a brand new beginning

today marks a brand new beginning, for you, for me, for all of us.

just to recap on some major happenings in 2012

- taiwan trip, bangkok trip

- best friend got a job! yeeps.

- left seatrade. joined SSO. left SSO.

- you almost happened, but left before it happened.

all in all, im thankful to God for all the various experiences i encountered in the past year. be it good or bad, i know He has His purpose and all that happened definitely helped to mould me into a better person.

am gonna embark on a new job tomorrow at FFTH, not sure how things are gonna be like, but just hope it won't be like SSO. trust that the Lord has prepared everything for me. kinda excited to start work too. praying for great colleagues and boss!

at the same time, the best friend will also be starting work. i am so happy for her. yes she has a much higher salary and i can't help being green but i am truly delirious for her. she has waited so long and she totally deserves it! praying that she too will be blessed with fab colleagues who are ever willing to lend a helping hand.

and may 2013 find us both love! someone who is after God's heart and someone who deserves our love. 

here's to love, friendship and lots more. x

hello my dearest beloved blog. it's me again your dearest beloved owner! i guess it is much safer here, lest i commit the silly error of posting smthg so dreadful on facebook.

got hold of news from the best friend yesterday. im not going to deny the fact that it does bother me. how could you really, how could you?! to think we almost had it all. i was so stupid all along, and even tried to take initiative when all these while you were happily spending time at another person's house. shame on you really. all the bullshit you told me, all but lies. you LIAR!

i shall not allow myself to fall into the trap of getting upset. you are just not worth my time, my tears.

please get out of my life. you . jerk .

You took me by surprise

you know how this thing works. he asks me out, and twinnie being upset cause she feels that she is gonna be one lonely soul. and how this is always a very touchy subject, seeing the number of times we end up in quarrels.

and just when i thought it is really going downhill, God gave me a surprise and twisted the ending. semaj actually called the best friend and im really glad to know she had a good time with him on the phone. it really really helped to set the tone and i can't be anymore thankful than that. i only pray that all these will carry over the days, weeks, months and years to come. my life would be perfect.

sometimes God really works in amazing ways, planting a surprise when you least expect it. keep the faith i would say and see the wonders that He does.

now my only concern is for twinnie. how she would really feel. she hasn't got a job and im very worried for her. at the same time, i do now and cannot comprehend what God has in store for her. She has been jobless for such a long time and i dont know God would want such to happen to her. It's not like she has done something grave, something real bad that she deserves this. NO! In fact she has a heart of gold and i really cannot find anyone else who has a better heart than her, maybe except Ma.

it is also very disheartening, especially when i got hold of news that she didnt get the abalone job. it was such a waste and i could tell her was rather upset. i was too. i only hope that God will open another door for her so that she can start working soon and earn her own keep.

on another note, i really have no idea what semaj is gonna do tomorrow, nothing scary/cheesy/corny i hope. *shudders.

lunar new year came and gone! too fast, too furious. full-fledged work week beginning today, and it doesn't help that i have nothing to look forward to, except for weekends!

past weekend was pretty awesome, at least we didnt get into any petty squabbles or anything of that sort. i think we are both trying. and i am thankful for that, really can't bear moments of stupid fights in the car, it's just so tiring and a total waste of time.

and did i mention? his mother gave me an angbao. that is seriously weird and sure feels queer! so so weird i feel alittle freaked out. ): it's not like she's ma's acquaintance or anything, and all these while i don't really acknowledge her or say hi etc, so this is really one funky feeling, and i don't like it at all. ):

sigh.

i freaking slapped myself umpteenth times in public. i feel so ashamed and so humiliated. don't even know what possessed me to do such a stupid thing. and the worst thing was that you actually wanted to video me, instead of shielding me and bringing me away to calm me down. to be honest i was kinda disappointed that you didnt. but i knew we were both really upset at that point in time.

but fact is, i was feeling really upset and helpless. everything you mentioned had his name in it and i really couldn't cope with that. you made me hate myself for hanging out with him. and so i suppose i should leave the game and not hangout with him for the time being.

you said you felt that things i did with you could be easily replaced. though i very much wish to deny, it has some sort of truth to it, and i did feel bad deep down. am i in the wrong? or is that how one feel with the opposite sex? not sure how i can juggle two relationships, furthermore, we aren't even attached or anything! this is really frustrating, i just hope there can be a closure to this, but my heart and brain tells me no freaking way!

fuck.

pea-thetic

wah lao the increment is pathetic lor. i was so looking forward to it, but realise that it was only $2500. this is beyond disappointment. i mean seriously, they could have offered abit more right? sigh. this is bad! how to jump ship?!

mayb i shd just jump out of the building.

*damn.

You're still the one

Been going out with mr jay 3 times since december. not sure if you can consider it a date, but so far he has been initiating all the meetings and we went for a movie during the 2nd meeting and he also wanted to see me up. which i freaked out totally and i think he got a shock also.

sorry but i thinking it's so very retarded! i mean i have my own legs right? perhaps this is what ppl do when they date, but not very comfortable with that yet. plus - what would ma think if she saw him?! faint.

but this can be very confusing also cos out of 3 times that we met, i got into something unpleasant with the best friend. the first time was that she felt i didnt share with her whatever went on. the second time was that i actually planned to go to Prive but forgot that she has initially wanted to bring me there when she gets a job! *oops.

not quite sure how things will progress, but am just gonna leave it in His hands. whatever will be, will be...

on the other note, i think i am gonna get a pay increment! though i do not know how much that is, this anticipation is killing me! funny how i got to know abt it, but hope i didnt delete the email by accident. if so, i can just slap myself silly.

2012 awaits me!

happy new year!

again, how time flies with each passing year. not really looking forward to this year. especially when boss is going on her maternity leave and i am gonna be oh-so-dead. im worried, not because i might have lots to do, but rather cos she hasnt been keeping me in the loop on things. not a good thing. J used to update me on everything, copying me in everything, but F on the other extreme hand, doesnt at all! sigh. its really irritating.

on the other hand, i am really loving vanilla, and it's nice to see how she grows slowly, but surely! only wish i can quit my job and focus on vanilla! but i believe that if it's God's plans, He will make it work for us!

xx

WISH i.

just came back after a really long break. but how time flies when one is feeling happy. wish i didn't have to return to work! boohoo.

how i wish vanilla could take us to higher places. i wouldnt mind waking up in wee hours to do some party favors or cut circles. desk bound job has definitely zapped most of my energy away, and making me feel lethargic and almost always eating.

oh and i got this sms fr pixie which i thought was absolutely absurd. since when has she assumed the role of shortlisting others and since when has she got the right to decide who is good enough to be the "DREAM TEAM?" it is so ridiculous. that's what happen when you cloud your head with filthy thoughts. everybody is equal in God's eyes. i think she forgot about that. this is not a performance or your freaking concert so wake up your idea!

pooi.

i am back.

i am back! with braces. haha.

i am so freaking bored at work that i decided to revive this blog of mine.

it has been 1.5 years. how time flies.

graduated. into Seatrade. done a couple of events.

i love vanilla. :)

Danny DeVito’s Matilda

looking at polka dots in a different light

i almost couldnt believe that i got chickenpox. what luck. and Christmas was approaching. but thankfully i managed to recov fast enough and by the 10th day, i was out. the first day was alright. on the second day i almost went berserk with all the poxxies popping all over my face and body. and boy am i glad the whole ordeal is over. but actually it was manageable, thank God for His grace and healing!

wasn't too good a Christmas. may God forgive me for all the blunders i've made.

2010 is fast approaching. so fast i wondered where did all the time in 2009 went. and to think i've done and accomplished nothing is saddening enough.





-I need to know that I am a person in need of forgiving if I am to be forgiving.

i am feeling so sleepy now. there's nothing much to do here. people are angry with me. i am angry with them. i am angry with myself.

i have no idea why or how i am always making people around me upset. is it really my fault? i am so sick and tired of the endless confrontations. i just wish i can disappear into the thin air. all these miseries are taking its toll on me. not like i have all the energy to to fight the battle.

give me a break! i am so tired! wish i can just take a backseat.

Goodwood Park Deli had a roadshow at Fusionopolis today. And so... We end up buying mooncakes! Slaps forehead. Supposed to start saving but end up spending. Bought snowskin assortment - yums! There's soursop, mango, durian & cempedak! slurps. the usual me will not buy cos its like 48/box. SIAO. but there's 20% off. plus i thought since i have income, so it's not so bad la. i shall attempt so save 500bucks mthly. so till the end of this mth i have 230 left to use. hmmm ok, not very realistic. but an attempt is an attempt.

work is a-okay as long as the stupid panels doesnt break down and give up on us. and as long as there are no scary tours with CE and the directors. Everyday passes by relatively fast, which i don't know if it's a good or bad thing.

anyhows, looking fwd to the long weekend filled with tons of parties! (:

i am feeling upset. does anybody know? or rather, does anybody care? but i guess it doesn't really matter. its probably alot easier to be angry at someone than to tell them you are hurt.

"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad."

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.

what a chilly wed noon.

the crown prince of abu dhabi visited ytd! omgoodness. was anticipating it. all the photographers snapping away, the journalists, the super fierce-looking bodyguards. nonetheless, everythg went well in my opinion despite the dumb comments made by XX. anyhows, its a quiet wed noon, nothing much to do except surf the net n perhaps start on research for upcoming proj. thankfully im having a fab company beside me now. haha. there's so much drama and politics gg ard but no way am i gonna land myself in this mess!

am over the phase of memorising the never-ending script, perhaps will need to work on hw to do a better presentation more effortlessly! on the other side, sch is alright, cept that hv to work with some ppl for the project. boo. but at least we're all in an alliance. hopefully she doesnt over-step her boundaries, or else i will 123"$%^@!&!

life can be so mundane at times. but mundanity can be a good thing.

happy mid*week.

I'm finally employed! Like FINALLY. and I'm so thankful. Started work on Wed as Exhibition Show Host at MDA! basically bringign industry players and VIP around the exhibition centre, which is very much like the science centre in a much smaller scale. and if i dont have tour in the day, im pretty free! yay. i love my wking environmt, cept that its all jitters as there's so much for me to absorb, so im pretty much like a sponge now, squeezing and cramming everything into my brain before my colleagues are leaving.

didnt pulled thru the first intv as Assistant Exec @ MDA, so i couldnt believe my luck when i had another intv at the same plc! i was like, hmmm, God is so cute n funny! So the intv came for the position of show host, and i got the job! sadly, the other 2 girls who intved with me didnt get selected. so yes, i am the CHOSEN ONE! haha. but i really pray tt the other 2 girls will come in soon so that i dont feel all the pressure and stress of hvg to cope alone.

the travelling is a chore tho. gotta catch a feeder from my plc to bt batok mrt, then take the train to buona vista, then the free shuttle to Fusionopolis, which i really adore. (: praise God for granting me sucha nice wk plc, nice people and so much more! wking time starts at 9.30 - 6, so i dont have to squeeze with all the ppl in the early morning. and its so close to sch, wont hv any issues of being late for class. and this will really look good on my resume nxt time, cos MDA is ultimately the place for media exchange.

All in all, God has been really nice and i am really thankful. the best friend might wanna try her luck to see if she can wk here too for the time-being, and im keeping my fingers crossed that she gets it too! that will be so awesome.

past few months were kept busy by classes, projects, job-hunting and bumming ard. I'm really glad i finally got a job. it feels really good. and the fact that i do not have to shun any more questions of what are u doing? where are u wking etc. i can proudly exclaim I AM WORKING AT MEDIA DEVELOPMENT AUTHORITY! woohoo! no more hvg to face the dreaded question. (:

took part in the flea market at HV last wkend, and boy was it fruitful, earth-saving, and absolute haggling! we sold so many things! happy. really enjoyed the entire process of being your own boss. but it is sure tiring! sweated like SIAO. and the haggling with the aunties and filipinas, everything also want 50cents! faints.

anw do keep me in prayers that i will be able to get used to work here soon and that i can quickly settle in! thanks babes. til then, t.g.i.f and cheers to the wkend! xx.

it came as a surprise when someone chat with me on fb. someone whom i kinda have a deep-seated animosity with. hmmm. was just telling the bestie that i wanna make peace with this person. and probably God saw this in my heart and gave me a chance to mend this "broken friendship." well it wasn't exactly fixed, but it gave an entry to something better to come.

and i believe and thank Him for this window He opened for me.

was over at suntec yesterday for a filming session for our proj. and it sure sucks to have 3projmates puffing their ciggies away in your direction. i am so gg to get lung cancer with all the second-hand smoke! but no doubt the company was much fun, and the exchanges were a riot. will continue our secret filming in class laters and hope it will turn out to be gd.

on another note, everyone's like pushing me to get a job, ): its not like i'm not trying you know. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. but pls jus gimme some time. ugh. who are you to press me when my pops never even once said anythg. boo. i just don't wanna get a 9-5 job where i just wk and wk to no end, just to put dough on the table. i want to do smthg that i enjoy, that i will look forward to, that i will take pride in. is that too much to ask for?

been getting ribbons, paperstock, buttons etc. im really quite serious to go into some online biz. just don't know how to get it started proper. like what the bestie say, we shouldnt just jump into it without proper planning and all. i do hope that we can get it started and running soon, at least ppl won't say we're doodling our time away. bleah.

ok. i'm back! had a 2wk stint at WK again. and it was one super stressed week. it ended, and im glad. though im sure staying on will be gd to my pocket. still, i believe He has greater plans for me. so its back to job-hunting again. sigh. which can be really exhausting. am thinking of selling some arty-fart stuff online, but just can't get down to getting it done.

im so desperate to go bintan with gracie & company. but my skin ain't thick enough, plus need to take over this wk for keyboard. so there. i guess it's just impossible now. ): but i know it is gonna be really fun with all the cute tots that i love gg as well. boo! sobs.

church is gonna move out soon. stipulated date on 3rd May. and we'll be under the roof of Queenstown Lutheran Church for at least a good 2 years. mann, im gonna miss the old building so much, for it keeps so many memories of mine thru all the seasons. - of tears, joy and love. i pray that all these beautiful memories will be deeply etched in my heart til eternity.

the soo sisters and myself are supposed to give phoebe an answer with regards to which cell we've decided to join. pls keep us in prayers with regards to this issue cos we're really unsure, and still feel hurt and disillusioned at how we're being chuck away. felt like we have no worth at all. saddening that such things are happening in the church. but i've learnt to let it go altogether. moving on and letting God.

i really miss those times where we were all so innocent and loving each other so much. now, i find it so tough to look you in the eye. perhaps growing up ain't such a good thing after all.