the bowling alley

the pool

the roomie..

erm another part of living rm?

the living room...

yes accomodation fer this yr's camp is like a villa.. 4 units in it.. haa..

the feeling of anticipation...

i had always loved sundays, cuz each of everyone of them just deemed precious to me. but i dont like the sacarsm. hate it. dont ever give it to me. please. dont want anymore of it. hurt.

i admit i've grown to be nonchalant. i have learnt to act blur, instead of doing what i should. cuz thats the way to keep life going yeah, and also the way to survive in this cruel world. knowing too much doesn not help much anyway.

somehow i feel that i shouldnt be in it. cuz i dont think the same, feel the same as you do. and u cant expect me to change to think and feel like you do. cuz its just impossible. yeah u get the picture.

and yes i changed skin again. kinda feels that it suits the --> me <-- now.

4 more days to camp. sooo looking forward to it, but just feel sad that it'll be gone in a flash. so, i will make sure i have zillions and gallons of fun there! hope to mend & restore some broken relationships too... wanna be a step closer to God too. have been neglecting Him for a few yrs. i wanna make sure i be good too. cuz its hard to live with 8 people under 1 roof. pray that i will nt complain, nt grumble, nt pick on things, nt get irritated, but to live with peace, love and joy with suaty fish mag sharon ruth esther and my twinnie! pray for me yeah, cuz i realised i can be really irritating at times. hahaaa.. and i feel like slapping myself on many occasions.

today i scared my twin silly by bluffing her tt my passport expired already and that i can't go. the look on her face simply amused me, and she suggested packing me in her pockets/luggages/chopping me up at put me in her bags/teleport/ whatever deem fit. crackpot.

isnt this nice! our sweet surprise for junie from bee pea n me! haaa.. we're supposed to be her stalkers. heh. how lame huh. hahaa.. anyway the pressie's really nice k.. its a musical box with a ballerina dancing to the tune of amazing grace.. how lovely.. :)

life's a contrary old bitch.

isnt it gr8 that the weekend's here to stay already. feels awesome. my week was. well... indescribable feeling. life is still pretty much breezy. i dont want to allow myself to feel any form of stress. not when i havent had any hols break since last nov.

so much unhappiness that i want to rant it out here. but somehow it just dawned on me that it wouldnt be too safe. so i guess i shd just keep them to myself. dont wanna subject myself to any unnecessary ridicule/comment. not that i have received any so far. haaaa..

easily distracted nowadays, very much lost in my own world. life's full of disappointments. and promises are always made to broken. what i need to really do now is to look on the bright side. yeah, easier said than done.

sharon drove us to holland and gave us a treat on wed. essential brew is a niceee place. i like. :)

and 6 more days to camp. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. just 6. i want to go horse-riding.

my darling twinnie & meeeeeee :)

we need to learn how to embrace and live life happily.

smell the flowers!

keep smiling

happie

smile again!

smiles!

shock! the man in red behind looks a bit eh, gay hor.. haaa

:P

now the sorrowful look

spastic pout hee.. in the busride hm

haha.. my twin and her new hair.. lol..

so niceee right. i like... :)

monday 30.05 and yup thats the gerbera.. :)

hee thats the necklace i got her. i want.

and then we went to great world cityy.. :)

hee my girlies

okies a grp pic in auds office.. hee

and so here's the birthday girl with her 'cake' haaa

clearer view of the tutti fruittis.. marshmallow MIA

the choc fondue we made on sunday.. looks yummy right..

happie 25th twinnie!

shall stop delving abt my unhappy past, cuz im pretty sure everyone is tired already. i am too. and no i dont like to talk abt sch. so lets talk abt happy stuff. :)

today is my sweets 25 bday... :)

a lil miscomm cuz she thot she had sent me the msg, but no, i didnt receive it! so i thot oh ok, so we aint mtg. alright then if thats the case.

but at 6pluspm she sms and asked if wanna meet. haha.. yes and so we did! lol.. was thinking i shd get her flowers or smthg and so in the end i got her a gerbera! so niceeee! its in a nice shade of pink! haha.. realised i dont like sunflower anymore. ewwww.. no. no. no sunflowers. gerbera=daisies=i like.

so we had niceee dinner at pasta cafe. thanks dearie for the treat and the movie too! hee we caught madagascar and it was so cuteee! somehow we can relate to it, cuz of the wakey wakey, and the kukus! lol.. she=marty, and me=alex! hahass..

and yes, my dear twin shed her locks. omg. was simply stunned when i saw her. speechless. darn different. oh my.. haha.. and she got streaks on her hair. and oh *slaps forehead* she went to do the _______________. there is just one word, and only one word to describe her.

vainpot

sometimes it is just awesome when God changes His people to be more like Him. im beginning to see it, and im happy. for that person. grins. its been a blessing.

shall put up some peeks tmr.

i know she wasnt very much in the mood fer a birthday celebration today. but anyway we did it, and yes we succeeded in making the choc fondue. *claps* i thought it tasted good, lol. anyway i hope my twin's happieee. i mean really happiee.. cuz we aint happy people. nt for now. :(

in actual fact, im ___ring. yet again. ARGHHH.

God promises rainbow after the rain. today i saw the rainbow. somehow He just showed it to me. and yes, i was awed, and i thank Him for His faithfulness. He has shown that He cares, and that all things will be made good because of Him. He taught me that as long as we have that trust in Him, He'll make our paths straight. how true. :)

i havent done what i ought to do, and time is definitely not on my side. ugh. HELP!!! ran out of ideas already. hmmm. nvm. keep it simple & sweet.

i gave the shoe fair a miss. sobs.

http://feelingofmagic.friendtest.com -----> take the quiz fer me yeah? thankss..

there are 7 colors in the rainbow.

red orange yellow green blue indigo violet

http://feelingofmagic.friendtest.com

for 2 years i've never felt like this before. never. not until this day when the fact is starting to sink in. tomorrow will be a better day?
yeah riigghhtttt.

stop crying.

stop wallowing in self-pity.

cuz it so aint gonna help.

wake up my idea.

22.may.sunday

been a long time since I was really happy. and i mean really happy. life has been somewhat gloomy for the past few months, but it was different yesterday. It is amazing when you think of the kind of people that God have planted in your life.

Pouring out all our woes together and drowning them in ice-cream was definitely nice. Even though we were a little depressed, but still we know that God will definitely make all things beautiful in His time.

Thank God for blessing me with someone who is so dear to my heart, and that we can just connect and share everything with mutual understanding that is so strong even tho we're years apart. And I know we'll tide through good and bad times together with Him. And yes I've injected cheer into her grind, at least that's what she told me! shiao eh twinnie. and thanks darl fer e sweet messages, cuz it warmed & melted my heart, heehee... shiao eh twinnie.

late suppers and early morning at shopping at mustafa was gr8 too with nick aud eu suat twin me. =)

23rdmay.

hell. my tooth aches like mad. and no it is not wisdom tooth. its the root canal issue again. and so i found myself weeping buckets, first time sobbing so much ever since e hell wk of attachment, cuz it is so freaking scary, and i dont want to waste that money. sobs. and i only got 1 more painkiller left to last the whole night til tomo.how can it be possible, when i just had 1 at 6 and the pain is beginning to come back now? oh God please save me from all these agony. please. going to cry myself to sleep tonight. ='(

useless me always crying. big baby. grow up and get a grip.

sometimes i just feel like telling a person straight in the face whatever i find stupid/disgusting/irritating about the person. yet i cant bring myself to do it, cause i know that it will very much jeopardise the friendship/relationship. some people are just so unlovable. sigh. if you don't like something, that's your problem. but you cant possibly expect me to dislike that something/someone. and i cant imagine having to live with you. nooooooo way. dont expect me to change for you.

bbq was gr8.or rather the gathering was gr8. am thankful fer all my uncles, aunties, cuzzies, cuzzies' kids. i love it when we get to meet up once in a while.. and i really love each and everyone of the kids, cuz they are simply adorable. and seeing them play together warms my heart. hee.
shall post the snaps tmr.

oh well, mixed feelings la. to sum it all, its just bittersweet. all things, good or bad, will have to come to an end. sweet cos no more waking up at 7 and taking the 1hr busride, bitter cuz i have to say goodbye to people who have been so nice to me ever since day1. can't really bear to leave the place. it's like u have already developed feelings for the people, the place. and just when u have settled down in the new environment, you got to get yr butt out and go back to sch. what can i say? life's like that.

and sklai is so nice, gave us extra 80 buckeroos as a token of appreciation. was surprised when i was called to go in, thank God BH was there also. anyway, think SK's quite nice la, haaa.. kinda lame.. anyway he invited us to join SKLai shd we wanna do audit/acc. lol. and miss lee got us a bracelet. so scchhwweeet. sigh. shes so nice, yet she's nt married, and it feels to me that she lead a rather sheltered life. hope that she will stay happy always.

anyway, glad they liked and enjoyed the cookies, hee. i did basically nothing today, lol.. SP was supposed to get me some stuff ta do, but she didnt come in, so i just stared into the screen the whole time, lol. feeling a little lost right now. cant seem to absorb the fact that attachmt's over. and sch is on its way. but im definitely looking forward to sch. and wong wai mun called me.. mktg people pls attend the lectures nxt wk, cuz got briefing etc. krapps la. lol.

feel so shagged right now. so looking forward to that trip to slumberland. and yay, bbq at chalet tmr. gonna be a gr8 gathering. eyelids are beginning to droop already, ta ta!

yes i made a big mess outta the cookies. ugh. and lots are burnt. damn it. wasted. but nvm, managed to pack 15 bags. am gonna give it to em tmr, hahas. thanks bee for the help! so tired now. still got tons of things to clear, but think wil just ask my mama to clean it, hee..

yup 1 more day. just 1 more day, and thats the end of my attachment. like what i always say, time flies at warped speed. somehow its spooky, cuz things are happening way to fast.

2 treats this wk. 1 by sophia, the other one by the rest. thank u guys.

isnt it weird.last day of attachment. i oughta be celebrating. but yet i've got no programs lined up over the wkend. i mean more of fri night. nvm. mayb i shd just go shopping with abia.lol.

lame twin ask me ta go do this draw a pig test. here are my results

Toward the middle, you are a realist.

Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker.

With less than 4 legs, they are insecure or are living through a period of major change.

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener

u know what? i think the results are pretty accurate.

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/draw.asp

go on. dont be shy. try it.

chers i aint too sure also. lol. will tell ya when i c u? lol.. try ask eve

:: letting go ::

yes i am pretty much unpredictable. yet sometimes i beg to differ on that. sigh. havent been feeling well.. blocked nose since mon, and voice have turned hoarse, a lil feverish and was caught in the rain a couple of times. ughs.

and yes 2 more days. 2 more days to bye bye SKLai. am gonna miss the peeps, the place. they've been really nice all along. ever since day 1.. always helping me when i needed it, offering me sweets, helping me to solve some wk problems, helping me do this do that, bringing me ard to diff places fer lunch, etc etc. this would have all been impossible w/o Him.

and yes a brand new start of a new sch yr. sigh. wonder what is gonna happen next. but i'll be anticipating it. sch is definitely better than work. lol. and haha eve, thanks fer the update. there will be 1, yes 1 GUY in my class. how fpathetic is that? no new eye candies, sobs. lol.

im so looking forward to camp, mainly bcuz i'll be bunking with evilt. lol. i'll make sure i'l bring all my props, pliers, superglue, big bottle of perfume, clock, radio, doll etc etc. gonna have a gd time freaking her out, simply by switching off the lights, muahaha... just pray that she doesnt bombard me with her silly questions like what she did the previous time, making me so traumatised. haaaa... she's just pure silly. but seriously 3d2n is way too short. cuz it'll be over b4 u even know it. but im happie that my papa+mama gg as well. but think i gotta pay my own fees. wt.

some things used to matter so much to me in the past. but somehow right now, it doesn't seem that important anymore. a little bit sad tho, but i've learnt to get over it. u cant always have the best of both worlds. sometimes we just have to let go. though it is fpain.

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother
What will I be
Will I be pretty
Will I be rich
Here's what she said to me

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

When I grew up and fell in love
I asked my sweetheart
What lies ahead
Will we have rainbows
Day after day
Here's what my sweetheart said

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be

Now I have Children of my own
They ask their mother
What will I be
Will I be handsome
Will I be rich
I tell them tenderly

Que sera, sera
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que sera, sera
What will be, will be
Que Sera, Sera

cheryl babes me n eve babes

me n chers

me n eveee

laugh out loud.

i see monkeys

spastic lol

6th May

it was a bad saturday nite. and a bad sunday morning. crying bad in the cab on my way to church. sometimes i dont understand why i allow myself to get so emotional. i hate it when im feeling that way but i cant help it. sometimes i need to be slapped awake, so that i'll stop living in my own solitary world but open my eyes wide to see whats happening around me.

im feeling so sick now. mucus has been flowing non-stop since i got hm. feeling hot one moment, and not so hot one moment. couldnt wake up fr my nap. sigh. sob i dont wanna go work tommorrow... i dont want. dont want dont want dont want.

coward. i hate cowards. get the hell out of my life cuz the very look of u disgust me.

cut my hair for like 65bucks. couldnt believe it also. it was a scam.lol. but nvm. just this once. a lil too much for me but i guess what done's done and cannot be undone. i look like shit. thanks babe fer accompanying me. :)

gr8 fun bitching today with jess liz adel ana eve n glen. bitch bitch bitch and bitch all night long. haaa funs. u guys really rock aha

and btw did i ever ever tell u that im damn pissed with people who cant spell proper? esp when u wanna spell oops, u spell it as opps. fuck's sake dont use the word when u cant even get the spelling right.

99 out of 100 guys are assholes. and that only 1 who's nt is gay.

i see your true colours.

.: 5 days & no longer counting :.

life's like a paradox. u have been anticipating for a long time for smthg to end, but when it nears u are reluctant to let go of it.

yes im no longer counting. cuz i cant bear to let it go. somehow. the people. the place.

was scaring myself thinking how frightening dinner will be since we'll be sitting with the boss etc. turns out tt we didnt have to, so rach joe beee n me were on a table. and we were at straits kitchen at hyatt! isnt that niceee, hahaaa... cool place with cool svc and all, just that i thot it was a bit duh to go have buffet which serves local food. then i checked the price out and it was 38bucks/pax, plus gst etc will round up to 44 bucks. oh my. haaaa only the rich can afford this kinda thing man. lol. still i had fun, just tt photo-taking was rather awkward.

aft which we went ta watch amityville of horror.. anyway it was a short show, and nt worth that money laa, cuz the ending was like not much. hse of wax will be freakier i think. albert was being funny thruout the whole show laaa, cuz he was scared also, plus kept making stupid jokes P.S he didnt meant to be funny, but cuz he's fr china, everythg he says will send me n joe rolling on the floor.. spastic. he asked me if i wanna have dinner with his fren. wtf la u think match-making session meh? lol. think he just want a free dinner. hell i was a lil mad yet find the whole situation a lil runny la. nvm.

joesephine is so niceee. seriously she is so kind and helpful and i think she'll nv step on an ant.

and yes that woman was stalking me. oh my. called me and say she saw me. i was asking her where the hell are u man but she didnt answer my question, haaa. then i saw her when i left lido, lol... wake up your idea twin.

yay yay its SATURDAY!!! lovely!

.: 6 days and still counting :.

some people say lotsa things, but they dont practice what they preach. so they left me confused.

hse of wax is pure gruesome, and this woman (supposedly to be my fren but decided to change her identity to the w o m a n) beside me kept screaming. alamak. i was so paiseh can. every single part of it was really fear provoking and there wasnt a moment when i can have peace. and this asshole who lean back a great distance and my knee had already touched his seat w/o barely stretching my legs. darn. and this dumb ass taxi driver who no1) said i told him the wrong place 2) said i didnt tell me i was gg 2 places. was liike hello i tried and u were answering yr stupid call, and u didnt even listen carefully so dont give me all this shit can? lol.

anyway great meet up with evilt. lol... wish can spend more time like tonite tog, before she gets attached.. lol.. and yes im probable gonna _____ ____ ___. cuz i think that is what He has in stored fer me?

i need to wake up my idea. dont know why im behaving this way. smthg must be wrong somewhere out there. hmmm what is it. i need to step out of it and cut myself fr such silly thots.

.: 7 days and still counting :.

felt so stupid and pissed when my 75 scurried off right infront of my eyes when i turned away to sneeze. haaa how dumb can i get. so over lunch she asked me if bh knows bout the dinna on fri, and i said, erm actually i wasnt inform abt it in the first place.. and she was like oh sorry sorry. -.-' how can u celebrate a farewell w/o me n bh?! duh right. when we're the VIPs... haaa..nvm.. so its confirmed, we're gg to hyatt on fri.. muahahaha im over the moon. lets just hope that i'll have fun k

and yes im mtg my sweets tmr, i hope, at least!

ok im off ta dreamland. what to do. i need gd rest. lol.

.: 8 days and still counting :.

so i thot i was gg to help sophia tmr, turn out tt i'll be helping SP. -.-' how scary can that get. oh oh. butterflies in my stomach now. but i know shes nothing like the 2 ah nei bitches. just tt i hope she wont ask me ta do a/c stuff cuz im really bad at that.

throat feels scratchy, have been downing water the whole day. went to the loo for the umpteen time! haaaaas.. and each time its like a mini waterfall.. but all the drinking doesnt seem to help, ugh. yay yay yay wed soon, how fast. anyway if theres a farewell party for us on fri, why are we the last to know? aint she afraid that we'll already have progs line up for the nite? weird eh. she probably assume tt we die die have to turn up since its meant for us. just know tt its some buffet at hyatt hotel? lol.. cant help grinning to myself.. but i just dont like her laaa.. so loud and dominating. everyone is entitled to their own freedom of speech right, and nt subjected to anyones criticisms.

anyway i didnt lunch with them today ha. cuz she doesnt make me feel at ease. can feel her eyes on me, haaa. mayb im just being sensitive.. anyway thank God for Rachel the new attachmt student who accompanied me elsewhere fer lunch hee cuz beeee went ta meet her frens. didnt do much today. not productive at all.. was trying ta look busy and all, hahaaaa.. just kept staring into space, yawns.. feeling sickish perhaps..

just 8 more days and i'll be back at school!!! cant wait, really.. cant believe im saying this cuz im forever lamenting on how sianing sch is. but right now, i just cant wait to go back. sch's definitely better than work. definitely. lol.

i think God is cute. hahaaaa.. he's really funny u know... just what i think, and what He showed me.. amusing...

this jy is so irritating, but in a way which i dont hate but find it funny.. haaaa.. keeps calling me name in cantonese every now and then.. haaa.. siew gai.. thanks huh.. think he's gonna miss me!!! muahaha... in a da ge ge and xiao mei mei way.. haaa.. dont misunderstand.. cuz im like sitting btw him n eve? and i can get really lame at times and make them laugh. haaaaaaaahaha.

please say a prayer fer me that i wont screw things up tmr k. thanks. :)

sleep with me.

yes. its that time of the night. on a more precise note, its that time of the sunday night.

i believe there is a rebellious streak in each and every one of us. i think mine is beginning to show. but heck, who cares. anyway thanks glen, for that juicy update. just dont understand why people go fucking around at such a young age. call me conservative but i dont give a damn. all they can think of is sex sex sex and sex everyday. and so now shes in preggers, i oughta congratulate her, really..

am feeling really perplexed. sigh. feeling heavy-hearted nowadays. have been wearing a mask for a long time, i wanna to take it off, but i guess it's hard. wish things will have a better turn soon. i have no mood for anything now really. just speculating. dont wanna think too much and get hurt. no point. and its all not worth it. so not worth it at all.

and what a gloomy day it was. hope i dont bring it over to the brand new week which i already feel will not be good. haha what krapps right. nvm. things havent been in good shape for a long time and im seriously beginning to wonder when all these shit will ever come to an end.

life is definitely fragile. :'(

i just need that little bit of _____________.

.: Happy Mother's Day :.

another gimmick just for florists and giftshops and eateries to make big bucks. anyway it shouldnt just be mamas day for that one day. but infact all day, all weeks, all months, and all years round. why. cuz mothers are just so wonderful, they deserve to be treated like queens every other day. but i always take mine for granted. was so pissed with her for worrying this and that. i mean hello im 19 this year, not 8, not 12, not 16, but 19. i just need that bit of freedom more, is that too much to ask? well nvm.

thursday is my free day. how happy. at least for the next semester. isnt it gr8.

i just wanna have fun.

.: 10 and still counting :.

liquid rm out. nah nah dont like it at all. didnt even expect to go chiong.. thot wil just chill out at soundbar. but in the end... didnt wanna argue with her lah. and she was smoking. wth, so disappointed. wil prob nv go back there again. dinna with the babes was basically a bitchfit session. lol. funs. and we took tons of silly pics. pat n yj's over at my hse.. but think they gg back soon. ugh i need a wink. badly.

.: 11 days and counting :.

thurs cmg to an end, which means its frifrifriyay. am gonna meet up with 2 babes fer dinna n then followed by liquid rm with pat&co. mayb only lah. mayb. yes have been really looking forward to this. really. friday means so much when u are working. ever since i started attachment, i realised how precious each and every weekend is, and how i swear to enjoy every single moment of it with my loved ones..

got a piece of shocking news from mei today.. uncle ben passed away cuz of stroke.. which really struck me deeply.. just saw him on sunday and he was still looking great and all.. sigh, cant believe it. now that he was sick or smthg.. he just seems so healthy, and all of a sudden, he's gone. well what can i say.. guess we had better live each day to the fullest, and as if its our last day on earth. sometimes i just cant comprehend what God is up to. im seriously confused. sure He has His plans. but what?

.: 13 days and still counting :.

sigh. today was well... :( think im prob gonna go down to Parpia's to help ST.. kind of apprehensive yet i wanna go. just hope that i can clear finish all that i need to do by tomorrow. right now, im just looking forward to that weekend. that very much anticipated weekend. it seems to far away right now, and when it has just started, it had to end.

hate it when im pmsing, just feel so restless to do anything. and all the thots that i can harbour of are pretty much disheartening. im so tired. physically, spiritually, emotionally. sometimes i wish that i can just take a break and go somewhere where i can unwind and have all the time to myself. and sometimes i just dont know what i am doing. life seems to really be meaningless, cause there aint any goals or dreams set to be achieved. hanging down there, not knowing what to do next. baffled and angry about so many things, and how they always struck me, leaving me with unanswered answers. all i do is to blame, is to point my fingers, is to choose to shut my ears, zip my mouth, and blind myself.

i hate it when i see people sinking deeper and deeper, yet i cannot and dont know how to pull them up to safety. i let them sink, further and further, pretending that i do not know anything at all. sometimes i tried. so many times. too many times and both parties get tired. i guess we all have a choice to what we want. He gave us the freedom to choose. but often, He's not in the picture at all.

and if u think u can change anything just by yourself, u are so wrong. so very wrong. wake up. please. i dont wanna see u get hurt anymore. u deserve more.

.: Happiness is short-lived :.

topsy turvy weekend altogether. a little bit too much for me to take, but im sure God will never give us more than we can ever bear. pretty much a depressing holi, but i sure had my share of fun. sure hate to see closed one in tears, but at least i know we're there for one another no matter what happens. hang in there girlie, like what u said, things will be better tmr! so sorry abt the subjects mentioned.. sure aint easy for all of us, but take heart that God's in charge!

and was damn pissed with the fuggly asshole who kept turning his head over and stare at us in the bus. it wasnt once or twice, but countless times. and it was so obvious, just feel like kicking him down there and make sure he'll nv be called daddy. not that things werent bad enough. and to top it off, im burnt. and im losing my voice. ugh. screw it.

sometimes i wish i can just disappear into the thin air.

spent my day with my twinnie! like how nice, how happy! except for the fact that our movie tics got screwed up. and we took neoprints!!! hahas. double grins. and oh my i saw a pair of birkies which i really really love. oh my. oh my. its pink with red lips on it. totally adorable. 99 buckeroos. i want i want i want. but my twin said i shouldnt. hmm prolly cuz she'd get it fer me? anyway its size 38. u know it, dont hide it. lol.

.: 14 days and still counting :.

time is flying at warped speed, and im beginning to feel a lil fearful. halfway into my attachmt at LMS Associates, and yes i got my first paycheque today. how happy. the feeling is so great cuz somehow its like yr hard-earn money, hmmm perhaps nt ha but still its an indescribable feeling. could practically feel my heart smiling. but have yet to bank it in cuz no1) i dont know my a/c no. 2) i forgot to bring the cheque out during lunch, 3) i brought the cheque out when running an errand, but forgot the card. !@123*$abc#!

a fab time with my babes today. awesome get-together fer aft like a mth or smthg.. always have great times with them, lol.. just that gotta shake somebody off, and i always have to end up lying tog with them. i think we all make pretty good actors, aint it a pity, where else can u find such great talent?? and yes, definitely a great end to the night. yeah rriigghhtt. bumping into alex. bleah. and my all time fav activity, a cab ride hm. anyway its costs only 5.70 fer the trip fr town back to home sweet home. super cheap rite. shd have done that long time ago. lol.

JernYang asked me ytd, hey u gg out tonight ah? was like huh no, y? cuz of yr earrings, and evelyn said cuz i always dress like im gg partying. ugh. isit gd or bad? sometimes i look totally off, ha cuz always in my 'i wanna take a walk in the garden' skirts. haaaa.. and my earrings are a tad too big? ha.. c.o.n.s.e.r.v.a.t.i.v.e. work was cool today, laugh my head off. cuz of albert. haha he's some china guy whos our common topic cuz he's cute lah, nt the handsome kinda cute, but just cute like a small lil boy cuz he's a lil round, and he never fails to be blur. lol. and he's holding a pass from Shao Lin Si, can u believe it. oh my. guess i laughed really loudly. felt so paiseh after that. oh no. hope the peeps in the office dont get irritated with me. they went out for satay tonite, wanted to go so badly, but of cuz my girls come first! :) thank God for such nice gor gors and jie jies and aunties! they are all so nice... so so courteous... so so sweet... haaa.. aunty gladys always pat my head, no idea why.. haha mayb cuz she had nv had a daughter? and im like a xiaomeimei there lol.. and Seok Tin always calls me xiaomei, and i'll be kinda paiseh. haha. actually our age diff is like just 8 yrs? anyway, thank God for these people.

and yay its friday. no no. infact its saturday! how fast, but glad the weekend'll be slightly longer than usual, cuz of lab day! yeeps. shall buy a lil smthg fer myself. been a long time since i last got smthg i really wanted badly.

had a great lunchie with cheryl babes haha. sat outside caltex hse, so dramafied yeah. all we need is a newspaper, and a red marker. if only she was a tad earlier, then we can have a longer bitchfit session. lol. looking forward to tues already, and yeah im ons bar nxt fri. my new lunch partner. lol.

.: 16 and still counting :.

ran an errand today. so happiee! cuz i can take cab all the way down to ubi, and then back hm, cuz i can claim the fares! was telling God that i wanted to go, and TA-DA! Sophia asked me to deliver the document! wahaha.. daddy send me hm, but im gonna make sure i pay him back tmr. anyway its really sweet of him lah. he's the nicest daddy in the world! he was worried that i didnt know how to make my way back, so came pick me up, but know it was all arranged by God! bee wasnt in during the later half of the day.. went out to learn auditing, thanks to Loch Ness. bleahs.

yups, latest hot topic. - who's in yr class. lol

yeah, God is so nice to me. i have jess, marilyn, eve& sijie in the same class as me. woot! *pumps fists into air* yay yay yay! is like super super cool! then again, i totally HATE this arrangement. im starting to wonder if there's just only tb17 n tb18 in mktg tourism.

to end the note, im really baffled. perplexed. confused. bewildered. puzzled.

.: ewww. u gross me out. =( :.

like i always say, i hate sunday nights. ugh. always so depressing, cuz i gotta either go wk/sch the following day. sigh. definitely sianing. some people just crave for attention, and its personally irritating the shit out of me. and some people just talk too much, and it will do a great deal of help if they just shut up for like, say just 1 min? that'll suffice u know.. and some people are totally disgusting, and they actually dont have a clue abt tt. guess its time i talk to them abt it. damn. and sometimes i have to hide, i have to lie, even to those whom i hold dear to. sigh. why cant we just be frank with one another? why is there always two sides to a person? one side so secretive that should others sees it, he/she will feel so exposed, so vulnerable?

i guess its human nature, we dont want to appear vulnerable. we dont want others to see the weak side of us. we're afraid. afraid of criticisms, afraid of comments. we dont like the idea of being told what to do, but we like the idea of telling others what to do. sigh. humans.. so full of themselves, never willing to humble themselves.

anyway, dont know what im talking above.. haha just full of krappps. and yeah weekend was well spent.

i wanna church camp. i want i want i want. humph.

oh
man
i
sure
hate
hate
hate
sunday
nights.
!!!

ok i got my results today.

Operations Management : C+
Principles of Mktg : AD
Accounting Application Analysis : C+
Production Quality Studies : A
Exploring Photography : B+
Electronic Commerce : B
Entrepreneurship : A

elated/over the moon/pleased/contented/ecstatic/exhilarated/

thank God and His faithfulness to me!

wahaha.. really happy, cuz this is the first time i got an A in poly, dont even mention AD. so im just really excited! haha.. means nothing to many people, cuz they have probably gotten it all their lives, and are immune to it, but still, im thankful. just want to share this wonderful piece of news to my darlings, those who've been through that period with me. be it words of encouragements, actions of encouragements, prayers, etc.. thank u all so much for walking with me, and cheering me on during times when i was in low spirits/dejected/pessimistic.

and yes daddy n mummy are so proud of me.. hee.. am so happy that they are happy. am so glad that they are glad. guess its rather comforting to them. hee... and yups, i got my specialisation, marketing and tourism! isnt that great! basically its double happiness! but turns out tt almost everyone got the specialisation they wanted la, so no biggie deal. still, im over the moon. once again, this is impossible without Him. thank u Lord. =)

You have TURQUOISE eyes.

What kind of eyes do you have?

Your results
TURQUOISE

You have turquoise eyes. Turquoise is the color of communication. Your eyes symbolizes your intuitive nature. You can be over-analytical sometimes, possible fussy and egoentric. You have the tendency to push your heart out of the way and let logic make your decisions. You are not shy, but you can be secretive, closed confused about what you want, and maybe a bit sneaky and paranoid at times. Some words to describe you: cool, refreshing, imaginative, motivated, dynamitic, calm, peaceful, joyful, relaxed, truthful, healing, meditation, tranquility, forgiving, patient, sleepy and day-dreamer.

just posting up some chapalang pics. tot it would be a better choice since i have nt much to say today. haha. *out.

my darling twinnie! *winks

twin founders day, lol

my twinnie and me haha

haha miss bapok chung

saw this in the carpark. so niceee right, like those kiddy car rides in amusement parks..

haha i like this pic.. futuristic right. my cow n pig beside me..

ethan and bryan's bday cake.. spongebob and squarepants.. cute sia..

haha.. not much to blog.. posting pics may be a better choice.. sorry for the chapalang pictures..

.: 24 days and still counting :.

angel wings clam are gorgeous. omg. love it. today is a happy day, cuz it passed by relatively fast, hee.. and i was finally out! cheong out of office once the clock strike 6! wahahaaa.. so kns right, but nvm lah, i dont feel paiseh anyway. nuts. ok im nuts.. anyway, they had better get me a permanent place soon, else every morn i have to ask the secretary where im gonna sit for the day, haha.. and im lurving my wkplace, and the people there too, lol.. and poor albert, seems to be so stressed all the time, asked me how to pronounce some names today, so i sorta helped him, still, he seems worried.. got to know more juicy news regarding my colleagues today.. courtesy of joesephine, ai mei and evelyn.. was laughing my head off during lunch..

i was thinking how great it would be when i finish attachmt cuz i'll be back in school, and be a normal student again. but the thot of having to make new friends scares the shit out of me. sigh.. always have problem adapting to a new grp of ppl. and what it they are super bitchified? or what if they're super pia, kiasu, kiasi, or whatsoever? and what if im in the same class as those kantangs?? oh my.. just when im getting so comfy with my babes, this kinda thing has to happen. worse of al i dont even know which bloody specialisation i'll land on. damn. this is definitely worrying. anyway, i miss my gurlies.. u know who u are, haha.. i wanna meet up real sooooooooooon... but gotta wait for cow to come bk fr bkk.. ugh.. wil prob meet up nxt wk so can celeb the pigs bday, ha... think shall nt waste any money and get pressie for her.. get a pillow pumped with my f*rts for her... that'll solve all kinds of illnesses. =)

dumb msn screwed up. signed in and all contacts were gone. someone must have hacked into my a/c. damn..

3 mores days and the truth will be revealed. lol... hohoho...

ok cell was pretty cool.. just when i was thinking when will all the 6 of us ever be present during cell, it happened.. and we had a new fren today. like wow, a guy. lol. the last time we had a guy during cell was prob when the policemen were in shorts, hahaaaa.. anyway its meis bf lah. ha.. and i gt a blue live strong band from mei nu.. xie xie ni. =)

rotted in the girls' room reading mags.. i wanna make the sash belt, its super niceeee k.. shall attempt it when i got all the materials. or rather i'll ask ah cai to help me with it, gee..

oh damn it. i loathe sunday nights. i LOATHE it. simply hate it. ugh. monday blues are here to stay soon. sob...

gotta turn in soon. sigh. need ta wake up at 7. how fair can life be.

.: counting counting and still counting :.

sometimes i wish i could be living somebody else's life.. seems to me that im leading a really b.o.r.i.n.g lifestyle. i wish i could be doing more outrageous stuff, wish i have those really hippie friends, wish i could party all day long, wish i could spend like a running tap, wish i could be more rebellious. but the realities of life really BITE. and sometimes i get mad by the silliest things that can ever happen. sigh. and it wasnt pleasant at all. i wish giving was a 2 way kind of thing. but it seems to always prove me wrong. dont know whats wrong with me, always having silly thots that are just plain DUH.

well i must say im a little disappointed lah, but then again, life's filled with endless disappointments so i guess theres no point brooding over it, ha.. it definitely takes 2 hands to clap, how true tt statement is.. guess i have to get over it, wahaha.. bonkers. am always having weird thots. retard retard.

i'd be much happier if u can shut up for a while. just for a while. so f.o. =)

depressing. but i wont look back.

ha cool couple

fella wid a lil bangs ha

the hip-hop fella

haha fun w dough on 12/04

.: 25 days and still counting :.

yay its finally friday! went with mag to 6th ave venezia for ice-cream, yummyyyy... green tea and peanut butter, woot! and i got reeses peanut buttercups, but it aint the white choc one.. can someone tell me where i can get em? ha.. borrowed love actually, went up to watch, so sorry mag i kept dozing off, and missed the climax of the show! hahas.. shall watch them again! i wanna tan in the morn, but think i wont be able to wake up, ughs..

was shopping during lunch time and omg, saw this pair of sandals which i really like.. grins.. shall get it nxt wk! lol.. so theres altogether 3pairs of shoes which i wanna get nw! like i have the money.:(

was talking to aunty gladys in the loo, and she asked if shes old, i said nah lah, i think u are very havoc.. hahaha.. im a bootlicker. :) :) :)

.: 26 and still counting :.

.: 26 DAYS AND STILL COUNTING :.

the bus ride there took me 50 mins, bus ride bk took me an hr n 5 mins. feel like throwing up, way too long a ride, but yet i prefer taking tt mode of transport than train. and yay, friday is finally finally here! yeeps, so happieee! but then, there aint any programs lined up over the weekend, guess its time for me, myself and i! ha.. anyway, im gonna help my brother return a book, and that gives me a reward of 9 bucks, the leftover! hee.. mayb i can borrow a bk too!

my job's real mundane, sigh, but im thankful. a week ago i was still very much suffering.

there are so many things i wanna do. *sleep. *shopping. *movies. i want to meet up with many people too, but just cant be bothered to arrange the mtg place, time etc, im sick of taking the initiative to this and that. its time you do something bout it, nt me.

i wanna go church camp and get bombarded by my twinnie on rubbish krapps.

.: 27 days and still counting :.

and yes, finally its midwk. i must say working life is definitely no fun at all, nt a single bit. dozed off a couple of times today, hopefully nobody caught me doing it. simply too tired too concentrate, have been staring at the screen for like the whole day, and just feel like napping aft lunch.. was contemplating whether to go sleep in the toilet for a while or nt, but decided against the idea, since everyone can see u when u walk to the loo. tried all sorts of sitting positions, cross legged, stretched, etc etc, but to not much avail.

i think i kind of enjoy working in raffles place, thot it was pretty cool in fact, haha.. esp when u walk down the stairs, and u'll hear kiak kiak kiak, ha yeah the heels of womens shoes.. lol.. feels to me like a professional, always in busy mode, rushing for time, gee.. but still, i'd rather be back in sch then to be back at wk anytime. finally understand why people are saying they wish they were back at sch.. cuz working life is afterall nothing but just pure weary and tiresome.

sometimes i think i'm too possessive abt certain things. wish i'll learn to just let go. sigh. i know its not very nice, but people are selfish. what to do.. i cant stand myself at times, just feel like giving myself a tight slap across the face, ha, but i love xiaojia too much that i cant bear the thot of doing that to her, haha...

am looking forward to friday, when i can dash out of that very much dreaded door after work.

gonna attempt taking the bus to wk tmr.

okies, off to dreamland soon! ta-ta!

.: drama mama :.

its pretty much like a fresh new start, know it was Him who made it possible all along. just tt was al lil bit scared when the lady boss say'so u are expected to do some a/c stuff as well yeah? i was like oh ok..' cold beads of sweat were dripping down my forehead, ha... was amazed by how nice the people were. really felt like heaven, compared to last week's hell. but it was God all along, even tho last week was really traumatizing, i had to say it was getting better each day.. the people at my new wkplace are like all auditors or accountants or smthg, so i feel kinda out of place lah, but still, they are niceee. :)

so i started the day off by helping sophia do some filing, and i almost got squashed by aunty gladys! oh my.. its that kinda shelves where there are tons and tons of folders, and u turn some big wheel or whatever u call it, clockwise, and it'll open. so i was putting in the folders back, squatting down to put some below, and suddenly, the shelves started to move!! guess she didnt know i was there, and she started turning, and i was panicking like mad! haha then let out a loud"excuse me!!!" then she realised i was there.. the look on her face had been hilarious, she was like sorry sorry! lucky u still know how to let out a yelp! haha.. else i'll be flat.. lol.. so nice that she pushed a chair over, and tuck it btw the shelves, so as to "protect" me fr being squashed accidentally! lol.. and someone actually offered me a sweet k, so nice. and someone actually tell me no hurry k, can do tmr, thanks. and another said, hey ke yi hui jia le. job was quite fun, no need to think, just type some labels, print it out, do filing, and just that itself i took up the whole day, and yes its nt done yet. haha.. just scared that they'll ask me audit some stuff, then i'll pengsan.

news bout my predicament last wk kinda spread to my grandmama's ears. and my mama told me tt my grandmama called, and asked abt me, and that my grandmama cried too while talking abt me. omgoodness. i m so bloody ashame for this big hoo ha. sometimes i wonder if i've over-reacted.

.: drama mama :.

.: God loves me :.

ok so tmr will be it. mixed feelings right now, but just hope for the better. have been a pretty traumatizing week, and i just want to step out of that shadow right now.

had a fabulous time with my darlings today.. rotted the noon off at coffee club, and thanks mei for the chocolate fondue.. it was yummy yummy.. anyway twinnie wanted that for her birthday, and i thot that was pretty easy, haha.. so no problem lah.. and thanks again mei, for yr little cute gift, no idea how touched i was, really.. hee.. anyway, im so much happier now, thank God for this group of people who'll stick with me thru thick and thin.. hahas.. and fer the big big hug too, hahas...

wanted to get the shirts at gior, but they changed the season's clothes already, sians, so got nothing lah.. went diaso, and there seems to be nothing which i wanna get, which is weird, cuz i usually have to screen the stuff in the basket, and discard those which i dont need tt badly. lol. prob cuz money shd be spent wisely? lol.

anyway, my mama say i got a stuck up and unfriendly face, which i so totally disagree. but perhaps shes right lah. so im gonna be all nice and smiley from tmr onwards. lol.

.: break away :.

was glad when i went up and see the pressies i got for the boys opened mag told me they were playing with it these 2 days *grins. glad they like it. hmmm mayb i'll go get some refills from playdough

it was a stay home saturday, had some time to myself. for once listen to nothing but peace. peace that comes from Him that surpasses all understandings. sometimes one need to have time for herself. lives are often so busy that we failed to see the beautiful surroundings around us.

i've learnt to be stronger, and i thank Him for helping me live each day with peace and courage. i've learnt that He will send angels to be with me during all chapters of my live
i've learnt that genuine concern does come from people and words can never express my gratitude, but i still want to say THANK YOU for making me feel loved.

beginning to appreciate things, people more after what have happened within this one week making a living is afterall not as easy as what it seems and there cant possible be angels everywhere in our lives. and our lives cant always be peaches and creme. after all the sobbing, theres a big lesson for me to learn

God has walked me thru one of the darkest episode of my life. He had tide over all the gloomy events. and i pray that i'll learn to treasure the new lease of chance. it wont be easy, a scar has already been imprinted in me the frightening vividness of my dream. but i know, i know He'll be holding my hands always. and He'll be there to pick me up fr where i fall.

its time to smile and make merry with my dearies.
and yes, sunday is finally here. Amen.

.:brand new beginning:.

this week was definitely a long one. after endless nights of insomnia, crying myself to sleep, i should be able to have a gd rest tonight. the long awaited weekend is finally here, and for once i have a smile plastered over my face.

and i wanna say a huge THANK YOU to my daddy, and father on top, for seeing me thru all these. my daddy, for making the phone call to my LO, asking me nt to be frightened, showing his care and concern for me, everythg he did made me feel loved and precious in his eyes. same goes for mummy... must have scared her badly, for she didnt talk to me much for the fear of switching on my weep tap, not to miss out the not eating part.

but its all over. im free. free again. thank u. it wasnt possible w/o u intervening. really gonna treasure this weekend, after all i've been thru. dont want to look back anymore.

just cant wait to see my darlings on sunday. oh jus how much i miss them. just cant wait for sunday to arrive. just want to give them a BIG BIG HUG. miss them real badly. and yeah i wanna proclaim my love for them here. lol. esp mei dot rose meinu nick. life would be pretty much meaningless w/o u guys ard me. oh my. how i miss them. i really do. so badly. and my poor darling is down with high fever, prob cuz her twin is down and unhappy. sigh. feel so bad. hope she recovers soon.

just wanna pray for a brand new beginning, and to thank Him for Bee who's in the same comp. God has never left me after all. and i'll cont to keep Aunt Ranie, Kav, SC, Capt. Rashid in my prayers, cuz they were the ones who have guided me and given me so much help and shieldings.
and also for all who cared, love u all, may the Lord's love and peace surround u all days of yr life. :)

now im baffled really. all of a sudden their attitude changed. for the better of course. i dont know what to do now. totally lost. then til this morn i realised that the mails couldnt be sent to my LO. so i asked Nic and Aud to help, but same prob cropped up. in the end had to fax it to her. and up till now she havent call to inform me that she've received it etc. totally clueless now. sigh. and then uncle rashid seems not to be that trustworthy aft all. sigh. really confused nw, caught in this whole issue. sigh. i lost my appetite, couldnt sleep and eat well. sigh. durng the day i'll have terrible stomachaches that make me wanna go LS but i bear with it for the fear of them asking me to do smthg. just wonder how long i can bear with it. sigh.

nic and aud are leaving tmr. oh my. tmr. feel so unprotected w/o them. at a lost. sigh. and they'll be back only on monday. double sigh. wish they could take me with them.

sobbed again today when i talked to my mum. i really dont want to go back to that horrible place. daddy told me nt to be afraid, and said he'll call my LO tmr, but thing is, i think i shd wait for my LO to call me regarding the fax first. sigh. dunno what to do now. sigh. daddy says if she gets nothing done about it, he'll go down to moe. sigh.. i really dont know how.

Will u please show me yr way God. are u there. are u. i think u left me. or mayb i left u.

such a bad predicament.. of all people, but me. sigh. u have absolutely no idea how i feel when i see ppl ard so carefree, having fun, saying how boring attachmt is, that they have nothing to do. .no offence.

help.

today was another day of hell.
made to do tons of things, and first thing in the morn she asked me why i never report to her regarding the call to the embassy, and asked whther if she shd report to me instead. was like wtf lah, just f*** off lah. then as usual ask order me here and there, do this do that, then was suppose to mit officer for lunch, but they kept me bk, say must finish this first, which i took a long time, and delayed the lunch for bout 1/2 hr. then 5.50 ask me send errand, go all the way to raffles place, and the poor supplier had to give me a lift. anyway he's nice. and told him bout my situation, he said, dont stay there, and say if need help or smthg, can look for him. so nice. everyone's so nice. except for the 2 bitches. reached the place at 6.10, and had to walk for 20 minutes in the rain before finding the place. you have no idea how it feels, to be all alone, in a foreign area, and u need to get this job done fast, blisters on toes, cold, hungry, demoralised, frightened, fearful, wondering what the next day will bring, and pessimism will fill yr heart, and will shudder at the thought of them.

sigh. and its really sianing. everywhere i go, it'll be the indians that im asking help for. cuz i was walking ard, was lost, so asked the security in many buildings, must have approached ard 5 of them, haha, and all were indians. sigh. my life. seems to be filled with indians. then in the train, 1 indian standing in front of me, another 2 behind. how suay. tt's nt all. the worst thing, took a cab from clementi and the driver was also an indian. like wth, keep having to come in contact with them. but he's nice, and the security guards are nice.then when buying things at the supermkt, indian queing behind me.(-.-)lll. im baffled. such nice and such terrible indians. confused. aunty ranie, uncle rashid, taxi driver, guards all nice indians. siti and nazirra are such nasty indians. sigh.

capt. rashid is the also super nice. hopefully he doesnt stab me in the back. he told me its nt worth staying there, say that previous girls also went to his office and cry, and they got transferred out etc. and that the two bitches are nasty, and i'll nv know what they'll do to me. what he meant was they'll prob fail me at the end of it.. thats y i have to get out of this rut too. but my LO is nt helping me much. she said cuz np also got agreemt with them etc etc.. sians. like that how. no one is helping me. damnit lah. arghhh. this is driving me crazy.

but im proud of myself, proud of how i can take it for 3 whole days, how i've stopped crying today, prob cuz i have given up all hopes. ha. i'll learnt to bear with it. to tell myself theres no pt getting upset cuz it aint yr fault. and no longer that frightened. just feel tt life is unfair, and it will never be justified. never.

finally i can understand y maids like to kill their employers
its because u just get so damn angry and mad
and makes u wanna chase aft their employer with a cleaver
understand their plight now.
and all i can say is, well done, just make sure u dont get caught.

today was another day of hell.
wheer i'm off only at 9pm.
but they were gone long time ago.
auntie ranee said i had to clear the stuff
cuz theres more new work coming in tmr
fuck right.
fuck the bitches upside down.
wish they'll just die and disappear.

aunty ranee will be quitting soon.
sigh. she's so nice.
kavin's nice also.
they understand my plight too.
wtf right.
they also get bullied, but are used to it.
everyday stay til super late w/o getting paid.
plus they're doing way too much stuff.

these 2 bitches. forever scolding fuck and fucker n arsehole
such fakers u know.
they are 2 indian sisters. the younger one is married to the angmoh boss.
whom i presume is blind.
stayed till late to do wk when he's ard.
went out for long lunch and come in to office late when he's nt there
not much vulgarities when he's ard.
but when he's nt there, all the filth comes outta their mouths

i wanna get out of this rut.
really i do.
or i'll suffer from a nervous breakdown.

went to hawks hse straight aft wk
nick and aud was there
almost in tears when i saw them.
managed to controlled it..
then went straight to the sofa to sit
seconds later, dorothy called..
and then the tap was switched on..
anyway, was really sweet of her to call me.
really touched.
and jess too, the previous night.
think i shall nt see or talk to my closed ones, c
cuz i'll prob keep crying and crying.
and i got swollen eyes this morn. sigh.

thanks to xiaoming, meinu, fu-ge, donna, evelyn, glen, cheryl, jess, liz, dorothy twinnie, amei, suaty, patrina, janice, shirley, and all those who care. love all of u...

darling 1: yo! got any chee ko pek boss? or big bully secretary? hope things turn out well so far!

and of course it didnt. sobbed when i step out of office to have lunch.

darling 1: s*** hate indian bitches, they damn vocal & mk big deal, esp since they r almoz always ugly. oh noo... hope u'll be oki, sigh! show em' u are nt to be bullied!

darling 2: there there... lotsa fuckers, fakers, bitches, jerks, 2headed, hypocrites, backstabbers! i hate em too! Dun gif em a damn. Jz knw yr conscience's clear. I used 2dash to loo sobbin. At times nt fast enuff, tear already rolled down, decided its more convenient 2 weep at desk instead. Heck bout embarrassment then, haha. Girl, seek consolance in Him.Rem we're always here for u. it helps. after this ordeal, u learn how to start fend off those meanies! Brace yrself, show em what u are capable of!
know its esp tough for u, hope this lyrics will make yr day like it did for me:
listen as the day unfolds,
challenge wat the future holds.
try and keep yr head up2d sky.
lovers, they may cause u tears
go ahead and release ur fears
stand up and be counted
dont be shame to cry
u gotta be
u gotta be bad
u gotta be bold
u gotta be wiser
u gotta be hard
u gotta be tough
u gotta be stronger
u gotta be cool
u gotta be calm
u gotta stay together
all i know
love wll save the day.
*love ya twin*

darling 1:wahlaoeh stupid witch, heck care her and complain to the teacher in charge at sch! make a detailed note of what she say/ instruct u & i'll help u write a letter!

dun react to em, these bullies just cower under them, just do what's told, heck them! is ur boss better? if can, talk 2 him

darling 2: y the hell did they let u off so late? its just the beginning of the attachment! do they hav no common sense?! stupid dumb dumb company!! ay yo, poor girl, dun sob, dun sob, haiz. they are abusing their rights! call up ur lecturer and complain! u oughta do that now! if nt, go sch and complain tmr! stupid idiotic company!

darling 1: wat?!! how caan.. they got work to rush isit? so unreasonable. mk it clear what r yr working scope and hrs, dun get bullied! must thick skin, heck care! hugz!

oh no... dun feel that way.. fuck those fools..dun let them tear u down! u r worth more! hush hush u can do it...

darling 2: haiz mayb u wanna try asking others instead? is everyone as nasty? sigh. whats up with em? young bitches or old? curse em! dun sob girl, dun cry over them. not worth it. brace yrself! ay yo, tmr call up yr lecturer and voice out to him. dun let them think they can bully n walk over you. quite upsetting. i imagines and almost cried too when u told me earlier. sigh. my poor twin.

No way! dyings def nt one of d soln! cmon dont make me worry. really, this can surely be resolved. if u cant stand those indian sluts dun talk to em. i guess its tough for anyone 2 understandwhat u r gg thru. rem i almost felt the same way when i wept buckets over coffeeshop issue. so lost and abandoned then. kept questioning Him y put me in such a spot. its a learnin process girl. its impt to share, 2 know tt ppl care, it definitely spurs me n overcome each obstacle, slowly but surely, i know i can

darling 1: aww gal.. dun fret about those sickening assholes k!! u deserve better! if this continues, write for a transfer...
___________________________________________________________________

i really appreciate all those who care. really. but im at my wits end. whenever i think of their faces, i start weeping buckets again.

p e t r i f i e d

oh my.
im really scared.
with every second ticking away.

petrified/scared/anxious/nervous/frightened/
terrified/fearful/afraid/worried/stressed/
tensed/frazzled/depressed/
please please keep me in ur prayers will u.

its been a long time since i last attended a kid's bday party
i would say it has been a lot of fun
seeing all the kids getting so excited and eager
playing with balloons
trying to dip feet into the pool w/o much success
running here and there
brings back fond memories of my childhood..
as much as i can remember,
every year of my birth will definitely be celebrated, without fail
probably till when i was primary 6
going to to parties were always so fun
u get to be in best frocks
get to buy nice pressies for yr frens
and have a hell lot of fun at the party
and the most delightful thing is to get a little small souveneir when u are leaving
they would be things like goodie bags with sweets, balloons, pencils, etc etc in it
whenever i get them i'd be like damn happy.. lol..

and for the birthday boy/girl
u'll be in yr best suit as well, and the star for the night will be u
all attention and focus will be on u
and u'll be treated like a little prince/princess
people will let u have things your way
and u get a really humongous birthday cake
and of course trucks of pressies!!

bt have u realised that as time passes
we dont celeb birthdays that often anymore
and that mountains of pressies have been decreasing in number?
celebration will then be kept to just family and close friends
who bother to take the effort and do smthg really sweet for u
give it somemore years, and there'll be a complete end to celebrations
friends no longer celeb for u
and u'd be thankful if someone remembers, and give u a card for smthg.

therefore, treasure each and every birthday celebration that u have nw
cuz u'll nv know when it will all come to an end.

conclusion - my birthday is on the 16th of June 1986. lol.

yeeps, freedoms here.
but got the dumb dumb attachment
thats gonna spoil the hols mood.
im really dreading it.
the thot of it scares me like mad.

gonna head down for ethans and bryans birthday party soon
perhaps a small celebration for myself too. lol.
today and tmr will probably be the days when i can have fun.
so here i come

anyway i think he's mad.
but its nt my fault right
sorry anyway, if u think i pang seh u.
cuz i probably did.
but yr fren shd have met u at 3.
cuz u said so in the 1st place.
plus, i was carrying such a big bag of stuff
how do u expect me to go all the way down with u
am i right
but sorry anyway

*the bleak period will be over before you know it.
He makes all things beautiful in His time.
trust in Him and His faithfulness.*

wake up.

thank you so much for nt involving us in the whole damn thing.
anyway, i'll prob be the only one who's bothered about it.
like they'll care.
sometimes it aint gd being the youngest.
pple are not tt geared up in achieving dreams.
spontaneity have all worn off.
and u'll realised tt being so enthusiastic aint gonna help at all
cuz they'd bloody well ask u to wake up yr idea.
left me to ponder why such things happen.
and i'll probably nv get an answer.

no idea why i'll suddenly feel agitated
and feel that everything's nt flowing in the right direction
but at the end of the day
God will perhaps make everything seem right.

om was goody good. think i shd be able to pass.
this sem is definitely the best for me so far
thank you.*