny ahjek! cuteeee!

as for nw gotta start preparing the clergys gift for the anniversary. bit of a bummer. cos it aint turning out the way we want it to be! ahhhhhhhhhh.

til then, enjoy yr cny!

cut my hair wheee like finally. look like bobbit! hehs. thanks junie for bringing me thereee, apprec it. met up with eve n sj! like happy. was a wk belated bday celeb for sj, yes, zhichar at coffeeshop near my place. hw hip eh. anw, was a nice ketchup with em before they fly off to perth. jealous.

chinatown with twinnie, suaty and my pops ytd! cosmopolitant grp but was fun! hee. am glad they all went afterall. can really feel the festive mood there except for a few stupid ahjeks. bleah. cny is cmg and im gonna be so bored at home... boo.

stil having tons of fun rotting around, nt having to do anything. but sigh i am so broke nw that i can only stay at home. boo. i need a job desperately. but im lazieeeeeeeee. ugh. starting to get the jitterbugs of playing nxt sunday. so many ppl . bet i wil sure screw up. sigh. was thinking abt it in the bus earlier on and the thot of it is scaring me. and i have to nice clothes or new shoes to wear........

its valentines day tmr!!!!!!!!!!! and i have a date! wheee. with 12 other people in discipleship class. wahahaaa.. too bad cant go for grace's invite to her place. nvm. i just hope nthing stupid will happen during discipleship tmr.

2 weeeeks since the last update. peaches and creme, rather rosy i would say. but of cos there were the turbulence, eject me fr the seat and send me crashing down again.

met up with juneeee! it was a good one. and yes meet up soon k babe!! know u'll see this, so here it goes... thanks so much for everything! the flower, the fab company and all the girls talk. really apprec n thank God for YOU girl!

and adels party on sat night..a tad boring, but glad i went in a way or so. at least i got to catch up with eve n sijie n chers.. etc etc. but sm things stil remain the same. the cynism, the skepticalism, whatever my own words la. and im quite sad it doesnt change. but guess its the character.

the more i think abt certain things, the more i gathered that life is unfair!! humph. dunno why i keep allowing such issues to rule my life. hate it.bleah. and things that permeate so easily that it will eventually spark off to a new dimension. yikes! cringe at the thought of it.

and its really ok to nt get me involved, cos thats forever the case. then again, no regrets cos i let it happen. right under my nose.poof. wicked, evil ppl. but it might be a good thing. sigh. dunno why im so angsty nowadays. 1 word, im wretched.

hell lot of things happening each day, dont even know where to begin. relived the good ole days of slacking and bumming ard.

stjames power station last fri! ha. clubbing with twinnie and her friends. some hen's party but it aint wild at all. lol. nice peeps tho. wonder whats the big hooha abt it cos its jus mediocre! jus like any other clubs. and the most spastic of it all - ACROBATIC PERF right when everyone was getting high. lol. imagine all the attention shift to the acrobats. all stood and stare and stop dead in their dancing tracks. isnt that rubbs. lameeee~!

and of cos, some things never change. forever will be present ppl who do things that hurt others unintentionally.haha yes unintentionally. but ive learnt nt to bother so that i wouldnt fall into the devils trap. like what ive said, some choose to stay, some wil eventually leave. and it all doesnt seem so important anymore. cos i keep all the worthy ones. hehs. so there.

and then theres the brother with the filipino gf. driving me up the wall. 4 races for him to choose fr ---> chinese, malay, indian, eurasian.but instead ive got a new maid. wtf. insane. this is definitely insane. hahaaa. ahhhhh.

then i had to fall out with mama cos of a stupid lift to church. like fuckkkk. hw can i allow an asshole to come in btw us? duh. anyway, to hell with it. bleahhhh.

starting to have the fear of friends leaving me one by one cos i dont take initiative to hang out with them. like left out or smthg. sigh. dont want that to happen. but then again, some things are jus inevitable. u win some, u lose some.

and this rat race is driving me to the edge. seems like i jus cant see eye to eye with many and their doings.perhaps i shd be taken up (i hope) and i might be happier.

im at twinnies place! yes again. just hope and pray that madam chua will nt be mad. and my bloody phone bills have nt been paid and im so fucking screwed cos i cant use the blardy phone! how sad is that. damnit. sians.

and im jobless. i feel so damnnnnnnnnnn insecured!! hate the feeling. just wondering hw soon it will be before i declare bankrupt. yet again.boo.

i feel like im morphing into queen bitch soon. if certain things continue to develop in a certain way. ahhhhh.

suck it suck it suck it.

watched scary movie 1 n 2 with twin. is damn damn damn effing hilarious!!! laugh til i peng ah. go watch it...goooooooooooooooooo~!!!

out of job out of job out of job! and boy am i enjoying rotting the days off, simply slumbering til theres no tmr! wheee. thanks twinnie for the stay at her hse for the past few days. watched all the dvds we borrowed fr esplanade lib - it takes 2, curly top, welcome to the dollhouse (Stupid show) and of cos the wizard of oz! only enjoyed curly top n wizard, the rest were borrringgg.

sigh. nw that im jobless, i feel a little lost actually. hate the feeling of having no income! gotta call sph soon n let her know im available. dont wanna bum ard too much also. in the meanwhile, gonna pack my room, go get a decent tan, make a trip to the zoo! haaaa. and await my 3rd pair of birks. wahaha.. which i presume i wont like. dunno why i buy also. anw, disciple's back again tonite. stress * boo.

theres sale everywhr! mango, zara, topshop, fox! wheee. but i am so very broke now. sigh. so means i have to watch the sale sail by me. bleah.

twinnie and i have decided to stay in elijahs. wondering if its a gd or bad choice. then again, we dont really have other choices do we?lol... just hope 2007 will be a pleasant one. its the 3rd day arleady. scary isnt it. and i forgot to wish 2 person happy birthday. ugh. why am i sooooo forgetful?! ughughugh.

off to bathe and then botak jones with twinieeee.

today mark my last day at cnc! mixed feelings. bittersweet i would say. and best of all we'll be released at 3pm! cos theres nt much to do. woohoo. shiok! and ive got a new friend, phyllis! wen's fren.. haaa take over me.. too bad i wont be wking with her cos i gtta be outta here! anyways, all the best babes, both wj n phy! haaa may u gals have a fruitful and fulfilling stay here and may 2007 be filled of caramels of sunshine n happiness for u! hugs & misses.

on the other note, christmas came and gone, all in a flash! much like lightning. u either catch it or u dont. christmas was nt too bad i guess. gt all busy with the perf n carolling.. nt too bad. but guess it doesnt really feel like xmas this yr. kinda like dead. but anyway, am glad there aint anymore chionging to get pressies, cos it sure sucks when u are rushing. all have come to an end. and smhw i'm glad christmas is just once a year. thanks to all for the pressies, for i simply believe its a season of giving...!

gonna take a hiatus fr work and pack my room, spent sm time by myself and hopefully catch up with loved ones and do sm meaningful stuff. like perhaps volunteering at sm orphanage (no empty talk) i hope.

grace's hse is like nice can! i lurveee it. tho there are sm parts which i dont exactly know hw to appreciate. haaa. cant wait for her to move it so that turbs and i can have slumberthon theree. wheee. til then'blessed 2007! (:

super groggy today. sians.

and everyone is getting on my nerves. hibernated at home for 2 days, wishing i could continue the hiatus. its like wednesday blues. bleah. and i see stupid ppl around me! fancy having me to tell u what to do aft sucha long time. sucks eh. wish u could open yr eyes and nt be oblivious to happenings ard u. sickening. pui.

and i havent finished my christmas shopping. that is definitely a headache. boo. need to go down to mustafa soon. thot i had better get smthg small for ppl at cnc.

and i gt 2 pressies already! 1 fr charlize and the other fr jovis, kia's top salesman. wahaha. hope it doesnt stop coming. haha. greedy pig. didnt have proper lunch. im hungry. grrrr. hungry woman is a angry woman. and its freaking cold in here. but at least it hasnt rain yet. hope it goes like this tmr. else our efforts will all go down the drain.

hope i'll recover by tmr. but quite unlikely. boo. i need moolah. i want moolah.

have been out doing all the christmas shopping every other night, but nt to much avail. perhaps im picky, or simply nthing is gd enough to catch my fancy. ohwells.

cant help but have weird mixed feelings abt friends ard me. aft what ive heard. but of cos theres only 1 side of the story, but fr my own judgement, i can conclude n very much believe what ive heard. ive jus seen the ugly side of u. yet again. sigh. u snap, u bite, and u morph into a queen bitch. wtf.

and... my period is finally here! ive been waiting forever for it to come. hehs. no more crankiness for the nxt 2 wks or so i hope. lol.

church contacts in msn all gone! all went for camp. and inside me there's this wish, wishing i was there with them right now. smhw feel a lil sad tt we're unable to join em. afterall, we were there every other year. ohwells. i'll learn to get over it and perhaps grow up too.

shopping time!!

time for a quick peek...

its fri. and as usual i cannot get any happier. but of cos theres this tinge in me wishing that such wouldnt have happened at all. i mean its like fark can. hw can 1 be so selfish. sigh. shd i know, i wouldnt have rope u in. oh wells. too late for regrets. and i guess whatever ive learnt in HR have finally been put to gd use. the pros and cons.. enlightened finally!

fucking period nt here yet. and its definitely driving me insane. just wanna shout at everyone to fuck off!!! big pieces of shit all around. damn. gonna be a long n crazy day tmr with all the stupid cooking etc at the carnival. while the other 2 shits get to do nothing. effing gross.

2 weeks more to christmas. nt even sure now if i shd look forward to it. and theres prac in church tonight. tiring tiring tiring. boo.* if only all of u would give me a break and cut me some slack.

popeye's last nite! am a happy kid now. wahaha.. and my sweets gt me cheese muffin!! warmed up smore. uber sweet. and daddy drove me to work this morn! so nice of him! i totally appreciate it. hehs.

monday flash past in a whiz! and nw im suffering from tues blues. LOL. then again, no la. just stoning away again. and whats with all the stupid ppl jumping off tracks? guess the most 'IN' way to commit suicide is to jump into railway tracks. hw dumb can that be. imagine dying in such a ugly manner, with all yr brain bits flying everywhere..!! and the worse thing is u are wasting other ppl's time n money! time cos they have to wait so long for the train to start operation! and time equates to money! dumbdumb. wanna die, rem to think abt the kind of disruption u wil cause to them first ya? stupid.

these few mornings have been super chilly! *tsk.. n cant wear the black wool since my bestie used it to kiap her armpit. hw nice. so imagine all the overpowering BO!!! omgosh. gonna be a busy morning i presume!! boo. nvm. at least time past faster that way.

chaaaaaaa~!

ok. its clear that the weekend have yet to be eradicated fr my mind. practically lost as i sit in front of the pc this morning. just dont want to do anythg! boo*

bumped into lizzie the other nite, felt so gd to see old faces again, after like half a yr or so. and there she told me abt her blog add.. seems like shes living life on the edge, all the partying! but smhw theres a tinge of melancholic feel in all of her post. infact its quite saddening la, felt as tho she doesnt have much of a clue whats happening in her life, and that everythg is like a whirlwind ard her. ohwells, nt that i know what i want to get out of life, but anyway, im glad we're mtg up real soon. its time for an update. from both of them. for they were inevitable in my life during poly days. thats why i chose to hold on despite times of weariness or simply when i cannot be bothered.

hate all the scandals in church!! yikes. making my goosebumps surface time n again. eeky. what everybody's doing jus make me cringe. and i really dislike it. mayb. mayb its time for a change. mayb i wil be doing better in sm other church? i dont know. am nt really growing in sjc anyway. then again, its my own fault la, no one to blame. sigh.

fashion nowadays is getting ridiculous. all the plunging necklines.. omg.. everywhr i see on pictorials all models revealing more and more cleavage. why is sexiness always defined with skimpicity? (my own creation, haha) dont really get it.. but sure the world has fallen, and is getting from bad to worse each day. and i can only sigh and pray that i dont fall into the trap of it. so many desires, temptations each day. guess it takes a strong will to turn from it all.

its monday. and i sure dont like it.

its FRRRRRRRRRIDAYYYYYYYYY!!! can i get any happier? nahnah. hahaaa..

have been a train of events thus far, out almost every other day, and my nest is smwhat turning into a hotel! only spent like 7 hrs there for slumber, and use the loo. HAHA. didnt even get any chance to pack my room, or talk to my mama! boo*

dinner with j, dessert with turbs, schweeet, came to pick me up fr town! haaaa. know i can always depend on her. the supper escapades, and shopping! the bday celebs!

so its rest time tmr, since ive gt no music prac! woohoo! gonna catch up on my sleep, tidy up my sty, do my christmas list.. wheee...! but am broke. if only i'd get my paycheque soon.bleah.

and i wanna get madrid bronze before they upp the price! need to hunt for ppl to buy birks again.boo.

and dec is gonna be so exciting cos its CHRISTMAS soon! wheeee~! and im gonna go straighten my hairrrrr!

singapore discovery centre was a tad boring.boo. so much for anticipating the simulator ride. and the iwerks movie was super sianing.bleah.

anyway whatever P said that night was bothering me. why is it that if i dont have a boyfriend, and im really close to a girlfren, and that equates that we're lesbians? wtf. am so pissed. AND in the first place, from where did u get the conclusion that we're even close?? i didnt even fking talk to u since like dinosaurs were still ard? sigh. u're making me disgusted can. pui. dont u dare cast a judgement on me when u aint even PERFECT.

it was gd to see charm n moon! lunch tog with turbs n the 2 girls.. and boy did they gang up to make fun of me!! bleah. haaa..jus laugh my head off. then choir prac was eeks la. o'holy nite is driving us up the wall. and seeing the disgusting ppl's face jus make me wanna puke all over them. just hate ppl who try to hard to be different. and hate those who try so hard just to hope others will notice them and like them. to hell with it.

what a post filled with vengeance and hatred. LOL.

and worstill the stupid job!! asking me to make the decision, and prolly backstabbing in the back? hell. cant wait to get outta here already. want to have a break!! want to go shop for christmas pressies. boo.

anw, eventful wkend to boot. caught happy feet. courtesy of nick.. anw, nought much, perhaps more of a musical.haaaa. back to work. yawns.

its tuesday. boo. had a hard time getting up from bed. hate early mornings. unless its for fun. otherwise, we shd start the day from noon. bleah.

and xxx have nt get what i taught her into her head yet! its the 3rd day already, and she still doesnt know the ropes well.. ugh. sure hope she wil pick up speed. else she will be eliminated!! then again, i took a rather long time to get things gg. so there, i oughta be more patient. God gimme strength pls!

guess nt heading sim for the time being. til i can sort out my thoughts and get a clearer picture of where i shd head. at least i can slowly sit thru and think. and i thank God for understanding parents who nv fail to support me. tho when my mama ask me to think abt my future, she prolly implied that i shd do smthg that makes money, and nt what i like. i dunno. anw, its nice to know that there are those who care. appreciate it. (:

im boredddddd. cant wait to get outta here.

twin whipped up a nt-too-bad dinner for her family on fri cos of her mamas bday! so schweet. hehs. and im invited too! quite a cosy affair la, having dinna with the ones u loved. tho as usual i felt extra. hehs. cant help it la!

cruise ard town area on saturday with twin behind the wheel. gt the supplies fr art fren to paint mei's mirror. gt basil green pretty pretty! but gt the car scratched cos of bloody chaonehnehs. super zonked out aft the waiting btw each coats n all the varnishing. boo. left the putting up of flowers on the mirror. wonder when we'll have the time to get it done! hmmm.

the to study/nt to study issue is tormenting me like theres nt tmr. sigh. and the deadline to reply sim is like tmr, else i gotta wait for like another 1/2 a year. but guess im nt gonna rush into it, since a whopping 20k is involve. ugh. dont want to be bothered abt it until aft christmas. i want a carefree christmas!!! haa.

town ytd alone in the early noon cos of the stupid bastard. if he werent there, i would have had a gd lunch with my pops. screw u idiot. so i went shopping alone in orchard but lucky dajia came to my rescue! else i'd have died of boredom. but she took solong to come. sobs. but at least she came!! hehs. love her to bits. but i just made her upset again with my stupid words emitting fr my smelly mouth. boo.

its so bored it here. another 3 hours to kill before home sweet home. sians.

ive crossed the limits this time. period. nv intended things to end up this way. keep emitting hurtful words fr my mouth, so sharp they cut. sigh. time and again i hurt the ones i love. i break promises which i have initiated. i lose the trust that others have in me. regardless of how many times i say sorry, i know there will always be this crack deep down. give me another chance, and i swear i would hv never said such stuff..

but smtimes i wish u would let the good rule over the bad, and look at the gd sides instead. but of cos i dont do good jus so that when i do bad, all will be covered up. NO. no strings attached at all. perhaps u shd be given time to think thru bout this frenship, whether if it shd be kept. for i am uncertain of whr we shd go fr nw. im a bad fren to keep. sigh. oh wells. hope all will turn out well and God make me a better person. im disgusted by my own actions. eeks.

anyway, it was a pretty much difficult night for me before. woke up before my alarm rang this morning. super early for work. which is gd in a way. its gg to be a busy day since both are nt ard to help me. shall wallow in self pity and perhaps die in C&C.

for once, i am NOT suffering from monday blues! cos perhaps the wkend was gd enuff. hehs.

girls nite out with gracie and dottie on fri. had dinna tog and jus laughed at silly things. tho it felt strangely weird at certain times. oh wells. im glad at least we all made the effort to come together and cast all our differences aside. im glad.

slumber at twins place on fri, went to get the awfully banana choc cake in the morn for mama's bday celeb.then invited twin n mei over for steak, cos dad's cooking! and i was glad they enjoyed the simple fare. haaaa! think my mama was quite happy la, so many ppl celeb for her. tho it was kinda funny that i invited my frens over, as if it was my bday. haa but nvm la, the girls were a bunch of lovelies anyway! acc turbs to work aft tt, and boy was mango hilarious! nice fren to keep la, since he's almost as sampat as a girl, or prolly even more sampat than turbs n myself.

sunday.. had choir prac and it was a disaster!!! didnt even know what the hell they were singing, had so much difficulty. but thank God for the cd, at least i can practice to it now. afterwards had tea with old peeps and finally the question arise -" where should we finally go?" HAHA. sigh. nt much cell choices to begin with anyway. its either to joshua, to the adult zone, or stay rooted in elijah. nt as if the other sound good. ugh. dunno la.

anyway, its 647, and im stil in the office, nt knowing where to head. well done! haaaa. til then, laters~!

feeling super lousy ytd, cos of the stupid laselle shit. sigh. hate it when i dunno where to head, where blurred visions of what i want to do arise time n again. so... i took half day off to do some retail therapy. and a hell lot of retail therapy. total damage was bout 200 inclusive on the stuff i got on tues! but im happy. super happy. gt my kiss n tell bra from women's secret, green velvety bag from assesorize, tank from mango, nalgene bottle, 3/4s jeans, tank top, and belt from dorothy perkins! woohoo. and then gt the photo album e other day, plus the mini earrings chest plus my secret stash too!! am over the moon. but just wondering how im gonna tide thru the whole of this mth with christmas round the corner. madness!! gotta scrimp and save, cos the bacon i bring home is really peanuts.

just gt acceptance letter fr sim, wondering if its the place i shd head. really appreciate all the comments fr loved ones. thankful to all for enlightening me. i feel encouraged and loved. esp to the one who called and ask so many qns regarding the grant on my behalf. simply taking initiative for i didnt even ask her to do so. oh wells. im super touched la.

anyway, was shopping alone, cos was so depress i had to do sm retail therapy. and thank God i bumped into fish n mag, and they acc me! or rather, i acc them. hahaha.. makes me feel like im nt left alone in the world. God is good. so thankful for all the little things. jus like the new temp girl felicia too. at least i have smone to work with nw, nt in the little world where i have to do everythg alone. hehs.

feeling good now. and best of all, its FRIDAY tmr! *woots

i am suffering from monday blues. i need to see a depression doctor. or a shrink. every wk it'll take its toil on me.

spent wkend at turbs house. again. acc twin to work on sat, and to our shock and disbelief, mei was there. HAHA. and she seems to be acting a little weird. perhaps feeling green that i was there with twin, even on fri. hehs. oops. but nvm, im lurving it. anw, she jus let me see the vast diff btw bestie and her. incomparable that is. and im so glad i chose the right one. one who was there all the time irregardless of what happened. thank God for that. oh well. nt to say that she's horrid and all. of cos she's nice at times, but just nt enough, and nt the way it shd be when dealing with me.
dinner in town then drove bk home to get clothes for church, then bk to babe's house. and the journey was horrifying!!! sobs. i gt a bad shock. i probably cause it myself, but anw, all's well and im thankful for that. think im pmsing. jus hope that i'll get a grip of myself and stop being all mean and nasty to others. i feel lousy. but yet when i do it, emotions run dry. i need to die and disappear la.

caught oh in ohio ytd, quite a spastic show, orgasmic comedy! wakaka.. walk ard ps, had our dinner before heading back home.

i think i have the silliest fren in the whole world. all the retarded antics cmg fr her are gonna keep me gg for the rest of the wk. and running together aft being 'followed' by the bangladesh was fk funny.love it.love dajia.

am down with gastric flu plus running a fever, but am so much better now. guess can go back to work tmr! has been 2 gd days of resting at home, and replenishing my sleep. simply weary cos of mon n tues.. and the frantic rush at work was driving us bonkers.

turbs gt temp job at mei's office.. smhw feel that ive gotten her into the shit.oops. cos usually i wouldnt have replied in such a manner. how weird. sigh. hopefully these 10 days will flash past.

just checkd out the laselle site again.. seems a little confusing for me to understand. sigh. really hate it when i dunno what to do nxt. perhaps i wont be happy at rmit, but the future seems more secure and safe. laselle will be fun yes, but what kinda future wil it bring me? and the portfolio plus interview shit is already scaring the shit out of me. sigh. hate making decisions. if only God will show me how..

anw.. i didnt expect a call fr him at all. it was sweet tho. ohwells. you're my number 1 bitch. how nice. thanks ah. hahaaa.

friday!! yippee yippeeeee~! woots.

had popeye's chicken at T1 with twinnie ytd! yummy. but i sure hate the sucky attitude of the staff. eeks. and then we went to the secret hideout again. but didnt catch as much action pack like the previous time. still, we had a good laugh, nt cos of them but cos of our silly antics. wahahaa.. those ppl are sure scandalous! hehheh. so funs.

anw. its so busy in here. am jus glad and thankful that fri is here to welcome me with open arms.

today is thursday. riggght. which means tmr is friday!!! how happy. and theres hari raya nxt tues! no work! woohoo. if only.. if only i could take leave on monday, then i'll die happy. but its impossible. bleah.

asked for time to sort out my thoughts, and at the same time try to figure out where i shd stand.

discispleship was sigh. that bastard is really driving me up the wall. and i hate the bitch and her bf's laughter. fucking disgusting i tell u. really hate her. eeks. ok i know i wil go back and repent tonight. anyway, twin drove me back home yester and her car died while we were at the carpark! scary. but with out wits we managed to open the front up. apparently battery was low or smthg. luckily she was able to start the car and get gg all the way till she reached home. henggahlaosai!

the conspiracy is gettng more and more intense. ugh. scary can! sigh. and smhow im involved in it. hate politics! eeks. cant everybody jus like everybody else. but i sure hope all will be fine. asked me out umpteenth times but each time i turn it down cos i got other engagements. hmmm. then again. u aint the one.

saw a pair of really nice birks on footshopping that i like. but problem is its black again. but i sure love it! iwant it!!!

ok i typed out a super long post, but my fucking knee had to hit the shut down button. fuck fuck fuck.

sigh. it has been ages since i last sob so hard. i almost didnt believe myself. and to think it was over such trivial matters. but i really havent feel so pain and hurt for a long time. silly thoughts i know. just wish that i will get over it. guess its times like this that i learn to grow to be tougher. nothing is reciprocal. and i can finally comprehend how it is better to be loved than to love. hee. sadder but much smarter! wheee.

almost went berserk earlier on. was simply containing all the hurt and pain in my heart, and there was this tiny voice telling me to jus burst out in tears. hahaha silly can! but i held back. but almost couldnt take it on the bus back. had to alight and hail a cab home. remained composed, didnt want to scare the uncle, so jus silent tears. then back home and i bawled my eyes out, weeping buckets. 2 times! hee. keep triggering me off. sigh. but it sure feels gd to let loose yr emotions. i know its silly to harbour such bad thoughts. 1 word, childish. really need to grow out of it. im so hopelsss. mayb like what he said i shd jus jump down and leave him some possessions. eeeeeeddddeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrtttttttttttttt.

eeks. i feel bloody ashame of myself. but i cant help it either. hais. wonder when all these shit will ever come to an end. but i guess ive learnt to conceal my emotions really well. am proud of myself. hee. i realise its a matter of how i choose to conceal it. and i guess i displayed it well! it aint easy i tell u. nv easy. smtimes i wish life would give me a break. im only 20. and theres so much shit i have to go thru. perhaps its time my life be taken away from me. and if im lucky enough, God will fetch me up to heaven.

nt too bad a wkend. jek came over for slumberthon on sat, and me to her place on sun. breakthru cos i went for dinner at banana leaf with her famileeee. am so proud of myself cos actually i was bloody scared la. but it turned out to be great! it was crazy to see all the nehnehs pacing the streets, gathering in grps, as tho waiting for performance. scary! we were like the minorities can. anyway, had authentic indian cuisine, the the amount of rice they pile on our banana leaves were horrendous! i think its enough to feed a whole herd of pigs. kid u nt!

this morn as i was taking bus to work, suddenly thought abt my registration for biz mgmt at SIM. i had second thoughts about it. wth. sigh. this is so sad. and im looking into LASALLE nw. ahhhh. madness. communication design sounds damn cool n gd can! and these are the careers i can look into >> Advertising Designer, Art Director, Copywriter, Creative Designer, Design Educator, Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Layout Artist, Packaging Designer, Photographer, Production Artist for print/radio/TV, Typographer and Web Designer.a and if i choose advertising design, it will be >> Creative Designers, Art Directors, Copywriters, Production or Freelance Artists for print, TV and radio, our graduates focus on establishing themselves as creative communicators capable of formulating carefully planned strategies and concepts expressed in traditional and new media.

i want all those listed above! they seem so much more appetizing than business management-marketing isnt it? sigh. im so screwed la. really need to figure out my life soon. i havent got too much time left.

woke up feeling lost. wished i could sleep more. envious of ah jek who wil prolly wake up in the late morn. sigh. sitting at my desk now stoning. eyes are hurting, tired from all. and am sneezing n wheezing away. ugh. i dont want the bug bugging me. sickening.

discipleship was a-okay last night. thankfully nt as disastrous as when we first started out. guess he already knew our pattern. sigh. just hope it gets better, and that stupid ppl will stop spouting nonsense. keep their mouth shut, and all will be on cloud9.

i gotta wear pink on sunday so that joshua might wanna be friends with me. haahahaha damn hilarious. and jek gotta wear black so that she might be classified as suemay's fren instead. like how cute is that.

i wanna like go home and zzz now.

eventful night earlier. well, i must say there's a lot more i need to do. smtimes im totally clueless abt my own identity. ive lost it. and i disappoint ppl ard me. perhaps theres so much more expected of me. sigh. im really confused, perplexed and all. life is a paradox isnt it. but i wonder why such harshness have to be thrown at me time n again. hurt, yes i am. i wont deny it. but i'll def try to make it a better one. cos i cherish and treasure it so much. hold it so close to my heart. no way am i gonna let any other jeopardise it. but smhow im really afraid of losing it all. sobs.

daily scoop last nite. followed by ecp carpark with jek to check out all the couples who were hanky pankying in the cars. super scandalous n farnie laa. laugh til drop. then had supps at geylang. no hookers peeping this time. journey back home was ...

slept at 2, woke at 7, super shagged nw. if only i can go home nw and lie in the comfort of my bed. zzz... skipped lunch, hoping to catch a wink, but guess nt much time. ugh. busy peasy. bleah.

To begin with, weekend was awesome! Absolutely awesome. And I really thank God for that. Seems like I always enjoy my weekends. Hehs

Satty…

Music practice was as usual, ahem. With the screw ups and getting all flustered cos unable to play well. Sigh. Hated it. Simply wish I could play super well and not have to bother with the fill-ins or complicated chords. That aside, TSK was having a potluck over at Karina’s house. All couples except for twinnie and me, felt EXTRA as usual la. Perhaps they shd take us out from the membership. HAHA. So we ended up being babysitters! Thaddeus is like damn cute n chubby, 10mths old but his face seems on par with his maid’s already. Kakakka. And Joshua is uber cute too. We brought jap curry, sushi fillings and shitake… thanks to yati for her help, else we wouldn’t have make it.

Sunddy…

So called youth leaders mtg with the rest early in the morning at 9. eeks. Had to like share and update abt out lives and all, and prayer needs, thanksgivings etc. and as USUAL, my heart will start to beat twice as fast when its gonna be my turn to share. Just cannot comprehend why I cannot be myself and share freely. Perhaps im really afraid of how others will judge me. Anw, they always have such politically correct answers that im so sick of em. And most of the time, they CONTRADICT themselves. Bleah. Ok fine, nobody’s perfect I know, but why cant everyone be like me?! Then all will be peaches and cream! Wahahaaa..

Went out with my ah jek to town to meet mama n frens. Its nice to see old faces again aft like 7 yrs or so. Even though we spent less than 10 mins tog, its already enough. Then got down to Queensway to get my miss lala specs for sch! Gonna keep my fingers crossed that I’ve never lose it! Cos the previous 2 have all gone missings. Sobsobs. In the night went to celeb sue’s bday. Surprise again, jus like last year, this time with an additional member – ah jek!

Anyway.. its good to see Joshua opening up to us, willing to play and talk with us. Seems pretty much a quiet boy who always stick to his mama, but not so much now. Hehs. and I love chip+sue’s house! So nice and cozy. And I like them as a family. Simple n nice people, not pretentious or anythg. N when sue told us that they had her bday lunch at a hawker centre, I came to realize that we don’t have to spend lots of money to feel happy, to feel loved, because its always the people around us that make things special. (:

Spent 200 bucks since fri. ugh. Heartpain. Got the dkny be delicious perfume. Wheee. Ah jek gt the miniature. Which is like damn cute. I want too. Got my lala specs done. And got a jacket on fri. wheee. Retail therapy rocks! But time to start saving up already. Back to work means back to scrimping and saving.

i gt lotsa zits emerging from my face. isnt that sad. hais. gonna get busy as of nxt wk. anyway, wenjun brought me cocolatte! awww. how sweet. hehhehs. i would prefer bird's nest tho, nt coffee from a free dispenser in the pantry. cheapskate. hahahaaa kidding.

bought durian n peach strudel fr renald's for the Soos ytd. am glad they like it. thot i had better bring smthg since i always dine at their place! haaa. i know. im sweet n thoughtful. i know i know i know. but i ended up eating more than they did. so much more. but i likeee.

anyway, i live by my own standards. and nobody can ever change that.

i wanna eat popeyes chicken!!! like now. grrrr.

and my pops are cmg back tonight, like finally! then again, these 5 days passed by so fast! i miss em! and im jus glad that they wil be back tonight. pray for journey mercies*

after hibernating in slumberland for sucha long time, it sure suck to be back at work.

3 full days of living with twinnie. i knew it was never gonna be easy. problems arise when we're too close. and smtimes i choose to let the differences btw us embed my heart n mind, and i end up feeling so wretched. lots of tolerance. tolerance for nonsense, occasional cold wars, silly squabbles. but of cos there were happy times too. all the laughing that shook the house down, the silly dancing antics, the girl talk till the break of dawn, the feasting, or even saying grace tog. that i really like. hehs. am just gonna try my best to speak my mind!. anw, the 3 days were filled with many adventures! taking the citybuzz bus to the esplanade, driving to mustafa, dimsum buffet, movie, grocery shopping for TSK. splendid time spent. guess i need to learn to cast our differences aside, and instead to apprec the other even more, for it aint easy to be such close frens isnt it. i mean like just how many come and stay in yr life for sucha long time and promise to stick ard. nt much i guess. thats y im thankful for babe! w/o her, i'll prolly be roaming the streets nw. ups n downs, she have been there, and i believe always will.

and ... TSK is driving us bonkers. so much for everyone cooking and bringing smthg nice so that we all can enjoy n fellowship tog. like reeeeeel. gimme a break n cut me some slack pls.

mei's wedding wasnt a too happy affair for all of us. guess we were all stressed out by the perf, and i was so damn bogged down by the damn dress. hais. but glad that mei stil enjoyed it, despite it being a disaster! but anyway, sad to say, didnt really enjoy it. everythg seemed so tensed. there was this uncomfortable n deafening silence. ... guessed the church wedding was def better! hehheh.

wish i was zzzing at 15 watten drive nw with twin instead even tho i have to face the wide open mouth with drool hanging down by the sides, and the weird noises. i dont mind trading my work for that. haaaaaaaaa. til then~!

cant get to sleep, so thot mayb i can jus let in a bit of nonsense here and perhaps fall into deep slumber soon after.

perhaps we all have dreams afterall. wanting to do things that gives us a feeling of lavished exuberance. but of cos along comes inhibitions. so often that these dreams start to fade away, leaving behind traces of broken hopes. smtimes i wish for things that seem seemingly impossible to fetch.

i need to once again be reminded that all are made in different manners, and learn to care less abt things that will make me unhappy.

sigh. guess they call it pms. smtimes, i wish i hadnt know so much, and most importantly, think so much. oh wells, ranting off the wall again.

...

have been staying put at twinnie's place for the week. pops have gone out of town, leaving me to die in singapore alone. haaahaaa. feel so bad cos she might have to miss gatherings cos of me. yet again.sigh. i prove to be trouble. eeks.

after days of insane frenzy, its finally over. phew. and i can take a breather! then again, gonna get busy over the wkend cuz of grace's wedding. hehheh.can wear nice nice n trigger happy. wheee~! and im gonna take leave nxt wk! hiak hiak. havent told boss cos shes nt ard. gonna depend on wenjun. hehhehs then can sleep like theres no tmr, go swim, go to the zoo, go sgp discovery, so sentosa! woots.

so much has happened over the past few days. what can i say. guess theres alot to learn in life. so much so much more. i guess with time, n God in the picture, all will turn out fine!

gonna extend stay at cnc i guess. the way she phrase it. oh wells.. i need retail therapy. boo. and i need another pair of birks! and more shoes n clothes! and more bags and watches and many more.

spent the weekend at twinnie's place. went to get the mirror, lights and string for making mei's pressie, from ikea to imm to mustafa to spotlight. so much effort involved. just wondering if she will ever appreciate it. but then again, who cares. as long as it is given out, i wont really give a damn anymore.

was practicing the song at suats place yester. and it is pretty much driving me up the wall. i was convulsing much to the pain of the stupid tummy, and yet had to brainstorm ideas for the wedding. ugh. so much trouble. sigh. jus hope that all will turn out to be fine la. and as i look at the cellies, they being my seniors but yet i keep snapping at them, i cant help but feel bad. its like ive been so dominating and all, nt giving them the due respect. oops. hope they forgive me. wahaaa.

and i dunno why the hell i keep doing silly things when im in slumber. and sampat have to always catch me in action. ugh. its so bloody embarrassing. omgosh. dun even know why the hell i do it. how can i be so zonked out?! arghhh. wonder what she'll think im doing. then again, to hell with it la! hais. cant help it also.

forbidden city on sat with yet another cosmopolitan group. wahaha.. everytime such thing happen, i feel kinda weird but happy la. smtimes its gd to mix ard with the others i guess. so theres mag shazzie geof dorthy n me. tho its my 2nd time, i must say i had a much clearer view this time, thanks to the binoculars! wahaha.. addition of some scenes, hehheh.. anyway its nice la!

lunch on sunday was farnie. cos was in such a hurry to say grace before our meals. we had to like chiong before the other 2 came back. wahaahhahaa..like so scared of getting exposed! know that ive said that a thousand times, but im so glad each time we say our prayers tog! wheee.

and im so thankful for the sisters for they took 61 back with me ytd. so bloody touched i wanna cry. wahaha. hated gg home alone, ESP WHEN ITS ON A SUNDAY NIGHT. I HATE SUNDAY NIGHTS! bleah. anw, we yak n yak n bump into mr cocky and as usual, missydot screamed, scaring the wits outta the poor sister and myself. nt by the cock, but by the daft scream fr dot. she has been driving poor eu n poor me up the wall. arghh.

mei's wedding's coming up. and ive got no clothes to wear. woots*

today is an angry. farking angry day. stupid brother hogging the phone forever. damn irritating. i hate him. pui. and other contributing factors. argh. pffftt.angry angry. on fire. BLEAH.

im a person without principles. is that sad or what. told myself that i will never ever perm my hair. NEVER. over my dead body. but i just succumbed to the persistent persuasions that sprouted fr my aunty's mouth. ugh. i am so screwed. and now ive got a big hair. cant say whether i like it or not, but for sure its a change! wanted to color my hair at first, but she said it was flat, so might as well. think the nxt time i do smthg drastic to my hair, it will prolly be shaving it bald. wahaha.

sigh. and people are adding on to my agony when they are suppose to be contributing to Singapore's economy. pissing the shit out of me. hate the fact that u came all the way up to look for me and ask if i wanted a ride home. hate it when u call me jia2. who the hell are u to call me jia2? even my mama doesnt to that. shame on u. pui.

other than that, all's pretty well.. twinnie gt a lil smthg for me when she went to jb the other day. 3 boxes of green tea pantiliners tied up nicely with a purple ribbon. wakakaka laugh til ROF. anyway, it was sweet that she remembered i was searching high and low for it, so ultimately, it doesnt matter if ive already gotten it. but its the sweet thoughtful gestures that matters!

was gg to send in my application for sim, but decided to holdback and think twice if thats what i wanna do. dont wanna waste 2 yrs and so much money on smthg i dont like. but then again, there aint much choices for me to choose from either. sigh. life really is a paradox aint it.

till then, laters~!

.: two's company, three's a crowd :.

its a slow monday to begin with. the skies are grey, winter is here early.

weekend, always so treasured for its time to make merry and catch up with loved ones aft a week of business. over at plaza sing to catch host on fri night. had dinner at pastamania and there was a blackout. boo. so much for romance. haa. so we had to eat with the hp lights on. and the movie wasnt too bad. at least i didnt fall asleep. the riotous character humor as the dysfunctional family infiltrating the forbidden zone strikes a balance with the horrid ugly monster. but still, the authorities are the greatest monsters of all! wahaha.

sat was music prac and then nat lib in search for performances ideas for graces wed. but to no avail! boo. then we were so bored we tuned in to power 98, and there it was, we heard the spoof for ji ki sio ho suah >> little umbrella. and sooo... we decide to sing that! hehhehs.. guess its all gonna be corny and all. but i seriously dunno how to get it gg la. smone got to talk and all, but its jus not me! had dinna aft n twin came over for slumberthon. we slept and woke up at 2am to bathe. haha kukus pigs.

sun.. went for lunch and had then went to choose pics with the sisters' family. happy for them. 1 big happy family who will go take pics cos of twin's grad. isnt it nice n all? hmmm. but then.. before n aft the atmosphere was kinda tense. just cannot be myself when the sister is there. it feels weird. like all's struggling to keep it gg. super draining. two's company, three's a crowd. i cannot agree more with it. sigh. its driving me up the wall. she and her forever "ANYTHING". fuck la. ok fine i do that at times too but not like everytime! wth... and it looks like she doesnt enjoy our company and all. i mean cmon if thats the case, why nt u just go home right. instead of pulling a bloody long face and sounding all pekchek n cranky n all. kns. ok dunno why im so worked up also. might be other contributing factors. it doesnt explain it all does it. and i highlight contributing factors. such as barbed people. wahahahaaa.. but stil twin has been good as always. i guess we can only have 1 best friend.yups, thats what i gathered and concluded. sparks jus doesnt fly when the chemistry's nt there. we cant really expect miracles yeah. so there, im thankful enough that ive got twin with me all these while, and of cos it'll cont til we meet in heaven.

anyway, got lotsa crap at song n song the past wk. shirts skirt shorts biks. boo. n belt fr dorothy perks! its a matter of time when i become broke. haaahaaa. gotta curb my spending before i become a pauper again. the chilly weather has gotten a hold on me too. freezing my ass off everyday. ugh. eeks.

p.s. snow-white: tell me when u free to come my place, u're welcome at all times! hehs.

wheee! its thursday! 1 more day to the weekend! woohoo.

ok. grace is mad at me! oh no. sigh. she is sooo sooo soooooooooooo disappointed that we aint gonna put up any performance for her. said that she have always perf at others' wedding, but yet on her own wedding, no one is willing to do so. so sad can! hais. think we had better do smthg nice so as nt to disappoint her any further. but the issue is, WHAT ARE WE GONNA PERF? it aint easy when we have so little manpower. ugh. and most importantly, IM SHY!!! kakaka. sigh. so there. dont know how also. worstill, its only a mere 2 wks to her wedding. ugh.

gave my pops 100buckeroos. nt alot, but jus a little gesture of mine. was hoping my mama would say no la its ok, u take it back but then she took it! ugh. haha my heartpain. smmore must tithe. hahaha alamak broke already. and i stop taking pocket money as of today. ugh. guess gotta pay for own transport too. double ugh. no more left of me. sobs.

caught the devil wears prada ytd. ok fine this is a spoof! a clever one. the shows nt too bad, except tt i doze off a little towards the end. guess am a tad tired tho. anw, i like anne hathaway! and i want to watch movies! provided i have replenish my sleep first. hehs.

had royce chocolate potato chips ytd! super yummy. then on monday we had banana choc cake from gastronomia or smthg. the super branded michael angelo shop. so nice. hee. and today we painted our nails in the office. haaa. beginning to enjoy wking at cnc.

its discipleship again tonight! so fast. ugh. sobs* how fast.

all my tangled hair are all out too! so happy. got them out 1by1 over tv last night. pull out a damn whole lot of my own hair.sobs* and footshopping replied me! but damn, the birks i want is completely sold out. bohoho..

but gd news is, i got my paycheck!!! woots* have been waiting forever. time to go shopping and pamper myself!

i've got all my dreadlocks out! boohoo. kind of sad but yet happy at the same time. finally a load off my hair, super light nw, and smhw im glad about it. trying to get used to my old hair. happy thing is ive already received 4 compliments on hw i look nw! hee. exhilarated can. woots* spent 2 days at home trying to get the dumb locks out. and i had to skip church cos of the terrible state which my hair was in. funny la. d of cos thanks to twinnie who took time off to take out the hair for me. another selfless side i see. (:

really had a gd rest at home during the past weekend. really like having time for myself, simply packing up the room, or watching tv. feels shiok. but of cos too much of it makes me gag too. now i wanna go watch movies! wanna go shopping to. cheque shd come in today. it had better! aft such an embarrassing moment on friday.

slept at 3am last night,woke at 7am, but yet i dont feel tired at all. how strange. gg out tonight with the idiot. thot i told myself that i aint gg out with him anymore cos of the previous stupid issue. oh wells. we'll see how.

.: cortry :.

told monstwin that my colleagues were commenting that my eyebags were popping out the other day. then ytd night twin brought out her cortry when we gg creaming. and so slapped my forehead, thinking she was gonna use it in the car during her free time. but turn out it was for me! hehs. ugly eyebags but sweet twinnie! so touched can.

so we went creaming at daily scoop with rose, send her home then went bk to my house. and twinnie put cortry for me on the eyes. thot it was a little stinging, but went ahead with it. turns out 20 mins aft she took it out, my upper cheek was flushed. like i put blusher on it. damn funny, and sampat twinnie was super scared that smthg worse might happen. so she quickly prayed, super funny. ROFL. but thankfully it subsided aft abt 30mins or so, and finally she can breathe. hahahaha.. silly gal. i wasnt even the least worried but she was like getting all jittery. haaa.

anyway, ITS FRIDAY!!! T.G.I.F. woots*

wheee! today makes post no.4! sigh. not that i really love bloggin or what alright. just so happen that i got nothin better to do. bad news. my birks are no longer on the list. they took it off! so saddening. i love it so so much! hais. nvm. can save that amt of money and perhaps put it to better use. plus, i havent even get my pay yet. ugh. even more saddening.

discipleship was alright. thot we were all struggling, trying to endure n all, tho i dunno when i wil ever give up, cos the fact is ive already given up. the disability to answer qns is driving me up the wall. making my heart race all the time. i just aint cut out for it. cant give brilliant answers, always keeping quiet. nt criterias for the class.

after that went for supper with my bestie. had desserts at ah chew, and thick peanut butter toast with condensed milk. wahaha damn shiok n sinful can. anw, my bestie's sampat la. fancy bring out a whole big bottle of sally hansen nail remover and whole pack of cotton wool to remove her nail polish. where? AT THE BUS STOP WHILE WAITING FOR THE BUS AND IN THE BUS. !!! wth. only sampat ppl like her would do such a thing. slaps forehead* to top it off, she brought her j&j lotion out to. to apply when shes free. sampat. machiam she busy til no time to breath. SIAO!!! haha. strange monster twin.

am waiting for friday to come!!! then can have a gd rest over the weekend. am so zonked out. felt like they suck the life outta me. haaa but then again its cos im having lotsa fun in the nite. serves me right. and 2 already commented on my dark eye rings. sobs. isit that obvious? ugh. time for sm soothing eye therapy.

its so bored n cold in here! brrrrr.

haha ok yes, ive been blogging consecutively for the past 2 days and today makes post no. 3!

wonder why i always get green when kecai gets cheque and i dont. humph. life is unfair. think ive made this pt a million times. sucky. it always happen. when im down, kecai's up, and when kecai's up, im down. hahaa. guessed God plan it this way so that we can be there for one another at all times. guess im jus a silly girl la. fancy getting jealous and all of my bestie. so ashame of myself. ugh. but im glad we cleared the air, and good things always come out of it. so glad n thankful for a fren whom i can just rant everything n anything to. jus pray that i dont take her for granted and jeopardise the frenship in anyway.

oh yeah, and im glad we now say prayers tog before meals! i dont even recall us doing it for a looooong looooong time, and im over the moon abt that. silly it may seem but thats how i feel! i want a frenship based on our r/s with God. thats what i want! so im thankful abt all our prayers tog. and simply praying out loud during prayer mtg and during cell grp. all those make my heart smiles. hee.

caught click ytd with bestie. nt too bad a show. and thank God i didnt dozed off. haaa had prata at thomsom before home sweet home. hit the sheets at 2 and now im totally zonked out. ugh.

and i WANTTT TO BUY BIRKS!!! fuck. the pair which i want is no longer in the website. i am so sad i wanna cry. boo*

ok. the cupboard have been given a new lease of life. decided that i shd give them a chance. and they look great now. problem is, the color doesnt match my room color. haahaa wth. nvm. guess it doesnt matter that much nw. mayb shd repaint my rm again. HAHA. and then i wil be slaughtered by my dad.

the ability to go home at 6 really feels gd. simply rotting infront of the tv! and i did my discipleship wk til i fell asleep. lengthy bible chapters to read. ugh. old testament is really driving me up the wall. the numerous stories, never-ending reading to do. then i woke up an hr later to continue. hehs.

and today wil be off at 6 too, if nothing goes wrong! seems pretty free now, having ample time simply starin into space. daydreaming is shiok if u ask me. hopefully tmr'll wil be the same. then wil have time for dinna with twinnie!

only thing now is im waiting for the damn cheque! ugh. then i can go shopping!! wheee. i wanna buy birks, and i cant find ppl who wants to buy too. sobsobs. stupid problem that is i know. and i want to go travelling too! anywhr wil do..! need to get specs done, need to go take pics. so many things to do! bor eng. and i wanna take out my hair soon. then go for haircut. its all over the place now, and the lustrous bunch have wilted and only a few strands are left standing. sobs. hahahaa.

til then...

i typed/saved as draft/deleted. and here's a completely new post. thot the other one was like random. nt that this wil make much diff.

anyway, disgusting ppl are still ard me. cant seem to brush them off. need to find a sol. haa ok fine am bring cynical again. but i dont care. *poof.irritants!

sigh. how can i ever forget the powers of the internet? damn. stupid me. and of all post, it has gotta be that. ugh. gonna die of emb.

snow city last sunday was fun, tho there was jus 1 pathetic ride. guess its the company as always! but damn those who werent there. who promised to go tog but didnt make it in the end. whatever reason/excuse u give, to hell with it. haaaa.

and my mama jus nagged at me ytd. hate it when they nagged. arghhh.

i need retail therapy. LIKE NOW. *GRRRR.

wed 23rd aug...

sigh. what a night! if only i had pay more attention to the needs of others around me. i swear it was freaking scary. didnt expect things to turn out this way. this is what happens when we take smone for granted. esp smone we love so dearly. made the call and then the crying began again. didnt know what to say in times like this. if i knew it was so terrible, i would have scolded the bitch upfront. wth. so not encouraging. has she forgotten that we are brothers and sisters in Christ? isnt the class all about learning together? so why the fuck did the bitch say that the things she shared are fei4 hua4? fuck u! fuck u for being such an asshole. for causing unnecessary hurt and upsetting my loved one so much. pui.*

jus wondering why things always turn out to be so ugly all the time, in the midst of so looking forward to see one another, and jus one issue, and everythg turn sour. fuck that man.

that aside. realised that yisanba has been trying to be funny with me. and smhow, i wish what she said was true! i would have been over the moon. but the sister will always be a barrier. haha. it appears to me that ysb kept trying to like prompt me to speak. from my observation, it has been around 3 wks since that happen. all the evidence seems to point at one direction, haaa. but perhaps it was never intended for, and jus wishful thinking on my own part.

armragte.

hmmm. poor girl. new staff and got tekan, being throwed so much work. sigh. feel so sad for her. jus hope that she wil pull thru and prove all of em wrong. no idea why certain ppl can be so nasty.. jus mere 4 days and they expect her to know everythg? impossible what! even if u want smone to learn, thats nt the way to do it what...! sigh. feel so so sorry for her. poor thing! she even came bk to office on sat to wk can! arghh.

aunty susan.

saw her on fri and i realise i miss her! miss her booming voice, and miss her passionate heart for bringing more to God, even tho she sort of got into my nerves during the rally on fri. shdnt have gone. smhow i jus cannot comprehend all the slaining and speaking in tongues thingy. its super scary for me! and there was this girl who got the monkey spirit in her. sounded kinda farnie but its horrifying too! she was shriekign and screaming, saying "bu yao" and the elders and pastor kept praying for her, driving the devil out. was damn scary scene. *creepy.

other than that, havent been getting enough rest. ot almost every other day and its driving me bonkers. i wanna go home at 6!!! sobs. got my zara in red n white stripes. dunno why they have to give dumb comments that i honestly dont need time and again. sigh. thnk i need to change my wardrobe. need to get tudungs, and long sleeves and long pants. all covered up. whee!

its disciple class again tongiht. hope i dont screw up. and i want less ot and more dinner time with my lovelies! i want to shop too. if only my salary wil come in like now. sigh. need to wait at least a gd old 2 wks. ugh. hair's jutting out, 1 word, ugly. sobs. but i wanna keep it leh! sigh. wanna go sentosa too, and swimming and tanning! but ive got no time. boo*

time for an update.

its back to cnc again. ok right the other time i said the signs are clear that i shd leave. but anw, im back there, and wj with me this time. anyway, waking up at 7 sucks big time. eeks. and squeezing with ppl on the bus is eeky too. not much work to be done, since its the mere beginning of the month. goodie. can slack. haaaa.

twinnie came over to stay on tues.. but had to rush home ytd half way cos her daddy's cut his finger. 1/3 of it came off. freaking scary. so had surgery last night. hope all's well and that everybody at home is ok too.

over at marina to catch a glimpse of the fireworks on tues. quite pretty, but it was dumb that we spent time queing at ljs, wasting our chances to catch the whole 12 mins. perhaps shd go down again on sat. hehheh. twinnie might be gg dubai at the end of yr. i wanna go too. but i dont have the moolah leh. if only i can save all my pay, then i'll follow her. but im scared. freaking scared that ltr when we're thr, they'll wanna do stupid stuff.. like clubbing/marijuanaing, smoke pot. then i wil faint. since her fren's pretty notorious. haaa. oops.

other than that, ive attempted packing my clothes into the cupboard. but suck it la, cupboards freaking ugly, and one side of the door seems to be falling out pretty soon. hope it happens soon, so that i can get a new one. perhaps i shd keep banging it, n then it wil fall out.

chaaa~!

been putting up at twinnie's place for 1 wk already. everyone's really nice, except that i stil get the jitters when we have dinner tog. hais. cant help feeling super shy n paiseh. haaaa. have been slacking all day long, watching satc, and sleeping most of the time. feel like a paralyzed nw. oops.

getting used to the hair nw, doesnt seem as heavy or irritating nw. but i dropped 1 strand of the dreadlocks on friday! ugh. yati picked it up for me and tied a knot. smwhat look like a pretzel. wahaha. think will take it off pretty soon. but other than that, im loving my hair! have received pretty cool comments abt it. hahaaa. quite fun actually, smthg diff i guess!

am lacking of ice cubes. cos twinnie forbid me to eat them. but 1 or 2 occasionally. feel like im a drug addict. only diff is im an ice addict. sigh. thinking of them simply makes me drool. anyway... its discipleship class tmr. so fast. and ive yet to done the work. ugh... hope we can drive out later to have ice cream or smthg. im pretty bored cooped up at home all day long. makes me super lazy.

jus realised i havent enrol for sim jan intake. hope i'll get it done soon. chaaaaa~!

am back from bkk. like ive said a million times, TIME FLIES WHEN U R HAVING FUN. boo* how sad. but travelling is sure fun with the right company. tho i admit ive been pretty much a bitch, being cranky, demanding, selfish and cold at times. hope she wont be frighten horrid by me. hee.

anyway, back at twinnie's house since everythings is a really huge mess over at 171. almost couldnt believe my eyes when she drove me there earlier on. yikes. guess wil be putting up at twinnie's for the nxt few days.

super sian. felt as if im bk from holi, and that nobody wants me anymore. wth. back to a place where its so messy. toilet's nt done up. furnitures unwrapped. boxes unpacked. dont even feel like gg bk there til its all done up for me. eeks. sad too. jus wanna get it over and done with. if only we didnt have to move. feel like a nomad now la.

anyway... bangkok has been prettty awesome. loved the fact that all things are dirt cheap, and we are like living the lifestyle of the rich n famous there, giving tips and all. wahaha. didnt do much shopping tho, seriously if u asked me, things there can all be found in sgp, so nothing much for grabs. its more of the company and the window shopping that i enjoy. simply appreciating the fact for different ways of life. amaze me a whole lot.

we covered almost the whole part of bkk, went to chatuchak, pratunam, baiyoke sky, suanlom, siam centre, siam paragon, siam discovery centre, mahboonkrong, khaosan. all markets, cept for a few shopping centres. chatuchaks like super hot la, making me pek chek jus by walking. took the ferries wheel over at suanlom. loveeee it. so nice. oops. and we watched the thai girls show too. finally know what all the hype is abt. anyway, its jus girls using their vaginal muscles to perform stunts. the things they do are quite shocking. openign a coke bottle, playing pingpong, pulling out long strips of blades, bells, flowers, shooting balloons using the arrows on their vagina, etc etc, all with the use of their vaginas. scary but am taken aback at the same time. and they ended it by having sex. wth. that sure freaked me out cos we were sitting right on the first row. eeks. but anyway, its all jus for the exposure.

everywhere we go, we took the taxi, except the first day where we took the tuktuk. that was absolutely fun, like we are in a really huge toy car. haaaa. hate the noise+air pollution tho. took their train too and its so short. alamak. one thing that scares me silly are the beggars on the street. omg. one was maimed in one leg, and he was sitting on the floor and moving using his butt n legs. was a scary sight. the other fella was also maim in one leg, he was lying flat right on the floor, with a container in one of his hands. scary. sigh. and saddening too.

food was gd, had phadtai almost every other day, had jap bbq, calamari, black olive rice, and lots of fruit shakes. loved the lychee shake. had dunkin donuts and a&w too. slurps. and 2 times of popeye's chicken, during our departure and arrival. hee.

guess the most significant thing we did there to remind us the remnants of bkk has got to be my DREADLOCKS and twinnie's BRAIDING. hahaha. but the itch is driving us bonkers. and its so heavy that we cant really sleep with it on. contemplating to remove it tho its a mere 1 day. haaa but nt so soon cos i spent a bloody S$60 on it. anyway, mine can last foreveer for twinnies one only for 2 mths. got a hunch shes gonna get it out really soon. haaaa. anyway, still liking my dreadlocks tho its making me feel really uncomfortable at the same time.

overall, it has been a gd trip. relly enjoyed myself. have nv been anywhr, so am really glad abt this trip, and i must say it was pretty much satisfying. thanks to my babe who have been so accomodating and doing such a gd job of taking care of me. am so glad shes the one whom i went there with. wanna go out of SEA now. i wish...

woke up early this morn, follow the pops to get the toilet stuff, plus lights for the house! and i chose a white one which looks like birdnest! lurrveeee it. starting to see the bright side of moving house already, thanks to twinnie's analysis n encouragemt. she have been a real darling, helping me pack my stuff, cheering me in times of need, and also painting of my room. appreciate it so much. wonder what i'll do w/o her.

anyway, we are off to bkk tmr night! finally its here. hehs. but wil be gone in a flash too.

fyi, my new add... blk 171 bukit batok west ave 8 #04-359 s650171

other than that, life has been pretty much fun ever since i stopped work. love having all the time in my hands. but am so broke nw. changed 400bucks for bkk trip. broke broke broke. wil need another job soon. think im prolly gg sim jan's intake. hope i'll rem to register for it, plus collect my dip cert! ugh. suddenly life seems void. so many things gg on. cant really get hold of it all.

til then, ciao!

slumberthon at my place for the past few nites, twinnie came over. and we watched sex n the city. hahaaa damn hilarious n daft too! but i fell asleep quite a few times during the wee hours. have been sleepign at like 6in the morn. madness! zits are all popping out now. ugh. suntannign was fun too! and all the piggingg out, and durians in the middle of the night in geylang. all except when i got scolded til i cried. sobs.

my babes are gone to aussie. am gonna miss them tons! til we meet again in dec yeah. (:

its 1 more week to bangkok! so excited can! *giggles

shifting in a wks time. too bad i wont be ard. gotta start packing already. hope the loo's nice. i want a new n spanking clean one.

p.s thks june for the lovely pressies from jap!! heres to more cabbing nxt time! hee

ok.the signs are even clearer nw. 3 more days to byebye cnc! hehs. finally can take a break aft like 2 mths of slogging my ass off. no more papercuts too!

twinnie was so sweet to have thot of lunching with me at anchorpt ytd. poor gal had to go see the osteopath alone. now the trotter's wrapped up again and she is grounded at home. ugh.

it has been shopping and more shopping nowadays. and ive finally found the joy of shopping alone aft 20 yrs. really enjoy having that time for yrself, walking ard and jus enjoying the pretty sights. and i jus counted, i blew 900buckeroos of my salary on shoppg, treats, n the bkk trip. ahhhhh. madness. and theres the jap buffet on thurs, eve's bday, farewell gift for the girls. madness redefined!

sudden whirl of excitemt when i thot of gg bk to sch in sim. hmmm.

after much procrastination. sin-bkk, finnair. amazing thailand here we come! lol. 21st to 25 jul! cool yeah. jus dorothy soo n me since the rest cant make it. and my mamas mad. cos i booked the tics n paid w/o her agreeing to it. sigh. obviously i understand that its bcos shes worried and all. but c'mon i havent been to anywhr in my whole 20 yrs. wish she wil understand me too. sigh.

so we went chinatown to get it all booked. flying finnair! hw funs. cant wait already. but to be frank, im also a lil scared. imagine 2 girls al alone in foreign land. and thailand aint exactly safe. and i wanna watch thai girls show. yet im scared. haha kukus me.

and i am so damn broke now. only abt 10 bucks left. and theres zara sale. ahhhhhhhhh. how irritating! lets hope the pay come in soon, and the sale will linger on! waka.

im gonna get busy...! gotta meet up with joshua before he goes to NS. gotta meet wenjun before i leave. wanna catch up with june. gotta meet the girls b4 they leave for auzzie. gotta have a thank u party for suat. busy busy!

serene's contract ended today. sigh so sad. no more lunch partner. dont really click with xiuwen. and the new temp staff cmg in are her frens. 2 guys smmore. think i shall be like amy n stay in office n eat. mayb can diet too. hehheh. and bitch with rahimah.

God has been really gd, giving me answers as to whether to stay in cnc or nt. the signs are clear. thank u Lord. beginning to see the dark side of it all. am smhw glad tthat im having my last wk soon. no more ot. no more slogging my ass off, getting paper cuts, sarcarsm fr stupid ppl. but im sure gonna miss rahimah and the trolley auntie. keke and nice ones like phllip. hehs.

gonna go turn in soon. everyday ive been out. turning into panda soon. nights! gd wkend.... (: